How to reply humorously when your boyfriend says his chest hurts?

The replies are as follows:

1. Oops, this is the legendary "distressed" symptom! Lie down quickly and let me "treat" you.

2. I heard that people who have chest pain are because they lack a hug, so I will give you a hug every day from now on.

3. Do you want me to rub it for you? I can tell you a joke to distract you.