Ask for a funny conversation, tell others it's a joke, and she still laughs.

Absolutely funny. I've collected it for a long time.

My collection ..

1, money is not the problem, the problem is no money.

2. Diamonds last forever, but one goes bankrupt.

3, water can carry a boat, but also can cook porridge.

4, one mountain can not tolerate two tigers, unless one male and one female.

Fire can test gold, gold can test women, and women can test men.

6. It is not necessarily a monk who burns incense, but also a panda.

1, the tree will die if it is not peeled; People are shameless and invincible in the world.

2, Sao belongs to Sao, Sao has Sao Zhen; Cheap means cheap, and cheap means cheap dignity.

Debut at the age of 3 or 0, every day 10. 20-year-old dream, 30-year-old effort. At the age of 40, he is basically oriented, and at the age of 50, he is popular everywhere. Playing mahjong at the age of 60 and wandering around at the age of 70. 80-year-old lesbians are very common, and 90-year-old lesbians are hanging on the wall!

When you were born, you cried and everyone laughed. When you left, you smiled and everyone cried.

5. Stand higher and pee farther.

6. After several decades, we will meet again, send them to the crematorium and burn them all to ashes. You have a pile, I have a pile, no one knows who it is, and they all have to be sent to the countryside to make fertilizer.

7. I met a MM personality signature: I can't play chess and draw, and I am tired of washing and cooking.

8. I met a GG signature: Give me a girl and I can create a nation.

9. I met an old Shaanxi personality signature: ugly women are more troublesome, and black buns are more vegetables.

10, met our teacher's signature: I tell you, the teacher is very angry now, and the consequences are very serious (after his nth blind date failed).

1 1, met a writer's signature: it may look like it, but it may not.

12, I met a lover's signature: I can keep my word, and the person I like has to change every day.

13, met the sleeping king in the class. Personality signature: three points full in the morning, three points full in the middle and six points full after dinner.

14, we want to fly in heaven, two birds use one wing, and I want to be a pig in the same circle!

15, don't worry, I see you don't even have an appetite, let alone talk about sexual desire!

16, chopped-do you want a piece?

17. I think I would like it if I came later in the morning.

18, I can't give you happiness, but I can comfort you!

19, life is so fucking fun, because life always fucking plays with me.

20. Buddha said, "Looking back 500 times in the past life, you can only pass once in this life." I would rather pass the world by 500 times in my life.

2 1, I want to puppy love, but it's already late. ...

22. Oh, my God! My clothes have lost weight again.

23. Don't speak English in front of me in the future, ok?

24, how far is the thought, how far you roll for me.

25, hooligans are not terrible, they are afraid that hooligans have culture.

26, guest officer, please respect yourself, the little girl only sells herself, not an entertainer.

27. A man's lies can lie to a woman for one night, and a woman's lies can lie to a man for a lifetime!

28, water can carry a boat, but also can cook porridge!

29. Zi said in Sichuan, "How nice it is to have a boat!"

30, want a small MM, * * * with irrigation; I irrigate the head of the Yangtze River and you irrigate the tail of the Yangtze River.

3 1, love at first sight, then decline, three points exhausted.

32. A person is not alone, but when he misses someone.

33. Life is simple. Live, relax. Life is not easy.

34, work QQ, decline to chat, talk about strength, every word is hairy; Punctuation marks, half price, 1000 words or more, 20% off; Yan Wen, ten-month subscription, audio and video, not yet provided; Pay first and then chat, chat as soon as the payment arrives, pay online and provide invoices; Free monthly rent, single charge, weekend, business as usual; Looking for an agent,

35. If something goes wrong, look for the reason from yourself first. Don't blame the earth for its lack of gravity when you are constipated.

36. Knit me a scarf, and I will repay you with my lifelong care. Otherwise, you can strangle me with a scarf!

37. Men pretend to understand if they don't understand, while women are just the opposite.

In order to cooperate with the successful completion of family planning work in China this year, I decided not to contact friends of the opposite sex for the time being. Thank you for your cooperation.

39. The garden can't be closed in spring. I'm pulling apricots from the wall.

40. Do you think I will watch you die? I'll close my eyes

4 1, I thought I was decadent, and only today did I know that my morning paper was scrapped.

42. I drown my sorrows in wine, but this damn pain taught me to swim.

43. Everyone else is pretending to be serious, so I have to pretend not to be serious.

44. An elephant asked the camel, "Why do your breasts grow on your back?" The camel said,' Stay away from death, I won't talk to anything with a penis on my face!

45. You should do three important things for the people of the whole country: install an elevator for Mount Everest, tile the Great Wall and put the plane into reverse gear. Three little things: put a mask on mosquitoes, gloves on flies and condoms on cockroaches.

46. My wife is an operating system, but it is very troublesome to install and uninstall; The little secret is the desktop, you can change it every day as long as you are interested; Lover is the internet, the scenery is infinite, and money is constantly spent; Miss is pirated software, remember to kill virus first when using it!

47. Have you heard? It took 5000 times to look back in my last life before I passed by in this life. In this life, good friends like us, in our last life ... did nothing but turn around!

48. I am 20 years old, everyone loves me, flowers bloom and flowers fall, and the car has a flat tire! I know everything about astronomy and geography above, but I know little about it below. Every time I walk outside, I often bring beautiful women back, and handsome guys jump off buildings!

49. I want to send you roses, but the price is too expensive; I want to comfort you, but I haven't learned it yet; I want to kneel down to you, but the ring is still in the safe.

50. Love is empty, and I wander in the street; People are empty of money, and a single evil cause is troublesome; Things are people, non-industry is empty, and it is crazy to think of it; Life is not easy when the mobile phone is empty and there is no money to charge it; Anyway, all four are empty.

60, fart, bad heart; Do not fart, exercise; I'm going to fart, everyone. Clap your hands when the fart rings!

6 1, copy books, make sentences and write compositions-children's things are all done by adults. Endless love rowing to find a bosom friend-things for adults, things for children. Perm your hair and wear strange clothes-a woman's business is a man's business.

62. The early bird catches the worm, and the early worm is eaten by the bird!

63. I argued with MM about whether a whale is a fish. Finally, I said, "I also have a personal word." She agreed that a whale is not a fish.

64. It is said that women are like clothes and brothers are like brothers. Looking back, I actually streaked in Too Many Cooks for 20 years!

65. Wear other people's shoes, go your own way and let them take a taxi to find it.

There is an old legend that people who can see beautiful women in XX campus will live forever. ...

67. Don't be afraid that your enemies are like tigers, but your teammates are like pigs!

68. If the water is clear, there will be no fish, and if people are cheap, they will be invincible!

69. I am not a casual person. I am not a casual person.

70. Today, a group of Japanese came to visit our school-to be honest, this is the first time I have seen a Japanese in clothes!

7 1, I am poor, my servant is poor, my gardener is poor, and my driver is poor. ...

72. When the bank charges, it says, "This is in line with international practice!" When he was in service, he said: "We must consider China's national conditions!"

73, riding a white horse is not necessarily a prince, he may be a Tang priest; The one with wings is not necessarily an angel, he may be a bird man.

74. Being pregnant is like being pregnant. It takes a long time for people to see it.

79. I swallowed an aphrodisiac, and the world immediately became sexy ~

80. If falling in love is falling in love, isn't that hooliganism?

8 1, the sentence "_ _ people are people" belongs to: a. metaphor; B. exaggeration; C. metonymy; D. personification

82. Grandpa comes from his grandson ...

85. It's all water. Why do you need wine? Why are you pretending to be sheep when you are all perverts!

86. All unforgettable love is the moment when the soul is free in bed ~

The Teenage Ninja Turtle said, "If you want to live a decent life, you must wear some green on your back!" "

88. Raped the earth when sleeping on your stomach, and raped the whole universe when sleeping on your stomach!

90. The sun was born when the day put the night in bed again. ...

9 1, there are only two kinds of men: one is lascivious and the other is very lascivious!

9 1, ① Teacher, just follow the old woman ... ② The old woman is rude, it's your turn ~ ③ Teacher, please spare the old woman! (4) Anitopher, I can't shoot-_-b.

94. Life raped me and I castrated life. ...

95. According to the time law of hormone activity, it is concluded that morning exercise is not as good as morning exercise!

96. God, did you share a room in summer and winter? Give birth to this damn weather!

97. Don't hang yourself on a tree, try to die on several nearby trees several times ~

98. Ma Hua Teng said privately, "It is better to talk about QQ for half a year than to learn Chinese for ten years!"

99. Leave half when defecating, so as not to get hungry soon ~

102. On how men tell romantic fairy tales to women, there is only one word in it: bed.

103, it's normal to eat the metal line to wash the pot at breakfast, which just shows that our logistics is in strict accordance with the order of washing the pot first and then cooking. ...

104, Dai Yue went to work, and the house was full of lights!

105, when paying the salary, the accountant told me, "You pay the salary once every six months, and now the change is too small ..."

106. There are four kinds of income: you can get more if you don't work hard, you can get more if you work hard, and you can get more if you don't work hard. Fortunately, I am the second kind!

107, my face is so clean that flies will die if they lie there. Sadly, my pocket is cleaner than my face.

108, my income is like a cashier's account book-daily report, accounting report-balance of payments, physical education teacher's timer-autumn wind sweeps the leaves-hey!

109, if you can't find a dinosaur, take the lizard top!

1 10, women have countless QQ numbers just to flirt with a man, while men often use one QQ number to fill in all kinds of women. ...

1 1 1, men can be romantic but not indecent, women can be romantic but not have an abortion!

1 12, the best way for a man to cherish is to let him never get it, and the best way for a woman to cherish is to satisfy her constantly!

1 13, I didn't give it to the woman at first, but I was in a hurry to get it!

1 14, love is like a man's sponge, doomed not to last long!

1 15, it is not difficult to get wet with one hand, but it is difficult to get wet with a quilt!

1 16, please raise your hand if you love me, please stand on your head if you don't love me!

1 17, from the battlefield to the cemetery; For a woman, put her on the bed from the road; For the sake of family, put him in your heart from your mouth!

1 18, grandpa said, "Jay Chou must be a good monk when he becomes a monk, because his scriptures are so beautiful ..."

1 19, when I was a child, I was a genius. After more than 20 years of socialist education, I have finally been successfully cultivated into a mediocrity!

120, I want to play with the robot cat, scissors, stone and cloth, and I want it to lose all its money! ! !

12 1 5 million, except for my parents, I have to change everything else!

122, love is inseparable, and the heart is moving; Therefore, if you don't move easily, your hearts will always be together!

123, sing the national anthem and rob a bank!

124 and _ _ belong to China, and you are mine!

125, when a mouse gets angry, everyone is a sick cat.

126, arguing with a MM about whether a whale is a fish. Finally, I said, "I also have a personal word", and she agreed that a whale is not a fish.

127, men have gold under their knees. I cut off my whole leg and didn't even find a copper coin!

128, I bury corn in the soil in spring, and I will harvest a lot of corn in autumn. I bury my wife in the ground in spring, and I will be shot in autumn!

129, if you see a shadow in front, don't be afraid, it's because there is sunshine behind you!

130, people who run around brothels are not old, please use Huiren Shenbao.

13 1, listen to you and save me ten books!

132, "Honey, I'm ... I'm pregnant ... for three months, but don't worry, it's not yours, you have no responsibility ..."

133, we have a little disagreement: she wants me to turn the stone into gold, and I want her to treat gold like dirt.

134, lazy in bed in the morning, took out six coins from his pocket: if all six are heads, I will go to class! Think for a long time, forget it, don't take the risk. ...

135, I spent 80,000 yuan on a pottery jar of the Western Zhou Dynasty. I went to Jianbao column for appraisal yesterday. The expert said seriously, "Which Western Zhou Dynasty did this belong to?" This is from last week! "

136, I can tolerate fake bodies, fake faces, fake breasts and fake hips! ! ! But I just can't stand that money is fake! ! ! !

137, the scholar pretended to be dead for his bosom friend, and the woman had plastic surgery for herself.

138. When I grow up, I want to marry Tang Priest. If I can play, I will. If I can't, I'll eat him.

139, don't wait until everyone says you're ugly before you realize that you're really ugly.

140. If my friends can sell them for five dollars each, I can also make a small fortune.

14 1, personals: The requirements are as follows: A is alive and B is female.

142, give me some sunshine and I will rot.

143, you have to eat properly to lose weight.

144, shake, shake to Naihe Bridge.

145, fate is responsible for shuffling cards, but it is ourselves who play cards!

146, q: what do you like about me? A: I like you to stay away from me!

147, come back quickly, I can't fool you alone!

148, life is Song Like Zudekou, you never know who will be unlucky next ~ ~ ~

149, fell down, got up and cried ~ ~ ~

150. Besides teeth, there is love.

15 1. A dinosaur went to the toilet when passing by Xi Jiaotong University. When she came out, she sobbed, "555, I finally don't have to worry about getting married in my life ..."

152, born, easy. Live, relax. Life is not easy.

153, my cousin is over forty. Starting from the text, I failed in the exam for three years. Then I practiced martial arts, and as soon as I made a move in the martial arts field, I was fired from playing drums. Change the medicine, write the prescription, eat it, and die.

154, asking how sad you can be, just like a group of eunuchs going to a brothel. ...

155, my life is limited, and my meals are limited ~ ~ ~

156, there are two ways to pollute a place: garbage or money!

157, when we were young, we often made faces in the mirror; In old age, mirrors are flat.

158, are you blind? You can't see such a big shield, but you want to throw stones at my head!

159, patting the head to make a decision, patting the chest to make sure to leave.

160, we walk too fast for our souls to keep up. ...

16 1, don't be as knowledgeable as people on earth ~ ~ ~

162, girls only need to succeed once from virgins to women, and boys need to be tempered repeatedly from virgins to men!

163, come out and mix, my wife will change sooner or later!

164. When I was a child, I thought I could save the world when I grew up. When I grow up, I find that the whole world can't save me. ...

165, rich people are grandfathers! But there are even more people who owe money and don't pay it back!

166. Even if I were a toad, I would never marry my mother toad.

167, why do you have to sleep for a long time before you die?

168. A tailor who doesn't want to be a chef is not a good driver.

169, time is the best teacher, but unfortunately-in the end, he killed all the students.

170, on the way to Xi 'an on business, a Dalian native boasted how good Dalian was, and then said that Dalian held a grand celebration on the centenary of its founding. Then he asked the person next to him171:"Is there any celebration for the centenary of Xi 'an?" A few Xi 'an's buddies next to him were shocked. After a while, they forced out a sentence: "I remember when Xi' an established its capital 600 years ago, there was a' bonfire emperor' ..."

172. In a harmonious campus, cyclists may be doctors, while drivers of Mercedes-Benz may be logistics. ...

173 is gold, which will always be spent; This is a mirror. It always reflects light. ...

174, the reason why my girlfriend is not a nun is that she failed Grade 4 and was confiscated in buddhist nun.

175, stars can be more famous if they take off a little, but I got caught when I took off all my clothes!

176, looking at a beautiful MM, but there is no way to strike up a conversation. I picked up a brick by the side of the road and stepped forward. "Classmate, did you drop this?"

177, when I was a child, my dream was not to be a scientist. I fantasize that I am the master of the landlord's family, and there are thousands of hectares of fertile land at home. I am in a daze all day, and it has nothing to do with leading a group of dog slaves to flirt with a good girl on the street. ...

178, don't talk to me about ideals, quit!

179, roses for you, chocolates for you, diamonds for you. You, mine!

180, the so-called surprise is that the rabbit you are waiting for comes, followed by the wolf!

18 1. What is good luck? Happiness is that cats eat fish and dogs eat meat, and Altman hits small monsters!

182, two farmers boasted: "The chickens on our farm eat all tea leaves and lay all tea eggs." "Yes, our farm gives chickens wallets to lay poached eggs."

183, cockroaches are not afraid of cockroach medicine, but we can't even handle vitamins!

184, don't blame the dog for following a steamed stuffed bun!

185, the IQ of men cheating is second only to Einstein!

186 study hard for China! A pack of China cigarettes is a lot of money. ...

187, if you can't put on your woman's wedding dress, then don't stop and untie her clothes!

188, don't think that wearing dirty clothes can become a tainted witness; Don't think that wearing wooden slippers can be a witness to clogs. ...

189, the cause belongs to the country, the honor belongs to the unit, the achievement belongs to the leader, the salary belongs to the wife, the property belongs to the children, and the mistake is your own.

190, phoenix rebirth is nirvana, pheasant rebirth is corpse change.

19 1. If one day I become a hooligan, please tell others that I am innocent. ...

192, Lao Tzu not only has a car, but also depends on himself. ...

193, I accidentally read the so-called contemporary female mate selection standard in the book: "If you have a car and a house, your parents will die." Depressed. I wrote down the imaginary criteria for choosing a spouse: "The family property is over 100 million, the beauty is the best in the world, the virtuous and gentle, and the father-in-law has terminal cancer ..."

194, most people only do three things in their lives: deceive themselves, deceive others and be bullied by others.

195, sleep is an art-no one can stop me from pursuing art!

196. In order to avoid domestic violence, I decided not to get married!

197, you can live like a pig, but you can never be as happy as a pig!

198, as fast as lightning, never change your religion, and it's not worth mentioning. In The Tempest, a symbol of our love, how can we sweep the world without sweeping a house? It has been raining in the east and west. When it rains, I looked up and found it was moonlight. It was stupefied. How can we kill a chicken with a knife? It's hard to come out in the spring, wai Wei to save Zhao Baokui, very good bye, and it's another eight squares.

199, a blog diary of Anonymous: One day, I got drunk and reached out and touched it-my mobile phone and chastity are here, go to sleep!

200, beautiful, pure, gentle, sexy and lovely virgin, like a ghost, men are talking about it, but no one has seen it. ...

20 1, I remember the primary school teacher scolded me: "I will kick you out with a slap!" I wanted to laugh at that time, but I was afraid to laugh. Now, I dare to laugh, but I can't. ...

202. If happiness is a cloud, if pain is like a star. Then my life is really cloudless and full of stars in Wan Li …

203, the effect of contraception: unsuccessful, it will become a "person".

204, loneliness is a person's carnival, carnival is the loneliness of a group of people.

205. The most tiring thing in this world is to watch your heart break and have to glue it up by yourself.

206. The tragedy of life lies in: I worked hard to have a sweet dream all night, but I woke up the next morning with no recollection!

My father asked me what kind of life I wanted. I answered money and beauty, and my father punched me in the face; I answered career and love, and my father touched my head appreciatively.

208. Men are lewd. A stronger one is called a pervert, a stronger one is called a pervert, and a stronger one is called a pervert. Especially strong, they become perverted perverts and are called human aesthetic artists.

209. I remember one day shortly after graduation, my girlfriend sent me a short message: "Let's break up!" Before I could feel sad, my girlfriend sent another message: "Sorry, I sent it wrong." This can be very sad. ...

2 10, urinating is prohibited here, and tools will be confiscated.

2 1 1, looking at beautiful women in the street, looking up is appreciation, looking down is hooliganism.

2 12, son of a bitch, we still have a lot to do in this life. Don't waste time playing hide-and-seek with me, just jump out ~ ~ ~

2 13, women like two flowers all their lives: one is to spend money, and the other is to spend as much as possible!

2 14, an instant hit-describes a female artist. ...

2 15, the unfairness of this world lies in: God said, "I want light!" " "So there was this day. The beauty said, "I want a diamond ring!" " "So she got a diamond ring. The rich man said, "I want a woman!" " "So he has a woman. I said, "I want to take a shower!" " "The water was cut off!

2 16, I really don't understand that girls buy a lot of beautiful clothes just to attract boys' attention, but boys want to see girls without clothes.