The real reason why aliens don't attack the earth.

It is said that one day on the day of X, Month and Y in N years, a huge alien fleet came to Earth orbit. Their task is to seek as much living space as possible for their own race, that is, to expand outward.

This time, they turned their attention to the earth, the third planet in the solar system. The admiral sent the best spy on their planet to the dance. The task of a spy is to investigate the society, history, customs and the development of science and technology on the earth.

Earth x Guo x Shi x internet bar

A mysterious man wearing a trench coat, a big hat and sunglasses quietly walked into this Internet cafe.

"Give me a computer, I want to find something." The mysterious man said to the owner of the Internet cafe.

"ah! What are you looking for? " The sudden appearance of the mysterious man startled the owner of the Internet cafe.

"The more detailed the information about human life, history, society, customs and scientific and technological achievements, the better." The voice of the mystery man is hidden.

"Nothing! Find a machine for this gentleman. He wants to see all the information about human life. " The owner of the internet cafe shouted.

"Ok, please follow me." The boy in the internet cafe led the mysterious man to a computer and helped him log on to the relevant website.

"Well, thank you." The mystery man nodded and began to work at once.

After 72 hours, the mysterious man left the Internet cafe with sallow face and dignified expression.

"True network master also!" The owner of the Internet cafe sighed at the back of the mysterious man. "There are few masters who can fight for 72 hours in a row now!"

Alien fleet outside earth orbit

Commander: "A, you go to investigate the relevant information of the earth. What is the result? "

A: "Sir, I think we'd better give up our plan to invade the earth."

Commander: "Give up? Are you kidding? The imperial fleet has conquered thousands of planets. Why give up? "

A: "sir, people on earth are not as stupid as we look, and their technology is not as backward as we look." Through investigation, I found that there seemed to be many prehistoric civilizations on the earth a long time ago, and the racial composition on the earth was quite complicated. In the West, Terrans, Orcs, Elves, Undead and Dwarves dominate. There are eight major races in the East, namely, immortals, buddhas, gods, saints, demons, demons, ghosts and monsters. Moreover, in modern history, there has also been a phenomenon of mutual integration between western and eastern races. The most famous of those prehistoric civilizations include Atlantis civilization and Maya civilization. Without exception, these terrible prehistoric civilizations have the terrorist power of Conan the destroyer. "

Commander: "So what? Our fleet is invincible! " "

A: "Sir, you may not understand what I said. Those terrible prehistoric civilizations and the above-mentioned races are no longer found on the earth and have been eliminated. "

Commander: "Destroy? ! "

A: "Yes, it was destroyed." Although there is no direct evidence, I believe they were wiped out by the current leader on earth-mankind. "

Commander: "Humans? Are they the masters of the earth now? Then tell me everything about human beings in as much detail as possible. "

A: "Excuse me, sir. I'm afraid I can't do what you want. "

Commander: "Why?"

A: "From the perspective of human history, they developed from the Stone Age, and then went through the metal age, the age of steam, the firearms age, the information age, the cosmic age and so on. Their history is chaotic and there are many unsolved mysteries/so I can't explain this race to you in detail. Moreover, I have not been able to find out their details through the investigation of three Earth Days. This is very unfavorable for the invasion we are going to carry out. "

Commander: "It doesn't matter, as long as we have a strong fleet, we can easily destroy them."

A: "Sir, I'm afraid it's not as simple as we thought. According to my investigation, it seems that people on earth have a very close and friendly relationship with many extraterrestrial civilizations. There are many mysterious missing people on the earth every year, but this is only a superficial phenomenon. I suspect that those missing people are probably secretly stationed in various extraterrestrial civilizations, which is recorded in many earth documents in detail. Some people even gained the dominion of alien civilization after their arrival. If there are so many allies on earth, we will have to reconsider the possible consequences of our actions. "

Commander: "At least, we have a powerful fleet, but the people on earth don't."

A: "Sir, I'm afraid your point of view is wrong. I learned from the information of Earthlings that Earthlings are also a race with a powerful outer space fleet. According to their data, there are almost as many powerful outer space fleets as there are stars in the sky, and they are always invincible. There are even many brilliant achievements. Without foreign aid and supplies, only one warship can annihilate countless enemy fleets. However, there are only a few orbiting satellites, as well as extremely primitive space stations and detectors. This really confuses me. "

Commander: "So people on earth have a fairly high level of strategy and tactics in the war?"

A: "On the contrary, sir. In those brilliant wars, the two sides didn't have any strategy and tactics at all, just like two idiots slapping each other in the face. The most surprising thing is that the idiot who often looks weak will somehow win the final victory of the war. The reason for winning is also puzzling. I am still trying to find a way, but unfortunately there is no result. "

Commander: "Then, they should be a militant race."

A: "No, sir. I found that a career called a hero by the earth people seems to be the key to supporting the earth civilization. As for other earthlings, it doesn't seem to have much influence. They play the role of cheering for those heroes. "

Commander: "please wait a moment, I'm starting to have a headache now." If I understand correctly, the scientific and technological level of people on earth should still be very backward. They don't have any powerful outer space fleet now, do they? "

A: "Yes, sir. At least on the surface. "

Commander: "So, what are we hesitating about? In the face of such a weak race, our fleet is invincible. "

A: "Sir, I'm afraid you think the question is too simple. In addition to technology, there is another thing on the earth called magic. In many materials I have read, it seems that the so-called magic is more terrible than the high technology we are familiar with. The most powerful weapon of the earth people now is the nuclear warhead, but those so-called magic can easily surpass the power of the nuclear warhead. The data of the earth people also show that there have been countless magic wars in the earth civilization, and many of their civilizations seem to have been directly destroyed by magic. And it seems that it is not difficult to become a qualified magician. Just find a so-called school, have little time to study, and then go out to take risks for a while, and you can easily have the power of Conan the destroyer. The most incredible thing is that the earth people seem to have no restrictions on these wizards. In the data of the earth people, there have also been wars between magic and high technology. Almost without exception, magic has won the final victory. "

Commander: "Are you sure what you said is true? It is absolutely impossible for such a small planet to withstand so many devastating attacks. If what you said really happened, I am afraid that the earth has long since ceased to exist. "

A: "Sir, this is the most desperate thing for me. Do you remember those humans who are called heroes I just told you? "

Commander: "What? Are those heroes terrible? "

A: "It's not just terrible, sir. The information of people on the earth clearly records that their planet was destroyed n times, but those heroes deliberately brought the earth back to life by various means that we can't understand. Oh, my God, those humans only need one person to destroy or create a world at will. All this is far beyond our understanding. If our fleet encounters such an earthling, then our consequences will be very tragic. "

Commander: "Don't worry about this, right? There should not be many such people. "

A: "Sir, you are wrong again. Such people can be seen everywhere on the earth. I boldly estimate that among every 10 people on the earth, there may be 6 heroes. Moreover, the conditions and process of becoming a hero are unexpectedly simple. For example, being struck by lightning, being caught doing human experiments, taking the wrong medicine, dreaming, being hit by a car, receiving an inexplicable phone call, being bitten by a dog, being seriously stimulated psychologically, attempting suicide, falling from a height, drowning, being burned, and even falling into a ditch, it is easy to create an invincible hero. "

Commander: "This is a terrible race. Let's shell the earth from a long distance, which is safer."

A: "Sir, our long-range shelling can easily destroy the earth, but it can't destroy those heroes. If these heroes attack us, we will be in big trouble. "

Commander: "Impossible! Humans are creatures that need air to survive. How do they survive in a cosmic vacuum? "

A: "Sir, this is a fact. Don't say it is in a cosmic vacuum. As long as you bake those human beings called heroes in the core of antimatter engine, I'm afraid they can have a pleasant picnic unscathed. And I also want to remind you that if we attack the earth with long-range firepower, our artillery fire is likely to directly turn everyone on the earth into a hero. "

Commander: "Things look very difficult. We have no ability to face such a powerful opponent directly. If we try to split and disintegrate the earth people from the inside and let them fight by themselves, things may be much easier. " Do people on earth have any obvious internal contradictions? "

A: "Yes. According to my investigation, two countries on the earth seem to be public enemies of other countries. One is an island country, called the dwarf country; The other is a superpower called Ugly Country. In the historical documents of the earth people, it is recorded that these two countries were attacked and destroyed by foreigners the most times. These two countries even have many records of genocide. But these two countries still exist well on earth. "

Commander: "This must be the masterpiece of those heroes again."

A: "You're right, that's how I guessed."

Commander: "So how about we start with these two countries?"

A: "I have calculated by myself that the feasible probability is from infinity to infinity. In other words, this will directly lead to unpredictable results beyond our control. "

Commander: "unpredictable?"

A: "The best result is that people on earth make their own pot of porridge, but we don't get any benefit from it." The worst result is that they declare war on us directly, which I believe is not what we want. And don't forget the existence of those heroes. As long as there is one hero on the earth, they can miraculously resurrect their people and civilization indefinitely. And those heroes themselves have proved impossible to be destroyed, which is clearly recorded in the data of the earth people. In their civil war, they tried many ways to destroy enemy heroes, even at the expense of destroying the whole earth, but all failed. Those heroes are still active on the stage of earth civilization until now. "

Commander: "then, we will unite with other earthlings to destroy the dwarf country and the ugly country." How about kindly occupying the land of extinct nations and living on the earth for a long time and learning from their advanced civilization? In this case, when the time is right, we can also destroy the earth people. "

A: "Excuse me, sir. In the records of previous wars, the land of dwarf country and ugly country has been completely divided, and the most incredible is dwarf country. In their history, monsters, alien invaders, demons, madmen, madmen, world crises and other highly destructive things frequently visit their land. But without exception, those horrible monsters were wiped out by the citizens of the dwarf country. However, the small island, whose geographical structure is quite unstable, has never sunk. As for that ugly country, although it is not as exaggerated as the dwarf country, it seems to be the favorite place for all extraterrestrial civilizations. "

Commander: "What are the obvious shortcomings of earthlings? Maybe we can start with their national inferiority. "

Answer: "People on earth are divided into men and women, and the shortcomings are obvious, sir."

Commander: "Oh? Tell me about it. "

A: "All men on the earth have a strong narcissistic tendency, and they are all lewd. Although they all look stupid, their opponents are often more stupid than them. As for women on earth, I have never seen such a strange creature. They are all spoony and farsighted. Almost all women on earth will fall in love with the first man she knows inexplicably. They love people like hooligans or gangsters, but in the end, the foresight of women on earth proves that her choice is correct, because those hooligans and gangsters often become heroes in the end. "

Commander: "You sound a little too complicated. If I understand you correctly, you mean that all men on the earth are idiots and all women are anthomaniac. When an idiot meets an anthomaniac, he will produce a hero? "

A: "85% of the time, sir."

Commander: "Don't you have some constructive suggestions for our plan to invade the earth?"

A: "Excuse me, sir. My suggestion is that we'd better stay away from this terrible galaxy full of variables. "

Commander: "impossible, we are imperial occupying forces!" " You give me your information about the earth, and I will order the central computer to do a feasibility analysis. I believe we can find a good way to defeat and occupy the earth! "

Central computer analysis room of outer space fleet

A: "Sir, did you get the result?"

Commander: "Don't ask, we'll leave here at once."

A: "Why? Your Excellency? Didn't you say "

Commander: "I wanted to use the powerful computing power of the central computer to find a feasible way, but when the central computer was processing these materials, it burned itself because of the heavy burden, and we could not decode them according to the normal grammar of the earth language." Terrible earthlings, I'm afraid they already know our plan, so they tampered with the information you brought back to warn us. Now, our command system has been completely paralyzed. "

A: "That's terrible, sir."

Commander: "Yes, so we must leave this galaxy at once, not only to leave, but also to list it as one of the most dangerous areas in the universe." Any imperial fleet in the future must stay away from here. "

A: "Yes, sir. You did the right thing. This planet is really terrible. "

Commander: "It's not my fault to run away without fighting. I believe that members of the Imperial Military Commission can understand this. "

The huge alien fleet escaped quietly.

Earth x Guo x Shi x internet bar

The owner of the Internet cafe was cleaning, and when he looked up, he found that the computer used by the mysterious man had not been turned off. Because of curiosity, he casually checked the mysterious man's online records-XXX fantasy novel website, XXX online game website, XXX paranormal space website.

"That big guy still watches these childish and boring websites."

The boss shook his head, and the previous admiration disappeared.