Tell me some jokes.

1, a group of people in the dormitory are chatting. The topic is: See who is the best for my wife in the future.

A: I will pay both salary and bonus in the future.

I do all the housework.

C: In order not to let my daughter-in-law suffer in the future, I decided to have children with others.

In English class, the teacher suddenly asked me to sit at the same table to do multiple-choice questions, and I stood at the same table for a long time without saying a word. I thought he wouldn't, so I quickly whispered support: "Choose A!" As a result, the deskmate was silent for a while and said "C."

The teacher took a look at us and began to praise our deskmate: "Ma XX is good, stick to your answer, although you are wrong …" Then he began to explain the way of this question.

After class, I asked my deskmate, "Why don't you believe me? I told you to choose one! "

The deskmate replied helplessly: "I was full of crispy noodles. As soon as I said a, I spit it out. "

I told my classmates that I lost my bike and bought it less than a week ago. Very sad. The classmate said that it was nothing. Bought a bike and lost it after only one look;

This classmate asked others to help him buy a bike. At noon, he was cooking instant noodles in the kitchen when someone downstairs shouted, "Xiao Wang, I bought the car!" " "

The classmate poked his head out of the window and looked at it and said, "Put it there. I'm going down. Thank you! " "

Turn off the fire, wipe your hands and go downstairs. The car is gone. ...

4. When I was in college, I went to the boys' dormitory to send snacks to my classmates. I knocked at the door and my friend asked, who is it?

Me: Me!

Friend: Who are you?

Know perfectly well past ask! ! !

I have to say: takeaway.

My friend finally opened the door and pretended to be shocked: how could your boss send such an ugly woman to deliver takeout?

. . . . .

Me: Our boss says it's safer for ugly girls to take delivery.

Friend: Very insightful!

A foreigner came to collect debts and pestered the manager. Seeing that he couldn't get away, the manager gave him a banquet. After some enthusiasm, the foreigner got drunk and the manager found a taxi to take the debt collector to the station.

When you come back to collect debts, outsiders will learn from the past and not drink anyway. Depending on whether the guests drink or not, the manager pours the wine himself. Soon, I was drunk. The debt collector was bored and had to leave angrily.

Afterwards, someone asked the manager: "It's usually massive. How can you get drunk after drinking several cups of beer tea today? ! "

The manager smiled and said, "As long as I don't pay, all I drink is wine?"

An alcoholic said to his friend, "I cheated the police yesterday."

The friend asked in surprise, "What's the matter?"

"I peed in the street yesterday. When Pol.ice saw me stop, I put on my pants, but I didn't stop."

3, there is a county magistrate, greedy for good wine.

One day, he drank and drank all the wine. He was about to call the officials out to pour wine for him when he heard someone complaining outside the door.

The county magistrate asked questions in court.

As soon as he saw the man crying out grievances, he immediately flew into a rage and scolded, "Bold and unruly, you didn't cry out grievances earlier or later. Sir, I was drunk, but you came to make trouble and missed my happiness. Hurry and drag it down! "

The courtier quickly asked, "Excuse me, sir, how much is it?"

County magistrate held out three fingers, bother to shout:

"Hit three pounds again!"

4. Answer: "If I want to drink alone without a wife, generally speaking, I will think twice before acting."

B: "Is there a difference between thinking twice and thinking twice for those of us who often drink?"

A: "First of all, you have to think of a reason to go out. Second, you have to think of a reason not to take her out. "

5, although it is said: alcohol consumption is courage, wine bottle is level, wine style is style, and wine virtue is morality. But drinking should also have principles: drink less in the morning and don't drink too much, and have a job in the morning; I drank too much at noon and had a meeting in the afternoon; Don't get drunk at night, lest your wife find out.

1, traveling with my husband, he took his password box. The inspector at the airport exit asked him to open the box. The inspector waited patiently for my embarrassed husband to try to remember the combination of the combination lock. At last he remembered.

"Why are you so nervous?" I asked him.

"This password is our wedding anniversary."

2. When my husband and I were watching TV, we took the cartoon hammer on the back of the hammer as a microphone and held out her husband's mouth and asked, "This handsome guy, please talk about this ... please talk about it, husband, just talk about it ..."

Then my husband calmly reached out and played my "microphone", and then said deeply, "OK, play it." ...

The husband raised his glass and said, "I wish my parents-in-law good health." Say that finish and drink it off. He raised another glass to his wife and said, "Here's to your health!" "Say that finish back neck and dry. His wife asked him, "What's your wish? "The husband said," Am I so selfish that I only drink for myself? "

At a large party, the wife said to her husband, "I didn't expect you to be so humorous in front of strangers!" "

Husband: "Of course, if you don't have acquaintances around you, there may still be romance!" " "

The wife suddenly asked her husband, "Do you love me?"

"Love, of course!" The husband answered without hesitation.

The wife thought for a moment and asked, "Are you afraid of hurting me?"

The husband quickly said, "No,no."

I say this because I'm afraid you'll hurt me! "