Crosstalk master Jin

crosstalk

Crosstalk: Be polite (Ma Ji/Tang Jiezhong)

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Text:

M: Well, politeness is advocated now.

Tang: Being polite is the embodiment of one's self-cultivation as well as a national civilization.

M: Use honorific words to people.

Don: Mm-hmm.

Ma: Speak politely.

Don: Only in this way can we be commensurate with our civilized country.

For example, I saw you.

You saw me.

M: I have to talk to you like this.

Don: What do you mean?

M: Hey, comrade, I'm sorry. Let me ask you something.

Don: Look how polite it is. If you have something to do, just do it.

Let me ask you a question.

Don: Who are you going to ask?

M: I asked this comrade.

Don: Mm-hmm.

Ma: He is tall and burly with heavy eyebrows.

Don: Oh.

M: I heard that he is a crosstalk performer.

Don: Oh, what's this man's name?

His name is Comrade Tang Jiezhong. Is it in your company?

Don: Oh, now, now.

Man: Ah!

Don: Yes, yes, yes.

M: Please come out and I'll meet him. Thank you.

Don: Don't thank me. I am.

Oh, you are Comrade Tang Jiezhong.

Don: Hey.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Don: Huh?

M: I haven't seen you for a long time. Excuse me!

Don: What's the big deal?

M: Did you hear this in your heart?

Don: I sound comfortable. How modest and polite.

Look, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Thank you.

Don: Kind words.

M: That's impolite.

Don: Huh?

M: It shows respect for each other.

Don: Oh.

M: I am modest and polite.

Don: Yes.

M: Hey, everyone has to talk like this.

Don: Oh, oh.

Man: You have to change the way. Don't use these polite words. You don't feel good about this.

Don: What can I say?

M: That's right.

Don: Mm-hmm.

Man: Hey! I said.

Don: What do you call it?

Let me ask you something about a person.

Don: Who are you going to ask?

M: This man.

Don: Mm-hmm.

Ma: A little taller than Wu Dalang, with a head and a tea tray. Yes, I heard that he is a crosstalk performer. What's your name? Everyone's name is Tang Lan.

Don: Hey, why do you call it a nickname?

M: Huh?

Don: Yes, I am. Can I help you?

Man: You are!

Don: Mm-hmm.

M: Don't be ridiculous.

Don: What do you mean? Don't be ridiculous. I'm Tang Jiezhong. what can I do for you?

M: I have something to do. I'm fine. Can I call you?

Don: Say something.

M: Come on, stop it. Neither side wants to. What are you talking about?

Don: Why are you here?

Ma: I said you, don't stare, don't stare. Staring is uglier than epiphysis.

Don: Drink!

M: Look, what does it look like? No, it's not. Please, please, why are you doing this? You see, sometimes angry, sometimes sick, sometimes sick, sometimes cold. Please, if you don't want to tell me, I'll ask someone else. Come on, stupid gentlemen.

Stand-up comedy

Crosstalk "Confucius Temple"

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Text:

Quyi forms are rich and colorful. The stand-up comedy I am talking about is almost a story with a beginning and an end, interspersed with jokes. What about crosstalk? More flexible and diverse. Some people talk about opera, some talk about movies, some play word games, and answer a pair of poems. Well, if I perform this program better than them, because my culture is good enough, although it is not the highest level, but it can keep warm for 24 hours anyway-genuine thermos bottle! This is a joke. I am young, out of school and have a low education level. I only read typos and other words. Today I tell a joke about saying goodbye in Qing Dynasty.

There are two people, one is yes, and the other is Zhen's ignorance. They had nothing to do and wandered in the street. As they walked, they saw a red wall in front of them and a plaque on the door, which read "Confucian Temple". Listen carefully. At that time, the temple characters were still written in traditional Chinese characters, one point one horizontal and one apostrophe, and there was a Korean character in it. Jia Siwen said, "Now is not the time to talk about Tianer Corridor. We are all in Wen Chao. " Zhen was puzzled and said with a smile, "Brother, don't read if you can't read. If you read it wrong, people will laugh. Look carefully, is that' Wen Chao'? Read this "Zhang Miao" and remember it! -also teach people to remember which, he also read wrong!

Insisting on reading Wen Chao, Zhen didn't know how to read Zhang Miao, so he quarreled outside the temple. Just then, a young monk passed by, holding a tin bowl with the word "Kuai" written on it. When the young monk saw that it was a quarrel between two people, he came over: "Amitabha! Hey, why did the two donors quarrel? " Jia Siwen said, "What do you do?" "I am a young monk in the Big Buddha Temple." "Oh, little husband. Now that you're here, it's easy. Just because we read this plaque, I said read' Wen Chao' and he said read' Zhang Miao'. Please comment on this reason: am I wrong or is he wrong? Is it' Wen Chao' or' Zhangmiao'? " Hearing this, the young monk shook his head: "Let's go to Wen Chao or Zhang Miao. I have no time to grind my teeth with you. I am still trying to fight for my master! " -Alas, he pronounced "Zhai" as "Qi"!

When they heard it, they were anxious: "Hey, you spelled it wrong! What do you mean by' fighting side by side'? They all say' eat fast and read Buddha'. Does anyone' eat gas and read Buddha'? " "'fight side by side'? Monks play flags and old people play umbrellas-does that make sense? ! "This time can be busy! They quarreled just now, and this time the young monk joined in the quarrel. "Wen Chao" and "Zhangmiao" are going to "fight" and "break fast", and they are shouting there. It happened that a teacher lived in the temple. This Old Master Q came out of the temple, because he heard three people quarreling, so he didn't even put down his dictionary. He rushed over and said, "three, what are you arguing about?" Jia Siwen asked, "What do you do?" "I teach in the backyard of this temple. I am a teacher. " When Jia Siwen heard these words, the star who saved his life came: "Oh, Old Master Q, you can read the words. We are arguing about the words. On the plaque on the door, I said "Wen Chao" and he said "Zhangmiao". We are arguing here. Here comes the young master. I asked him what he was looking at, but he said he didn't care. He was anxious to "get together" for Master. Who doesn't know it is "fasting"? Did anyone watch "Fight Together"? Come on, you are Old Master Q, a teacher, and you are full of talents. Are you talking about Wen Chao, Zhangmiao, Qi Qi or fasting? " The old man shook his head while stroking his beard: "Oh, don't be busy, don't be busy, you read' Wen Chao' and he reads' Zhangmiao'; The monk said' fight together' and you said' hurry'. Which is orthography and which is typo? Oh, this ... "He looked down at the dictionary in his hand and said happily," It's not hard to find. Come on, let's check. " -Hey, he mispronounced it!

All three people were angry at that time: "Well, no wonder so many people mispronounced, and you have been here for a long time!" " How many spelling teachers will be trained in the future? This is not a misunderstanding! Let's go to the official! "Go up and grab this Old Master Q by the collar:" Let's go to court! " Jia Siwen grabbed Old Master Q, and when he didn't understand, he grabbed the young monk: "Come, let's cook in one pot!" Four people ran to the county government.

Every county government has a face. On the way, these four people have their own ideas. Thinking about "Wen Chao": "When I arrive, I will beat gongs and drums. I will be the plaintiff, right?" I picked up a brick on the way. Students studying in Zhang Miao University also want to be plaintiffs. When he got there, he heard the drums, so he found a stone and put it in his arms. The young monk also wants to be a plaintiff. Wow, what can I do to beat the drum? Take this Buddha bowl. At the entrance of yamen, the teacher Old Master Q also wanted to beat gongs and drums to catch a plaintiff first. He saw a dung fork standing on the wall and copied it down. Four people swarmed and rushed this way, bricks, stones, tin bowls, dung forks, bang bang bang! The hall is broken!

The director reports to me. Hearing this, the county magistrate said, I don't know how wrong it is to beat drums! Order to change clothes and go to court immediately. Three classes of officials stood in the boxcar and shouted in unison, "I'll go to the hall!" " ""terrible! After Tang Wei finished drinking, the county magistrate boarded the hall and patted the gavel: "Come on, bring the plaintiff!" ! ""I brought all four of them. Why bring four? They are all fighting. The county magistrate said, "Take the defendant away!" The monitor hastened to pay a New Year call: "Go back with the master, there is no defendant in this lawsuit." Hearing this, the magistrate said, who will fight this lawsuit? "Which one of you is the plaintiff?" All four people said, "I am the plaintiff!" " ""I am the plaintiff! " "I am the plaintiff!" "I am the real plaintiff! ""... what about the defendant? " "no" "no? You can sue me! "

The county magistrate was born a donor. What do you mean by donating classes? Is to spend money to buy officials to do it. His name is Su Huilin. Although I can't recognize two liters of Chinese characters, I still pretend to be elegant. When his nobles flattered him, they gave him a plaque with the words "Sai Dongpo" written on it. There was a Su Dongpo in the Song Dynasty. The county magistrate surnamed Su said that his knowledge was better than Dongpo's. In fact, this knowledge can't compare with Su Dongpo, but it can piss Su Dongpo off! The plaque of "Sai Dongpo" is hung in the lobby.

When the magistrate heard that there was no defendant, he was shocked: "Then why do you four want to go to court?" "Sir, that's the word we are." The county magistrate thought it was the written evidence of the deed of house and land: "Oh, what written evidence?" "Not writing. Sir, we sue for mispronouncing. " The master thought, this is new. "What typo did you pronounce?" "We came to a red wall with a plaque at the door. I said' Wen Chao' and he said' Zhangmiao'. At this time, the young monk is playing here. We asked him which one was right. He said he didn't have time, and he was anxious to "get together" with Master. Who doesn't know it's' fasting'! At this time, Old Master Q came out. He teaches in the backyard of this temple. We wanted to ask him if he understood, but it would be more confusing to ask him. He said, it is not difficult for you to understand. Let me help you look up this "lyrics"-the dictionary is called "lyrics". That's why we sued. I ask your honor for a verdict. Do you think it is a literary dynasty or a temple, fasting or fighting side by side, a dictionary or a dictionary? "

The county magistrate was annoyed before he finished: "Ahem! Cruel treatment! Damn it! Damn, alas! Damn it! The county thinks that your lawsuit is because of the written evidence of the deed, because you have read the wrong words for a long time. Is this worth a lawsuit? Just ask a wise man, won't you? "

"Sir, if we hadn't invited someone, we wouldn't have quarreled!"

"Nonsense! If you want to ask those who are learned, why do you want to ask people blindly? "

"Sir, there are too few white people in our street."

"unbridled! Since a lawsuit is filed, you should complain according to the rules. There should be a plaintiff and a defendant. Four of you are plaintiffs. Am I the defendant, your honor? ! What's more, it broke my drum. Can you afford it? ! This is really lawless, and it is also very troublesome in court. Everyone has to play forty boards! " Hearing this, I trembled with fear, and Zhen was scared silly. The young monk also cried, and Old Master Q's eyes were red. Four people rushed to kowtow: "Sir, Sir! The villain knows the sin, please be kind! " Su Huilin, the county magistrate, couldn't help sighing when he saw this scene: "Alas, it stands to reason that everyone has to hit forty boards. Look at your poor appearance! The young people in this county read poetry books, deeply understand etiquette, enforce the law for the country, and love the people like children. " -He blew himself up! "Read your ignorance, the county also don't blame you, now give you four words, put you right and wrong, which is orthography, which is typo, all understand. Everyone should be safe in the next class and don't make trouble. If they commit another crime, they must be severely punished! " Hearing this, the four men kowtowed at once and said, "Master Ming Che is as bright as a mirror as water. He is the parents of the people. Please read the judgment quickly so that we can understand! " The county magistrate said, "Listen!" "Wen Chao" and "Zhang Temple" are different, so monks should not say "play together", "Old Master Q said loudly." Where can a gentleman look up Ziqu? Angry with the county ... "Pointing to this plaque in the hall," ... saidongpi'. "

Alas, he is also wrong!