Everyday funny jokes

People who like to watch funny jokes are usually humorous and can be welcomed by everyone in life. The following are the daily funny jokes I compiled for you. I hope you will like them.

Everyday funny jokes

1. A 70-year-old man was too excited to have sex with a young lady and lost his sperm. Her family refused to take the young lady to court. The judge asked the forensic doctor to conduct an autopsy to find out the reason. The next conclusion after forensic autopsy: so comfortable!

2. An old man went to Gaochao Village to do business by bus. On the way, I asked the waitress: Is the climax here? Attendant: Not yet. After a while, he asked: Has the climax arrived yet? The waiter said, what's the hurry, bad old man I'll scream when the orgasm comes!

3. An AIDS patient wrote a couplet before he died: The first couplet is: fight for * * *, live for * * *, die for * * *, and fight for * * * all his life; The bottom line is: eat * * * losses, be fooled by * * *, and finally die at the intersection of * * * *: it's bad luck.

4. A young man saw a beautiful woman with a low collar on the bus. Is it a joke? Is it really a place where peach blossoms bloom? When the beauty heard this, she lifted her skirt and said, And where were you born and raised? !

5. The gangster entered the room and the woman violently resisted. Her husband came back from the ground and saw his wife pinned down by a gangster. He raised his shovel and slapped him angrily. Then he heard his wife scold, "Damn, I resisted for a long time, and you photographed me with a shovel."

6. The newlyweds went to Emei Mountain for their honeymoon. When their wives were taken away by a group of monkeys for a month and rescued to have children in the future, their husbands came out to see the doctor outside the delivery room and asked: Boys and girls? Doctor:? I didn't see it clearly. I climbed the tree as soon as I came out?

7. The manager commented on the secretary's article: you have two outstanding points above, but the middle is flat, and the bottom is full of loopholes. Come to my office at night and I'll add one for you.

8. When Shen Congwen chased him, Shen was a teacher and Zhang Dayi. Shen Congwen failed to catch up with the so-called suicide for a long time, which scared the little girl to death. He went to the headmaster with a pile of love letters and said, "Look, Mr. Shen, he wrote to me. I am studying now, and now is not the time to talk about such things. " Unexpectedly, the principal told her, "Never mind, his article is quite good, you can. ? The wicked principal is Hu Shi.

9. One day in class, the deskmate secretly played with his mobile phone, which happened to be discovered by the class teacher who was patrolling outside the classroom. The head teacher took out his mobile phone and sent a message: Why don't you listen carefully? The deskmate replied doubtfully: Who are you? The class teacher sent another message: Look out of the window. My deskmate glanced out of the window and replied, thank you for reminding me. Talk to you later. Our head teacher is staring out the window!

10. Background: I have a stomachache and want to vomit today. There is an exam in the afternoon and the teacher is very open to us. ? Text: Halfway through the exam, I can't help but vomit. The teacher came over and said with concern, "Why, the question is disgusting?"

1 1. Will your parents turn around eagerly and ask you, "Do you understand?" Every time there is an English conversation on TV? Can you understand everything? Can you read all the subtitles without looking at them? "

12. On the company bus in the morning, a colleague sitting next to me fell asleep and even snored, which attracted the attention of the whole bus. I felt ashamed of her, so I nudged her with my hand and saw her muttering: Stop being a husband, tomorrow!

13. I want to make out with my girlfriend. Because it's the first time for both parties, I feel that I can't just pass, so I bought red wine and candles to set off the atmosphere. The two of them drank three glasses, and I closed my eyes happily and wickedly? When I opened my eyes again, it was already dawn!

14. The homework assigned by the teacher just now is to let students send text messages to scold her ungrateful boyfriend.

15. What would you do if you met a female nurse who had circumcised you before on a blind date?

16. When my classmate got married, there was also a funny scene: when the master of ceremonies said, let's invite the groom in tonight. As a result, as soon as the door opened, I saw a waiter standing at the door beautifully, chasing the light and hitting his innocent face.

17. One day, on behalf of the company, I took the stage to receive the award, standing on the stage in high spirits and enjoying the scenery brought by the flash. Suddenly I found a colleague I knew pointing at me, as if to imply something. Is the medal upside down? I looked down. No, everything is fine. After stepping down, he passed by the buddy's position. He quietly said something that almost fainted on the spot: "Brother, your pants are not zipped."

18. A beautiful mm got on the bus, took out a card and swiped it, only to hear a drip. Old age card! The whole car was shocked and looked at her. MM said disgruntled, what are you looking at? Haven't you seen Tianshan Mu Tong?

19. I bought fruit at the fruit stand today and chatted with my colleagues about today's news. The aunt selling fruit asked, Who is Jobs? Colleague said: selling apples. Aunt said sadly, alas, the fruit business is not good.

20. Waiting for the bus at the bus stop in the morning, next to a man and a woman. They chatted affectionately, and the woman suddenly said, "Your limbs are developed." The man said, "am I not well-developed?"

Enjoy the latest humorous jokes every day.

1. There is a sign on the lawn of the park, which reads: "No trampling on the lawn, and offenders will be fined one yuan." A frequent visitor in the park found that the fine written on the sign was less than before and asked the service staff in the park, "Why is the fine reduced?" Didn't you need to pay a fine of five yuan before? "Waiter:" Nobody stepped on five pieces. "

2. Spending money is as simple as shit, and making money is as difficult as eating shit.

In high school, the Chinese teacher saw that the girl in front was sleepy and asked her to answer questions. After she stood up without saying a word, she stood for two minutes. The whole class was silent, and the teacher said helplessly, "Sit down." I saw this woman lying on the table immediately after she sat down. When class was over, the girl turned to me sleepily and said, "I dreamed that the teacher asked me to answer questions just now."

Today is MM's birthday. In order to be the first to send my blessing, I picked up my mobile phone on time early in the morning and sent a message: sofa.

4. Seeing that you are well-proportioned, handsome, charming, loved by everyone and loved by everyone, you must be the best among scum and the beast among animals! And according to observation, you must have been short of calcium since childhood and lack of love when you grow up. Grandma doesn't hurt, and uncle doesn't. The left face owes pumping, and the right face owes kicking. The donkey saw the donkey kicking, and the pig saw the pig stepping. Born to be a cucumber, I owe it a pat! The day after tomorrow belongs to walnut, you owe it! Life is like a broken motorcycle, it needs kicking! Finding a wife is a screw, but not a screw!

If one day, you meet your ex-lover and ta's new lover in the street, please don't be sad! Someone said, "Because our mother taught us to donate old toys to people less fortunate than us."

6. Today, the princess kissed the frog, and the frog became a prince. The prince knelt down and said to the princess, "Thank you for saving my beautiful and kind princess. I have another wish. " The princess blushed: "Go ahead, I will meet your requirements." So the prince took another frog out of his pocket? Another one? Frog.

7. Stones in the Yangtze River-weathered the storm.

8. If you have a lot of homework, you can play cards with your paper: "Math for children", "I teach three languages" and "I teach science!" Can't afford it, can't afford it, can't afford it, I'll run first.

9. The hardest thing in the world is not diamonds, but Conan's life! Explosion can't kill the sea, fire can't kill the train, sharp knife can't kill smoke, smoke can't choke, high altitude can't kill the neck, drunkenness can't kill poison, pain can't die, plane crash can't die, poison gas can't die, gun can't die, avalanche can't die? In a word, Conan never dies!

10. When I was a child, my parents took me home. They caught me in the middle when I was walking? I sang "a chicken in my left hand and a duck in my right hand?" My dad stared at me and almost slapped me in the mouth. Who knows, my mother went on to sing, "Tell me to vomit blood at once." "There is a toad in the middle, hey hey hey hey ~"

1 1. First-class teachers rely on personality charm, second-class teachers rely on academics, third-class teachers rely on questions, fourth-class teachers rely on homework, fifth-class teachers rely on roll call, and the last-class teachers rely on changing roll call methods.

12. A man met a beautiful woman online. I opened a room and did what I had to do. Lying down for a while, I found that she couldn't answer all the topics I talked about before. Wonder! Under his repeated threats, she finally told the truth: "It was actually my mother who talked to you before!" " Just when I was shocked, she went on to say, "I don't want my mother to find a handsome guy!" " I've been there, and my mother is embarrassed to ask for it! "

13. According to the latest research by scientists, 100 people took part in the experiment. After drinking 20 bottles of beer, everyone becomes extremely talkative but lacks logic, prone to crying and irritability, impulsive, driving skills decline and weight gain. So scientists have come to the conclusion that beer contains trace amounts of estrogen!

14. The photographer asked Dumbo how many seconds he had prepared. Dumbo obviously stretched out three fingers. Why did the photographer press the shutter immediately? Because idiots are sticking out: middle finger, ring finger and little finger, which also means OK!

15. personals: I don't like make-up, make-up saves money, I don't like shopping, I don't like snacks, I don't like cars, and I don't want to buy a car. Besides, the kind that usually saves money is the best.

16. The girl is 28 years old and short of money. Today, she asked for a marriage online. I hope to find a rich man. Age is not a distance, height is not a gap, and I don't care about being fat. As long as I have money, I can stay with you. Don't contact me if I have no money.

17. When I was a child, I thought I could save the world when I grew up. When I grow up, I find that the whole world can't save me?

18. Spending money is the pain of happiness. Living in every corner of life, it hurts to pay utilities, buy daily necessities and send text messages. Making money is a painful pleasure, rolling back and forth in my blood. I have a headache when I work overtime, and my body hurts when I am busy with business. If only I could get a raise!

19. If you really want to be a boss, you won't be short of money. Wages are paid every day and every month, and you can change the way you want; The salary is not hot yet, and my wife stole most of it; After paying the water and electricity mortgage, the balance is very small; So tighten your belt and see you next month!

20. It is difficult to make money at noon on weekdays. Who knows that the money in the bag can't make ends meet every month Broken in two in one minute, still tight at the end of the month. Please pay tribute to the god of wealth at once. There are candles and fruits at home. I wish my friends are covered by the god of wealth all the year round, and they can earn money without worry.

Daily selection of the latest humorous jokes

1. Female: I have no feelings for you. Me: OK, you can go. Woman: How do you talk? Me: I like direct people. If you tell me how you feel, I will tell you how I feel. Woman: You are so stingy. Me: this is called a frank exchange of views between the host and the guest.

2. What is the world? The sage replied, "Waste!"

What's really terrible is not casting pearls before swine, but a group of cows casting pearls before swine.

I'm worried about you recently. I wish you hard. I wish you charm and hard work; Do things with courage, make a fortune and make profits; Love is beautiful and life is really smooth. Work hard towards happiness and wish you a happy mood!

5. Cold Monday, Braised Tuesday, Steamed Wednesday, Fried Thursday, Stir-fried Friday, Happy Seasoning, Leisure Wine, I will cook a blessing dinner for you this weekend, and I am willing to enjoy it happily.

6. People have lived all their lives. Don't be too cold in winter, too hot in summer, don't pretend to be poor if you have money, and don't show off if you have no money. Laughing is better than frowning. Friends often remember, happy life!

7. Why did Guan Yu die earlier than Zhang Fei? Answer: Is the beauty unlucky?

8. The mouse fell in love with the cat and sang: I love you, love you, just like the mouse loves rice, no matter how many storms, I will still accompany you. Cat: Don't be vain. My mother said that love without marriage purpose is hooliganism!

9. Lovers should be gentle as water and sweet as honey, colleagues should be diligent and have no temper, and friends should have a runny nose, so, dear, wipe your nose quickly in the new year and have a clean New Year!

10. The first frost has arrived. May you be happy, and a beautiful life beckons to you; Good luck and wealth are declining, and a bright future beckons to you; Smooth and comfortable, shake hands with you at work. The first frost not only hopes but also reminds us to pay attention to health and warmth.