My wife tells jokes when she is angry.

1. Qiao Yan keeps a cat at home and thinks it looks strange. It's called "Tiger Cat". A guest said, "Tigers are brave, but not as fierce as dragons. Let's call it my neighbor totoro. " Another guest said, "Of course, dragons are more powerful than tigers, but when they rise to the sky, they will float to the clouds. If the cloud is super dragon, it is better to change its name to' Cloud Cat'. " Another guest said, "The clouds cover the sky, and the wind will soon blow it away. Clouds can't stop the wind. Renamed' Wind Cat'. " Another guest said: "when the wind blows, the wall can block it, but the wind is not as good as the wall." Renamed as' wall cat'. " The last guest said, "Although the wall is strong, rats can make holes there. This wall will be destroyed by rats. The mouse is worse than the wall, so it is better to call it' mouse cat'. " An old man laughed at them and said, "Alas, it is cats that catch mice. A cat is a cat. How can it lose its nature and become a mouse and a cat? "

There was a retired veteran cadre who never took the bus when he was in office. After retirement, I want to have a taste of taking a bus. After getting on the bus, a beautiful and sexy lady stood beside him and hit him on the back with her chest from time to time. He felt very comfortable: who said that the bus is not as good as the car, and taking the bus has a different flavor? After getting off the bus, I touched my pocket and my wallet was gone. I thought: I thought it was just a matter of style, but it was actually a fucking economic problem.

3. Man: "No woman can keep a secret." Woman: "Who said that? It's like I've kept my age a secret since I was 25. " Man: "You will leak water one day." Woman: "nonsense, a woman has kept a secret for sixteen years, and of course she will keep it forever."

Three girls in school are talking about a man who came to school to propose. A (junior undergraduate): "How tall is he? Is he handsome?" B (Master): "What does he do and what's his monthly salary?" C (PhD student): "Where is he!"

5. Linlin learned the story that Kong Rong made pears grow, and knew that when sharing food, she should be small. One day, grandma bought a pear and took a big one. After peeling the skin, she was afraid that Linlin couldn't eat it, so she cut it in half, half big and half small. Lin Lin immediately said to her grandmother, "I want a small one!" " "Grandma is very happy, kua Linlin sensible. Lin Lin watched grandma bite most of the pears and immediately asked, "Do you want more?" Grandma is startled. ...

6. A man helped his wife buy insurance from an insurance company. After signing the contract, the man asked the salesman, "If my wife dies tonight, how much can I get?" The salesman replied, "About twenty years in prison!" "

7. May: "Last year, you said that you wanted a divorce because you disagreed with your husband. Why are you still together? " Zhu: "We still disagree." May: What do you mean? Zhu: "It is not appropriate to talk about alimony."

8. Wife: "Modern people's hearts are really bad. Yesterday, when I was shopping, someone gave me a counterfeit bill. " Sir: "There it is. Let me see. " Wife: "I brought it to eat." 9. Child: "Mom, does Dad work in a leather factory?" Mom: "No" Child: "Then why do uncles and aunts say that dad is always wrangling?" 10. Female customer: "I want to buy something for my husband. What do you think is best for men? " Salesgirl: "Madam, how long have you been married?" Female customer: "About ten years." Salesgirl: "Then please go downstairs to the special department." 1 1. Radio host: "Hello! Today, there are ten songs such as "beloved". Which one do you want to send to your friends? " Little boy: "I want to order someone I love." Radio host: "To whom?" Little boy: "To grandpa, grandma, dad, mom …" Radio host: "OK, what do you want to wish them?" Little boy: "I wish him good health and they are all relatives." 12. A: "I was really unlucky after I got married." B: "How unlucky?" A: "In front of my wife, I was sulking, and she called me heartless; I smiled and she said I hid a knife in my smile; I take care of her, and she says I am very flattering; I resigned. She said I was putting on airs. Look ... "B:" Your wife is a real talent. " A: "you said she used words indiscriminately?" B: "No, she knows you too well." 13. The businessman told his wife that if he lost money in business, he would make the house brightly lit, otherwise, he would only light a candle. "Why is this?" The wife asked incredulously. "I lost my money and others should be angry," he explained. "The only way to make them angry is to show them that my house is brightly lit." "So you made money?" "If I make money, of course I want them to be happy. As long as they light a candle, they will think that I am dying of poverty and will jump for joy! " 14. A team in A has a strong lineup and once set off a "frenzy". But the head coach is always disappointed with his players because they like to shoot anti-aircraft guns. Once the head coach couldn't help asking the players, "Why do you always kick high when shooting?" The player replied, "You taught us, and you always taught us to constantly' improve'!" 15. After the husband made out with his lover at home, the parrot in the cage saw it and said, "I saw it, I saw it." After all kinds of flattery and intimidation, the husband still can't stop the golden tongue. Seeing that his wife was coming back soon, he took out his money and said, "How about giving you 250 yuan?" Parrot does not follow the routine: "No, at least 500!" " "The husband is furious:" So much? ! The parrot is in no hurry: "Is this more?" ! Before you came back yesterday, my wife gave me 250 yuan. Now that I'm well informed, of course the price has gone up. "16. Yang Yi in the Song Dynasty wrote official documents, which were often deleted by the ruling officials. He was very indignant. He took the manuscript, wiped off all the high officials and corrupt officials with thick ink, made the soles into grass samples, and wrote in small print: "Shi Ye Yangjia soles." Someone asked him in surprise, and he said, "This is someone else's footprint." For a while, it was a joke. 17. Child: "Dad, I have good news for you." Dad: "What good news?" Zi Yu: "Grandma is deaf." Dad: "That's good news!" " "Child:" In this way, if mom scolds grandma for being old and deathless, grandma won't listen. 18. The archbishop in red saw that the new priest always took a dog stick when he went out, so he said reproachfully, "The church people have sticks in their hands. What a scandal! "The priest said," Dear Bishop, my stick never hurts people. I use it to prevent dogs. Dogs in this country like to attack church people too much. " The bishop said, "I'll tell you a secret. Just read a few gospels to the dog and it won't bite. The priest replied, "You are right, sir, but what if some dogs don't know Latin?" "19." Mom, can I go out and play with Peter for a while? ""no, he is a bad boy. " "Then I can go out and beat him? "20. One year in the Tang Dynasty, thieves invaded the territory and surrounded Dingzhou City. State official Sun was terrified out of her wits. He told his men to close the state capital and hide at home. The front and rear doors are bolted, and when there are urgent documents, he only hands them out through a small window. A few days later, thieves attacked Chengtou. Hearing the newspaper, Sun hurried into the closet. Then he told the housekeeper, "Lock the cupboard door firmly for me. If the thief calls in, you must remember not to give him the key! "2 1. After a big quarrel, the wife and husband went back to their parents' house and said," Mom, I'll come back to live and teach him a lesson. "Mom said," If you really want to teach him a lesson, I will go back with you and stay with you for a while! ""22. A poor man stayed for dinner. There is not much rice at home. His wife was afraid of cooking too little, so she put pebbles in the pot and cooked rice on it. When the husband accompanied the guests to add rice, he accidentally dug rice and exposed the stone. Feeling ashamed, he pretended to scold his servant and said, "Blind slave, where did your eyes grow when you washed rice?" Such a big sand stone has not been picked out yet. "23. A rich man said to the poor," My family has one hundred thousand dollars. The poor man said, "I have a hundred thousand dollars, too." What's so strange about yours? The rich man was surprised and quickly asked, "Where is your hundred thousand dollars?" "The poor man said," You usually have it and refuse to use it. I wanted to use it, but I didn't. Aren't we the same? "24. In the microeconomics class, when talking about the return on investment, the teacher said," If a big pig costs 1000 yuan per head and a little pig costs 1000 yuan per head, assuming that they gain a kilo of meat every day, it is better to spend 1000 yuan to buy a big pig than the same money to buy1000 little pigs. The students at the bottom muttered, "Those 10 piglets grow fast and eat more! "Teacher:" Oh, let's assume that pigs can grow meat by drinking water without eating. " After that, they picked up cups and drank water ... 25. There was an official in Haifeng named Zhang Mu Temple. One day, when an old lady drove out of the government in a carriage, she stumbled to stop and complained that her husband begged his little wife not to disturb her. Zhang Mu buddhist nun laughed and scolded her for giving in, saying, "I am a salt seller, no matter what people are jealous of! " "