Funny quotations from workplace humor

1, you may not be smart, but you must not be careless.

In the workplace, the first thing to consider is your own interests, followed by the interests of the boss, and finally the interests of the company.

The biggest tragedy in life is that people aged 20 and 40 have the same ideal, but in fact, most people's ideals at 40 are not as lofty as those at 20.

4. Do things well until you are old.

Qian Zhongshu said that being angry at the age of 20 is bloodless, and being angry at the age of 40 is brainless. Many people are bloodless when they are young, but when they grow up, they have no brains, and they all live in vain.

6. Why can't you afford a house when you earn more money? Making money is like making blood with your own body, and the real estate agent just draws blood from you with a needle. No matter how fast you bleed, you can't beat others to draw blood directly.

7. Actually, the professional question is whether to be a * * or a memorial arch. Take movies as an example. Xiaogang Feng has only * * but no memorial archway, which is very successful. Chen Kaige did * * * loathe to give up the memorial arch, but both ends failed to reach the shore. Zhang Yimou was the most determined, knocking down the former archway, devoting himself to * * *, and finally achieving a generation of grandmasters.

8. Karoshi? You work hard and then leave, leaving all the money to your recently widowed wife. This is the revolutionary spirit of selfless dedication.

9, from ordinary staff to the lowest administrator this layer is the most difficult to rise, at least 90% of adults are in this step, and these 90% of adults can only be small staff for life because of this step.

10, higher is job-hopping, lower is being swept out. Everyone speaks highly of you, including people in the old company. Look down on you, including people in the new company.

1 1. Maybe you are useful to the company, but not necessarily to the boss.

12, 100% pay, 120% return. For the return of 120%, we should be prepared to pay 130% effort; Give 150% wholeheartedly, regardless of the result, even if it is only% vertex return. Stick to it and you will succeed!

13, you must think clearly when you encounter something at work. The key to security lies in repeated thinking. Success or failure often depends on whether you are cautious or reckless. Being good at thinking will be invincible.

14, someone may laugh at your efforts; Your insistence may not be understood by anyone. In others' eyes, you may be a clown, but in your own heart, you are a king! Be your own king, supreme! Come on!

15. Life is a long road, you have to fight for it from top to bottom. Use your intelligence, diligence and enthusiasm to light the lamp in your life, and use your confidence, determination and courage to face the challenges and setbacks in your destiny. Please believe that the road ahead is tortuous, but the future is bright, which encourages you and me.

16, I am a soaring goshawk. It's time to hone my wings. After all, I will relax and fly on the stage in the sky! Don't lose heart, believe in yourself! Come on!

17, everyone says that being a man is very tired, and I feel the same way. Wear wig, mask, glasses, smile, underwear, coat and overcoat. Until I went to heaven.

18, there are many storms in the workplace, and many people have a good life. Needless to say, the basic principles, at the very least, should be able to work hard, smile more when meeting colleagues, and have more relationships at ordinary times. Ability is to be connected with the bed, and you can sleep soundly with the bed.

19, Jing M. Guo is very inspirational. A friend said that if Jing M. Guo didn't write a book, such a short man couldn't even find a date. But now, he succeeded.

20. Exposing your background occasionally is also a way to gain a foothold in the workplace, but you must maintain a moderate sense of mystery.

2 1. Think from the boss's standpoint and do things from your own standpoint.

There are many people in this world, but in the final analysis, there are only three kinds of people? Businessmen, cynics and slackers. ? Politicians? 、? Elite? Be a businessman and exchange various interests. ? Patriot? Cultural person? Be a cynic and fool people. And most of the rest are bastards, responsible for being slaves.

23. If you are not satisfied with the company, you will secretly look for a new position, but you must never show any emotion before you find it. You should work harder than before and seize all resources.

24. What's the first impression of a real master in the workplace? Whose people? , but? Work hard? No matter which boss likes this kind of person, he needs it. Hard work doesn't mean stupidity, nor does it mean hard work. Instead, what do you need to pay attention to? Give the impression of doing things? Instead of. Really do things? Let's go

25. There is no unreasonable workplace, only an unreasonable mentality.

26. No matter what your boss says to you, no matter what your colleagues or others say, only by maintaining the ability of independent thinking can you not be captured by the ideals of others.

27. The boss is a profit-seeking animal. They will only focus on their own workplace interests. Anything that harms one's own interests will be eliminated, and anything that can benefit will be done.

28. The boss is a profit-seeking animal and will definitely betray you at a critical time.

29. When a boss binds his ideals to his employees, it is usually not binding, but kidnapping.

30. Wang Shi is like a King Kong. The boss with this face is generous to his subordinates and ruthless to himself; And Pan Shiyi looks like a bodhisattva. What he said was soft-hearted, but what he did was heartless.

3 1, Shanghainese like to stand on the moral high ground. I used to be like this, and now Han Han is like this. Moral highland is a kind of drug, which can make people feel happy. But what about after the game? It was a tragic death.

32. In fact, the difference between man and beast is obvious. You are a person, the boss is an animal, and the boss is in between.

33. The more the boss praises you, the less you get.

34. Those who see through the world of mortals and are indifferent to fame and fortune will always be the patents of successful people. For small people, desire is the lifeline of survival.

35. What do you think Sister Furong is looking at? Look at the face? Look at the figure? Look at the chest? You still lived in vain. Look carefully, there are three words written on the hibiscus flower:? Shameless. ? This is the secret of others' success and the secret of most bosses' making money.

36. You think you are trying to build the motherland, but in fact you are just trying to build housing prices. You can still afford a house without hard work, and all your efforts are over.

37. Modern people often don't understand? No ability? And then what? Want it? The difference between. If you can't bargain with your boss, you should behave yourself. If you can't jump ship, you should be loyal.

38. The three major problems of losers are servility, laziness and shirking responsibility. Don't think independently, slavishly listen to the boss. The boss encouraged you to move. I don't know what I'm doing. It is inertia. Don't mix, blame the boss, blame the workplace, blame the society, in order to pass the buck.

39. The so-called ancient business model is that after work, you will be cheated reluctantly, and after work, you will be helpless to cheat others' money.

40. If you work 365 days a year, you will get salary, bonus and overtime pay. If you don't go to work 365 days a year, you will get a real life or real poverty.

4 1, the way to work: say hello to colleagues, don't just giggle when you meet leaders, don't care if the villain is framed, and then fire him after promotion. You must do your job well, and the boss told you to remember. Keep a low profile in advance and show off when the opportunity comes.

42. If a thing is completed, only the boss enjoys the result, and others don't know it. This is not called * * * having an ideal. This is a means for the boss to kidnap the ideal. Often they will steal the concept, call this ideal the company goal, and call this spirit the team spirit.

43. Promotion in the workplace depends not on the boss but on the boss.

44. What belongs to you may not be there, and what doesn't belong to you must not be yours.

45. The habit of China people is that the rafters rot first. The truly experienced people in the world will learn from making a fool of themselves and make themselves look stupid and not so smart; Often newcomers in the workplace will deliberately pretend to be smart, everything will be exposed, and they want to teach people everywhere.

46. In the workplace, what others often see is not your success, but your shortcomings. A defect can offset several years' achievements.

47. It is necessary to have a heart-to-heart talk with the boss occasionally, but it should be targeted.

48. When the boss suddenly collapses, don't panic. Finish the task by yourself and find a new backer.

49. More reliable than relying on the mountain is to make yourself valuable.

50. People half a level higher than you are often the most dangerous, while people at the same level are natural enemies.

5 1, the boss is disloyal, but available.