Tell me some jokes about the Three Kingdoms.

It is said that Dahan has issued a new License Plate Management Agreement, allowing him to apply for personalized license plates. Dahan's photographer was so excited that he racked his brains to hang up the license plate for his car.

Early the next morning, the reporter saw more than 300 people filling out applications and interviewed several applicants for personalized licenses.

Dong Zhuo, a powerful minister, made a phone call through his secretary Mallota and got the first license plate "IAM 00 1" in three minutes. According to the staff, Taishi means "I am the boss! ! Tian Zi comes first! ! "

Dong Zhuo originally wanted to apply for an "IAM 002" for Lu Bu's Mitsubishi off-road vehicle. I didn't expect Lyu3 bu4 to be too rustic, so I don't want it. He got a "God 995" and hung it on his car's ass. He paraded in the city with his famous song "God Help me" on the megaphone. Liu's three angry youths punctured two tires, which is another story.

Stuart Wang Yun bought a new Ferrari sports car for his adopted daughter and applied for a "SEX 100", which means 100% sexy. As a result, he was provided by Teacher Dong as soon as he went out.

Cao Cao, one of the top ten outstanding young people in that year, hung a piece of "REM 9 1 1" on his old Ford. It seems that the Chibi fire in September 1 1 has made Cao Cao unforgettable, and "Rem" is the abbreviation to remember.

Not to be outdone, Liu, the three angry youths, rushed to register their own personalized license plates. Liu Bei applied for a piece of "NMW555" because his own little baritone could not attract any attention. Then he reported everywhere, publicized everywhere, and preached that he was an uncle, had no money and no woman, and won everyone's sympathy with a snot and tears. Finally, he tricked Wu Dong's sister Sun Quan into becoming his second wife, and secretly occupied the Jingzhou Bar in Jiangdong, collecting protection money from the local people, which was a huge sum of money. Guan Yu wiped the second-hand BMW sent by Cao Cao over and over again, put on a piece of "WIN 168", dragged it badly, killed several township cadres who collected fees on the national highway and hid in Jingzhou bar. Zhang Fei, the clown, finally saved a sum of private money in Jingzhou Bar, bought a Bora, and quickly applied for a "Fei 945" (I am Yan).

Another Hebei cowherd, Zhao Yun, drives an open-top Cherokee "MAN 186", which not only shows that he is male, but also is 186cm tall. A closer look shows that there are actually some lip prints on the license plate, but I don't know if it was left by MM. ...

Zhou Yu, a famous couple model in Dongwu, applied for the license plate of "192 626". Everyone is confused. I don't know what the secret of this number arrangement is. Later, Xiao Qiao got tired of being questioned by paparazzi and couldn't help but say it. Actually, it was1June 26th, 1992, the couple's wedding anniversary.

Jiang Gan saw his old classmate Zhou Yu driving a new car and taking a ride on the old slope. He has always had a crush on Xiao Qiao and wants to apply for a "FBI 007" to properly track Xiao Qiao. As a result, he added a watch only to find that he was robbed by Pang Tong, so he had to change it to "KGB 007" and continue to do the shady business.

Zhuge Liang, a famous slacker in the Three Kingdoms, has a good economic mind. He grabbed several license plates such as "189 com", "5 18 net", "61816" and "Fei 747". After being seized by Lu Su, the police inspector of the vehicle management office, they also sold them. Cried the crooked eyes in the wind.

Up to now, only the above-mentioned personnel have applied for new license plates, and Dahan Vehicle Management Office announced that it would suspend the application for new license plates until the system is more perfect.

Famous songs of the three kingdoms

1: Cao Cao: The sea laughed, and the tides surged on both sides ... (It was sung by Cao Gong when he was watching the sea at that time)

2. Liu Bei: It is not a sin for a man to cry, ............................................................................................................. (tears with big ears can rank first in the Three Kingdoms).

3. Sun Quan: Sister, go forward boldly ... (When Sun MM got married)

4. Guan Yu: How are you, Big Brother? (On the occasion of losing Maicheng)

5. Zhou Yu: Tomorrow, will you think of it ... (... there is a life that can make up for shortcomings ... there is no resentment! ... Xiao Qiao, will she remarry? )

6. Lu Meng: Should I leave quietly or stay in .............. bravely (I'm going to attack Jingzhou, and I heard that Jingzhou's military and horses have been purged, so I'm prepared, so ...)

7. Lu Su: Why do I always get hurt ... (For Jingzhou, I am not human inside and outside. Alas)

8. Zhao Yun: My hero is very brave ...

9: Huang Zhong: ... Back to yesterday ... (Recalling that year, old Huang Zhong ...)

10: Yuan Shao: The brother who slept in my upper bunk ... (Thinking that he was defeated by Cao Cao, who was a brother in those days. Very panting)

1 1: Lu Bu: Why did you fall in love with someone else behind my back? (The Story Of Diu Sim! )

12: Meng Huo: Hey * * * * * * The mountain road here is eighteen bends, and the waterway here is ..............................................................................................................................

13: Xu Shu: I will leave you gently.

Please wipe away the tears from your eyes. .......................................................................................................................................................................

14: The Story Of Diu Sim: Don't look at me like that. My face will turn into a red apple ... (Feng Yiting, facing the enthusiastic Lu Bu.

. . . . . . . . . . . . .

15: Guo Jia: I can't forget you. .........................................................................................................................................................

Dian Wei: We workers have the right. ...........................................................................................................................................................

Added something I saw from other places.

I don't remember who sang any famous songs during the Three Kingdoms period. Let's sing a few more words together!

Xia Houdun, Ma Chao, Chu Xu, Zhang Liao and Zhuge Liang sang together.

San Guo Shi ren fashion modeling xiu

Liu Bei: He has big ears, so his earlobe wears three ears and only one earring. Long arms, sleeveless shirt in winter, cold and runny nose. Unfortunately, I met a female bandit on the way, and my earrings and sleeves were robbed. Needless to say, Liu Daer has become Liu's rotten ear! (Imitation object: Nicholas Tse, imitation index: Samsung and a half)

Cao Cao: I changed my face like Andy Lau, moisturized my face, and completely shaved my beard. As a result, a talent scout came to visit the next day and asked him to make a BL drama ... (Imitation object: Andy Lau, imitation index: four stars)

Guan Yu: Piaoying, Lei Shu and Li Tao spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to get beards. If it's not enough, have an ion perm. Found elegance and fashion, followed by negative ions, free ions, water ions ... recently a corn ear was scalded. I didn't expect the hairdresser to be so hot that Guan Yu's beard turned into instant noodles ... (Imitation object: Tengger singer, imitation index: three and a half stars)

Zhang Fei: "What's good about a little creamer? I want to be a Louis Koo type person! " Sunbathing every day leads to partial peeling, and the body is black and white. Lao Zhang was angry, so he simply took the zebra modeling route! (Imitation object: Louis Koo, imitation index: four stars)

Sun Quan: "Just flush this face, these eyes, without makeup, are the second generation of ChristianRandPhillips!" " (imitation object: ChristianRandPhillips, imitation index: four and a half stars)

Zhuge Liang: Dancing Korean dance with a feather fan until a whirlwind palm pops up and says, "We are the future!" " "The feathers on the fan fell all over the floor. After a dance, all the fans went bald. Brother Pig is in a daze @ _ @ ... (Imitation object: An Qixuan, imitation index: four stars)

Diusim's story: breast enhancement, low waist, navel exposure, abdominal ring, hair dyeing, manicure, eyebrow tattoo, lip line … Men in the Three Kingdoms all went to Europe and America overnight! (Imitation object: britney spears, imitation index: four and a half stars)

Chu Xu: Exercise your muscles like crazy, wear tight tops and take part in fashion bodybuilding competitions. Too hard during the performance, "click" the clothes to open the line, and a generation of macho men vomited blood and walked away! Audience MM screamed, zipped up and unbuttoned. Chu Xu took off his coat and ran on the stage naked ... (Imitation object: Schwarzenegger, imitation index: four and a half stars)

Lu Bu Zhou Zhao Yuyun Ma Chao: Three Kingdoms F4 debut! The beautiful women swarmed, and the computer special effects of meteor shower were broadcast. Lu Bu: "I am the fiercest, I play Doumyouji Tsukasa!" " Zhao Yun: "I am the most, I hit Hua Ze!" " "Zhou Yu:" I am the most beautiful, I play Simon! " "Ma Chao:" I am the most k ...! Ok, let me play a beautiful piece ... "I must wear a wig ... (imitation object: F4, imitation index: five stars).

What people in the Three Kingdoms need most.

Cao Cao: I held my head painfully in the battle: "Ouch ~ ~ how can I have a headache at a critical moment!" " "Yu Cheng, an ancient physician, hurriedly handed a box of medicine:" Premier, please use Zhennaoning capsule for headache! "

Liu Bei: Before Kanluoji's blind date, she washed her hair black and shiny with Xia Shilian, and then wiped her face with Xue Jia moisturizing cleanser. (In my imagination, Sun Shangxiang's eyes look like light bulbs: "Wow! It's so fine and white! " Finally, put on the seven-brand men's suit: "Seven-brand suit, a man who makes women move."

Sun Quan: I often force civil and military officials to drink: "Do it!" Only Zhang Zhao did not drink: "Where is the liver?" He secretly put a few pills in the wine bowl: "Wang Haijin Zun, take one pill before and after drinking, to sober up and protect the liver!" " "

Guan Yu: I often watch Spring and Autumn Annals at night, which leads to poor eyesight and tired eyes. So I bought several boxes of "Runjie Eye Drops" to carry with me. ...

Zhang Fei: Facing Cao Cao's army at Changbanqiao, I ate a handful of "Golden Soup Treasure" first, and then sang!

Zhao Yun: I just got back from killing in Changbanpo, and my clothes are too dirty to take! I saw that Zhao Ge used his killer weapon-carved laundry soap and super washing powder, and his clothes were washed clean, but the fish and shrimp in the river ...

Zhuge Liang: The war of words needs a pair of iron teeth and copper teeth most! As I said it, my teeth fell out and my face disappeared! So the night before, Brother Pig brushed his teeth like Zhou Xing in the mirror: "Every morning at home, healthy and bright teeth!" Zhou Yu: Once Brother Pig was angry, Lu Su quickly put quick-acting pills into his mouth. ...

Lu Bu: To Su Li who came to report his health, he said, "No gifts this year!" But Su Li took out a pack of melatonin. Lu Bu: "Only gifts ..." Su Li was called away without saying a word. ...

Dong Zhuo: I was dumped by The Story Of Diu Sim because I was too fat, so I went on a hunger strike to lose weight. Marotta: "Master, you have to let go. Please use Qumei Capsule to lose weight ... "

Huang Zhong: Before the war against Guan Yu, Han Xuan didn't trust him: "Old general, Guan Yu is not easy to mess with, not to mention your age ..." Huang Zhong: "Don't be afraid! A skill is a long way to go! " After that, he swallowed a bottle of "Gaizhonggai" in one breath, then opened the horse's mouth and poured it in hard ... Ma Chao: After a one-on-one fight with Zhang Fei, he returned to camp. "Oh ~ ~ ~ I'm tired from playing all day ~ ~" Then I fell flat on the chair. Ma Dai: "Big Brother, you need new energy to charge!" " Ma Chao ran into the house to take a bath with super cool soap. Soap bubbles covered the whole body, and a flat piece of Ma Chao "poof" swelled. He quickly put on his clothes and rushed to the front with a gun: "Zhang Fei! Dare to fight at night? " So another good show began. ...

Gan Ning: I was fighting with the Shu army along the Yangtze River and suddenly got dysentery. Holding his stomach, he ran around the river. Zhou Tai: "To cure dysentery, please use Miao medicine to stop diarrhea!" "Gan Ning ate too much in a hurry, so he didn't drink for several days in a row. ...

Meng Huo: Because of the language barrier, Brother Pig always treats him like a monkey. His wife took out a family heirloom: "It's easier to learn Chinese by breaking through Chinese listening in 30 days and repeating with BBK!" But brother pig is better. On the 29th day, he caught Lao Meng on the spot. ...

Monroe: Because of being laughed at by "Wu Xia Amon", her hair has been painted on the wall since then. I bought a "Brain Jia Jia" and wear it every day. By the time Sun Quan came to see him, Amon had been able to recite Ci Hai by heart. So Sun Quan has a classic saying: "Don't be with me for three days!"

A Dou: The doctor diagnosed him as mentally retarded due to zinc deficiency, so Liu Bei gave him "Puxin Oral Liquid" every day. I didn't expect it to exceed the dose taken by children, and the more I drank, the more stupid I became. ...

Four short stories about the truth of the Three Kingdoms

1 Mi Heng naked clothes

One night, a female thief stole some clothes and sneaked into Mi's house. At this time, someone just came to Mi Heng and saw a woman out of the window in a trance. The female thief was frightened to disgrace and hurriedly fled, throwing away all the women's clothes. The man didn't see anyone when he went in, but he saw the woman's clothes. At this time, Mi Heng was sleeping in the back room because he was drunk.

So, this person spread a rumor that seems to be well-founded: "Well ... Mi Heng is probably a MM…… ..."

Mi Heng explained angrily everywhere, but no one believed and no one wanted to hear it. He couldn't stand rumors, so he was naked in public to prove that he was really a man. ...

Liu An killed his wife.

Liu An bears a grudge against Liu Bei, but Liu Bei doesn't know it. When Liu Bei arrived at Liu Anjia, it happened that Liu's wife died of a malignant infectious disease. So Liu An thought, if Liu Bei ate his wife's meat, wouldn't Liu be ill? You can't get into trouble if you don't know! If it doesn't work out, it will give that guy the reputation of cannibalism, and I'll get even!

So Liu An happily ran to the kitchen to get human flesh. ...

go into battle stripped to the waist—throw away all disguise

One day, Ma Chao sent someone to report to Cao Cao's army:

"There is a bad situation."

"What's the situation?"

"Xu Jun's armor is very good. Almost no weapon can hurt him. It must be difficult to win him ..."

"So what should we do?" Ma Chao is in a hurry.

Fine work: "If he can take off his armor, but that's Cao Cao's reward, he won't take it off easily ..."

The two men thought about drinking like thinkers and finally came up with a brilliant idea.

Carefully bribed the relevant personnel and secretly put some fleas in prosthodontic's armor. ...

Although Ma Chao didn't win, prosthodontic had a bad cold and his heart was balanced a lot. ...

Yell back at the enemy

Xiahou Jie is really not a soldier. Because you went through the back door, you couldn't have joined the army.

Why can't he join the army? Because he is deaf!

When Zhang Fei shouted at the bridge of Changban, everyone was scared. He won't be afraid if he can't hear the voice of nature, but it's not good to see others afraid, so he also began to tremble and accidentally fell to the ground, just like a horse stepped on him ... Amitabha. ...

make three calls at the thatched cottage/repeatedly request sb to take up a post

one

The sky is boundless, the moon is bright and the stars are sparse, and three big men come around the corner. They looked strange and saw each other with sharp weapons. In such a chaotic season, they go in and out in such a remote place and behave so suspiciously. Is it a desperate strongman? I'm afraid it's a government spy again?

Listening to the clear voice, a big man with long ears suddenly sighed: "I am Liu Bei and Liu Xuande, relatives of the Han family. After Wang Jing of Sun Yat-sen Mausoleum, the world is in chaos today. I am interested in breaking thieves and helping the people, but I can't hate them. If I have this feeling ... "

A black-faced man next to him smiled three times and said, "No more practice. I've heard you say it over 300 times. Why do you still say that? " Can't you exchange it for a new one? "

"Zhang Fei, I said you have no culture is no culture, but we are going to see-see who? Guan Yu? "

Red-faced man, hurry up. "Brother, we are going to see Mr. Dinosaur."

"What? Mr. dinosaur? "

"Oh, it's Mr. Pig Dragon."

"Mr. Pig Dragon?"

"Is it not Mr Dragon Ball? Dragon ball? "

"Calculate calculate, I hope you can't even find Mr. Xiong! Zhang Fei, check my business link quickly. "

"Yes!" The black-faced man was flattered and quickly opened his briefcase and rummaged through it. "Hey, I found it ... Oh, the battery is dead."

"Idiot, can't do anything well! It's your fault that you can't see dinosaurs today! "

"Eldest brother, I remember, not a dinosaur, not a pig dragon, but Mr. Zhu Gekongming!"

"Yes, it's Mr. Zhu Gekongming!" The man with long ears said, "well, do you know why I practice those sour words?"

I don't know. The man with a dark face and a red face said.

"I'm afraid you don't know, otherwise how can I be a big brother?" Long-eared people gloated, cleared their throats and said, "For clowns, vendors and pawns like you, you should use religious forms such as loyalty, benevolence and courage to anesthetize them;" But for an intellectual like Mr. Dinosaur, we must seduce him with the cultural form of "breaking the thief and reassuring the people, and being honest and honest"! "

"Big brother, high opinion!" The black-faced man said.

"High, really high!" The red-faced man said.

Another one: The Three Kingdoms can play Go.

Guan Yu:

My layout speed is the fastest. Chess players like Yan Liang and Wen Chou lost without taking a few steps because they didn't adapt.

My weakness, I always ignore a few Bai Zi's rough potential scattered around me, and call Lv Meng this boy to kill me.

Dragon. Oh, by the way, don't set the venue for the competition in Maicheng in the future, or I will refuse to participate.

Zhang Fei:

I used to drink loudly when I was behind, which scared Xiahou Jie to turn over the chessboard. However, since then.

Many people say that I am not good at playing chess. I'm just a bit of a bully. I admire you when I see the master, and I admire you when I see the low one.

Kill the dragon with your hands. Although this is not very good, it has made many masters.

Zhao Yun:

I remember the best game of chess was at the foot of Changbanpo. I rushed into the pocket of black chess when the situation was backward.

Touching left and right, I was confused by black chess and saved several remnant children. However, playing chess in the future is really boring.

Think about it! When my opponent heard it was me, he either gave up or gave up without taking a few steps. It's really boring Is there really one in this world?

Is there no master?

Ma Chao:

I admit, my overall view is very poor. But I am absolutely first-class in local attack and killing. You see, my opponent Cao XX is so worried.

Pull out the beard.

10, chop Yan Wen Chou

Yan Liang: "Come to Tong Ming!"

Guan Yu: "..."

"What? Speak louder! I can't hear you! " Yan Liang said and took a few steps forward.

Guan Yu: "..."

"Go ahead! Still can't hear clearly! " Yan Liang said, and leaned forward.

Guan Yu: "Well! It is just enough now. " He dropped his sword and beheaded Yan Liang and the horse.

A month later, Wen Chou said, "Who's coming?"

Guan Yu said mysteriously, "Do you know how Yan Liang died?"

Wen Chou: "Oh? Don't know. "

Guan Yu: "Come here and I'll tell you."

Wen Chou leaned in obediently, craned his neck and asked, "How did he die?"

"That's how it died!" Guan Yu said that with a wave of his Qinglong broadsword, he only heard a click, and the world was at peace!

1 1, care about the shanzhai

Liu Bei: "I'm here to see Mr Zhuge."

Child: "Do you have an appointment?"

Liu Bei: "Ah? No. "

Child: "Mr. Wang is not here. Come again next time. "

Liu Bei had no choice but to go to the cottage for a few days.

Liu Bei: "Is Mr. Zhuge there?"

Child: "Do you have an appointment?"

Liu Bei: "Yes, we agreed last time. I'm going to see Teacher Ge today. "

Child: "OK, Mr. Zhuge is inside. Pay 50 taels of silver for consultation. Go in yourself. "

Liu Bei went in, but did not see Zhuge Liang. As soon as he arrived in Zhuge Jun, he came out and asked the child, "I have an appointment with Mr. Zhuge Liang. Why isn't he here? "

The child counted the money and said unhurriedly, "You only said you saw Teacher Ge. There are many Mr Zhuge here. You can call me Mr. Zhuge in a few years. " (The child is a relative of Zhuge Liang's family)

12, warm wine to chop Hua Xiong.

Cao Cao: "It's good to reach out. This wine is still warm. "

Guan Yu: "Shit! I just don't think this wine is too hot. I cut one. This wine is not cold yet. Forget it. Let's go out and cut another one. " It turns out that Guan Yu likes iced drinks. )

13, Seven Steps Poetry

Cao Pi: "I told you to recite a poem in three steps, or I'll pull you out and behead you."

Cao Zhi: "No, it's too little, ten steps!" " "

Cao Pi: "Four steps!"

Cao Zhi: "Nine steps!"

Cao Pi: "Five steps!"

Cao Zhi: "Eight steps!"

Cao Pi: "Six steps!"

Cao Zhi: "Jumping prices, seven steps!"

Cao Pi: "Deal!"

Cao Zhi: "Good! Boil beans and burn beans, and the beans cry in the pot. This is the same root, why bother to fry! " I've been bargaining for so long that I've made up my mind. )