Positive energy humor joke

In study, work or life, everyone knows some classic jokes, and positive energy jokes often bring people a positive feedback. The following is my collection of positive energy humor paragraphs, hoping to help everyone.

Positive energy humor joke 1 1, a kilo of milk a day, strong kidney calculi.

2. Router was invented by Lu You.

3. I am lazy. How lazy am I? For example, I am too lazy to turn on the power switch of the printing machine.

4. If chickens can hatch in duck eggs, it will be a major scientific discovery, and it is likely to win the Nobel Prize, but I only have one sentence: you have been cheated by the egg seller!

5. Hide your things quickly, and come to pick up my brother after winning.

6. Breaking my word is my style. Betraying my loved ones is my present situation, and long life is my result.

Positive energy humor joke 2 1, colleague a: how is your baby?

Colleague B: It's really not easy to take care of children.

Colleague A: What have you learned?

Colleague B: This baby looks like a new mobile phone. Its standby time is extremely short, and it needs to be recharged in two hours. Need to buy a lot of peripheral accessories; The operating system still needs you to explore slowly.

2. Colleague A: What's the matter, so listless?

Colleague B: I talked with a dozen mosquitoes all night last night, and finally I killed seven or eight because of a disagreement.

3. Colleague A: I am fat when I eat anything, and I am fat when I drink cold water.

Colleague B: Want to know why?

Colleague A: Say it quickly.

Colleague B: The only reason is that your body is too small to hold all your personality.

4. Colleague: Leader, I don't feel well. Please ask for leave in the morning!

Leader: Does it matter? Take some medicine without an injection and stick to it in the company. ...

Colleague: Of course you need an injection. It will take all morning.

Leader: Are you kidding? I want to check the needle holes when I come in the afternoon.

Positive energy humor joke 3 1 When I was in high school, a senior named Zhu retaken the exam eight times in order to be admitted to a famous university, and finally got his wish.

After that, the legendary story of Pig Bajie circulated in schools, inspiring every session. ...

2. All departments laughed about the meals in the school canteen.

Art Department: The chef's coat in the canteen is as colorful as our palette.

History Department: Which dynasty did these sausages and salted fish belong to? Our students majoring in archaeology are very interested in this.

Mathematics Department: I wonder if the standards of weights and measures have changed now. How many mouthfuls does a steamed bread eat?

Biology Department: Maybe the gene of biology has mutated again, otherwise how can vegetables become sweet, sour and bitter?

Chinese Department: I didn't expect the canteen to be romantic. Hair can be eaten in pork. Which school is this?

Two students from agricultural college went hunting together and caught a deer.

They dragged the deer's hind legs onto the truck. At this time, another student passed by them and said to them, "If you drag the antlers, you can definitely walk faster."

So the two students turned and pulled the antlers in the opposite direction.

Positive energy humor joke 4 1, get up early and run. Kindness is hard to hide when the manhole cover is wide open on the road.

After running back, I saw a police car parked next to the manhole cover, and a man climbed out of the well.

While climbing, the man scolded, "Who is such a grandson? I just put the lid on when I went down the well! " "

Two beggars came to the street to beg at the same time, and people gave alms from time to time.

One afternoon, a beggar asked: How much money can you earn a day?

Another beggar: 100 or so!

The beggar was surprised: Why so many? Why not change careers when you can earn so much?

The beggar smiled: although you can earn more than 100 a day, it costs 30 yuan to make up.

That beggar: 70 is also a lot!

Beggar: Well, actually, I tried. In the end, this job made a lot of money.

One day, a rich man met a beggar and gave him some money.

The next day, the rich man came again and gave the beggar 1000 yuan, saying, take this money to set up a stall, and don't beg any more.

But on the third day, the rich man saw the beggar and said, why don't you do it like me?

Beggar: What good is it if I do as you do?

Rich man: If you are like me, you will die heavier than Mount Tai.

Beggar: Really? Is your goal to die before Mount Tai?

Regal: Of course.

Beggar: Then I really don't need to do what you do, because my goal is to live, even if it is lighter than a feather.

Positive energy humor joke 5 1, just resigned from the unit at home. Today, I was playing computer with my mother at home, and the office clerk called to say that there were some things that needed to be done again. Use your quick wits and tell her that I'm already on the train and I'm going to work in other places. Shop assistant MM is dubious. At this moment, my mother shouted, "beer, cigarettes and mineral water are all gone." Here, take it away. " The clerk hung up at once. Mom, thank you for your kindness!

2. In the morning, my 5-year-old daughter gets up. Daughter: Mom, do you think I'm beautiful? Looking at her messy hair, she smiled and said, you can catch a bird and build a nest on it! Daughter: Great. I have eggs to eat every day ... Oh, my God, no one can eat like you!

3, China recruitment, if eight examiners can, will certainly be hired. It is said that McKinsey is not: eight examiners can do it, and they will not be hired just because they "must be ordinary people". If four of the eight examiners can and four can't, this person is likely to be hired, and controversy is a good thing. If seven people object but 1 strongly insist, this person will be admitted. Talent! Heterogeneous people can break mediocrity and change the world, and those who are good at catering are mediocrity.

4. Most furniture sizes of IKEA in China are designed to be small apartments of about 80 square meters suitable for newlyweds or white-collar workers. I just took a fancy to one of its sofas and asked the clerk if there is a three-meter-long version. The shop assistant sang said helplessly, there used to be one, but the house price rose too much, and the house everyone bought became smaller and smaller. When the furniture gets bigger, it can't be sold. Finally, I had to take it off the shelf and cancel the large size from the product line.

5. "What do Taoist priests generally call themselves?" "original." "What about the Taoist who loves to watch movies?" "Electric ... original movie?"

I found a suitcase in the park and opened it. There's a mezzanine inside! There are 200,000 pounds of brand-new banknotes piled all over the floor. I can't believe how lucky I am-I've always wanted a suitcase with a mezzanine!

7. A young man from the mainland visited the Zen master and asked, "Zen master, Hong Kong has also restricted the purchase of milk powder. More than two cans will lead to jail. What if it is swollen? " The Zen master closed his eyes and said nothing. The youth asked again. The Zen master closed his eyes and said slowly, "Let your wife go to Hong Kong after she is pregnant, buy three TMD cans of milk powder, take the initiative to be arrested at the immigration department, take care of food in prison, and have a baby with peace of mind. That is Hong Kong people, and the Hong Kong government will be responsible for supplying milk powder! 」

8. The man fell to the sixth floor and went home by himself. Netease commented that this is the magical positive energy of pm2.5!

9. When I met a classmate I hadn't seen for years in the street, I stopped and caught him. "Old classmate, let me see you off." He probably thought I was showing off my car and refused. "No, no, just a few steps ahead." "Come on, what's the difference between classmates?" Then I pulled him into the car and habitually smashed the table.

10, seeing a mad dog, the lion hurried away. The little lion said, "Dad, how shameful it is that you dare to fight with tigers and cheetahs and avoid a mad dog!" " The lion asked, "Son, is it an honor to beat a mad dog?" "The little lion shook his head." Let the mad dog take a bite of bad luck? "The little lion nodded." In that case, why should we provoke a mad dog? "-not everyone deserves to be your opponent. Don't argue with people who have no quality. Smile away from him and don't let him bite you. This is the current form. Do you feel the same way?

The man bought a fish and asked his wife to cook it. Then he went to the movies by himself, and his wife wanted to go with him. The man said, "it's a waste of money for two people to see." You make the fish well, and when I come back from watching it, I will enjoy the story with you while eating. "

The container for holding water is called bucket, which is universal in the world;

Be a man, that's what you should do. I will treat you as you treat me.

The pig replied, "catching you and catching me are two different things." He only wants your hair and milk, but it's killing him to catch me! " "

Positive energy humor joke 7 1, when I was a child, I was beaten and wronged. I feel that I am definitely not my own, and I have been planning to run away from home. Now that I have children, I suddenly realize that my parents didn't kill me, but they really love me!

2. Fengxian Xiao, a famous prostitute in the early years of the Republic of China, is the object of anti-vice if she follows migrant workers; If she follows Cai E, she will be immortal; If she follows Sun Yat-sen, she may become the mother of the country.

The important lesson of this matter: it's not what you do, but who you do it with.

One day, the female secretary said with a dignified face: Mr. Wang, I am pregnant. Wang continued to look down at the file, and then smiled faintly: I had a vasectomy. The female secretary stared blankly for a while and smiled. I'm kidding you! Wang looked up at her, took a sip of tea and said, me too.

The important revelation of this incident: people who mix in rivers and lakes should not panic when something happens, let the bullets fly for a while first.

4. The man proposes, and the woman's parents: Please introduce yourself.

A said: I have 10 million;

B said: I have a mansion worth 20 million;

Parents are very satisfied. Just ask C, what do you have at home?

C: I have nothing but the baby in your daughter's belly.

AB is speechless and left.

The important revelation of this matter: the core competitiveness is not money and houses, but people who have their own in key positions.

After Columbus discovered America, many people think that Columbus just happened to see it, and anyone else can do it if he is lucky. So, at a grand banquet, a nobleman said to him, "Mr. Columbus, we all know where America is, and you just happened to go there first!" " If we go, we will find it. "In the face of criticism, Columbus was calm. He had a brainwave, picked up an egg on the table and said to everyone, "Ladies and gentlemen, who can stand the egg on the table? Which one of you can do it? "Everyone is eager to try, but they are defeated one by one. Columbus smiled, picked up the egg, patted it on the table and stood there. Columbus went on to say, "Yes, it's as simple as that. It is really not difficult to discover America, as easy as laying this egg. But, gentlemen, who did it before I set it up? "In essence, innovation is a welcome attitude towards new ideas, new perspectives and new changes, and it is also manifested as a new perspective. Many times, people will say, is this innovation? So I know! Innovation is that simple. The key is whether you dare to think or do.

6.a went to buy cigarettes and smoked 29 yuan, but he didn't have any matches. He told the clerk. "Send a box of matches by the way." The clerk didn't give it?

B went to buy cigarettes and smoked 29 yuan. He doesn't have any matches either. He said to the clerk, "It's ten cents cheaper." Finally, he bought a box of matches with his hair.

This is the simplest psychological marginal effect. The first type: the shopkeeper thinks that he has made money on one commodity and not on another. The feeling index of making money is 1. The second type: the shopkeeper thinks that both kinds of goods have made money, and the profit index is 2. Of course, psychological tendency is the second. Similarly, this kind of psychology is also manifested in the trick of buying one and getting one free. Customers think that one thing is earned without paying, but it is actually a psychological marginal effect.

Another way can often have unexpected results! Usually many things will get different results if they are done in different ways. On the road of life, it is very important to improve the mental model and way of thinking.

7. There is a little boy. One day, his mother took him to the grocery store to buy things. When the boss saw the lovely child, he opened a can of candy and let the little boy take a handful of candy by himself. But the boy did nothing. After several invitations, the boss personally grabbed a handful of sugar and put it in his pocket. When I got home, my mother asked the little boy curiously, why don't I grab the candy myself and let the boss do it? The little boy answered wonderfully, "Because my hands are smaller! Besides, the boss has bigger hands, and he must take more than me.

This is a clever boy. He knows his own limitations. More importantly, he also knows that others are better than himself. Learn to rely on others at the right time, not just on your own. This is modesty and cleverness.

8. Two people meet to look for beautiful stones on the mountain. A has a full basket, and there is only one stone in B's basket that he thinks is the most beautiful. A smiled at B: "Why only choose one?" B said, "Although there are many beautiful stones, I just need to choose the most beautiful one." A smiled and said nothing. On the way down the mountain, A felt that the burden was getting heavier and heavier. Finally, he had to pick out the worst stone from the basket and throw it down. When he went down the mountain, there was only one stone left in his basket!

There will be many things worth remembering in life, and sometimes you have to learn to give up.

9. That summer vacation, Xiao Pang and his father went to visit his grandparents. On the way, he had to walk 30 miles and climb a high ridge. After walking for more than two hours, I was still lying on the beam, looking at the endless front. Xiao Pang refused to move. Father ordered majestically: "Don't look forward, look down at the road, and you will arrive when you get off the mountain ridge." No way, Xiao Pang had to follow disgruntled. However, after that, Xiao Pang no longer looked at the distant destination again and again, but looked down at the road under his feet, constantly admiring the stones and flowers with different shapes along the road, and unconsciously arrived at his grandparents' home.

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