Joke Collection Website - Cold jokes - The joke that men make in the circle of friends is
The joke that men make in the circle of friends is
Recently, have your friends been screened or cheated by various points in the circle of friends? Bian Xiao is also eager to try. Today, Bian Xiao will tell you how to distribute the full text of the circle of friends: first, press and hold the button of the small camera of the circle of friends, enter the text input box, enter the first sentence, then press enter+space+space+space to repeat 8 or 9 times, and then enter what you want your friends to click, so it's OK!
The following are some of the latest and hottest WeChat jokes summarized by Bian Xiao. Let's play with friends!
The first sentence is before the dash, and after the dash is what you want your friends to see!
1. I saw a pair of middle school students holding hands in the street today, and I couldn't help thinking of myself in middle school. At that time, I was still watching a pair of middle school students holding hands in the street.
It is my bad luck to meet you at the best age!
Try me again. Do you know how thin I was when I was the thinnest? Speaking of which, I scared you to death by a little more than six catties. My mom told me!
I want to go to the movies with my boyfriend recently. Please recommend a good boyfriend.
You don't cherish me now, I tell you, I will wait for you in the next village after this village.
Looking back on the past few years, I have tasted the hardships and difficulties of society. From the beginning, there was nothing to 300 thousand, from 300 thousand to 2 million, from 2 million to 10 million. I just want to tell my friends through my own experience that the higher the pixel of a mobile phone, the clearer the photos taken.
7. Walking alone at night, it's especially dark around, and I'm so handsome, I'm afraid others won't see me.
8. The teacher said: Students, don't fall in love early. What you say now will be someone else's wife in the future. When I listen to the lying trough, I get excited when I think of other people's wives.
9. Today, someone called me ugly, and I suddenly cried. What a nice person! He went blind at a young age.
10. I met a junior high school female classmate in the restaurant. She didn't remember me, so I reminded her: Do you remember the boy who was punished for kissing you in the Woods in junior high school? Her little face turned red and said excitedly, are you the one I was ashamed of at that time? Yes, I was the one who told the secret!
1 1. You said you always supported me. Did you pick up the money I dropped last time?
12. What's the humblest thing you said to keep the other person? Forget it. Come back. Eighty is eighty. I will bring you one.
13. Xiaoming made a mistake at school. The teacher asked him to call his parents. Xiao Ming said: My parents are not at home, can my uncle? The teacher said: OK. The next day, Xiao Ming ran to school with his uncle who had just turned one year old on his back.
14. I can't tell you what your strengths are. I just want to watch you take a shower.
15. It turned out that when one or two people said I was not handsome, I didn't care, thinking it was just for fun. Later, almost everyone said that I was not handsome, and I really realized the seriousness of the situation. Now there are more and more liars!
16. You must have got up early to see my new progress, right?
17. I am so beautiful. First of all, I want to thank my parents. If they don't give me a pair of good players, can I make myself so beautiful?
18. Some people like your face, some people like your voice, some people like your figure, some people like your personality, but I am different-I don't like you!
19. Do you have any good watches to recommend? 1the kind below 0 yuan100000.
Yesterday, the goddess sent me a message saying that there was no one at home tonight, so I went to her house and knocked on the door for an hour. Sure enough, there was no one.
2 1. There are always many unexpected things in life. For example, you think I want to give an example, but it's not.
Please take good care of your girl friends when the typhoon comes, because I won't return them when they blow into my arms.
23. You scold me because you don't know me, because people who know me want to hit me!
24. Three boys pursue a girl at the same time. The girl said, I'll choose when you come back from traveling around the world. The first boy went to Europe, the second boy went to America, and the third boy surrounded the girl and said, You are my world! The girl was very moved and chose the richest one with tears in her eyes.
25. The most beautiful thing is not rainy days, but me!
26. Many people say that they are married to an honest man when they are tired of playing. Did we honest people dig your ancestral graves in our previous lives? Suffer this retribution!
It is said that as long as you stand in front of the mirror at midnight on Halloween and shout three times, your mother will come out and hit you.
More relevant
The latest WeChat opens a full-text paragraph, and the circle of friends is full of funny paragraphs. Full-text friends circle funny paragraphs daquan.
Full-text friends circle funny jokes (hot text) 1. Listening to a group of men in the unit talking about private money, everyone is feeling that their wives will find out anyway; Angkor across from me said categorically that I kept everything in the bank. They asked: where is the passbook or card? Angkor simple and honest smile: burn it. You can get your ID card to make it up when you need it.
Boiled water this morning, and my mother asked me to put it in a thermos. When I was carrying a pot of boiling water, I saw a dead fly parked at my feet. For a moment, I was brain-dead. I gently took the boiled water and wanted to burn it. Now I am lying in bed with a broken leg.
Usually, I will not let my husband do housework, not because I feel distressed, but because it is too cumbersome. For example, tell him: honey, go and wash the grapes! He will ask first: how much to wash? Do you want to soak? Then ask: which bottle of detergent should I use? Then ask: the green bottle you mentioned is used up. Do you have a new one? Finally: Where are the grapes? I took pains to explain. I already washed it.
Two mountaineers climbed to the top of Mount Everest. A man said: I want to plant my American flag on the top of the mountain. I spent my whole life. Give me the flag quickly. Another person said: What? Give you a flag? I thought you brought it!
5. Once I went to take a shower, when I took a shower, I said to the teacher who took a shower, Master, I was a little dirty and didn't take a shower recently. The master righteously said, this is nothing. I've been rubbing it for so many years, and I haven't seen many people buried. After rubbing for a while, the master said with internal injuries, young man, you rubbed your coat too much.
6. My daughter-in-law asked me yesterday: If I fight with someone and the enemy sends you a beautiful woman to oppose me, what will you do? I quickly waved my fist to show my loyalty: I promise to let the enemy come back!
7. My wife called me today and said, Honey, your QQ has a virus, so I cleaned it for you. I hesitated for a long time, thinking, is QQ upgraded, how can it still have this function? I asked her: virus, how to clean it up? The wife replied: Hey, I cleaned it manually. As soon as I logged into my QQ today, I found 30 QQ female friends missing, and I was in tears. .....
One day a phone call came from the police station, and the person on the other end of the phone shouted for help, and then the phone was cut off. When the police called again, it had stopped, so the police collected 20 yuan in a hurry. When they called again, the man sighed and said, it's all right!
9. When the wife went to visit her husband in prison, she asked, "Honey, how are you doing here?" Just like at home, I don't go anywhere and the food is terrible!
10. The banana fan was picked by Taishang Laojun, but it was in the hands of Princess Iron Fan; Cows don't know Samadhi, but Hong Haier was born with it. . . The connotation of this is really intriguing! Is there wood? !
Full-text friends circle funny jokes (classic)
1. Go to the cinema to watch "The Painted Skin 2" and say that ChristianRandPhillips was frozen by a cold fox in Kyubi no Youko. A man next door gloated: You are singing the winter fire.
2. If you ctrl+alt+del jump out of the task manager, it is clear from top to bottom that you know all the processes, what they do, the consequences of turning them off, and the current state of the computer can be clearly known from the digital beats occupied by CpU and memory, then you should not have a girlfriend.
Falling in love is forbidden in school, but two students in our class still talk in secret. After being discovered by the class teacher, I called my parents. The class teacher originally wanted parents to talk about their children. As a result, the parents chatted and found that the other family was in good condition, so they got engaged and engaged.
4. Teach you to write Wong Kar-wai lines in 5 seconds, that is, an event+a circuitous time+a boring event. For example, three days, six hours and eight minutes after the accident, I went to eat the cone again, but this time, I didn't want taro.
5. Eat in the canteen at noon today, while eating, playing mobile phone. At this moment, a beautiful woman who couldn't find an empty table sat opposite me. Suddenly, I became nervous. But in order not to lose my cool, I pretended to be calm. I wanted to take a gentle bite of rice, but when I got excited, I put my mobile phone in my mouth.
6. Lights out at night, and the director kicks the door in and says, Why don't you go out? Then we'll turn off the lights. One day, the doorbell rang and the director broke into the house again. Before he could speak, a roommate said, director, you're here, waiting for you for a long time, and then turn off the lights.
7. In the office, a female colleague bickered with a male colleague, but she picked up perfume and sprayed it on her clothes. Then she smiled and said, wait for your daughter-in-law to fight with you tonight!
8. When I was in college, sometimes I really didn't want to eat in the canteen, so I went to the food street outside the school. There are various delicacies such as roast duck and roast chicken, which greatly increases the appetite. Then I went back to the school cafeteria and bought two steamed buns and half a dish to eat.
9. When a woman complains, a man should never give a solution, just go along with her. Example: Traffic jams are really annoying! Why not go the other way? Wrong. I told you we should leave early! All wet. I'll drive next time. Very wrong. Yeah, it's annoying. That's right. Yes, it is annoying. Let's go to eat delicious food later! A pair of big ones. Yeah, it's annoying. We'll eat delicious food and buy you clothes later. That's right!
10. I have a husky at home. Today, when I fed it dog food, I picked up a piece and tasted it out of curiosity. Unexpectedly, after looking at me affectionately, the goods moved silently and gave me a place beside the rice basin.
Full-text friends circle funny jokes (selected articles)
1. One day, four Tang Priest disciples came to Pansi Cave and saw seven beautiful women taking a bath in the pool. Bajie's mouth is watering: seven fairies. Tang Priest just took one look and immediately put his hands together: monster. Wukong said: I admire you. These seven people are monsters, but how do you know that they are not the seven fairies without fire eyes? The Tang Priest laughed and said, One of the seven fairies married Yong Dong. Where can seven people take a bath?
2. It is said that the actual appearance of girls = the beauty of each head -30%. Handsome degree of boys = avatar effect of everyone +30%.
I rented a house by myself. After taking a shower last night 10, I sent a message to my girlfriend as usual. After sending one, I was sleepy for a while. When I woke up, I found that it was 12, and there were several messages from her on the mobile phone, which were nothing more than why she didn't return, whether she was asleep and so on. So my brain was short-circuited and I sent back a message: he has. ...
4. robbery! With a non-standard Mandarin, the plane suddenly boiled. Eating, chatting and sleeping are all like hearing a signal, with sparkling eyes and looking at the source of the sound excitedly. A flat-headed guy just lifted half a glass of transparent liquid and was squashed by everyone. Half an hour later, the young man woke up from a coma, looked at the serious stewardess in front of him, and finally finished the sentence with tears: Sister, another glass of water!
5. Looking for a girlfriend should first look at her Taobao score. Only one or two red stars are the best, so you must think twice before you act.
6. In the evening, the spring breeze rippled and a girl knocked at the door. I asked her who she was, and she shook her head and began to take off her clothes ... and then she came on time every Wednesday without saying a word. I call her Wednesday girl. A month later on Wednesday, the girl finally spoke: Feng Dao, can I have a role? I pointed to the floor and said, Director Feng's house is downstairs, dear!
7. The mother criticized her son: I don't understand how you can do so many stupid things in one day! . The son confidently replied, Because I got up early.
8. A colleague got under the desk and screamed in a short time: That's it, I pressed the wrong button, I pressed the master switch of all computer patch panels! Everyone is surprised: but our computer is still on? ! My colleague's bitter voice came from under the table: my hand hasn't been raised yet, and the whole office was silent for two seconds! ! Turn it off! ! Turn it off! ! ! Save! ! Hold on, hold on. ! !
9. My daughter is two years old and pees before going to bed at night. Me: Daughter, how about taking a piss? Daughter: No me: Be good, sprinkle one, or wet the bed, catch a cold, catch a cold, and then take medicine and injections. Daughter: No, when the struggle entered the stalemate stage, my wife came over and gave me a white look. In one word, I will take a photo of you and put it online. Daughter: I have to pee! The network is powerful.
10. Colleagues in the company divorced because they came home from a 20-day business trip and found their wife cheating. I asked him how he found it. He said: through condoms. I asked: why, there are fewer condoms? No, there were nine when I left and nine when I came back. What was that? I don't understand. Jasper when I left and Durex when I came back.
Wechat funny talk about opening the full text, QQ space talk about opening the full text
Recently, have your friends been screened or cheated by various points in the circle of friends? Bian Xiao is also eager to try. Today, Bian Xiao will tell you how to distribute the full text of the circle of friends: first, press and hold the button of the small camera of the circle of friends, enter the text input box, enter the first sentence, then press enter+space+space+space to repeat 8 or 9 times, and then enter what you want your friends to click, so it's OK!
The following are some of the latest and hottest WeChat jokes summarized by Bian Xiao. Let's play with friends!
The first sentence is before the dash, and after the dash is what you want your friends to see!
1. When quarreling with your boyfriend, don't blame him in a hurry, but reflect on yourself first. If you are really wrong, think about how to pass it on to him.
I regard you as my friend. What about you? Everyone treats me like a man/goddess.
3. Many people say that they find an honest man to marry when they are tired of playing. Did we honest people dig your ancestral graves in our previous lives? Suffer this retribution!
One hundred days after the breakup, the boy sent a message to the girl: I will wait for you at the old place. Later, the girl blew in Beihai for an afternoon, and the boy stayed in the hotel for three days.
If you give me a present at Christmas, I will tell you my delivery address!
There was a heavy rain here the other day, and the houses were flooded, which scared me to death. Fortunately, my wife saved my life. If she hadn't filled the air, I might have died.
7. I hope everyone will not be stingy, because the door will rot.
8. I always thought I wouldn't have children until I was 30, until my son opened the full text. Although he clicked and put it away, there was no comment, but I know you exist.
9. Do you want to go for a drink? Now! You can leave if you want. Young people should do what they want while they are young. I'm going to bed first. Good night
10. I have a difficult problem and want to ask you. Now there are two girls. A is very kind to me, considerate and considerate, but ugly, flat-chested and without money. B is beautiful, has a good figure and a good family, but she is hot and cold to me. This question has been bothering me for a long time, so I want to ask you how to refuse that ugly one.
1 1. When I was young, I thought money could buy love, affection and friendship. I didn't know I didn't have that much money until I grew up!
12. No matter what you become, I love your new version of RMB.
13. Yesterday, the goddess sent me a message saying: There was no one at home tonight, so I went to her house and knocked on the door for an hour. Sure enough, there was no one!
14. If you are willing to tear my heart off layer by layer, you will go to jail. Let me tell you something.
15. Although I had no money before, I was very happy every day. But it's different now. Not only do you have no money, you're not happy, you're hot, you're fucking fat and you're fucking black. ...
16. Health tip: How to avoid nausea and retching when brushing your teeth? Please stop brushing your teeth in front of the mirror
17. Every time after playing on the court, a woman will come over and talk to this water bottle without an aunt.
18. Money is really not money now. Ten years ago, 1 yuan could buy two packs of instant noodles, five sausages and a roll of toilet paper, but now it's not working because of monitoring.
19. I must lose ten pounds this month. I hereby send this circle of friends to testify! If I lose less than ten pounds, I will delete this circle of friends and send it again next month.
20. In the past, people often secretly asked you if you wanted a mobile phone in the street, but now it is even more terrible. I'll sell you human organs directly! I met a woman on the road today and asked me loudly if I wanted to be shameless.
2 1. Don't sigh for high school students. Once they graduate, this class is expected to get together. I tell you, in college, they can't get together in class.
22. Today you are indifferent to me, tomorrow it will be cloudy with showers, and the temperature will be 28~32℃.
23. Don't talk nonsense after drinking, don't cry, don't brag, don't make phone calls, and don't send WeChat indiscriminately. You can drink this wine for free!
24. Congratulations on your confession just now! !
25. What should my boyfriend do if he is angry? Put your hands around his neck, sit on his legs, wrap your legs around his waist, look at his eyes, touch his sensitive parts, then hold him tightly, exhale in his ear, whisper sweet nothings, then kiss your cheeks from your ears, and then go down the Adam's apple. Then you will die, I tell you!
I will never forget the first sentence that Jack Ma, the richest man in China, said to me. I don't know you.
27. I remember when I first entered the company, the code I wrote was messy, full of mistakes and bugs. Not only the project manager scolded me, but also other colleagues kept complaining to me. Later, I listened to a friend's introduction and signed up for a training class. After 1 month's efforts, many good things have been learned. Now they can't scold me.
28. When I was a child, I thought the whole world liked me. When I grew up, I discovered that it was the whole universe.
29. In fact, every time I lose my temper with you, I especially regret it, because I really want to strangle you.
30. Why have so many people started calling themselves babies on WeChat recently? How old are you? Still shameless? I am the only baby!
Tell the full text in detail.
Wechat opened a full-text funny paragraph, so it's funny to talk about the full text.
The latest WeChat opens a full-text paragraph, and the circle of friends is full of funny paragraphs.
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