Complete collection of short English jokes

Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day?

Tom: Every time I pass the corner of the school, I see a sign that says "School-Go".

Slow. "

Tom's excuse

Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day?

Tom: Every time I pass the corner, I see a sign that says, "School-Go slow."

Mother asked Tommy to go to the shop across the street to buy a good box of matches. When Tommy came back, his mother asked him, "Did you buy a good box of matches?"

"Yes, Mom." Tommy replied, "I've tried everything."

a box of matches

Mother asked Tommy to buy a good box of matches in the shop across the street. When Tommy came back, his mother asked him, "Did you buy a good match?"

"Yes, Mom." Tommy replied, "I've tried everything."

3) Father: Er, oh, I think I just turned right illegally.

Susie: Never mind, Dad, the policeman behind you just did the same thing!

driver

Father: Oh, dear, I just turned right illegally.

Susie: That's all right, Dad. The policeman behind you turned like this.

4) Teacher: Here are two birds, a swallow and a sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?

Student: I can't point it out, but I know the answer.

Teacher: Please tell us.

Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow, and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

Two birds

Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a sparrow. Who can point out which is the swallow and which is the sparrow?

Student: I can't point it out, but I know the answer

Teacher: Please talk about it.

Student: The sparrow is next to the swallow, and the swallow is next to the sparrow.

Teacher: Would you rather have half an orange or five tenths?

Gerald: I'd rather have that half

Teacher: Think it over and tell me why.

Gerald: Because when you cut an orange into five tenths, you will lose too much juice.

Half or five tenths?

Teacher: Would you rather eat half a citrus or five tenths?

Gerald: I'd rather have half.

Teacher: Think it over and tell me why.

Gerald: Because if you cut oranges into five tenths, you will lose too much juice.

hot and cold

A physics class at school. Teacher: "Now, who can tell me about heat?" A little boy raised his hand: "heat makes things bigger, sir, and cold makes things smaller." "All right!" For example. "The days are long in summer because it is hot, and short in winter because it is cold. "

heat and cold

There are physics classes at school.

The teacher asked, "Who can talk about heat now?" A little boy raised his hand and answered, "Teacher, heat can make things expand, while cold can make things shrink." The teacher said, "OK, for example." "In summer, because the weather is too hot, the days get longer; In winter, because it is too cold, the days become shorter. "

Doctors know better.

A man was hit by a taxi in the street. He was taken to the hospital. His wife stood by his bed and said to the doctor, "I think he is very ill." "I'm afraid he's dead." The doctor said,

Hearing this, the man moved his head and said, "I'm not dead. I am still alive. " "Be quiet," said the wife. "The doctor knows better than you!"

Doctors know more.

A man was knocked down by a taxi in the street and was taken to the hospital. His wife stood in front of his bed and said to the doctor, "I think he is badly hurt." The doctor said, "I'm afraid he's dead."

Hearing the doctor's words, the man turned his head and said, "I'm not dead, I'm still alive." The wife said, "Be quiet, the doctor knows more than you."

fishing net

"Can you tell me what fishing nets are made of, Ann?"

"Many small holes tied together with ropes," the little girl replied.

fishnet

"Ann, can you tell me what the fishing net is made of?" The teacher asked.

"Many small holes are tied together with ropes to form a fishing net," the little girl replied.

4、

New teacher

George came back from school on September 1st.

"George, what do you think of your new teacher?" His mother asked.

"I don't like her, mom, because she said three plus three equals six, and then she said.

Two plus four is six ... "

New teacher

On September 1 day, George came home from school.

George, do you like your new teacher? Mom asked.

"Mom, I don't like it, because she said that three plus three equals six, and later she said that two plus four equals six."

5、

Physics examination

In a physics exam, Nick quickly finished the first question, and his classmates

We thought hard. The question is: When it thunders, why do we see lightning first?

Did you hear the thunder? Nick's answer: Because our eyes are in front of our ears.

Physics examination

In a physics exam, while the students were still thinking hard, Nick quickly answered the first question.

The question is: Why do we always see the lightning first and then hear the thunder when it thunders?

Nick's answer is: because the eyes are in front and the ears are behind.