China's authentic pronunciation joke

One day, my husband and I were playing in my brother's mobile phone shop. Two MM's went to the store to repair their mobile phones. They told my brother about the problem with his mobile phone. I only heard my husband say, "Your mother got an X". I was very surprised. I looked at him and thought, who are you cursing? Those two girls? He came again, and I heard him clearly this time. He is asking my brother in Qingdao dialect, "Do you have a turtle?" His brother treats turtles like turtles! After the two girls left, they burst into laughter.

One day, a rich man wanted to buy a car, but he hesitated because there was no Geely license plate number in the garage. The owner of the car dealership came over and said with a smile, "This license plate is good, 00544 (let me try), and no one dares to mess around, right?" !

The rich man was moved and bought the car at once, but something happened the next day. The rich man got off the bus angrily, thinking that you would dare to hit this car, but as soon as he got off the bus, he left in despair. The other party's original license plate is 44944 (just try it).

Every time Xiao Qiang's relatives visit his home. Xiao Qiang should prepare a kilo of food, or there won't be enough to eat. Because relatives will be surprised to see Xiao Qiang.

At a meeting in the village, the village head said, "Rabbit and shrimp, don't burn melons, pickles are too expensive." Comrades and villagers, don't talk. Let's have a meeting now. The host said, "Sausage and melon for pickles." (Now, please speak to the township head. The township head said, "Rabbits, shrimps and dogs ate today's meal. Everyone is chinemys reevesii." Comrades and villagers, we have enough food today. Let's all use big bowls.

A scholar boasted that he could read 99900 words. One day, an illiterate fisherman in the village came to beg him to read the letter. Seeing that he was in rags and didn't expect any reward, the scholar said, "My talent is worth 1000 yuan. How much did you bring? " The fisherman was angry and left. Floods have flooded this year. The scholar's home is full of flattery and panic! Suddenly I saw a fisherman passing by and called for help. The fisherman smiled and said, "It's not that I don't want to save you, but that your talent is a thousand pounds. My boat can't carry 99,900 pounds."

There is a rich man to treat you, and the banquet is also rich; But there is a plate of rotten turtles and some sour and astringent raw pears, which are difficult to import. A scholar at the dinner table applied two ancient poems: "There are all kinds of sorrows and joys in the world, and death (turtle) leaves (pear)!" The guests burst out laughing in surprise!

One day I met a fellow countryman at the airport. He asked me what I was studying abroad. I said, "Solution chemistry." He said, "You're welcome, man. There is no simple chemical reaction. "

At the school affairs meeting at the end of the semester, the headmaster was furious at the inefficiency of personnel management. He said: "the person in charge of the director's business is not sensible; The consciousness of personnel management is not strong; Don't be an official! "