Tang Bohu's famous painting jokes.

1, the unlucky Japanese in four countries traveled by plane, and the plane suddenly overloaded. The pilot said that our plane is overweight now and we have to jump off a person. The Americans shouted "Long live the United States of America" and jumped off the plane. The driver said, it's still too heavy, and I have to jump another one. The British people shouted "Long live the Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland" and then jumped off the plane. At this time, the driver said that it was still heavy and he had to jump again. When the China people came out, the Japanese held the hand of the China people affectionately and said, "I will never forget the kindness of the people of China!" At this time, the people of China shouted: "Long live People's Republic of China (PRC)!" ! "Then he kicked the Japanese down. The next day, people from four countries traveled abroad by plane. Unexpectedly, the plane broke down. Americans say there are three parachutes here, and one of us must jump off the plane. The American said, "I'll give you a question, and whoever can't answer it will jump." All three people agreed. Americans ask China people, "How many suns are there in the sky? "China:" One. The American asked the Englishman, "How many moons are there in the sky?" "Englishman:" One. The American asked the Japanese, "How many stars are there in the sky?" Japanese: "…" The Americans kicked him down. On the third day, they traveled by plane again, and the plane broke down again. The American said, "There are only three parachutes here. Someone must get off the plane. As usual, it's my problem. Americans ask China people, "A few years ago, a huge passenger ship crashed. What's its name? China People: Titanic. The American asked the British, "How many people died in that accident?" "Britain:" 1503 people. "The Americans asked the Japanese again," What's the name of 1503? "Japan:" ... "The United States kicked the Japanese in the face and got off the plane. The fourth day, the four of them went on a trip again, and the plane broke down again. At this moment, the Americans came. Before speaking, Japan let out a cry, "Forget it, you don't have to kick me, I'll jump myself. "After that, he jumped off the plane. The American shouted at the door, "Shit, you are sick. There are five parachutes on the plane today! " "2, the teacher's amazing quotation: 1, saying that you have no perseverance, but you still have it, that is, insist on talking in class for a long time. I don't even have a draft. It's pathetic. If I can't afford it, I'll borrow money from the opposite bank. 3, still noisy, don't save your strength, and then go to the canteen to grab food. 4. Take out the papers handed out last time. Under normal circumstances, you shouldn't do this. I have great confidence in your laziness. You don't feel like a dormitory when you sleep in the classroom, do you? 6. Why are you all asleep? At least one person should stand guard! 7. Does the wholesaler have to go to the toilet together? Don't be so obvious 8. I want to sleep in class, sleep and eat, and eat and read. Alas, I'm worried about you! 9. The volume of your class during the day is much lower than that of your self-study last night, which is extremely abnormal. If this happens to wild animals, it means a big natural disaster is coming. 10, don't turn your pen, turn your head. 1 1. Some students in the back row always sit there thinking with melancholy expressions and doing nothing. On their faces, I saw Fan Zhongyan's elegant demeanor-worrying about the world first, admire! 3. A failed interviewer; What is the retail price of windows 7 Professional Edition in Chinese mainland? Me: 5 yuan Examiner: Go out, the word "give up the next one" has never appeared in my dictionary. I voted again and again and finally got an interview with Google. However, I went to Google for an interview and was kicked out after answering a question ... Examiner: Where did you get the news of Google interview? Me: Baidu examiner: Go out, the brother next door is depressed, but I still have to support myself first. Drag a friend to McDonald's to find a job. . But the other person is very abnormal, let me sing McDonald's songs. At this time, my brother smiled. I have known McDonald's songs since I was a child. So I opened my mouth and came: with KFC, life will be fine! Examiner: Going out ~ ~ ~ ~ McDonald's failed in the interview. My mother dragged someone to find a job in mobile customer service. My mom says this doesn't require technology. You should try it first. I agreed without thinking. The interview went well and the other party appreciated me. Finally, the examiner said to me, you are very good. Please leave your phone number so that we can inform you to go to work. Me: "132 ..." Examiner: Get out. . . . My heart is broken. . . Being unemployed for so long, eating and drinking at home. My family looked at me helplessly. Walking to a shopping mall, I saw Artie looking for a clerk. I think I should try. Examiner: Please tell us our slogan. I: Just do it. Examiner: Get out, next. Repeated failures did not dampen my confidence. I settled down to study hard and finally got into our local civil servants with excellent results. Still, there is a fucking interview. During the interview, I answered questions and saw the examiner's face. I think there is no problem with this job. When I am happy. The examiner asked me, young man, which historical figure do you like best? I answered without thinking: Little Shenyang! Examiner: Get out. This failure, I have a very important life consideration. Looking back on everything before, I finally found that the most important thing is that I answered some questions wrong. However, I have made the best preparation for this interview. Nokia's product department informed me that it took me a week to finish all the work. Even the slogan is not wrong: science and technology are people-oriented. The examiner was very satisfied and said that if there were no accidents, he could come to work tomorrow. At this moment, the phone rang and a discordant voice appeared: "Hello MOTO". 4. A man ventured alone in the forest and suddenly found himself surrounded by cannibals. So he shouted to the sky, "I'm dead, God help me!" " "I saw a voice falling from the sky at the first light:" Not necessarily, you can pick up a big stone on the ground and smash the leader to death. " So he picked up the biggest stone on the ground and threw it at the chief, just killing him. All the people stayed for a while, then glared at each other. At this moment, another voice came from the sky: "Now you are really dead. "5. School Booking Office: Tickets are particularly tight now. If the train ticket you want is gone, will you obey the adjustment? Me: Obey. After getting the ticket the next day, I was very angry: I booked a ticket to Shandong, why did I get a ticket to Shanxi! ! ! School booking office: Didn't you say that you obey the adjustment? 6. Once upon a time, Americans visited Russia. One day, I saw two Russian workers on my way to Russia. One is to dig a hole by the roadside with a shovel. He digs a hole every three meters. Another worker immediately backfilled the hole just dug by the previous worker, and so on ... The American was curious and asked the first Russian worker, "Why did the guy behind you fill in the hole just after you dug it?" The Russian worker replied, "We are greening the road. I dig a hole, the second person plants trees, and the third person fills the soil. But the second man didn't come today. 』