A new type of "domestic violence" is slowly harming children. How to prevent it?

First of all, we need to understand, what does "new type of domestic violence" refer to?

I think there should be the following types: 1. Verbal violence

Parents nowadays are more doting on children and are reluctant to beat them.

After making a mistake, the physical pain was lessened, but the child suffered more verbal attacks.

If hitting a child is a traumatic injury, then "verbal violence" is an internal injury.

Have you ever been unable to calm down for a long time because of someone else’s words?

This is "Evil words hurt people for three springs, but a kind word warms them for three winters."

What will happen to children who often suffer verbal violence?

According to a Harvard professor, an analysis of young people who suffered long-term verbal violence in childhood found that:

The connection between the prefrontal area and Wernicke's area of ??their brains was significantly reduced, and The fewer connections between the two, the more likely a person is to suffer from problems such as reduced intelligence, cognitive slowness, sensory dullness, and slow development of language and memory abilities.

So it is true that the more you scold someone, the stupider you become. In addition, it will also have an impact on the child's psychology.

Ridicule and abuse are converted into a psychological suggestion, causing children to fall into "self-denial", and the child's mental health will also be affected. 2. Emotional neglect

Dr. Edward Tronick of the University of Massachusetts Boston once conducted an experiment:

When a 4-month-old child sees his mother’s smiling face time, a response will be given. When the mother is expressionless, the child initially tries to make the mother laugh with her expression, but when she sees the expressionless mother, the child becomes irritable and even cries.

It sounds cruel, but it is a common tactic used by our parents in the family.

It is true that the pressure in today's society is relatively high. Parents are very busy at work and face all kinds of troubles every day. They may inadvertently ignore their children's needs and emotions.

What harm can emotional neglect do to children?

I saw a joke a few days ago that said: My friends understand me, my colleagues understand me, and even strangers can understand my suffering, but my parents are the only ones who cannot see my heart.

Although the joke is relatively sad, it is indeed the epitome of the current family parent-child relationship.

Perhaps the "new type of domestic violence" is far more than these two points, but these two points are indeed the most invisible and the most detrimental to children's mental health.

Children are copies of their parents. When there is a problem with the copy, if the original is not modified, there is still no way to fundamentally solve the problem.

The new type of "domestic violence" is slowly harming children. How to prevent it? Thanks for asking.

There are reports on the Internet from time to time: children committing suicide by jumping off buildings, fights, murders and self-mutilation.

Every time something similar happens, many people will assert that it is caused by the child's weak psychological endurance.

It is really a pity if children fail to make us reflect at the cost of their lives.

In fact, beating and scolding have long been no longer the main way for parents to "abuse" their children. "New type of domestic violence" no longer abuses children physically, but tortures children mentally. That is the cold violence of parents.

From the outside, "new domestic violence" does not harm children at all, but it can plant the seeds of loneliness and insecurity in children's hearts, destroying children's childhood step by step, and is no less harmful than Beat and scold.

Let’s take a look at the most common forms of new domestic violence?

Families most prone to new types of domestic violence:

Psychologist Dr. Liu Jiji conducted a survey of more than 2,000 families in the four major cities of Beijing, Tianjin, Wuhan and Changsha and found that there are 93% of families are dissatisfied with the quality of their marriages, and more than 70% of families have experienced varying degrees of "cold violence."

We all understand the truth, but if we can’t control ourselves, how can we put an end to cold violence against our children?

First of all, parents should patiently reason with their children.

Secondly, pay attention to the child's psychological feelings and divert attention appropriately.

Finally, establish rules with your children.

Let me share a small example of my child:

Habakkuk is 11 years old and in the fourth grade of primary school. He is a typical straight man from Inner Mongolia. When we have conflicts, he can’t wait to pat his chest and say : "Come on, mom, let's have a good fight!" He looked "short of heart".

But recently, I found that when I was doing my homework at night, as soon as the clock hit 8:30, he would be extremely cautious, apologizing and explaining to me, and talking to himself. I blame myself: "I'm so slow and dawdling, and I never finish my homework on time." Last night, after muttering to myself, I slapped myself in the face.

I realized that the problem needed to be solved. After finishing the story in the evening, I asked him why he always blamed himself. Habakkuk said: "Mom, you asked me to finish my homework before 8:30. I always blame myself." I can’t achieve it. I’m afraid of your expressionless face that doesn’t smile, scold or say anything. I’m particularly scared.”

Although I have been restraining myself from bringing any negative thoughts when my children are doing their homework. Emotions still inadvertently make children have a little fear in their hearts, and they should just admit their mistakes. Habakkuk and I made an agreement:

Just as psychologists describe it: The intimate relationship between parents and children, It is not static, we experience the process of connection, disconnection and reconnection, and the cycle repeats itself.

In this process, the love between us and our children becomes a formality and inconvenience.

In the old society, there was a lot of "domestic violence" against children. The old people often said "three kind words are not as good as a whip", "a stick produces a filial son", etc., which are all the rudeness of the elders in the old society. Some use force to intimidate children into obeying their own wishes and purposes, or they use force as a punching bag to relieve their inner depression. Such "domestic violence" is not conducive to children's physical and mental development. Children who grow up in such an environment have low self-esteem, lack the courage to try new things boldly, and are afraid of being criticized and scolded for doing something wrong.

In the new era, new types of "domestic violence" harm children to varying degrees, becoming a stumbling block on their healthy growth, and even leading many children to a point of no return. We should first understand what new types of domestic violence are.

1. Discord or divorce between husband and wife are the most prevalent causes of new violence. Every time we hold a parent-teacher meeting, everyone pays attention to the observation that many problem students come from emotionally unstable families, either lacking fatherly love or lacking maternal love. As a result, children lack the embrace of love, and they often think Not focused, always thinking about attracting other people's love or attention in different or alternative ways, over time, forming various bad habits.

2. "Left-behind children" are the most prominent "domestic violence" in recent years. I have met many left-behind children. They always long for one more chance to reunite with their parents, but things always go against their wishes. So for a very long time, they cannot escape sadness and loneliness. It is really pitiful. Always in their memories, what lingers forever is the appearance of their parents when they parted. "Left-behind children" are often looked after by their grandparents, and spoiled and disobedient children have become synonymous with them. They are self-centered and have increasingly strong self-esteem, which leads to the children not being able to integrate into the class and society.

3. Mobile phone games kill children’s dreams. While mobile phones bring convenience to people, they also bring many negative effects. More and more children wear glasses, more and more children are addicted to the Internet, many children who play games have lost their pursuit of the future, and many children do not have a clear vision. The goal is that mobile games are destroying the future of a group of children. If parents do not guide their children in time and let them go their own way, there will be more nibbling old people in the future. The family has no hope, and the social construction has no hope.

4. Parents are overly doting. The Internet term "mama's boy" is a good interpretation of the word doting. Parents put all the responsibilities that their children have to bear at a certain age on their own shoulders, for fear of bumping into them.

But one day, the child will go into society, and who will bear the responsibility for him? Therefore, the child should bear what he should bear. It is better for the child to suffer more setbacks. In this way, the child will be able to take charge of it alone in the future, and you will not be able to bear it for him. Only then did he have the strength to stand up.

Children are the backbone of the future of the family and the builders of the future of society. No matter how great we are, the responsibility of building families and society will one day be handed over to them. If we do not pay attention to the development of children now , children's inner growth, how can we safely hand over the future of family and society to their hands?

If we talk about the past, children were most afraid of being beaten. Now, the families that children are most afraid of include the authoritarian type: they must listen to me in everything; and the neglectful type: my child is like air.

In an authoritarian family, parents superficially say they listen to their children and give them rights, but after the children express their thoughts and needs, the parents always have their own reasons to prove that the children are wrong. And I am right. This kind of "pseudo-democracy" is actually the most likely to harm a child. He will begin to distrust others because he trusts his parents, but in the end it is in vain.

The other type is the neglectful type. They only care about giving birth but not raising the child. When something happens to the child, they look for someone to take the blame. This kind of parent will actually make the child feel that no one loves him or her in the world. is redundant.

In families, parents’ emotions are particularly important. Look at those who spank children. How many of them are really doing it because the child has committed a serious problem? Most of them become a vent for parents.

Parents who are emotionally out of control are like a time bomb. Children do not know when their parents will explode, and their children live in fear and insecurity.

Therefore, it is easier to have children than to raise them. As a parent, you must understand that parents are a very important thing, because they can affect the child's life.

How can we prevent this situation?

1. Be prepared before giving birth. Whether it is psychological preparation or financial preparation, it is necessary to prepare. Because after you have a baby, your responsibilities continue. Just because you are unhappy doesn't mean you should let go of this responsibility. So, be careful.

2. Raising children requires continuous learning. Parents are role models for their children, and educating children requires knowledge, skills, and self-improvement.

Everyone’s happiness is different, but the happiness of children has a lot to do with their parents. As a parent, do it and cherish it.

Children are the species that need to be cherished the most, because they come from love and family. They are nourished by the family and feed back to the family, allowing us to live forever. However, with the rapid development of society, many families seem to have lost the ability to love, causing children who should be happy and carefree to suffer all kinds of "domestic violence":

The Internet provides convenience and also The warmth between people is missing. In today's families, it is often normal for each person to have a room and do their own thing without disturbing each other. It seems to give everyone more freedom and space, but the undisturbed state is really harmful to the family. Especially for children, virtual interactions on the Internet prevent them from feeling the warmth and kindness of family members in real life, making them gradually become indifferent children;

The fast pace of life and the high pressure make families It became an outlet for bad emotions. In a society where 996 can become a normal phenomenon, everyone will face greater pressure to survive. Many people are like in movies and TV shows, facing various debts every day when they open their eyes. Excessive pressure and exhaustion have caused many people to regard home as a haven. They need to pretend and have a career outside, but when they get home they need to relax and rest. How can a child turn from a treasure into a burden? Nowadays, it is so common for the elderly to take care of the children and the parents to be absent, so that the children may enjoy the pampering of the next generation, but are afraid of triggering the anger of their parents. The absence of parents is actually harmful to the physical and mental development of children.

Neglect is a more serious injury. In the past, when injuries were mentioned, they were associated with corporal punishment and domestic violence. But nowadays, some families may not even have time to educate their children. Making money is for the children, but what the children have is not money and love, nor the enjoyment of life, but countless "nanny-style care", "extracurricular classes" and a cold home.

Such children will still feel insecure no matter how much money they have, because the earliest person who can give them a sense of security never appears and never shows care and reliability.

As a parent, sometimes I feel helpless, and sometimes I feel more pity for the children who suffer from new types of domestic violence. They have no worries about food and clothing, but they always seem to give people the illusion of being lonely and helpless. ; They may be independent or domineering, timid or cautious, which are all small signs of loneliness. I hope parents will truly regard their children as the crystallization of love, give them material things they can afford and never-deficient love, so that every child can become a warm and happy person nourished by love.

With the development of society, the polarization between rich and poor is becoming more and more serious. The cost of living is getting higher and higher, there are more and more material comparisons, and the mental pressure is increasing.

If you want to change, you have to live a simpler life and live in the countryside. Stay away from big cities. This is the only way.

In fact, this topic is a relatively heavy topic. Domestic violence occurs all over the world. Domestic violence in China may not be low. Many studies show that the incidence of domestic violence is less than 10%. , there may be more. Why does domestic violence exist? We must first understand what domestic violence is. The so-called violence is physical or psychological harm caused by one person to another person. There is one type of domestic violence in China that people are more likely to say nothing about. Or they are not opposed to it. For example, if an adult spanks a child, this is called violence. Violence can cause physical harm to children and even psychological harm. In addition to physical violence, there is also mental violence and even sexual violence, which are all called domestic violence. As we know now, adults beat children, husbands beat wives, wives beat husbands, and even parents-in-law. have. This will lead to tension in family interpersonal relationships. How to prevent it? I think the most important thing is to establish a harmonious and harmonious family interpersonal relationship. Everyone is an independent person in society. He cannot treat anyone with violence, especially They are children. When we are growing up with children, we must not hit them casually, because violence may make children understand three principles: First, for example, if I have been beaten, because I am a human being, he will conclude that An inappropriate conclusion is that people can be beaten; secondly, the problem can be solved after being beaten, which is a possible misunderstanding; thirdly, children may learn that violence seems to solve problems and relieve anger. Therefore, we must put an end to domestic violence. Of course, we must open our hearts and express our needs and emotions correctly, objectively, and positively. We can sit down and talk slowly about anything. We can also reason with our children, and even more so adults. To be honest, a harmonious family is the most important way to eliminate or reduce domestic violence.