Joke Collection Website - Cold jokes - Excerpt from The Journey to the West

Excerpt from The Journey to the West

The twenty-second battle between Bajie and Liusha River in Mu Cha was inspired by law.

It is said that the Tang Priest, Master and Apprentice came out of their predicament, and in a very short time, they crossed 800 miles of Huang Fengling, but entered the west at a place in Pingyang. Time flies, across summer and autumn, I saw some cicadas singing and beating willows, and the fire flowed westward. While I was walking, I saw the flood raging and the muddy waves surging. Sanzang immediately called out, "Disciple, look at the width of the water ahead. Why can't we see any boats moving? Let's go there. " When Pig saw this, he said, "If you are arrogant, there is no boat to cross." Monkey jumped in the air and propped up the tent with his hands to see. He was also shocked and said, "Master, it's really difficult, it's really difficult! If I go to this river, I just need to cross it with my waist twisted; If you are a master, it is difficult to cross a thousand points and it is difficult to travel for a thousand years. " "As far as I can see, how wide is it?" Sanzang asked. "It's eight hundred li wide," Monkey said. Pig said, "Brother, how do you set the distance?" "To tell you the truth, brother," Monkey said, "my eyes can tell a thousand miles of good and bad in one day. It was only in the air that I saw that the river was not far up and down, but I saw that it was 800 miles long. " Worried, the old man returned to his horse and suddenly saw a stone tablet on the shore. When the three of them came to see it, they saw the three seals in the world, Liushahe, and there were four lines of truth on their bellies: Zhi.

800 quicksand boundary, 3000 weak water depth. If the goose feathers can't float, the reed flowers will sink to the bottom. archaic

Disciples were reading the inscription when they heard the tide surging like a mountain. A slippery and ugly devil is in the middle of the river-God.

A red flame is hairy, and two round eyes are as bright as lights. The face is neither black nor blue, like thunder or drums and dragons. know

Wearing a goose yellow collar and a white vine at the waist. There are nine skeletons hanging around their necks and a treasure stick in their hands. archaic

The monster, like a whirlwind, ran ashore and grabbed the Tang Priest. Monkey panicked, hugged the master, caught up with the shore, turned around and left. Pig put down the burden, took out the iron and palladium, and hoped that the demon would build it. The monster made Bao Stick stand up. The two of them are heroes on the shore of quicksand. This is a battle.

Nine-toothed palladium, demon-killing staff, and two people on the river bank. This is the governor's canopy, and that is the general who lowered the blinds. In the past, I was in Lingxiao, and today I fight for gambling. This palladium is used to detect claw dragons, and that staff is used to grind elephants. Spread out the big Siping and drill upwind. This headless, that doesn't matter. One is a cannibal who has occupied the quicksand world for a long time, and the other is a person who teaches and practices. know

The two of them came and went, and they fought 20 rounds, winning and losing. archaic

The Great Sage guarded the Tang Priest, led the horse and guarded the luggage. When Bajie was at war with the monster, he gnashed his teeth and rubbed his hands. He couldn't help hitting him, pulled out his stick and said, "Master, don't be afraid. Wait for me to play with him. " That master can't stay. He whistled and jumped to the front. It turned out that the monster and the pig were fighting for profits, and they were inextricably linked. Monkey turned an iron bar and looked at the strange head. The monster turned and hurried away, straight into the quicksand river. Pig jumped up in anger and said, "Brother, who brought you here? The monster's hands are getting slower and slower, and it is difficult to support me. I'll arrest him if I don't get hit three or five times! He saw that you were dangerous and fled after defeat. How does he live? " Monkey said with a smile, "Brother, to tell you the truth, I haven't taken a stick since I came to Huang Fengguai and went down the mountain. Seeing the sweetness of your fight with him, I can't help itching, and I will jump and play in the future. Knowing that the monster didn't know how to play, he left. " room

Hand in hand, talking and laughing, they went back to see Tang Priest. The Tang Priest asked, "Have you ever caught a monster?" "That monster didn't fight, but he lost water," Monkey said. "Disciple," Sanzang said, "this monster has lived here for a long time. He knows the depth. It seems that there is no boat in such boundless weak water, and it needs knowledge and leadership. " "That's what I mean," Monkey said. . As the saying goes, those who are near ink are black, and those who are near ink are black. Strangely enough. I know nothing about water. Let's arrest him now, and if we don't kill him, we'll teach him to send Master across the river, and then we'll take care of him. "Brother, don't hesitate," Pig said. "I want you to get him first, and wait for the old pig to guard the master. Monkey said with a smile, "Brother, I dare not say anything about this. I'm not very familiar with the activities in the water. If you leave empty, you have to twist the tactic and read the water-avoiding spell before you can leave. Otherwise, I'll be a fish, shrimp, crab, turtle or something. Speaking of gambling, if you are in the mountains and in the clouds, you will do some strange things, so will my grandson. It's just an underwater business. Some children will stick to it. "Pig said," When the old pig was governor of Tianhe, he was in charge of 80,000 sailors, but he learned something about water, but he was afraid that all the people coming from the water were from seven families, seven generations and eight generations, so I would drive him away, and he wouldn't catch them for a while. Monkey said, "If you hit him in the water, you don't like to hit him." "If you lose, you can't win. Draw him out and let me help you. "You're right," Pig said. "I'll go. When he said "Go", he took off his blue ribbon and shoes, danced palladium with both hands, separated the waterway, jumped over the waves in the old way, ran into it, and then went straight underwater. archaic

The monster was defeated. As soon as he took a breath, he heard someone pushing water and suddenly got up to watch. It turned out that Bajie pushed water with palladium. The monster raised his staff to his face and called, "Where is the monk?" ! Look carefully! Pig stopped Palladium and said, "Who are you, stopping here?" ? "You don't know me either," said the devil. I'm not that monster, and I'm not anonymous. "Pig said," If you are not an evil monster, how could you be born here and hurt your life? Tell me your name and I'll spare your life. " I-Zhai, said the monster.

I have been proud since I was a child, and Gankun Wan Li once wandered. Heroes are famous all over the world, and heroes are like people. owner

All the countries in Kyushu, Ren Woxing, came from all corners of the country. They are all wandering around the world because of learning Tao, just to find a teacher to travel in the wilderness. know

I keep my cloak with me all the year round, and I can't put it down every day. I walked dozens of times along the ground and wandered around for more than a hundred times. archaic

So, we have to meet real people, the golden light of the scattered avenue. Take the child away first, and then release Jiang Mumu Gong Jin. room

Tang Mingzhi's kidney water flows into Huachi, and the qi in the building flows into his heart. After three thousand years of hard work, I am full of worship and dedication. owner

The Jade Emperor was promoted and personally named him as a general in confinement. I am honored to be in a worse heaven, and I am honored to be in front of Lingxiao Temple. know

There is a tiger's head card hanging around his waist and a demon-reducing staff in his hand. The golden helmet is shining on the head, and the armor is shiny. archaic

I am the first person to escort you, and I will go in and out with the DPRK. Just because the queen mother dropped a flat peach, she held a banquet in Yaochi to invite the generals. room

The gods accidentally broke the jade glass and lost their souls. Even if the jade emperor is angry, he keeps his palm on Zuo Fu. owner

Take off your crown and armor, take off your official rank and push yourself to the killing field. Thanks to the barefoot fairy, I was released from class. know

Free from death and resurrection with impunity, demote the east coast of quicksand. Stuck in this mountain when you are full, and surf for food when you are hungry. archaic

The woodcutter didn't kill me, but the fisherman saw that I lost my life. There are many people coming and going, and they are very hurt. room

If you dare to come to our door, there will be hope in your stomach today. Mo Yan is rough and tasteless. Take the chopped sauce! owner

Hearing this, Pig was furious and scolded, "You splash things without even looking! My old pig is still making foam. How dare you call me coarse and want to chop sauce! It seems that you think I'm an antique. Don't be rude Eat the palladium of your ancestors! " The monster saw palladium coming, made a phoenix nod and hid. Two hit the surface of the water in the water, each stepping on the wave and boarding it. This gamble is different from the previous one. Look at that.-oh, my god.

The shutter general and the canopy are so handsome that they show their magical powers. It's so cute. That Yao-Yao-Yao-Yao-Yao-Yao-Yao-Yao-Yao-Yao-Yao-Yao-Yao-Yao-Yao-Yao-Yao-Yao-Yao-Yao-Yao-Yao-Yao-Yao-Yao-Yao-Yao. Leaping waves shake mountains and rivers, adding fuel to the flames and shaking the world. Fierce as a lion in a cave, evil as a monk lifting a treasure cover. This one is dedicated to protecting Tang Priest, and that one is a criminal monster. Palladium scratches nine marks, the staff strikes, and the soul is defeated. Try to stay happy and gamble with your heart. Just to learn from the scriptures, I am angry and anxious. Stir the bream and mandarin fish to lose fresh scales, and the soft-shelled turtle hurts the tender cover; Red shrimp and purple crab are all dead, and the god of Shuifu worships upward. I only heard the waves rolling like thunder, and the sun and the moon were strange. archaic

The two men played neck and neck for two hours. This is the copper basin meets the iron broom, and the jade meets the golden bell. room

It is said that the Great Sage protected the Tang Priest and stood on the left and right, watching them fight on the water, but he was not good at it. I saw Pig throw a palladium for nothing, pretending to lose and playing tricks, and turned around and went to the east coast. The monster came later and almost reached the shore. Unable to bear it, Monkey left his master, pulled the iron bar and jumped into the river, hoping that the demon would hit him. The monster dared not say hello to him and dived into Hanoi again. Pig cried, "You monkey are really annoying! You wait a little longer, when I coax him to a high place, you stop the river and teach him not to look back, but you don't hug him. When does he go in here and come out? " Monkey laughed and said, "Idiot, don't shout, don't shout! Let's go back to see Master. " Pig followed him to the high shore and met Sanzang. Sanzang leaned over and said, "Disciple has worked hard." "Not to mention the hardship," Pig said, "only by sending you across the river with a demon is the best solution." Sanzang asked, "How do you deal with those evil spirits?" Pig said, "The evil spirit's tactics are the opponent of the old pig. In the battle, he was defeated by a liar, and he rushed to the shore. I saw my brother holding a stick and ran away. " "What can we do if we do this?" Sanzang asked. "Don't worry, Master," Monkey said. "Don't be depressed. It's getting late now, and I'm sitting on this cliff. I'll cook some vegetarian dishes, and you eat and sleep until tomorrow. " "You're right," Pig said. . "Come on, come on." Monkey jumped up and went to the north to cook a bowl of vegetarian food and return it to Master. When the master saw that he was coming soon, he called, "Wukong, let's go to Huazhai and ask him about his plan to cross the river. Wouldn't it be better to argue with this monster? " Monkey said with a smile, "This house is far away! It's five or seven thousand miles away. Where did he learn about water? Ask him what is good for him? " Pig said, "Brother lied again." . Five or seven thousand miles, why are you waiting so fast? "You don't know that my somersault cloud is 108,000 Li," Monkey said. As long as you nod your head at two o'clock and bow your back, it will be a reward. What are the difficulties! " "Brother, since it's so easy, all you have to do is nod, bend over and jump on Master's back," Pig said. Why compete with him? " "You can't open the clouds?" Asked the monkey. You took the master there, didn't you? Pig said, "Master's flesh and blood are more important than Mount Tai." "How can I be called a Cloud Knight? You must have somersaulted. Monkey said, "My somersault is also riding a cloud, but it's a little far. You can't carry it. How can I carry it? Since ancient times, Mount Tai has been as light as mustard seed, and it is difficult to get rid of the world of mortals with ordinary people. Like this monster throwing, splashing, but pulling, can't be taken away in the air. If you can do it, so can I. I know all the methods of stealth and land contraction. But it's just that Master has to travel through a foreign country in poverty and can't escape the pain, so he can't move a step. You and I can only support him and keep him alive. We can't replace these troubles and get the scriptures. Even if I can go to see the Buddha first, the Buddha will not give you and me the scriptures. They all say that they are idle when they are relaxed. "When the idiot heard this, he listened. Then they ate some vegetarian dishes. Without vegetables, the disciples rested beside the east cliff of quicksand. owner

The next morning, Sanzang asked, "Wukong, where were you born today?" "There's not much room," Monkey said. "We need pigs in the water." Pig said, "Brother, if you want to be quiet, just let me go into the water." "Good brother," Monkey said, "I'm not in a hurry anymore. I just want you to take him away. I will stop the river and not let him go back. I must catch him. " Good pig wiped his face, refreshed, took palladium in both hands to the river, separated the waterway, and went down to the nest. Just waking up, the monster suddenly heard the sound of water being pushed. He turned around and opened his eyes. Pig came down with palladium and jumped out to stop him. He shouted: "slow down, slow down, look at the staff!" " Pig raised his palladium and said, "Are you a sad stick? Tell your ancestors to look at the staff! " The monster said, "You know nothing about this guy! I borrowed it.

The staff of the treasure had a great reputation, and they were originally Thoreau in Yuezi. WU GANG cut a branch, and Lu Ban made a cover. owner

There is a gold inside and thousands of beads outside. The name Zhang Bao is good at subduing demons, while Yongzhen Lingxiao can subdue monsters. know

Because the official worshipped the general, the Jade Emperor gave it to me to carry with him. Whether it's long or short, I'll be detailed and rough. archaic

I have also escorted the banquet of flat peaches and crossed the upper boundary with the DPRK. The Hall of Value was attended by saints, and the shutter door was worshipped. room

Cultivate a spiritual magic weapon, not an instrument on earth. Since he was banished to the sky, he has traveled overseas at will. owner

Don't be bold, the world is invincible with swords and spears. Look at your rusty nails, so you have to hoe the ground and grow vegetables. know

Pig said with a smile, "I'll throw you less! Don't worry about cooking, I'm afraid I'll shake it for a while, and I'll teach you that there's no place to put a plaster, and nine eyes will bleed together! Even if it's not dead, it's old tetanus! " The monster took off his shelf, and under the water, he and Bajie still came out of the water. This fight is even more different from the previous fruit. Look at him.-Jesus.

The staff wheel is made of palladium, and the word is unreasonable. Because of Mumuk Fesl, there will be two wars. No winning or losing, no repetition, no waves. How can you tolerate this anger? That sadness is unbearable. Palladium is a hero with a staff, but quicksand can be vicious when water rolls. High-spirited and busy, mostly because of Sanzang's mission to the Western Regions. Palladium nails are fierce, and treasure sticks are familiar. If this one is caught, it will be dragged ashore, and if that one is caught, it will dive. The sound is like a thunderbolt moving a ichthyosaur, and the clouds are dark and ghostly. know

This game, coming and going, played for 30 rounds, and I lost my strength. Bajie pretended to lose again and dragged the palladium away. Then the monster came again, catching the waves and rushing to the cliff. Pig scolded, "I'll hit you with a monster! You come up! This high place is down to earth! " The demon scolded, "You idiot, coax me to get up and teach that helper to come. You come down and play in the water. " It turned out that the demon was good and refused to go ashore again. He only quarreled with Bajie by the river. Seeing that he refused to go ashore, Monkey was anxious to catch him. "Master!" Said the monkey. Sit down and wait for me to cut vegetables with him. "Just somersault, jump in the air, brush down, to catch the demon. The demon was bickering with Pig when he heard the news. When he looked back, Monkey had dropped the cloud head, but he took away his staff, plunged into the water and disappeared. Monkey stood on the shore and said to Pig, "Brother, this demon has slipped, too. What if he refuses to go ashore again? " "Difficult, difficult, difficult!" Pig head said. If you can't beat him, you will use all your strength to suck milk, and you will only stretch. "Monkey said," Let's go and see the master. " . room

When I went to Gaoan again, I met the Tang Priest, and it was difficult to catch him. The old man's eyes were full of tears. He said, "It seems difficult. How can we survive?" "Don't worry, Master," Monkey said. Deep diving is strange, but it's actually hard to walk. Bajie, just stay here and watch your master, and don't fight with him again before I go for a walk in the South China Sea. " "Brother, what are you doing in the South China Sea?" Pig asked. Monkey said, "This Buddhist activity was originally Guanyin Bodhisattva; We are also Guanyin Bodhisattva. Today, the road is blocked by the Liusha River, and we can't move forward. What shall we do if we can't stop him? When I invited him, it was better than fighting this demon. "Yes, yes," Pig said. . Brother, when you leave, please give me a reply: Thank you for your advice. "Don't hesitate, Wukong," Sanzang said, "if you want to invite a bodhisattva. "Come on." Monkey somersaulted the clouds and went up to the South China Sea. Hey! It took half an hour to see Mount Putuo. In a short time, he fell off the somersault and walked outside the Zizhulin. Seeing the twenty-four paths of Heaven, he stepped forward to meet him and said, "Where did the Great Sage come from?" "My master is in trouble," Monkey said. . "I'm here to see the Bodhisattva." The heavens said, "Please sit down and report." The next day, I went to the mouth of Yin Chao cave and reported, "the Monkey King has something to see." The Bodhisattva and the Dragon Lady with Pearl were reading flowers and smelling newspapers on the railing next to Baolian Pool, so they turned to clouds and opened the door to enter. Great Sage Duan Su converted to worship. room

The Bodhisattva asked, "Why don't you protect the Tang Priest? Why did you come to me again? " "Bodhisattva," Monkey said, "my master has taken in another apprentice named Pig in Gaolaozhuang. Thank the Bodhisattva for giving him Buddhism and forbearance. To cross the Huang Fengling, it is difficult for Master to cross the Liusha River, which is 800 li, and the water is 3,000 yuan. There is also a monster in the river with high martial arts. Thanks to Wu Ming, I can fight him three times on the water, but I can't win, so I can't cross the river. So I'm here to tell the Bodhisattva that I hope to be merciful. Give him a ride. " "You monkey," said the Bodhisattva, "are you too complacent to protect the Tang Priest?" "I just want to catch him and teach him to take my master across the river," Monkey said. . I don't know what is going on in the water, but I can find its nest and talk to it. I don't think I have told him about the Buddhist scriptures. "The Bodhisattva said," The monster of Liushahe is a general in confinement, and it is also my kindness to persuade him to protect those who learn from the scriptures. If you are willing to tell me that you are a Buddhist from the East, he will never argue with you and submit to you flatly. "That monster is afraid of fighting," Monkey said. "He won't climb the cliff. He just hid in the water. How can he win obedience? How can our teacher tide over the weak water? "ancient times

The Bodhisattva immediately called Hui 'an, took a red gourd out of his sleeve and said, "You can take this gourd and the Monkey King to the surface of the Liusha River. It's called no classics, and he comes out. First lead him to the Tang Priest, then put his nine skeletons in one place and arrange them in nine palaces, but putting this gourd in the middle is a French boat that can cross the Tang Priest and the Liusha River. " Huian listened and obeyed the teacher's orders. At that time, he and the Great Sage walked out of the tide hole with gourds and resigned from Zizhulin according to law. There is a poem to prove it, which says: Zhai

The five elements match naivety, knowing the former master. Practice has become a wonderful use, it can identify the causes of evil and see justice. owner

Gold belongs to the same kind, wood to intercede. Both soils are lonely, and there is no dust in the fire and water. know

The two of them, in a short time, pressed the clouds and came to the quicksand shore early. Pig Bajie recognized the monkey from Mu Cha and led the master to see him. After the ceremony with Sanzang, Mu Cha met Pig. Pig said, "I have taught the venerable one to see the Bodhisattva. My old pig followed the Buddhism, and now I am happy to worship the Saman. This has been on the road, I have no thanks, no forgiveness, no forgiveness. " "Don't say anything," Monkey said. . Let's call that guy. ""who? "Sanzang asked." "When I met the Bodhisattva, I got Chen Qian," Monkey said. . Bodhisattva said that the monster of Liusha River was a general who rolled a shutter. Because he committed a crime in the sky, he fell into the river and got carried away. He was persuaded by the Bodhisattva and followed his master to the west. But we didn't say anything about learning from the scriptures, so we fought hard. Bodhisattva sent Mu Cha to take this gourd and cross you by boat with this fellow. "Hearing this, the monk bowed his head again and again. Salute to Mu Cha: "May the venerable one hurry." Mu Cha, carrying a gourd, came to the surface of the Liusha River in a cloud and fog and shouted, "Jason Wu, Jason Wu! Buddhist scriptures have been here for a long time, why don't you give in! " It is said that the monster was afraid of the Monkey King and went back to the bottom to rest in his nest. By his dharma name, he knew that he was Guanyin Bodhisattva. Hearing that "the Buddhist monk is coming", he was not afraid of the axe and shovel, pushed aside the waves and poked his head out, recognizing that it was Mu Cha monkey. When you see him smile, he salutes and says, "I haven't met your honour person. Where is the Bodhisattva now? " Mu Cha said, "In the future, my teacher sent me to tell you to be an apprentice with the Tang Priest. Tell the skeleton hanging around your neck and this gourd to make a French boat according to the ninth palace knot and tide him over this weak water. " Jason Wu asked, "Where is the monk?" Mu Cha pointed: "Isn't that sitting on the east coast?" When Jason Wu met Pig, he said, "I wonder where he came from. He has been arguing with me for two days. Why has he never said a word about learning from the scriptures? " Seeing Monkey again, he said, "This master is his helper and he is not interested! I'm not going. " "That's Pig Bajie," said Mu Cha. "This is monkey sun. They are all disciples of Tang Priest. All were persuaded by the bodhisattva. Why are you afraid of him? I will accompany you to see the Tang Priest. " Jason Wu took away his staff, propped up Huang Jin, jumped ashore, knelt on the Tang Priest's knees and said, "Master, my disciple is as blind as a bat, and I don't know your master. I hope you can forgive me. " Pig said, "You pustule, why are you so early?"