Who is the funniest general in history? Clear and sharp words, far more than my mother-in-law!

Huyan Zan, a native of Taiyuan, Bing, was a famous soldier in the Northern Song Dynasty. His father, Hu Yancong, was the commander-in-chief of the "Horse stance just look" and "Horse stance just look" in the later Zhou Dynasty. Huyan Zan is Xiao Cavalry, and he was elected as the leader of the East Class by-election. He entered the palace, received an imperial edict, and was promoted to Xiong Xiaojun. In the second year of Germany, he fought against Houshu, served as a striker, was injured many times, and served as a lieutenant. In the early days of the People's Republic of China, Song Taizong appointed Huyan Zan as commander of the fighters. In the fourth year of rejuvenating the country, Song Taizong conquered the Northern Han Dynasty. In the seventh year of Taiping and rejuvenating the country, Cui and Han sent troops to Dingzhou. In the second year of Duan Gong, he served as the secretariat of Fuguo and soon served as the commander-in-chief of the capital. Chunhua three years, as the secretariat of Baozhou, Jizhou deputy governor. Later, he was appointed as the ambassador of Liaozhou secretariat, Fuzhou secretariat and Kangzhou Yingyong. In the third year of Xianping, Huyan Zan died. Huyan Zan repeatedly issued a gauntlet to Song Taizong, demanding to go to the front, leading an army to crusade against the Khitan, and vowed not to be an enemy of the Khitan. See how old he is. Song Taizong talks about killing and killing every day, so he summoned him and ordered him to demonstrate on the spot. Seeing the opportunity given by Emperor Huyan Zan, he was extremely happy. He immediately mounted the horse, with iron whip in his left hand and a spear in his right. He whirled around the court like a gust of wind and jumped back and forth three or four times in the blink of an eye. Then he sent four sons to join him. They will prosper, change, beg and appear. They take turns dancing swords, whips and spears, all of which are swords and shadows. When you stop, you are clean and not tired. Song Taizong couldn't help cooing. However, Song Taizong also knew that Huyan Zan was brave, but he almost led troops to fight, managing director. He thinks Huyan Zan is a brave soldier, but he is not a handsome man. Therefore, Song Taizong symbolically rewarded their father and son with some items, such as platinum and clothes, but as for the well-documented Khitan, it was not approved. Huyan Zan is very unwilling. If you can't take the lead and bravely kill the enemy, your dream fame will be lost. He stubbornly believed that the reason why the emperor refused to go to the front was that he had doubts about himself. So, in order to show his loyalty, he made a series of ridiculous moves. He tattooed the words "eager to kill thieves" on his body, face, body, feet and even lips. Weapons, saddles and saddles are covered with countless "intentional thieves", which is very eye-catching. This tattoo method used by Huyan Zan was a kind of corporal punishment in Song Dynasty, which was called "ink punishment" at that time, or "ink punishment" and "torture". The so-called "stabbing with Cangzhou" in popular romance refers to this kind of punishment. Huyan Zan hoped to impress the ruthless emperor in this way. He also called his beautiful wife, Mei Fei, and said, "Our royal family earns a lot of money, so we should tattoo our faces to show our gratitude to the emperor. Anyone who disagrees with the tattoo will immediately cut off his head. " I heard that I was going to tattoo words on my face, and there was a howl at home. Mrs. Huyan cried and said, "Tattoos on women's faces are always bad. People will think that this is a wife who has been sentenced to infidelity. " Must have been stabbed. Can you hit your arm? Huyan Zan thought about it and agreed to his wife's request. He asked his four sons and servants to follow his example. In addition to tattooing the words "Kill the thief with your heart" on your body, your sons also tattooed the words "Give your life for your country, and give priority to forgetting death in times of crisis" on the back of your ears. As a result, people's voices from top to bottom, whether old people, women, children, servants, servants, are drowned in words. Their faces are black, their bodies are black, their hands are black, their ears are black, and they are three people and seven ghosts, which often cause passers-by to panic and scream. In fact, Huyan Zan's absurd behavior has a long history. When my son was born, he was poured with biting cold water in the cold winter, saying that he could endure hardships and be strong when he grew up. When his son was ill, he cut off the stew on his thigh, saying that the child would be fine after drinking it.

Every time he goes to the palace to do business, his strange shape always attracts the eunuch on duty to look around, touch here and see there, as if an "alien" is coming. On one occasion, he even cut his chest with a knife in front of the eunuch, and then asked his men to dip their pens in blood and write down a bloody book, asking the emperor for permission to attack Qidan. A eunuch nearby jokingly said, "Why don't you show your loyalty?" The more absurd Huyan Zan is, the more indifferent the emperor is to him. Imagine, which emperor dares to send him to an important position?