I really want to hear jokes now. Who can tell them? Please, great gods.

One day, Mulan happened to have her period before the war. She just fiddled with it and went to fight, but a cannon flew out in front of her and knocked her unconscious. When she woke up, the doctor asked her, are you all right? Mulan said, "Nothing, what's the matter?" The doctor said, "Nothing. Your penis was blown away, but you are all right now. Mulan asked doubtfully, Why? The doctor said: because I have sewed him up! ! A farmer's uncle went to town for the first time, suddenly felt abdominal discomfort and was eager to find a convenient toilet, but he forgot the name of the toilet in the city. Suddenly I felt as if I had heard that it was called a public place, so I stopped a buddy in the street. " Brother, could you tell me how to get to this public place? "Hearing this, the man what is a public place? It refers to the cinema, so I casually pointed and said, "Over there. "When the farmer uncle came to the cinema and just wanted to go in, he was stopped at the door." Buy tickets! "said the conductor. The old farmer thought in surprise, "This city is just different. You have to buy a ticket to go to the toilet. " "How much is it?" "Twenty." Hearing this, the old farmer was even more surprised. It costs twenty yuan to go to the toilet in this city, but he couldn't stand it, so he paid for a ticket. The conductor gave him a ticket, and the old farmer reached out and said, "Twenty dollars for so much paper?" So I went in and came to the door. The ticket inspector took the ticket and tore it in half with a swish. The old farmer took it and said, "This little piece of paper is still torn in half." So I went in. This city is just different. This cabin is really nice, so big, and there are so many people together. So I sat down and asked the people behind me, "When will it start?" "Start when the lights go out." After a while, the light went out, and the old farmer took off his pants and began to relax. As he did it, he thought, it's nice to be in the city, and there is such a big TV when you shit. Suddenly, he felt someone pushing him behind him, so he said impatiently, "Don't move! Mind your own business! " The people behind are still pushing the old farmer, and the old farmer is even more impatient: "I told you not to move and mind your own business!" " "The man behind was anxious and said," Grandpa, I want to tell you that your baked sweet potato fell on my foot! " "In a military performance, a shell deviated far away. The soldiers sent to inspect found that the shells landed in the farmland. A man in rags and black eyes stood in Tanaka and said, is it necessary to shell a cabbage? ! A university professor is giving a lecture. He said: "In ancient times, the word' Lu' meant kissing, and one mouth was vivid to the other." As soon as the professor finished speaking, a classmate stood up and said, "Teacher, if' Lu' means kissing, what about' Pin'? Do three people kiss together? " While the professor was thinking, suddenly another student stood up and asked, "Teacher, I think the word' product' is very easy to say. What are four people doing with a dog? " Husband: What time is it? Wife: Ten o'clock. Husband: Is it complete? Wife: It's too early. No one else is sleeping! Husband: I mean ten o'clock sharp? Wife: Eleven o'clock then. Husband: Shit, I asked you if it was 1 0 sharp. Wife: Damn it, the hour is 1 1. It's not good for you not to fuck me for a day, is it Husband: I'm just asking, is it 1 0 o'clock sharp? Wife: fix it, fix it now! ! ! ! ! Professor V asked: What do rotten radishes and pregnant women have in common? A student replied: it's all caused by bugs. Only get 60 points. Another student got full marks, and the answer was: it was all because he was late. Men will never find a girlfriend! Very helpless, I went to tell my fortune. ? The fortune teller took the pulse and said, "You were doomed to have no women in the first half of your life!" " ? The man's eyes lit up and asked, "What about the rest of his life? " ? The fortune teller sighed and said, "You will get used to it all your life. "A person to go shopping and pee in the corner. As soon as the old lady saw it, she said that she would be fined five yuan for urinating and urinating anywhere. Who said I peed? Can't I show it? During the water-splashing festival, someone suddenly cursed: Who the fuck threw me away? People advise: it is a blessing to vote for you. Bitch: Please, some idiot spilled boiling water on my little white rabbit walking in the forest. When he met a wolf, he came up and put two big ear stickers on the little white rabbit and said, "I told you not to wear a hat." The little white rabbit left very grievance. The next day, she skipped out of the house wearing a hat and met the wolf again. He came up and gave the white rabbit two big mouths and said, "I told you to wear a hat." Tutu is depressed. After thinking for a long time, I finally decided to complain to the king of the forest, Tiger. After explaining the situation, the tiger said, "OK, I see. I will handle this matter, so trust the organization." "On the same day, the tiger found his partner, the wolf." It's wrong of you to do so. It is very difficult for me. " Then he wiped the ash off the table: "Do you think this will work? "You can say, tutu, come and find me a piece of meat! She found the fat one, and you said you wanted the thin one. She found a thin one, and you said you wanted a fat one. So you can hit her. Of course, you can also say that. Tutu, come and find me a woman. She found plump ones, and you said you liked slim ones. She found a slim one, and you said you liked the plump one. You can beat her. Reasonable and powerful. " The wolf nodded and clapped his hands, and the reverence for the tiger once again reached a new peak. Unexpectedly, the above instructions were heard by the little white rabbit who was weeding the tiger's house outside the window. I hate this in my heart. The next day, the little white rabbit went out again. What a coincidence! It's the big bad wolf coming. The wolf said, "Tutu, come and find me a piece of meat." Tutu said, "So, do you want to be fat or thin?" The wolf listened, his heart sank and he was happy again. He said, fortunately, there is a plan B. He added, "Tutu, Mary, find me a woman." Tutu asked, "So, do you like plump or slim?" The wolf was silent for 2 seconds and raised his hand to give Tutu two big ear stickers. "Shit, I told you not to wear a hat." A psychopath got a gun from nowhere. One night, he walked into a small black alley and suddenly met a young psychopath. Without saying anything, he put it on the ground, pointed a gun at his head and asked, what is one plus one? The young man was frightened, pondered for a long time, and replied warily: It means that the second psycho shot him without hesitation, then put the gun in his arms and said coldly: You know too much, I hope to adopt it!