Sarcastic and ridiculous quotations.

1. Everything can be fake in this society, but I can't tolerate money being fake.

2, the most considerate thing for you is shoes, don't feel dirty. That's because your road is not clean.

3. It is a kind of happiness for a woman to kiss a man, and it is a kind of luck for a man to kiss a woman.

The so-called alma mater is a school where we scold a thousand times a day and don't allow others to insult us.

There are always a group of invisible friends lying on your friends list like dead people, changing their epitaphs from time to time.

6. I am Altman. My height and gourd skills are more changeable than Transformers.

7. My heart is not a bus. You can take it if you have a seat.

8. You are the wind, I am the sand, lingering into a sandstorm.

9. If you step on a banana peel and slip, you must get up and keep stepping on it. If you step on it, it won't slip.

10, I cried after watching the water margin TV series. Emma Wu Dalang lives in the middle of the building. I'm not even as good as selling chef's cakes.

1 1. Handsome Bai has been unable to find a wife since he was appointed as the protector. Wukong asked why, and with tears streaming down his face, he said, They say everything is a cloud.

12, my pursuit in this life is very simple, I just want two flowers, namely "rich flowers" and "casual flowers".

13, every day, 50% of the time is spent despising yourself, and the other 50% is spent forgiving yourself. It's called entanglement.

14, even if the man in front of you is good at everything, everything is good, and there are advantages everywhere, and he doesn't love you, you will never change this shortcoming.

15, in this country, being a person who cares about the country and the people is the most stupid and painful. The country doesn't like it, and the people don't care.

16, it's getting cold, so I can confidently stop taking a shower for a few days.

17, what makes women forget is feelings, and what makes men forget is feelings.

18, how lovely the world would be if the grades could rise as fast as the house price.

19, the difference between an affair and an affair is that the former engages in the latter.

20. The proudest thing a man can say in his life is that his wife is waiting for me to eat at home.

2 1, when I was a child, regardless of Chinese and mathematics, as long as the questions were given, it was Xiao Ming. I am still Xiao Ming. I want to ask, is Xiao Ming okay now?

22. In this way, don't think too much, life goes on, and there are many troubles every day. Don't bring too much emotion into your ordinary life.

23. Who will marry me in the future: I don't know who you are dating now. Don't waste your feelings on others. Let's get to know each other sometime.

24. What is a bad guy? Men who take off their pants during the day and women who don't take off their makeup at night.

We always say that as long as we wait, the right person will appear. What I want to say is, after waiting for so many years, please give me a fucking answer. Are you stuck in traffic or lost? ! !

26. If you have money, buy a bus and drive out. Stop at every bus stop and say sorry to those who want to get on. This is a private car. Wow ha ha ha

Life is like anxiety. There is no accurate lyrics, but it is thrilling.

Sentences suitable for your cynicism and self-mockery.

One day, you will meet a girl who doesn't want your house, your car, your diamonds, your money and your good girl.

2. Play hard: You can only play if you have a life. If your life is gone, what can you play?

3. Be happy for happiness, and be sad for sadness.

It's getting cold. Remember to put on more clothes, especially now it's the season change, or you'll catch a cold, infect me and blow your head off.

There are so many life guides in the world, but I am in The Journey to the West.

6. A hero has no good wife, but a lazy man marries a flower branch.

I don't want to study for 30 days a month.

8. I once loved you deeply, and that was my reason for existence. Now I have lost my direction, and I just want to burst into tears.

9. Don't be silly. One person's efforts will never determine the relationship between two people. If you are not the one who sleeps with you, you can't be your sweetheart.

10. Time will give you the harshest slap in the face and the best medicine. Go through it bravely. Nothing can make you back down.

1 1. I was so nervous that I stood there with my mouth open. I think my heart is about to jump out.

12. I feel regret when I think of the prank in grade 12. I've always wanted to have a chance to apologize to her and relieve my inner guilt.

13. I loved, hated, resented and angry. Strong winds will roll in the east, west, north and south respectively.

14. What I have done is so insignificant. But what I do is very important.

15. In my opinion, those exaggerated plots are not used to make people believe. The only meaning of their existence is to add some illusions to the bleak reality.

16. Forgetting the time that once existed is your future.

17. It's very sad to leave, very sad, very self-blaming and very helpless. But I am sadder, more self-blaming and more helpless. I have no choice at all.

18. Now I'm the only one of the two. If memory is an expression, I will treat you as a secret.

19. The most useless thing in the world-paycheck, looks angry and wipes his ass too seriously.

I am proud of being single, and I am trying to save my motherland.

There are many excellent men and beautiful women in the world, but there is only one feeling that belongs to you. Don't change your love because of other people's eyes, don't lose yourself because of living in other people's eyes, and don't be too greedy, otherwise you will lose something that you will regret for a lifetime.

22. People who make mistakes are actually full of self-blame, anxiety and shame in the face of mistakes. If the other party does not blame, it will give birth to some gratitude and comfort.

23. Men are dumped, the problem of money; Women are dumped, they look bad, I am dumped, and you are fucking crazy.

24. Travel doesn't have to care about the destination, but the scenery along the way. Because I only have enough money to buy a round-trip hard-seat train ticket.

25. I am most afraid that you say good night to me, but tell another person that you can't sleep.

26. 12 Your existence is to prove to us that the world is big and there are miracles everywhere! !

27. Even if the whole city falls tomorrow, let me love it until the last second.

28. Some people, some feelings, miss once, maybe they are wrong in this life.

29. I am the most normal among abnormal people and the most abnormal among normal people.

30. I am single: I like a person; I like being alone now.

3 1. Life has not cooked you. Do you think you are an asshole?

32. I don't care about the wonderful process, only about the satisfactory result.

Behind every successful man, there is a woman, but I failed because there are two women behind me.

34. There is a cold murder hidden under my pure appearance. The scientific name of this murder case is "Man Show".

35. They called me BT and asked me to do CT. I am ET.

Occasionally, if you live in silence, you will feel great, but if you live in silence, you will feel miserable. ...

37. Smoking a cigarette shortens one second's life, and smiling makes you live one more second, so every time I smoke a cigarette, I have to smile to earn back one second for my life.

38. Even if love makes me fall down again, scars should be a kind of pride.

39. If a man likes you without makeup, he will feel distressed if you lose weight, and he will be happy if you gain weight. That's your father, only your father.

40. Gold always shines, but when there is gold everywhere, I don't know which one I am.

Cynicism and self-mockery that suit you. The third sentence is 4 1. Cheap is a universal truth, and you and I are just one of them.

42. My life could have been smoother. If I hadn't been dragged by this fat body, I could still run so slowly.

43. I'm such a loser that I can't let go of someone who doesn't love me.

44. Starting from faith is a kind of motivation. No matter what you do, you must have the motivation to move forward. This driving force is a firm belief. We can't do everything perfectly, but as long as we do it with firm belief and try our best, then we have nothing to feel guilty about and regret.

45. Our biggest rival in love is not a third party, but time.

46. Pop songs are everyone's favorite, but you have to rock, which is a painful belief; You love to play ice hockey, but the people around you only know football, which is a painful belief; Everyone goes to the bar to drink, but you have to stay at home and see the world through a novel. This is a painful belief. -Embrace David's Life by Imagination.

47. I used time to prove that I like you, but you used time to prove that I was a fool.

48. I am not single. I have a girl with a hard disk.

49. Sensitive people love to entertain foolish ideas, while soft-hearted people love to ask for it.

50. Without you by my side, my heart is more sad than heartache.

5 1. I don't want to hear what you said, and I can't understand what you said. If I knew, I wouldn't do it either. If I do, I will make mistakes, so I skip class every day.

52. History is always strikingly similar. I was single this time last year. Ha, this year, too.

Write a long poem without your name for the rest of your life.

54. The PE teacher in junior high school said: Whoever dares to wear a skirt to my class again will be punished for handstand.

55. Take your advice and leave me ten books!

56. I love love, and my embarrassment is in my heart. I am so corrupt.

57. If the boss uses you, you are a talent; When not in use, it is layoffs.

58. You said something casually, but I was seriously sad for a long time.

59. When tasting this sour taste, the only thing we can do is to blame ourselves: If I had worn that dress more, if I had enough courage to tell him … how happy I would be.

60. No matter what kind of feelings you encounter, it is a kind of fate. Even if you don't achieve the result you want in the end, don't blame yourself too much, because in this process, there have been more or less happiness around you, and there are not many feelings of right and wrong. It is great luck to understand and understand each other.

Suitable for lonely mood: pretend to be free and easy when you leave, in order to repay your cynicism.

1. I don't talk to people actively, so I take the initiative to find someone I care about.

Fortunately, your concern came more timely than the winter that caught me off guard. I want to say a lot, but I blame the language for being too thin and not doing my best, and I am afraid that if I talk too much, I will become thin. All in all, it's my luck.

3. Cooking smoke rises from the kitchen stove, slowly rises from the blackened chimney, and hovers on the green and red brick roof, arousing the desire to go home.

I don't think much about long-term things. Many things will overwhelm you if you think too much. I just want to do a little bit of things well, and then I hope that such little things may accumulate into a good scenery one day.

The most suitable person is probably that you are a soft kitten in front of him, and you can make progress together at work and become a better person.

6. It doesn't matter if you are sad. It's okay to cry if you want. It's okay to be alone. Give time and everything will pass.

7. When I was a child, my pillow was full of saliva. When I grew up, my pillow was full of tears. When I was a child, laughter was a kind of mood, but when I grew up, it was an expression.

8. If you can explain why you like someone, it is not love. True love has no reason. I love you. I don't know why.

9. I don't want anyone to choose me because I am excellent. I need someone to see my shortcomings and want me.

10. Every second is a new beginning, and every hour is a new commitment. Dreams every night always bring hope, and what happens every day depends on you.

1 1. Looking forward to the arrival of the first snow, I can watch you grow old through the window until the glass becomes blurred, as if I have spent my life quietly with you.

12. The most terrible thing is to see myself gradually becoming the kind of person I hated before. There is one person who will never abandon you, and that person is yourself.

13. Be a man of few words, but there is a sea in my heart. Don't hurt others, be peaceful and comfortable in indifference.

14. People, at a certain age, live with a little trouble and unspeakable pain every day, smiling.

15. Some people profess loudly, while others care secretly. There are thousands of ways to love in Qian Qian, and only time can test them.

16. The best is often the one who has been with you for the longest time. Therefore, we don't need too many criteria to choose lovers. We only need these three things: don't lie to you, don't hurt you, and accompany you.

17. No matter how strange we ended up, what we did to you was true. I hope you don't regret knowing me. You are really happy.

18. In an instant, because a person's words are like being poured with a pot of cold water, swish, from head to toe.

19. If you are not a lifelong person, then don't talk about it all your life, not reluctantly, but let go.

20. The future is long, and people who love you are on their way. When he didn't come, I hope you can be your own sun, accompany with mountains and rivers, be confident, brave and kind.

Funny quotations from classical philosophy-funny quotations

When will there be a bright moon? Ask your roommate about the wine. I wonder if the handsome guy next door has a girlfriend?

Although I am not very handsome, when I was a child, someone praised my left nostril as an idol.

Mom's suggestion: Daughter, you should eat a little properly to lose weight!

Spring is a period of high incidence of colds and feelings. Some people accidentally caught a cold, and some people accidentally fell in love. I belong to the former.

I am also an infatuated seed. It rained and drowned.

Money is not everything, sometimes it is needed.

I allow you to come into my world, but I will never allow you to walk around in my world.

God, did you let summer and winter live together? ! This kind of weather!

When the bird is big, there are all kinds of Woods!

Not afraid of enemies like tigers, but afraid of teammates like pigs.

Summer is not good. When I was poor, I didn't even have to drink the northwest wind. ...

Do whatever you want!

Don't call me if you have nothing to do, and don't call me if you have anything to do.

Do you think I'll watch you die? I close my eyes.

Angels can fly because they look down on themselves. ...

I want to puppy love, but it's too late. ...

Please don't speak English in front of me in the future, ok?

I hope that one day I can double-click my wallet with my mouse, then select a hundred-dollar bill, press "CTRLC" and keep "CTRLV" all the time.

I am a lonely tree, standing on the roadside for thousands of years, waiting alone, just because one day you pass me, I will fall for you, even if I don't smash you, I will live in vain.

Please raise your hand if you love me, and stand on your head if you don't love me.

Never hang yourself from a tree. You can try it several times in the surrounding trees.

Don't set the bank card password as your girlfriend's birthday, or you will always change it.

The happiest thing: sleep until you wake up naturally. Count the money and count the cramps in your hands. The saddest thing: sleep until your hand cramps, and count the money until you wake up naturally.

Money can buy a house, but not a home; Marriage, but not love; Clock, but can't buy time. Money is not everything, but it is the root of pain.

Everyone wants to be different from others, and everyone is the same as a result.

When we were young, we often made faces in the mirror. When we are old, the mirror is flat.

A scholar dies as a confidant, and a woman is a lover of herself.

If being rich is also a mistake, I'd rather repeat it.

People are afraid of famous pigs and strong, men are afraid of having no money and women are afraid of being fat.

The effect of contraception: if you don't succeed, you will become a' person'.

Asking how sad you can be is like a group of eunuchs going to a brothel.

Sleep is an art-no one can stop me from pursuing art.

If marriage is the grave of love, then I expect someone to bury me.

I am not a casual person. I'm not a person when I get up casually

To be a man, you must be a man who wanders between cow A and cow C.

You can go as far as you want.

Lie down where you fell.

Being pregnant is like being pregnant. It takes a long time for people to see it.

Lovers form families.

Your ugliness has nothing to do with your face …

A tree will die if it is not skinned; People are shameless and invincible in the world.

I will have a son named "handsome" in the future, so everyone will say "handsome dad" when they see me.

Work, take a step back, fall in love, take a step back, and people are empty.

The highest level of work is to watch others go to work and get their wages.

Money is not the problem, the problem is no money!

I was drunk and nobody obeyed, so I held the wall.

I am like a fly lying on the glass, with a bright future, but I can't find a way out.

You know what, big brother? Second brother's meat is now more expensive than master's.

If eating more fish can nourish the brain and make people smarter, then you should eat at least a pair of whales. ...

Clear water means no fish, while lowly people are invincible.

Youth is like toilet paper. It looks a lot, but it's not enough.

Friends around you, get famous quickly, so that my memoirs can sell well.

A female classmate is darker and her boyfriend is whiter. One day, the poison queen in the dormitory suddenly said to her, "You can't do this, you will have zebras."

I always treat handsome guys and money like dirt, and they always treat me like this.

Don't be lazy with me, I'm too lazy to compete with you.

God said, let there be light, and I said I opposed it, so the world was dark.

My name is God, my nickname is Jesus, my English name is God, and my dharma name is Tathagata …

The farmer's three punches hurt a little.

In fact, I have always been very popular: I was loved by everyone when I was a child, and now I am loved by a bitch.

Not afraid of enemies like tigers, but afraid of teammates like pigs.

Go your own way and let others take a taxi.

Rats are looking for cats all over the street with knives.

As long as you work hard, shit is serious.

Who runs fastest? It's Cao Cao (not Liu Xiang). Because speaking of the devil.

Only when there is a long queue at the railway station can we truly realize that we are "descendants of the dragon".

When spring comes, a flock of geese fly north, forming a B-shape for a while and a T-shape for a while.

Tigers don't show off. You think I'm HELLOKITTY!

Donkey, yes, read it backwards and follow it.

The highest state of self-help: help the wall in, help the wall out.

No money, no power, no matter how good it is for you, can you come with me?

Take a newspaper to the toilet. I am a scholar.

Go to Google and Baidu to see.

Women must be kind to themselves. Once you are exhausted, other women will spend your money, live in your room, sleep with your husband and beat your baby!

Grandpa comes from his grandson. ...

You can go as far as you want!

No one has blown cowhide so fresh and refined for a long time!

Boss, is money really that important to you? You talked for more than three hours and didn't leave a penny behind?

When I woke up, it was dark.

If I become a personnel manager, the first thing I will do is to promote myself to the boss.

I am losing weight except eating every day. You say I have no perseverance?

I won't tell you if I kill you.

Any problem that money can solve is not a problem.

After studying for more than ten years, I think it's better to mix kindergartens!

Even believe in advertisements. Are you stupid in your studies?

How to lose weight if you don't have enough food?

The early bird catches the worm, and the early worm is eaten by the bird.

God, my clothes have lost weight again!

Water can carry a boat and cook porridge.

Buying a computer without broadband is like becoming a monk without eating.

There is an old legend-people who can see beautiful women on XX campus will live forever.

Healthy and relaxed; Living is easy; Life is not easy.

My name in my girlfriend's mobile phone is "He". After breaking up, I became "it".

I am different from you because I am human.

I only drink pure water when drinking water and pure milk when drinking milk, so I am very simple.

God gave us youth and acne.

If something goes wrong, look for the reason from yourself first. Don't blame the earth for its lack of gravity when you are constipated.

Boys are poor, or don't know how to struggle, girls are rich, or they are coaxed away by a piece of cake.

Fate is responsible for shuffling cards, but it is ourselves who play cards!

Love is a kind of helplessness, being loved is a gesture, waiting for love is an expectation, and not loving is an ability.

The beauty of a woman lies in her unrepentant stupidity, and the beauty of a man lies in being a ghost every day.