Do you have any good jokes? The more urgent your request to a girl is, the better. Thank you, so you don't have to come.

I don't know what series you like. Send a slip of the tongue series first. If lz likes it, I also have a series of primary school students, a series of cold jokes and a series of classic short jokes. Let's see if lz likes this kind of light.

1, a literary evening, the host came to the stage and announced: Please enjoy the following: Xinjiang song and dance, lift your skull! Creepy!

It is a big scar when the bowl falls.

3, the tiger does not send a cat, you think I am critically ill!

When I was in high school, the classroom discipline was very chaotic. In a rage, the teacher picked up XXX and said, XXX, stand on the wall for me! ~ ~ The whole class is cold!

When I was driving, the female colleague sitting next to me suddenly asked, "Why don't you wear a condom when driving?"

6. Me: That's our physics teacher. . .

Classmate: What do you teach?

Me: Chemistry. . . 7. In the Internet cafe, a classmate suddenly raised his hand and shouted, "Teacher!"

8. One person in our dormitory drank too much urine and then brought out a cold sentence: if you drink too much urine, you will drink too much wine.

9, buy oranges, boss: one yuan and five pounds. Me: It's too expensive, five yuan and three Jin. Boss: no, no.

10, my friend asked me about the computer configuration, and I said that the monitor is a color screen. (I was going to say LCD)

1 1, junior high school art evening, grab the answering session.

Hostess: "Attention, everyone, don't grab it too fast." When I finished, I began to raise my hand. "

Then he began to look at the topic and said, "Now. . . "

At this time, a player scrambled to answer.

The host said: "This classmate is a little too anxious. I' started' (shit) is still in my mouth, why did you rob me? "

12 I heard a MM shouting "Give me a bowl of vipers ~!"

13, at school

One day, my classmate called and handed it to me, saying, "Your mother * *."

As soon as I answered the phone, I casually said, "A man and a woman."

Everyone laughed wildly. I was laughed at for four years.

14, a classmate's high school classmate (a boy) walked into the noodle restaurant and shook his hair. "Boss, two onions don't want rice noodles!" After that, add:

"More rice noodles!" Boss: ". . . . Do you want rice noodles or onions? "

15, once my classmate's mother called me in the dormitory.

I am used to saying "he is not in", but this time I want to say "he is out"

The result is: "He's gone ..."

16, gg handed me a sorbet, and I took a bite and shouted, "It's burning me!"

17, went to Li Ning to buy shoes with my sister. My sister said, "Miss, how much are these shoes?"

18, once I patted my roommate's stomach, she said loudly, "Stop patting, I have urine in my stomach."

19, everyone was given badges in high school. . Before a physical examination, the class teacher ran to the classroom and shouted, put on your bra and come to Zara.

. The audience was silent. . .

20. Go home on weekends when you are at school. After dinner, I was addicted to cigarettes and planned to go for a walk on the pretext. When changing shoes at the door, my father asked me why I wanted to go. I said it off the cuff.

Sentence: "Go have a cigarette!" As a result, my father found a pack of 555 from me and gave me a good K.

2 1, a leader of the education bureau inspected the class exercises. After that, the PE teacher should have announced the "dissolution", but in desperation, he forgot his words and held back.

Oh, my God, shout, "Fall back!" "

22. In high school, there was a teacher named Jiang, who looked very much like (the Tang Priest who played a Chinese Odyssey). I went to ask him a question and blurted out, "Miss Tang, this question.

……"

23, a colleague, one day I was driving on the road and my tire was flat. I asked where there was an inflatable one. Colleague said: "The streets are full of abortions!"

24. A teacher played mahjong all night. Seeing that the blackboard had not been wiped, he was furious: "Who is the farmer today?" Don't clean the blackboard! "

25. Once my uncle saw my sister-in-law wearing a big treasure and suddenly shouted, "You have such good skin, why do you still use soothing treasure?"

26. When the teacher leaves homework, I copy others' if I can't do it, and then go to the office to hand in my homework. I saw the teacher say, "I copied it!" "

27. Once, we traveled to Huangshan Mountain, and the tour guide just introduced that the 100-step ladder was in Liu Xiaoqing. & gt scenic spots. Suddenly, in our group,

A man blurted out, "Director …" Everyone fainted.

28. At that time, several female classmates came to my house to play. I'll get the water. They turn on the DVD player to watch movies. I heard Cantonese in the back room, and then I shouted.

Turn down the voice, the tone is wrong, and I suddenly became speechless. My face is red and purple ~ ~ I almost fainted ~ ~

29. In my high school, I go home with my MM after school. At the school gate, I saw a barbecue seller. MM said she wanted to eat beef offal, because there were many barbecues, and I was afraid.

The boss couldn't hear me. I shouted "Boss, five strings of bullwhip", and then there was silence. Three seconds later, everyone laughed together. I was very embarrassed

. . . The most embarrassing thing is that MM then asked me, "What is a bullwhip?" I have to answer MM very, very quietly: "A bullwhip is a cow's tail." .

30. quarreled with mm mobile phone. She turned up the TV so loudly that I was annoyed and said loudly, "Turn off the phone for me!" " Now I think

Get up quickly, it's cold!

3 1. Have breakfast with classmates in the morning. One of them only eats steamed buns, and the other only eats skins. We are talking about them eating stuffing when they waste time.

The classmate said, "You can eat my foreskin when you are finished." All the porridge drinkers present poured out.

32. Tell a true story. On the factory bus to work, MM asked me: My computer is dying. I said, then go back and check the virus, remember to

Upgrade antivirus software. MM: oh. The next morning, I saw MM on the bus again. I asked casually: Have you checked? Is the batter out? then ... . . . .

. . . . MM said loudly: I am so angry. I checked for a long time and said it was not poisonous. What do you suggest? It was very cold then.

. . . . Fresh in my memory.

33. A classmate of my dormitory's high school classmate called. He said who to look for, I said I wasn't there, and then he said thank you.

34. In the past, others came to menstruation's house and just entered the door. It happened that my aunt was going to the bathroom. She quickly greeted the guests and said, "Sit, sit, sit."

I'll go to the toilet and pour you some tea! "

35. In the past, we had a political economy teacher who was very fond of talking! I once talked about the strength of the dollar. He is too

"Do you know why only US dollars are called' US dollars', but you have never heard of a name called' English'?

"Gold" and "Fajin"? "

36. During the military training in the university, the instructor shouted: Look at your sidelight ~ ~ ~ We want to laugh but dare not. It's pathetic.

37. The female classmate and her cousin invited me to dinner and asked me to eat more during the dinner. I don't know how I made the following mistake.

Error: "Thank you, I have no sexual desire recently. Eat more!" " "At that time, everyone was having a picnic. .

38. Our company has a car to go to work in the morning, because the car is not big. On one occasion, a mm got on the bus without a seat.

Hello, a male colleague sitting next to me stood up and greeted her warmly and said, "So-and-so, sit on my ass!" " "I always

Laugh till you get off ~!

39. I used to be obsessed with online games and often killed in Internet cafes. After the end of the semester, I went home with a group of buddies and the train was about to leave.

Before we found the platform, we suddenly said, "MD, there is not even a coordinate here (in fact, we are looking for a sign)!" " ~ "Dude

Laugh after listening ~ ~

40. When I used to live on campus, I used to have bunk beds. The mobile phone needs to be recharged once. But there is only one socket in a bed, so reading with a lamp can't be recharged.

So, A plugs the charger into B. B wants to listen to music at night, and when he sees A's charger, he shouts, "Hey, I said, why do you always plug it into me?"

Hey? Why don't you put it under you? "After a commotion, sweat ~ ~

4 1, when I was in college, a classmate argued with me, and I was at a disadvantage for a while. In desperation, I got up and shouted: You talk nonsense, I'm not stupid.

!

42. A friend of mine went on a blind date. When he came back, everyone asked him how he was. The buddy said: This girl is really rough. At noon, when the meal arrived, two people got into a cow.

Arriving at the meat noodle restaurant, the girl shouted to the master: Hey, pull two bowls ~ ~ Lamian Noodles's master said: Do you want to eat? I eat and pull.

43. When I was a child, popsicles and ice cream were usually sold on bicycles. Once, I heard an aunt shouting in the house: New ice cream is selling well.

(It is estimated that Auntie used to sell fried dough sticks. )

44. My roommate boiled water quickly, but after the water boiled, that fellow was reading leisurely and motionless. He couldn't stand it anymore and said, "It's time to pull it out."

? It's too noisy. . "No response. 15 seconds later, he added, "It's very hot there, so it's easy to break down all the time. " 。" Don't move.

Quiet. In half a minute, the water was completely boiled and splashed. "That what, shoot. Spit out a lot of things and cry louder and louder.

I'm afraid it will hurt people. . Are you sure you won't? "。 . . A thick book flies towards my head! ! ! ~

45. Our head teacher teaches mathematics in senior three ... When he reviews for us, every time he draws a picture and a ray, he loudly says: ~ ~ ` The students are very optimistic.

Ah ~ ~ I took it

46. Go to Hengshan to play in college. I was halfway up the mountain. When I am tired, I want to have a rest. Seeing a souvenir-buying Obasan by the roadside, I went up.

Q: "Wife ..."

47. During the self-study class, everyone was watching the review. GG said to MM, "I just finished reciting the words, help me write them down." MM doesn't want to be silent, GG asks.

She, you (touch) me, (touch) me! ! As a result, MM couldn't stand it, shouting, Teacher, look, I don't want to (touch) him, but he has to.

I (touch) silently ~ ~! ! !

48. One day I went to my classmate's house for dinner and drank some wine. Her father suddenly came in. He wanted to call him uncle, but he said wrong, "Dad,

Come and sit down! "~ ~ cold! A bunch of classmates laughed to death.

49. My colleague had a quarrel with someone and opened his mouth in a hurry. "Do you think I grew up eating?" I've always wondered what he grew up eating. "

50. When I was in primary school, a very annoying boy asked me to borrow an eraser. If I don't borrow it, he will pester me and hit me. Then I yelled with all my strength.

I won't marry (lend) you. "At that time, the students immediately quieted down.

5 1. Once in ktv, I ordered a song, and a mm shouted: Give me a stick-cut "Double Jielun" every week. ...