Super funny classic quotations

1. Your ugliness has nothing to do with your face …

There are two ways to pollute a place: garbage or money.

You can live like a pig, but you can never be as happy as a pig.

As long as the sunrise appears before sunset, as long as it arrives before class is over.

People always make mistakes, otherwise the right way will be crowded.

6. Drink only pure water when drinking water and pure milk when drinking milk, so it is very simple. ...

7. In order to cooperate with the successful completion of family planning work in China this year, I decided not to contact friends of the opposite sex for the time being. Thank you for your cooperation.

8. I'm not nice to you without money and power. Can you come with me?

9. If I want to sweep the floor, I will never wash the dishes. If I want to wash the dishes, I will never sweep the floor. Both? Do you think I am an alien?

10. Give me a fulcrum and I'll put my neighbor's car in the ditch so that he won't honk when he sees me.

1 1. If the leader doesn't give me a raise next month, I will resign. Before resigning, I will give him two Chinese letters and kill him. 6 1. If pigs can fly, who will buy a plane? Ride a pig to heaven.

12. Even if I were a clam frog, I would never marry the mother clam salamander.

13. There is absolutely no feeling after drinking a catty of white wine, because you died after drinking half a catty.

14. If the son is disobedient, he can fight appropriately, otherwise he will not show his majesty. This is the case in Taiwan Province (Harmony-Harmony) Bay.

15. Don't blame the dog for looking like a steamed stuffed bun.

16. Occasionally, if you live in silence, you will feel great, but if you live in silence, you will be miserable. ...

17. In an argument, the difference between a man and a woman is like the difference between a step gun and a machine gun.

18. Grandpa is from his grandson. ...

19. Pigs have pig thoughts, and people have people's thoughts. If a pig has a human brain, it is not a pig-it is Bajie.

20. It is normal to eat the metal wire for washing the pot for breakfast, which just shows that our logistics comes in strict accordance with the order of washing the pot first and then cooking. ...

2 1. Women have countless QQ numbers just to play with a man. Men often use a QQ number to fill in all kinds of women. ...

22. The early bird catches the worm, and the early worm is eaten by the bird.

23. An iron pestle can be ground into a needle, and a wooden pestle can only be ground into a toothpick. The material is wrong, and it's no use trying again.

24. If the answer was a virtue, I would have become a saint.

25. Life can't be like cooking. All the ingredients are ready before cooking.

26. I heard that women are like clothes and brothers are like brothers. In retrospect, I actually streaked in Too Many Cooks for 20 years.

27. Not afraid of enemies like tigers, but afraid of teammates like pigs.

28. Sleep is an art-no one can stop me from pursuing art.

29. Life is simple. Live, relax. Life is not easy.

30. Being pregnant is like being pregnant. It takes a long time for people to see it.

3 1. Stand higher and pee farther.

32. Life is sometimes like being raped by a eunuch-resistance is pain, non-resistance is still pain.

Don't come to me for nothing, let alone say anything.

What can I do to kill your lover? ...

35. Exercise muscles to prevent being beaten.

Super invincible funny classic quotations

Super invincible funny classic quotations

1. Were you thrown three times and only caught twice when you were born?

I really want to put my size 37 shoes on your size 42 face right away.

3. Your mother took you shopping, and people asked: Elder sister, how much did you buy this monkey?

There is a big plate on these two lips.

5. You are Korean, and your whole family is Korean!

6. You are not the mainstream! Your home is not mainstream! Your mother's socks! Your dad's tin foil paper head!

7. How far your thoughts are, how far you roll; You can roll as fast as the speed of light

8. Your grandmother went to see your grandfather, who has been away for you for five years. It is your teeth that tell me that dogs and people are one ancestor. How many cleaners do you need to take a shower to get through the sewage blocked by the sludge you washed? There are a hundred of your deskmates, 99 of them are all dead, all committed suicide, and one of them didn't fall to death and became a cripple. Where your saliva falls, there are crows and maggots.

9. Your parents should have spent those ten minutes walking (did you think of anything? )

10. You let me know the true meaning of nausea, and you let me see the offspring of the second generation of nerves. How many descendants of Marshal Hua Gai can be fascinated by your hairstyle or fall in love with you, and how many close relatives of mosquitoes can be attracted by your smell. Your clothes can make many beggars remember you deeply, because they know that others only wear underpants to beg. Your athlete's foot can stop the earth, the river flows backwards, and the calcium deficiency of the living stinks. Let's talk about your head first: fleas can spend spring, summer, autumn and winter in it, and dandruff is as beautiful as snowflakes. If it falls there, there will be an unparalleled smell around it, and the flowers and plants will turn yellow and will not regenerate. You are as slim as a pregnant cow. Your brain is half as clever as my pig. Skin is your best umbrella, lying in the coal for half a year,

1 1. Did your mother throw you away to raise a placenta when she gave birth to you?

12. You are the letters between the letters on my keyboard, A and D, V and N.

13. You have no cover and lack of love since you were a child. You tied a hemp rope around your waist and covered your head.

14. Clear water leads to no fish, while lowly people lead to invincible.

15. If you don't peel the bark, you will die. People are shameless and invincible in the world.

16. If you were a flower, cows wouldn't dare to shit.

17. This century is very dangerous. Go back to your Jurassic.

18. With you, life is full of infinite vitality; With you along the way, I am afraid of lightning; Just because of you, happiness and satisfaction are always overflowing; Without you, who will feed the pig food?

19. The people of the whole country are the best, riding a bench to the moon; The world belongs to you, and you can play the best. You don't need a glass to drink. From ancient times to the present, you are the best, and going out shopping is scary; What you said is nothing, the Nobel Prize is waiting for you! 32. A hateful guy like you: you can only play a piece of shit in a TV series.

20. It's worse than chewing gum peed by dogs on the roadside.

2 1. Even a flower is more handsome than 10 times.

22. If you want to find a girlfriend, you have to go to the zoo or even leave the earth.

As long as you look up, the ozone layer will break through.

If you want to commit suicide, only someone will advise you not to leave the body, so as not to pollute the environment.

25. Even the amoeba can't survive on the keyboard you touched.

Spilled saliva is more deadly than SARS.

27. If you are cool and handsome, human beings can only reproduce asexually.

28. Idiots can be your teachers, and even mentally retarded people can teach you to speak.

Pretending to be cute can solve the problem of population expansion instantly.

30. I want to emigrate to Mars and leave you.

3 1. If your ugliness can generate electricity, nuclear power plants all over the world can be shut down.

32. If you go to war, bullets and missiles will come at you involuntarily.

33. Grenade will explode when it sees you.

34. Send you a pair of couplets after the festival: Part I: Trees will die without skin; The second part: shameless people are invincible in the world; Man is cheap and invincible.

35. A person is cheap all his life.

2020 Super Funny Classic Quotations

I have the ability to pick up girls, but I am a girl. . .

My brother suddenly pointed to a pig on TV and said to me, "Hey! Isn't this you! " I habitually shouted: "It's your sister!" Then I regretted it!

Some people are simply a four, except for 22, minus 22, which is really two plus two, minus 12 plus 12, and it is twice as much as two.

What is persistence? Just one day, one more day, you tell yourself, one more day.

. Why is there a moon on Bao Qingtian's forehead? Bao Zheng: I didn't know I was dark during the day.

You can't rely on anything these days, you can only rely on yourself. Abbreviation: Holy shit!

People who have always been dissatisfied with hairstyles have one thing in common: refusing to admit it is a matter of face. . .

I always feel that the bed, too neatly laid, will be a little bit of an old age. Well, it's still messy and energetic.

"Is my face oily?" "Reflecting light, I can't see clearly."

Uplink: telephone charges, tolls, broadband fees and fees to be paid; Downstream: meal card, water card, bus card, Kaka, etc. Horizontal approval: breaking the money at the beginning of school.

Never quarrel with your parents, because you will only be scolded if you win, and you will only be beaten if you win.

Suddenly I feel that Pleasant Goat is very similar to Journey to the West. Catch every episode, and then definitely don't eat it.

The standard of otaku and otaku: take the computer as the center and the arm length as the radius, and take things in bed. ...

Years later, if you get married, if I don't get married. Tell your daughter to be careful on the way to school. . . .

Some girls are the same as the house price. Only when you look back, do you know that it was wrong not to start.

I was forced to go on a blind date, and the other party was a drag on learning English. As soon as he arrived, he said that he was CET-8, Japanese-1 and German-2. Ask me what level? I told him QQ30, yellow diamond 7, red diamond 4, colored diamond 4 and green diamond 3. Blind date is also a pleasure in life. . .

A: "I have a crush on a girl." B: "I have a crush!" A: "What a good method." B: "Secret love is the most economical of all relationships."

Do you know why February 14 is Valentine's Day? I hope two lovers get along sweetly. 1 The baby is happy, the four elders are healthy and live a long life, and the third one is not allowed to interfere.

Today, classmate A borrowed money from classmate B. . Do you have money with you? B: Yes. Lend me some. What did you just say? Lend me some. B: no, the previous sentence. Do you have money with you? B: No! ! ! “TMD”

The mother taught her daughter: "Choosing a spouse is a lifelong event, and you should pay more attention." . Look at your dad. He can handle anything. He repaired the faucet of the car electric appliance by himself. Even if the wardrobe is broken, he can fix it himself ... My daughter interrupted me and said, "I see." "Understand your sister, if you also find a husband like your father, you will never want to use new things in my life! "

It is said that if you play Weibo for a long time, you will talk like this. "Honey, there is wood in the pit." "Your sister!" "Dear, rotten women don't give strength!" "The cat has a microphone, go to shit!" "Honey, you are too tolerant." "You are so dizzy, you cheat paper!" "Honey, being old and wet is lewd." "I depend!" "Honey, what's that swelling?" "The otaku and the otaku can't afford to get hurt ..." "Honey, you know!" "Nima is envious and jealous." "Honey, you are laughing at me!"

What's your annual salary? B: Eight million. A: There were 800,000 that month. Yes, this is the basic salary. A: Not bad. What do you do? B: Dreaming.

Valentine's day is coming, remind everyone: send some flowers and plants foolishly; Running around with frivolous leaders; Vulgar enough to eat and drink; Boring dance; Boldly cuddle; Crazy on the spot; Timid to send a message to say hello; No, stay at home and think about it! !

The world laughed at me for being crazy, and I laughed at the world for seeing it so quickly.

What is a famous brand? If you add a zero to the cost price, it's called a famous brand. Cost plus two zeros is called luxury. How many zeros can be added after the cost price? This is called a cultural relic!

If I pass you on the road and don't say hello to you, it's not because I pretend to be arrogant and play big cards. . Because ... . . . . . I don't have my glasses.

Perfect boyfriend: handsome, rich, generous, temperament, self-restraint, no hooking up, no drinking, no smoking, no cheating, no existence …

It is said that the tears you shed are the water in your head. . .

The most shameless person I have ever met is homework. I told you I didn't like him, and he still pestered me to fuck him. .

Feelings that are not for the purpose of marriage are all for raising a wife for others. . .

There is a crash called password input error ... there is a panic called account login in different places ... there is a feeling called invisibility ... there is a misunderstanding called offline ... and there is a loss called that you have no access rights.

Very diligent, these five words, I thought about it, I only did the first four. . .

Baidu is called Du Niang, Netease is called Yi Niang, and Sina is still debating whether to call the bride or Lang Niang! ..... Whether you are a penguin mother, a Douban maid of honor or a fake Huawei mother, remember that Taobao is your own mother! Honey!

I once swore that if I bought online again, I would cut off my hand. Now I find that I am a thousand-handed Guanyin! !

If you think that eating is my whole life, you are wrong! And ... . Sleep!

I talked to my colleagues about the house price at noon yesterday. I also said: the house price is so expensive now. If I have a piece of land, it will be really developed! He said: If you have a piece of land, I will recognize you as michel platini at once! Just after reading it, the little girl at the front desk called me: XX~ You have a courier! . . . Later, my adopted son refused to talk to me all afternoon.

Dead vines, old trees, faint crows; School, no, go home; Beating, naked test, not hanging; Just talking in my sleep. Sunset, sunset, failing students, at the end of the world. . .

Non-mainstream super funny classic quotations

1, if it is a mistake to be beautiful, then I am all wet; If being smart is a crime, I have committed a heinous crime, and it is really difficult to be a human being. But you're fine. You are right and innocent. I really envy you.

2. Don't always ask others why they don't want to talk to you, because it's too hard to talk to you? Can you believe it?

I don't want to hit you either. Go to the zoo to see if there is a job suitable for you. If you run around the street like this, it's easy for the police to shoot you.

I have been friends with you for so long, and you always care about me, but I often give you trouble. I really don't know how to answer you. Therefore, in the next life, if you are a cow and a horse, I will definitely pull weeds for you to eat.

I want to see you talk, but why do you bury your face in your ass? ... oh? Sorry, I didn't know it was your face. What about your ass?

6, the Yangtze River flood control, you personally command. You go to the front of the dam, tear open a small bag of white objects and throw them into the gap, and the flood will soon subside. You shake your arm and shout: Anerle sanitary napkin, super suction! Lock the moisture! Don't reveal it!

7. I saw you that day, in the supermarket! You quietly put your hand on the barcode scanner, and the screen shows: pig's trotters. You think the machine is broken, put your face together and have a look. The screen shows pig's head and meat!

8. There are some things you should know! Days are used for windy and rainy days; The land is used to grow flowers and grass; I was used to prove the greatness of mankind. And you: "It is used to stew vermicelli. ! "

9. God saw you thirsty and created water; God saw that you were hungry and created rice; God saw that you had no lovely friends and created me; However, he also saw that there is no idiot in this world and created you by the way.

10, spring blossoms are your smile; The summer sun is burning, that's your passion; Autumn fruits are ripe, which is your harvest; Hey hey! Bear, so you can hibernate safely!

1 1. Life is full of infinite vitality with you; With you along the way, I am afraid of lightning; Just because of you, happiness and satisfaction are always overflowing; Without you, who will feed the pig food?

12, the people of the whole country are the best, riding a bench to the moon; The world belongs to you, and you can play the best. You don't need a glass to drink. From ancient times to the present, you are the best, and going out shopping is scary; What you said is nothing, the Nobel Prize is waiting for you!

13, look at you. You are well-proportioned, handsome and charming. Everyone loves you and a hundred flowers blossom. You must be the best among scum and the beast among animals.

14, as far as IQ is concerned, you are hopeless, but as far as meanness is concerned, 300 years ahead and 300 years back, a total of * * * 600 years, and no one can surpass you! At the age of nine, you let yourself fall. At the age of twenty, you reached the peak! Don't be 80 years old, now you have no teeth to the extreme!

15, starting from tomorrow, the city has decided to drive away all ugly and mentally retarded young people who are detrimental to the city appearance! You should pack up quickly, go out for shelter from the rain, and don't tell anyone that I informed you, remember! You're welcome.

16. Living wastes air, dying wastes land, and dying wastes RMB. Without you, the world will be beautiful! ! ! !

17, a classic swearing quotation: the one riding a white horse is not necessarily a prince, he may be a Tang priest; The one with wings is not necessarily an angel, he may be a bird man.

18, you didn't learn so many weapons in China, but you learned swords; Go to the sword, but don't learn the sword; There are so many moves in the sword that you are drunk with learning the sword; Learn silver sword instead of iron sword! Finally, you became a martial arts stunt: drunken silver sword! Finally, we can achieve the unity of man and sword-swordsman.

19 Look, your little face is nothing like a pig! Now throw you into the toilet, the toilet will vomit, throw you into the black hole, and the black hole will explode by itself!

20. Just a gust of wind, but so eternal, just a dream, but so real. You bowed your head and said nothing, but I couldn't calm down. I finally can't help but say to you: Next time you fart, let me know!

2 1, a barber pressed the customer's head on the faucet to wash his hair viciously. The customer was in pain and asked, "Is there anyone outside?" "What are you doing?" "If there is no one, you can kill me with a razor."