Are there any jokes suitable for telling mom?

There was a long line of people who applied for the performance of the bodyguard company. In order to select the people who are satisfied with them as soon as possible, the examiners called in special talents to perform their unique skills. The people who came out performed boxing, Muay Thai, karate, China Kung Fu, fencing and shooting respectively. It was the last turn, but he stood still. "What are you waiting for, sir?" The examiner asked. "I'm sorry, everyone, I'm manipulating the atomic bomb." The man said. _ _ _ Not long ago, a drunk walked out of the Portman Hotel, got into a taxi and said to the driver, "Hilton Hotel, room 8 18 on the eighth floor." On the way, the driver found that the drunk took off all his clothes one by one and said, "Sir, it hasn't arrived in your room yet!" " The drunk was angry: "Why didn't you say so earlier?" "I just took off my shoes at the door! _ _ _ Drunk One day, a drunk walked out of the Portman Hotel, got on a taxi and said to the driver, "Get on the Portman. "I fell asleep. The driver was shocked, woke up the drunk and said, "You are in Portman now. After listening to this, the drunk handed the money to the engineer and said, "Keep the change." Before getting off the bus, he said to the driver with concern, "Don't drive too fast in the future, it's dangerous." _ _ _ Red Ink heard that the conditions in Siberia were good, and discussed with two Russian workers, Ivan and Bao Si, to go there as construction workers. Afraid of being cheated, Ivan left first, and Bao Si waited for his news before making a decision. Before leaving, they agreed that if the letter was written in blue ink, it would be true; If you use red ink, don't take it for granted. A month later, Ivan wrote a letter, and Beth was very happy because the letter was written in blue ink: Dear Beth, the situation here is very good. Everything is available in the supermarket, including sausages, Chinese meat and other meats. There is still some fresh bread and milk every morning, and clothes are very cheap, but only a little out of stock, you can't buy red ink! Reasons for being late Jenny, who is often late, is late again today. However, Jenny's mother asked her to take a note to the manager. The note said, "Sorry, my daughter is often late. "This is because there are three young girls in my family and there is only one side in the mirror." _ _ _ varies from person to person. Frey showed his friend the golf equipment he just bought: "My wife and I have gained a little weight. The doctor said that the main reason is insufficient exercise, so I am going to join the golf club. " "What about your wife?" "I bought her a lawn mower." _ _ _ The price of cats fluctuated in the market, and a customer asked, "Hello! How much is this cat? " "Sir, 100 francs." "But yesterday you only wanted 20 francs." "Because this morning it ate a parrot worth 80 francs from my family." _ _ _ It is too late. I didn't know what real happiness was until I got married. But it's too late. _ _ _ Verify that Mr. Jenkins and his wife had a big fight over family chores at breakfast. "You can't do housework and never think of others. Besides, your performance in bed is too bad! " The husband sneered angrily. With that, he angrily took his briefcase and went to work. At noon, Mr. Jenkins regretted saying those words that hurt his wife. So he called home. But the bell kept ringing, but no one answered. Just as Mr Jenkins was about to hang up, his wife picked up the receiver. "Why did you take so long to answer the phone?" The husband asked. "I'm in bed," the wife replied lazily. "What are you doing in bed now?" The husband then asked. "I'm verifying what you said this morning!" The wife replied. _ _ _ One-way street One day, a gentleman was riding a motorcycle on the road and was suddenly stopped by the police. The gentleman was not nervous, but very excited, because he was covered with papers, so as soon as the car stopped, he handed the papers to the police. Sir: Driver's license, travel photos ... Policeman: Doubt? ... oh ... sir: can we go now? ... being arrested is so cool. Policeman: Sir … this is a one-way street … _ _ _ _ Entrepreneur A successful entrepreneur told his children that a successful person should have two necessary conditions: honesty and wisdom. Zi: What is honesty? Father: Honesty means giving goods to customers today, knowing that they will go bankrupt tomorrow. Zi: What is wisdom? Father: Don't do such a stupid thing! ! ! _ _ _ Are you blind? A traffic accident happened in the downtown area, and two cars collided head-on. One of the drivers shouted angrily, "Are you blind? Unwilling to be humiliated, another driver retorted, "Who said that? Did I miss your face? _ _ _ The young man who just learned to ride a motorcycle accidentally bumped into an old woman. Young man: Grandma, I'm sorry! I'm not good at riding ... grandma: I'm not good at riding, and I can play so accurately!