Youth stray cat lost in memory

There was a cat in my memory. It is brown. Big ears and a long beard. There is a tiger stripe on its back, and its eyes are always shining silver-blue in the dark.

There was a cat in my memory. It is brown. Big ears and a long beard. There is a tiger stripe on its back, and its eyes are always shining silver-blue in the dark. The mouth is upturned T-shaped. When it snores lazily, its two white beards tremble slightly.

one

I was born on a rainy morning in July, and the sky collapsed when I was born. A thunderbolt fell and cut down a locust tree with a crooked neck not far away. Suddenly the fire soared into the sky. The trunk burns from the root and faces the sky.

My biological mother is a luxurious and beautiful dancer. I really can't imagine what kind of courage she had before deciding to give birth to me. That day, after seeing these visions, she was very frightened. I guess she must be a stupid woman obsessed with witchcraft.

Later, at the suggestion of feudal family sisters, she decided to find a wizard.

It was another misty morning, and I seemed to see the subtle expression on my mother's beautiful face and the retro satin embroidered shoes on her feet when I stepped on the wet slate road.

The footsteps are dense and the face is like a peach blossom. What she saw was Mr. Hu, a wretched short man with a full face of stubble and a robe.

When Mr. Hu first met my mother, he was fascinated by her charming temperament. His bedroom eyes reveal the dirtiest thoughts in his heart Mother is a person who has seen the world. She just smiled. Teacher Hu wrote my birthday on the bluestone board. In my panic, I stepped back a few steps.

"This ... this child has a hard life and will die ... next of kin."

Master Hu swallowed a few mouthfuls of saliva, then rolled up the parcel and fled like a plague.

My mother came home, silently picked me up as a baby and stared at me for a long time. Finally, she gritted her teeth. Take me out of the door.

My foster mother found me by the trash can. She is a kind little common people with dark and shiny skin and a weathered mask. There are a few fine lines on my forehead. When she saw me, she picked up the plastic film on the ground and wrapped my little body layer by layer. The loose bun covered half of her face, only her eyes were bright.

The adoptive mother lives by collecting rags, and the adoptive father works in a nearby factory with the lowest salary and the most tiring work. They are over half a hundred years old and have no children. In this way, I, a born burden, landed in this world.

My adoptive parents didn't read any books, so I just named them according to my birth, and got the most vulgar name in the world: Tianci.

When I was young, I was very playful. Compared with my childhood friends, I am much worse, because I have no toys, no picture books and no colored crayons.

So every time the adoptive father comes back from the factory, he will bring back one or two small toys he picked up in the garbage dump. So many years later, when I watch the No.7 Yangtze River, I will always recall this tragic childhood. Recall the vague details I can still remember. He just didn't bring back a seven-year-old boy, so my childhood didn't have Xiao Di's dream.

When I grow up, I find that some strange things change slowly in a subtle way, such as the way my uncle and aunt look at me, and the eyes of my classmates and teachers are very strange.

Only one day, when my foster mother braided my hair, I clearly saw this strange phenomenon. In the mirror, I have a pair of perfect facial features, beautiful skin color, clear eyes like a stream, red lips and white teeth. The rosy cheeks are as white as snow.

"Mom, my classmates say I don't look like you. I am not your own. " In the mirror, my foster mother's face suddenly turned white, and the palm of my head shook unconsciously. But at that moment, I saw her smile, wrinkles piled up around her eyes, and she looked older: "Silly ya, this is all jealous of us." I am jealous of my girl's good looks. "

At night, I heard a quarrel in the kitchen in my sleep. It was my adoptive parents who quarreled. So I got out of bed quietly, opened the wooden window and drilled through the windowsill in the moonlight on a blue night. The alley leading to the cupboard room is very pale and extends to the backyard. At this moment, I saw a stray cat. At that time, it was still very small, looking at me from a distance, silently. I also watched it silently for half a minute and saw that the green light from its eyes was more enchanting in the dark.

I froze for a while, then quickly crossed the alley in an agile posture, dodging in the dim light and shadow of the window. I'm too young to reach the windowsill and see the fierce quarrel inside.

"She is too young to know anything." This is the voice of the adoptive father.

"She will understand when she grows up. We raised her for nothing. " I heard my foster mother chattering.

"Keep your voice down, don't let the children hear ..."

They are still arguing. I have sneaked back to the windowsill along the original road of the wall. The cat is still there, sitting in the same place, with round green eyes and cold. I blinked and slowly climbed into the window.

Hiding in the quilt, my eyes kept flashing cat's eyes, like a round glass ball, cold and arrogant like a demon.

Soon, my door creaked open and light came in. I quickly closed my eyes and ignored it. I heard the soft voice of my foster mother scattered in the air: "Girl, are you asleep?"

I closed my mouth tightly in the dark, and tears suddenly and unexpectedly flowed down.

two

The cat later showed up in my backyard uninvited. It is small, with brown hair and two small round eyes. When I first saw it, the chopsticks scraping rice in my hand suddenly fell to the ground with a bang, and I stared at it with wide eyes in shock.

It sat there motionless, still very silent, half curled its pie mouth, tiptoed past, and fuzzy light came out of its two pupils.

I stepped back until a stone behind me tripped me. It stopped, the brilliance in its eyes dimmed, lowered its head, stared at my overturned rice bowl, and then stammered.

Later, later, I adopted it. I call it Beibei.

I remember Beibei often sleeps in my quilt, whether it is cold in winter or hot in summer. No matter how bad our first meeting was, no matter how many secrets it knew about me, it always seemed rude. Good for me.

Often, I will say a lot to Beibei and tell her my dream of leaving home and going far away. I don't know why, my heart will float at will in an unconscious state, like a cloud in the sky, drifting with the tide. I feel that this place does not belong to me, and it is so out of place with me.

When I asked Beibei, she just slept with her eyes closed all day and ignored me at all. Even when he opened his eyes, his eyes were still very soft, so I found that Beibei quickly became secular. Maybe he was too tired and wanted to say goodbye to those lonely and dark days.

On a cold winter night, stray cats silently watched me climb up and down Beibei from the windowsill.

I had a dream, vaguely dreaming of S, Xiao Mo and Er Qiao, who have been lost for a long time in the future.

During that period of adolescence, I often lingered. I blend into the middle school campus as carefully as I am afraid of making mistakes. Maybe my nature is integrated with this environment, maybe I was born with a vast world.

I love reading very much and I am eager for the wonderful world inside. I started with a punctuation mark and forgot to eat or sleep, even the illustrations.

Many times, I am a silent child, often frowning and staring at the direction of the sky. Until I met Mr. Steven.

He is a tall, gentle and handsome young male teacher with metal glasses. The appearance of a student who just walked out of campus.

I squinted at the teacher and blushed.

He called me to the office after class.

After pouring me a glass of water, he also sat down to drink tea. That afternoon, instead of criticizing an undisciplined student like a teacher, he kept talking to me about trivial things. Like a big friend.

"God-given, it is a good thing to love fantasy, but as a teacher, I feel very ashamed."

Finally, I was shocked to see Mr. Steven doing a self-examination.

"Students are distracted in class, which proves that the teacher's class has no influence. This is the default of being a teacher! "

I looked into Steven's dark eyes and finally said nothing.

Once passing by Steven's office, I heard him happily say to my Chinese teacher at that time, "God is a very spiritual girl, and her mind is full of endless gifts."

This sentence has influenced me for a long time. Until I joined the work in the future, I was always curious about what Teacher Steven's "endowment" meant.

However, I still only listen to Mr. Steven's class, and other subjects are still as poor as ever.

I haven't seen Beibei for a long time, but I don't want to go back to that "home" for no reason. I call that place a "garbage recycling factory".

Weekend.

I'm the only one left in the dormitory. I lay in bed reading for a while and fell asleep unconsciously. There is always a black cat stretching and pouting around me in my dream. It's not my family's Beibei, just like the stray cat I kept staring at in the alley outside my bedroom on that cold midnight, because of a familiar look and tacit understanding.

I broke out in a cold sweat and quickly sat up and wrapped the quilt. It was dark outside the window, and the north wind blew in through the broken wooden window frame, and the glass jingled.

I sat in the dark for a long time before I heard someone knocking at the door. I thought it was s who listened to me and would stay with me, so I was hooked up and rushed to the door without clothes on. I opened the door and the cold wind blew all over me. I immediately felt frozen and huddled up from head to toe. At the same time, the person in front of me surprised me.

At this time, my adoptive father appeared in front of me, exhausted, wrapped in winter clothes and felt hat from head to toe, showing only a pair of eyes. He was thin, but now he looks shorter and rougher.

I looked down and whispered, "Dad." I can hardly hear you.

The adoptive father only said, "Go home, son. Go home when you are tired ... "

At that moment, my eyes filled with tears. I think I am the worst child in the world.

I told Beibei that I didn't want to wander any more. I'm afraid I'll forget to come back if I go too far, and I'm destined to be a person who belongs.

Beibei took a nap in my arms, while I looked at the tracks in the distance, because some people said that children wandering on the tracks were looking for happiness.

three

Teacher Steven said he was leaving. When he read the last word to us that day, he looked at us deeply for a few seconds, and then suddenly smiled. He said, "Although I am leaving, please give me a smile as a farewell."

The whole class didn't laugh, and I didn't laugh. I always felt something rolling and sour in my nose. I was afraid of tears, so I kept wiping my nose with handkerchief paper. Looking up, I don't know if it is out of illusion or sensitivity. Teacher Steven gave me a casual look. Although it was only for a few seconds, I still felt it. As soon as the bell rang, I couldn't wait to chase out of the classroom.

Teacher Steven stopped quietly on the steps in front of the classroom when he saw me. At that time, he was still so young, wearing a white long-sleeved trench coat and a row of buttons, shining in the sun like a fairy tale.

A long time later, when I was joking with Teacher Steven, I said, "The teacher feels great standing in the sun."

My tears came at that time. I walked over like an ugly duckling and stood in front of Steven looking so humble. I said, "Teacher, don't give up on me. I will study hard. I will learn all other courses as soon as possible. Just please, don't give up on me, teacher! " "

Steven came over, hugged me gently and patted me on the head. Very kind, just like my brother's feeling: "God-given opportunity, the teacher will remember you. You are a good boy. "

Steven left, and for a long time, I returned to the classroom in a daze, looking at inexplicable math problems over and over again, carrying inexplicable physical formulas, and even my composition class became listless.

I began to lie prone on my desk and wrote a letter to Steven for no reason.

These letters were later collected in my diary, which was a pink hardcover book with a password lock. I lost my key, and at the same time, I lost some feelings that I shouldn't have in my youth, including my affection for Teacher Steven.

It turns out that Mr. Steven went home and got married.

I often went to Lacrimosa for a while, and I don't know why it was always foggy in front of me. I don't think Mr. Steven will wait for me to grow up. He is getting farther and farther away from me like my baby. ......

four

When I left Steven, I didn't know the value of my existence on campus. I wander between school and home every day, but I don't know what to do That year's youth became so long.

The confusion of youth, like Yasujiro's "I was born, but ...", is full of gray tones:

I was born, but I don't know why, because of love or because of helplessness.

I was born, but I don't know whether I will be happy or lose it again and again.

I was born, but I don't know if I will be happy, meet someone, and get married with twists and turns. ......

After a long time ......

On the day of the college entrance examination, I suddenly became very hard, and even every cell in my body seemed to be active. During that time, I felt that life suddenly became so long, so long that I couldn't see the sunrise, sunset and silhouette of time. Time flies. I can't see the old photos forgotten in any corner. Beibei and I walked across the endless grassland with our backs to the sunset.

I made a phone call to Mr. Steven for the first time on the night when I received the college admission notice. I heard his excited tone on the phone, and my heart was as clear as a cloud and spotless. I finally understand why I want to go to college inexplicably. I work hard for no reason.

Teacher Steven, I really want to make you happy and prove myself to you.

Later, I met Xiao Mo, S and Er Qiao.

That was after my first day on campus. I see Er Qiao is a good girl, sitting alone in bed reading cartoons or novels. Quiet and Shu Ya.

S is careless, and Xiao Mo is just a little girl who is quiet in her own world and doesn't understand the world.

When I put down my bag to make the bed, S said, "Alone?"

I looked up and saw her inquiring and uninhibited expression. I felt that this girl was really full and had nothing to do. I ignored her.

A long time later, at a party, S got drunk and hugged me and said, "The first time I talked to you, you ignored me. This hatred will be remembered for a lifetime. "

Later, my iceberg was gradually melted by these three sisters.

We go shopping together, have an outing together, drink together, skip classes together, and stay up all night in Internet cafes together. Just like your youth, you are free to fade away. At that time, you always felt that life was long. For example, after waking up from a long dream, the orange light of the sunset has stained my screen window.

I have forgotten Beibei and Teacher Steven, and I have forgotten that I had such an absurd dream. Who can I go wandering with? Walking on the tracks is like walking in a dream, where youth never dies.

I met Owen when I was a sophomore. In fact, I don't know his real name until now, only remember the former name of a poem he published in the school magazine.

I guess he must like john owen and his articles before deciding to choose this pen name, or maybe this is his name. Unfortunately, my life has no formal intersection with him, and all aspects have lost the right to know. We only have a short fate, which is a memory that I can't forget when I laugh.

The thing is, one day I saw a figure on the road, and then I told S that I saw a boy figure on the road today.

Gossip s got Owen's number through her incredible communication skills and my understatement.

That night, she kept urging me to call that number, saying that if I didn't call, it would mean that scum couldn't get married. I was spineless and unlike a woman. I am so excited that I have no choice but to press the green dial button.

It's open.

After a while, I heard each other say hello. It was a nice male voice.

I said, "Nothing, I have something to ask you. Can you go to the bottom floor of the sixth floor of the girls' dormitory now? "

The other party is still hesitating, S. They have been laughing for a long time.

Suddenly, I felt very angry and was ready to hang up. I said, "Forget it!" "

Then I heard Owen say, "Well, wait."

I was shocked when I saw Owen. For a moment, I almost cried, so that for a long time, I wondered if there was something called fate, which made Steven and I become friends again in this way, worthy of the name.

Then I spent a long time looking back on my whimsy. Because Owen is another Steven teacher, it really seems.

Owen is polite and gentlemanly. He didn't ask me what I wanted with him. He just accompanied me around the playground at my request. I can vaguely see S and them hiding under the street lamp not far away and watching us.

We talked a lot, and I was surprised that we had so many topics, so strange and so tacit. I told him about Steven, and we laughed together. He told me about his favorite entertainment major. He said that he likes to write poems, and Migratory Birds, which once caused a sensation in the school magazine, is his work. He also likes basketball and once had a soft spot for Michael Jordan.

I asked, "Then why not stick to it and become a basketball elite like him?"

He gave me a deep look under the street lamp. His shining eyes made me think it was tears. He said, "You know, some dreams are not for realization, but for longing."

I stood there recalling that sentence, and suddenly I remembered my stray cat. Beibei, are you okay? Is my dream and our agreement still there?

I thought Owen and I would have a long history, but I never contacted him after that long talk that night, because obviously he didn't take the initiative to ask me for contact information.

I looked through the school newspaper before the N issue to find the most eye-catching "migratory birds" in the campus world column. I saw it on the lower right. The author's name is Owen.

Then I will always pay attention to him, see his figure playing on the playground, see his hurried steps in class, and see him holding hands with a beautiful girl. I will always remember that sentence in my heart: "Some dreams are not for realization, but for longing."

five

For my unrequited love, it ended badly. S holds a contemptuous attitude. According to her words, I should jump on him and beg him to accept me on the grounds that he is my favorite.

I went home once in October and saw my foster mother busy wrapping jiaozi for me, just like a holiday. I am very happy in my heart, really. I sat on the sofa and cried happily.

That night, I took my foster mother's hand and accompanied her downstairs for a walk. She told me the story of that woman for the first time.

She said, "She came to see me."

I said, "Really?"

She smiled, completely old and tired: "son, it's time for you to go back to your sky." I was afraid of losing you before, but now ... "

I also smiled and said, "Stop it, Mom." Then I put my head on her shoulder and closed my eyes. In this way, we walked quietly under the street lamp for a long, long time. Like my whole life.

/kloc-in October/February, I received a message.

I returned to my dreamlike hometown from the distant Southern University, and there was moisture on the low-lying concrete pavement just after it rained.

The room was crowded with people, and when I walked in, the crowd began to evacuate. I saw my foster mother's face as white as enough, her forehead protruding from her eyes, and her dry eyes staring at the ceiling. Uncle said that the shroud has been put on, and your mother's lung cancer is dying. She has been waiting for you.

I seemed to be dreaming when my uncle said these words. I think this is a complete joke. She talked to me on the phone last week.

I went over, smiled gently and shouted, "Mom, I'm home. I know you just miss me so much that you deliberately lie down and pretend to be sick. Don't pretend that I will be ... afraid. "

I went to shake her hand and found it was cold. My heart began to sink into darkness. My eyes began to blur, my mother's eyes closed slowly, and the crumpled paper in my right palm fell off.

I said mom, don't be ridiculous. I said I would ... I would cry.

Uncle realized that there was something wrong with his love and immediately came to pull me, so I fainted in his arms.

For a long time, I couldn't accept the fact that my foster mother had left me, just as I often suspected that Beibei was still with me. In fact, Beibei's life can't wait for the day when she goes wandering with me, so I gave her the most unrealistic dream. I can't accompany her until the end of her life.

Before her death, my foster mother kept clutching a piece of paper in her right hand. She gave me a string of strange numbers and a woman's name, Moxia Tea.

I see.

But this is a world I will never understand, a door of the temple that will always be closed to me.

A long time ago, when a beautiful woman stared at me. I can't read her eyes, but I know she doesn't want me.

six

I know, I have to go back to school. Before that, I suddenly wanted to meet Mr. Steven.

Ten years later, I met Mr. Steven again, which seemed more like a reincarnation memory.

It was a summer evening, and I went to see the teacher Steven in my traditional memory. Maybe he has lived in my memory for too long. I made a beautiful bookmark and put it in the book Youth. That page is full of fairy tales, shining like a beautiful crystal ball.

Teacher Steven still loves to laugh, but there are a few fine lines around his eyes. Too wide a suit can't bear his fat body, which makes him more bloated.

I almost want to cry again. In my mind, I can still see the scene of Teacher Steven standing in the sun waiting for me ten years ago. I foolishly asked him not to give up on me. His smile was so beautiful that he said, "God, the teacher will remember you. You are a good boy. "

Steven invited me to his house that day and talked with me so much. He watched Jenny cut fruit affectionately and his lovely little brother ran naughty on the ground.

I smiled with relief. It turned out that I was destined to say goodbye to something, such as wandering, such as Beibei, such as Steven, such as Owen, such as foster mother, such as S, such as youth.

Destined to learn to walk a road of their own, destined to smile at the sun every day, even if the heart has long been barren.

On the way back, I have been listening to Christine's song "Can you not be brave? .

When I heard her sing, "Can we not be brave when the injury is too heavy and sour to bear?"

For the first time, I forgot my inner resistance and struggle in the crowd and cried loudly like a child. It just started to rain outside the window.

In the rain, I seem to see a brown-gray stray cat passing through the garden and stone steps and quickly hiding in the grass beside the tree.

Beibei, I suddenly miss you.