There is a joke, a cold joke.

1. The beautiful giraffe married the handsome monkey.

A year later, the giraffe suddenly filed for divorce: "I will never live this kind of jumping up and down again!" "

The monkey was furious: "Leave! I'm fucking fed up with you! You have to climb a tree to kiss your mouth! "

One night, the driver picked up a woman with long hair and white clothes. After walking for a while, the driver took a casual look in the rearview mirror and found that the woman was gone! ! ! The driver slammed on the brakes and looked back. As a result, the woman was sitting in the back seat, and the driver thought he might be dazzled. After another walk, the driver found that the woman had disappeared from the rearview mirror. The driver slammed on the brakes again and turned to see that the woman was still sitting in the back seat ... After repeated several times, the driver saw in the rearview mirror that the woman's face was covered with blood and her hair was messy. The driver shouted in fear, only to hear the woman say, "Hello! Brother, do I have a grudge against you? Why do I always slam on the brakes when I come down to tie my shoelaces! "

Mr. Huang loves revolution. In memory of the Red Army, he named his son Jun. One day, he sent his son to class, and when he saw that the No.8 bus had stopped, he shouted to his son, Huang Jun, run, the No.8 bus is coming!

4. When I first entered the school, the whole class introduced themselves on the platform: "My name is You Yongzhi, I'm from Beijing, and I love playing chess!" Then I went down. The next one is a girl. The girl shyly stepped onto the platform and introduced herself with trepidation: "My name is Shakuyaku ... I like swimming ..."

When I was in college, my roommate was a branch representative and taught us to be young female teachers. In other words, one day my buddy was walking on the road with a cigarette in his mouth and suddenly saw the teacher and went forward to say hello. Who knows the teacher took two steps back and said, "I'm pregnant!" (Female teachers are afraid of cigarettes) "

My buddy didn't understand the meaning, and suddenly he petrified and the smoke fell out. He said trembling, "It's not mine!" "

6. One day, the teacher took a group of children to the mountain to pick fruit.

He announced: "children, we can wash the fruit together after picking it, and we can eat it together after washing."

All the children went to pick fruit.

As soon as the assembly time came, all the children got together.

Teacher: "Xiaohua, what do you have?"

Xiaohua: "I am washing apples because I picked them."

Teacher: "What about you, Xiaomei?"

Xiaomei: "I'm washing tomatoes because I picked tomatoes."

Teacher: "The children are great! What about Amin? "

A-Ming: "I'm washing cloth shoes because I stepped on shit."

7. The headmaster of a middle school faces a problem. Older female students in school began to wear lipstick. When they apply lipstick in the bathroom, they will print their lips on the mirror and leave lip prints. He thought of a way to stop the problem before it got out of control. So he called all the girls wearing lipstick and asked them to meet in the bathroom at 2 pm. When the girls arrived at the bathroom at 2 o'clock, they found the headmaster and supervisor already waiting there. The headmaster explained the problem to them and asked the supervisor to clean the bathroom mirror every night. He thinks the girls don't understand the seriousness of the problem, so he wants them to see for themselves how difficult it is to clean the mirror. Then the supervisor began to demonstrate. The warden took out a long-handled brush from the box, dipped it in some water in the nearest toilet, and then went to the mirror to start scrubbing.

After that, no one left lip prints on the mirror.

8. The alien came to the earth and met the grandmother who was plowing the field. The alien made a gesture of "downward", the grandmother immediately made an gesture of "upward", then the alien made a gesture of "four", the grandmother made a gesture of "nine", the alien made a gesture of "seven" and the grandmother made a gesture of "chopping".

When the alien came home, he said to his family, "The earthman I just met is really terrible. I said I flew from the sky, and she said she flew from the ground." I said I killed four earthlings every day, and she said she killed nine aliens. I said I shot someone, and she said she cut someone with a knife. "

When grandma came home, she immediately said to the villagers, "The aliens I just met are really frank and generous. Did he say that the price of agricultural products has dropped? " I said it went up; He asked if these radishes were 40 cents a catty. I said 90 cents; Finally, he came up with a killer: I bought it all at 70 cents a catty. I said, kill you (that is, promise you).

9. Niu Ren was stopped by a traffic policeman: "Comrade, you pressed the line. . The driver looked down at the line and cursed, "I didn't crush you!" " "Traffic police dizzy, cattle people come and slip. Soon, another traffic policeman stopped the cow. After the cow got off the bus, the traffic police said, "Comrade, you drink and drive." The driver sneered, "Is beer also wine? So you say soy sauce is also oil? Japanese are human, too? " The traffic police fainted again, and the cow ran away.

10. A farmer went to a car sales center and saw that he took out 2000 yuan and slapped it on the table: "Give me a Santana." The salesman was surprised: "You don't have enough money." The farmer is puzzled: "Isn't Santana 2000 written outside?" Shop assistant: "oh ... then go out and turn right." The Mercedes-Benz of that company is only 600 ~ ~