Jokes about the Spring Festival

Dad: "Why don't you wash the sheets yourself? Your mother is very busy recently. "

Pingping: "Let's talk about it when mom is not busy!"

Dad: "didn't you get the comment of' love labor' this semester?"

Pingping: "But it's a holiday now!"

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Milk and pork

Dad advised the children to drink milk, saying that "drinking milk will be as powerful as cattle in the future ..."

The next day, the child stopped eating pork. Dad asked him why? The child said, "If you eat pork, won't you be as stupid as a pig?"

Dad was speechless.

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unfair ...

The teacher punished two unruly children left behind after school. Write your name a hundred times. A child finished writing and went home. The other one is still writing.

The teacher asked, "What's the matter? 」

The child cried and said, "It's so unfair! His name is Yi Ding. Well written. My name is Wei Xinlong. only

That should be "Xin" There are twenty-four paintings! ! ~」

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Won't let you die.

Son: "Dad, what will you do if I get the first place in the class one day?"

Father: "Then I must be very happy."

Son: "Dad, your worry is unnecessary. I am a dutiful son and won't let you die. "

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Eat fish and chicken.

Child: "Dad, Xiaohua's father swims very well. Why not? "

Dad: "Xiaohua's father always eats fish, so he can swim." Dad, I don't often eat fish. How can I swim? "

Child: "But, Dad, you always eat chicken. Can you lay eggs? "

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What is the reason?

"What's the matter? So many subjects failed? " After reading his son's report card, the father couldn't help but be furious. "What do you think is the problem?"

"I don't know. What about heredity? Also blame the family environment? "

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Starting from "0"

Father: "How did you get' 0' in the first exam?"

Son: "The teacher said to start with' 0'."

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No missing parts

"Dad, I took the TV apart and reassembled it. I just want to see the structure inside. "

"Thank goodness, you haven't lost any parts, have you?"

"Not lost, there are more than a dozen pieces!"

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I am the first. /I am the best. /I am the first.

After reading the admission list, the children went home from school.

Dad: "Well, I guess you got in?"

Child: "No, Dad. However, it may make you happy. I was the first among those who failed. "

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Stupid and smart

Dad: "Sometimes, a stupid person will ask questions that a smart person can't answer." . Xiao Ming, think about it. Have you ever encountered such a situation? "

Son: "Dad, I can't answer your question."

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How much is the cost?

Father teaches his son to read. When he learned the word "Tian", he asked him, "What's on your head?"

The son thought for a moment and said, "Hair."

"What about the hair?"

"The roof."

"What about the roof?"

"Tiles."

The father was impatient and struck the table: "Idiot! Take a good look, what else is on it? "

The son cried in horror, "There are ... birds flying ..."

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open-minded

Our 5-year-old son is addicted to motorcycles. When he saw it, he couldn't help shouting, "Look! I must have one in the future! " My answer is always: "Not as long as I live." One day, my son was talking to his children when a motorcycle passed by me. He pointed and shouted excitedly, "Look! Look! I want to buy one-as long as my father dies! "

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* * * * Other issues

Two babies are lying in their crib.

One of them asked the other, "Are you a little boy or a little girl?"

"I don't know." The other baby replied.

"What do you mean?" The first one asked.

"I don't know how to tell?" The second answer.

"I know," giggled the first one. "I'll climb to your place to have a look."

He climbed over carefully, lifted the blanket, and after a while, he climbed back with a smile and said, "You are a little girl and I am a little boy."

"You are so clever," said the little girl. "How do you know?"

"It's simple," the little boy replied. "You are wearing pink socks and I am wearing blue socks."

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play on the swing

Mother often reminds Xiaomei: "Don't swing when wearing a skirt, or the little boy will see the underwear inside!" " 』

One day, Xiaomei came home happily and said to her mother:

"Mom, I played on the swing with Xiao Ming today, and I won! 』

Mom said angrily, "Didn't Mommy tell you? You can't swing in a skirt! So the little underwear will be seen by the little boys! 』

Xiaomei proudly showed off at this moment: "But I am so smart! I took off my underwear inside! So he can't see my underwear? 』

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I didn't cry.

Little Tom was spoiled at home. He finally reached school age, and his mother sent him to school.

When I came home from school on the first day, my mother anxiously asked Tom:

"At school? Stop crying! "

Tom replied:

"I didn't cry! I made the teacher cry. "

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Pears and apples

If you have one pear, I'll give you two more. How many pears do you have, Lisa?

I didn't know that our school used apples to do arithmetic.

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can

Xiaoming and Xiaohua accidentally picked up one hundred yuan when they were playing in the school playground. They excitedly discussed how to use the money.

Xiao Ming said, yes! Let's buy sanitary napkins. Sanitary napkins? Why did you buy that?

Xiaohua asked. I don't know what Xiao Ming said. Isn't it often said on TV that you can stand upside down, ride a bike, row a boat and swim freely in the swimming pool as long as you use sanitary napkins? . ?

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The Child's Eye

The female teacher said angrily to Sasha, "I really want to be your mother for three days and discipline you well!" " "

"All right!" Sasha said, "I'll go back and tell my father that maybe he will agree."

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give tit for tat

In a primary school in California, many students are undergoing orthodontic surgery with stainless steel braces.

One day, a teacher tried to get students to answer what "feedback" meant. For example, he asked, "Your parents spend a lot of money to correct your teeth now, and in the future, when your parents are old, you will spend money to insert dentures for them. What is this situation called? "

A student replied, "answer blows with blows."