"Open Marriage" Playing with Fire

I wrote this article because I saw someone sharing such a story.

The reason why this story is a "segment" rather than a "piece" is that the story has no ending.

At first, both of them were supporters of monogamous marriage. Later, the husband cheated on the balance, and the wife cheated out of revenge.

The two are living in peace at present, and the woman's life seems to be quite moist.

However, it is not difficult to imagine the final outcome of this story: the couple did not divorce, but such a marriage must have existed in name only, just like "divorce".

A tourist once told me a marriage story in which she and her husband "played separately".

At that time, her husband was sent abroad by the company to do projects and could only come back once a year. The two usually contact each other through the internet.

Suddenly one day, her husband suddenly said to her, "If you need, you can find another man, but you must tell me the truth. I hope you will allow me to do so. "

At first, she thought it was unacceptable. She felt that her husband was trying to deceive herself, so she generously encouraged her to go out for fun.

Later, at an annual meeting of the company, she was pursued by a college boy who came to the company for an internship, and she reluctantly chose to accept it. When the two people developed, they just "rolled sheets."

She took the initiative to tell her overseas husband: "Let's get married openly. Although we had a good time, we were honest and transparent with each other. "

Not long after, her husband sent her a photo with another woman and left her a message saying that he was with that woman the night before yesterday, saying that he was just having fun and that he only loved his wife.

This relationship lasted for about a year. In the meantime, her husband changed several lovers, and she also changed one. In the end, both of them found it troublesome to report each other's whereabouts, and even this step was saved.

When her husband returned home from an overseas mission, she suddenly found that they couldn't go back. With her husband, she is all kinds of awkward. She was not familiar with his body, way of speaking and way of thinking, and even began to resent his words and deeds.

This year, he and she both changed unconsciously. The "third person" has left the scene, but it is like invisible air, standing among them.

The final outcome of the two, of course, is divorce. After trying an open marriage, she finally evaluated this marriage model as "boring" rather than "exciting".

There is a movie called Permission, which is about an open love relationship.

Will and Anna, the hero and heroine of the film, are a couple. They are not only each other's first love, but also their first kiss and first night. They have been in love for many years.

When Anna was 30 years old, Will was going to propose to Anna, but Will's friend Reese asked them to reconsider their relationship.

The friend said, "You have never tried anyone else. How can you be sure that the other person is the most suitable couple?"

So Anna suggested to Will that they should try to date someone else. Will thought about it and finally agreed.

Later, Anna slept with a younger and more handsome composer than Will and other men she met in the bar, and Will became the "little wolf dog" of the divorced rich woman.

Every time they come back from hunting, they exchange experiences in bed with each other. Obviously, I'm already upset and have to pretend to be generous.

However, Anna played with the composer. When Will proposed to her again and showed her around the wedding room, Anna found that she didn't love Will anymore. ?

The two men tried to test human nature, but in the end they failed to stand the test of human nature.

Have sex with different people, and then deceive yourself that you love each other the most? This is a joke.

?

Simon Beauvoir and Sartre are the ancestors of practicing "open marriage". The two strangers once reached an open marriage agreement, saying that they would love each other for life, but they should always ensure their sexual and emotional freedom.

But even Sartre and Beauvoir are jealous when they meet each other again and again. In an open relationship, there will also be exclusivity and jealousy, and it takes more than ordinary wisdom, realm and ability to surpass them.

Partners who can maintain this open relationship should not only be independent of each other economically, but also have levels in ideology, and this level must not be low. Sartre and Beauvoir may be able to, but who are they? Who are you?

Open marriage just looks beautiful, at least at the present stage of the development of human society. In the 1960s and 1970s, the western world once advocated open marriage, but most people could not surpass their own monopoly and dependence, and finally returned to the old road of advocating marriage loyalty.

Open marriage, at first glance, is an idealized product, because it ignores the human demand for "loyalty".

Based on human biological instinct, no matter how much you emphasize the quality of personal life and how much you want to keep sexual and emotional freedom between husband and wife, it is difficult for you to subconsciously accept that your existing spouse has sex with another opposite sex, which will significantly enhance your sense of insecurity in the relationship.

Even those men and women who have found an extramarital affair will be jealous when they hear that they have a new love. Even people who are unfaithful to their wives or husbands will care whether their extramarital partners are loyal to them, not to mention ordinary people like us who have no flowers in their bellies.

When we buy a dress, a bag or a cosmetic, we may be "loyal" to a brand. This kind of "loyalty" saves us the time of screening and selection to some extent. Next time, when we need something, we will go straight to this "trustworthy" brand, buy it and leave, and then use the time and energy saved to do other more meaningful things.

Similarly, we remain loyal to our partners in marriage, because this loyalty will not destroy our "sense of stability" and "familiarity" with marriage and each other.

When we are familiar with who the other person is and how we will react to anything, we will know how to spend the least time dealing with all kinds of difficulties and problems in marriage and family.

Next, we can devote more time and energy to other fields and create higher value for ourselves and others.

Love is the result of dopamine and serum amine secretion, and the longest validity period is only a few years. The more people you love, the more times you love, the shorter the validity period will be. It is even possible that after two months of novelty, you will fall into an aesthetic fatigue period.

Since falling in love with someone, the result will be dull, so what's the point of frequent substitutions? Is it so interesting to waste time looking for new lovers every day and fall in love with them? Not necessarily.

It is common for two people to get along for a long time, and it is not surprising that they end up together, just like the gift of life is death.

The so-called "aesthetic fatigue" is actually just a problem that can be solved by changing places, ways and ways of thinking. Why must we adopt the "substitution" method with high cost and price?

You can only rely on "substitution" to get freshness, which only shows that you lack imagination and have a single means to solve problems. It is human nature to like the new and hate the old, but it is skill to play new tricks from the old.

You see, the best writers are often not people who create new words, but spiritual writers who can "turn ordinary into magic", create vivid characters and construct magnificent literary dreams.

Writing is like this, and so is love.

Even so, I am willing to respect and understand this choice. Even those who play open marriage in life will almost fail in the end.

What is hateful is those who hold "double standards" and "only allow themselves to set fires and no one else to light them". They probably think that they are the origin of the universe and the world has to revolve around themselves. I just want them to explode in situ!

Ding guijun

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