Campus jokes, jokes that break your stomach.

A complete collection of jokes on campus that will break your stomach

A joke is a story or thing that will make others laugh. What are the funniest jokes in our life? The following is a complete collection of campus jokes that I compiled. Let's have a look.

Campus jokes 1

1) Every time I meet the opposite sex who is about my own age, I always look at each other.

2) Some people test by strength, others by eyesight, and I test by rich imagination.

3) I finally understand why military training should be turned around, because only in this way can we get a more even sun.

4) staring at a simple word for a long time, you will find that you don't know the word, and the more you look, the less you understand it.

5) In the future, we will share weal and woe. If you are in trouble, what is yours is mine, and what is mine is mine.

6) Self-study can lead to success, including being a fool.

7) The head teacher's mouth is like gold AK47, full of explosive power.

8) I studied sacred knowledge, and you actually measured it with scores, which is simply a stain on academics!

9) It seems that we are all at an embarrassing age when children call us uncles and aunts, but we are not convinced. Campus joke 2

1) One day, I dreamed that I was taking an exam, and I woke up to see that I was really taking an exam ...

2) If the university didn't have the word "fail", it would look lovely.

3) On September 1st, more than ten years ago, I danced and beamed with a small schoolbag on my back, and walked into school with a fart. Since then, I have embarked on a road of no return.

4) Baidu is the best teacher, because only it will tell us the answer in the exam.

5) It's hard to attend class at noon on weeding day. A little broken book, sitting all morning.

6) A big brother in the dormitory said one day who is this wma? He sang many songs in my MP3.

7) The exam is like having your period. Sometimes it will be delayed for two days, but it will definitely come.

8) besides being beautiful, nail polish has another advantage. You can shave it when you are bored.

9) When I was a child, my mother kindly said to me: Good boy, if you learn this skill, you will never die of hunger, so my mother taught me to eat.

1) When studying in the library, it seems that the boy opposite must finish reading a paragraph before allowing himself to breathe once ... All day, I feel that I am sitting opposite a cow! Campus jokes 3

1) I pestered my female teacher to confess to her when I went to college. She said that she would promise me when I graduated. Five years later, I found her and cried and begged her, saying, Teacher, can't I stop chasing you? Please let me graduate, and don't intentionally fail me again.

2) In a computer class, a classmate had a problem with his machine, so he shouted; "Boss, change the machine!"

3) School, although you have my people, you can't get my heart.

4) The homework has been put in the window, and the window is open. You can handle the typhoon yourself.

5) How many children have been hurt by exams and how many honest children have learned to cheat.

6) There can really be pure friendship between men and women, as long as one kills and the other plays dumb to the end.

7) As soon as the bell rang, the teacher said angrily, "Why do you run to the canteen like hungry ghosts after class? I'm late. There's no food in the canteen? Nobody is allowed to run today. "

8) I still remember that when I was a child, I held spicy strips in one hand and a dime of water in the other, and I ate with relish.

9) The feeling of reviewing now is that there will be a big wave of zombies coming in soon, but I haven't even planted sunflowers ...

1) The school is not a funeral home, so why check the list of remains! What mourning clothes and trousers are you still wearing? Campus jokes, jokes that break your stomach 4

1. Postgraduate entrance examination, computer professional course. Ten minutes after the exam, I was bending my head to do the paper. Suddenly, the head of the computer department rushed in with a blue face, searched everyone's papers, and then declared the exam invalid and took it again the next afternoon. I was told in wonder that the standard answers were printed on the back of the test questions. That night, the school leaders went on the news broadcast. The next day, take the exam again. Get a look at the paper, or yesterday's question! Immediately, faint.

2. The teacher assigns homework. "Exercise four, five, seven, nine, eleven, sixteen, nineteen. Just do this. " Suddenly I heard several boys shouting, "Teacher, there is still one question missing. Arrange another one. " The teacher was overjoyed and thought that we would finally look forward to the day when we took the initiative to study. So he smiled and said, "OK, add questions 22 and 27." When the bell rang, all the boys ran to the lottery and said, "It's very kind of our teacher. Now we even have a special number."

3. Facing the enemy's gun, Wen Tianxiang insisted on saying no ... (No wonder the Southern Song Dynasty was going to perish, and the other side had modern weapons.) Yesterday, I went to Xtep with my classmates and bought a pair of shoes. I asked my buddy what it felt like to wear them, and he smiled and said, Xtep is an extraordinary feeling! As soon as I went out, I was knocked down by the door frame!

4. In class, the teacher asked the students to judge right and wrong on the spot. Teacher: "Xiao Lin, please judge." Kobayashi: "I think the answer should be' wrong'." Teacher: "Why?" Xiao Lin: "Because Xiaoyan answered' correct' earlier, but you didn't let her sit down."

5. University sweethearts this is a sorrow that all mankind must know, but not as those know it who have been poor together. Freshman girls till a little child of the Yang clan, hardly even grown, bred in an inner chamber, with no one knowing her. Sophomore girls there were other ladies in his court, three thousand of rare beauty, but his favours to three thousand were concentered in one body. Junior girls must fold flowers straight, so don't wait for no flowers to fold branches! There is not much autumn for senior girls, and it has long been a failure. Freshman boys tried to straighten the brim of their hats and once scratched their heads at the end of the world. Sophomore boys are full of feelings of Song Yu, and they are very slim. Junior boys were * * * I enjoyed the flowers, and now there are no half of them. Senior boys advise you not to wake up alone, and there should be a few drunken flowers. Online lover yet we called and urged a thousand times before she started toward us, still hiding half her face from us behind her guitar. Ex-girlfriends since yesterday had to throw me and bolt, today has hurt my heart even more.

6. Once the teacher asked the students to talk about their feelings about the examination. I saw a classmate write: Part One: Part One, Part Two, Year After Year: Make-up exams have our cross-examination: You have to pay money

7. In Chinese class, the teacher asked everyone to say idioms in the format of "one ... one ...", such as "wholeheartedly". The painter's son: "One painting at a time." The captain's son: "One wave is not flat, and another wave rises." Son of a real estate agent: "One room, one living room, one kitchen and one bathroom."

8. After graduation, I went to teach in a girls' school. Because the young male teacher has few grades, I always thought that I would be very popular as a pure man. In the first class, a female student forgot to bring her textbook. I asked her to stand up and ask other students how to punish her. They said in unison with a tacit understanding: "The teacher kissed her!" Everyone is waiting to see my reaction. I glanced at the classmate and had to answer, "You can't punish the teacher!" "

9. There is a male classmate in the class who wants to ask him for 5 yuan because his good friend has not paid him back, but he doesn't know how to speak because of his good friend relationship, so he plans to tell him by writing. But after thinking for a long time, I still didn't know how to say it, so I asked. Later, I suggested that he speak directly, but he decided to write a note saying that it was faster. When I saw the note written by that classmate, I was really laughing. The content was like this: Brother Li, I have been worried for a long time, and I don't know how you are recently! Look! Today, the weather is sunny, autumn is crisp, and flowers are in full bloom. White clouds are floating in the wind, and the warm sunshine reflects the earth. The green grass is like flowers and willows, and the mountains are full of water, floating like gold, still shadows and sinking into the wall, and the moon is thousands of miles away, and the spring and autumn are beautiful and refreshing ... 5. I am so handsome that the girls in the next class always look at me in class. I picked up one yuan and found my police uncle for a day. My toilet paper is used up. I accidentally hit a car, and I looked for the car one day. My deskmate didn't talk to me in class. I sent a red scarf across the street, and was hit by a train. Aliens attacked the earth, and I was sewing pants for Superman.

2. Don't be sorry.

3. M, Physics Department: We have been in love for half a year now. Is it a crush? Woman: Not really. Man: Why, isn't this heat enough? Woman: Not enough, just one focal point short.

4. Don't explain in front of me, because explanation is cover-up, cover-up is dishonesty, and dishonesty is lack of cleaning up.

5. "Once a classmate fell asleep, which was nothing at all, but a classmate felt sorry for him and helped him snore, so the sleeping classmate was arrested."

6. Our teacher made the multiple-choice answer aaaaabbbbbcccccddddd in the weekly exam. He said: "I want to make good students afraid to write and bad students afraid to copy." Brother is fighting for the heartbeat! "

7. One day, I went to the kindergarten to pick up my son. As soon as I entered the classroom door, I saw my son wearing a white handkerchief and a plastic stethoscope hanging around his neck. On the table next to him, there was a medical lumbar disc with several syringes in it. Look at that posture, which is in the kindergarten and clearly in the hospital. ......

8. The teacher said, "Everything expands when it is hot." The student said, "Well, teacher, aren't people living in the tropics expanding all the time?"

9. In high school, my deskmate loved to fart. Once, a foul smell floated by. I asked him, "Did you put poison gas again?" The mm at the front table turned back and said, "His taste is not like this." Campus jokes 6

1. Ordinary universities rely on heating, while famous universities rely on air conditioning, just like our universities rely on integrity ...

2. My sister and I went to grab grass, walked to the tree head and saw a group of old baiwa.

3. The accounting teacher asked several conceptual questions, but the students' answers were not satisfactory. The teacher was not happy that he said, "The concept is so poor, how can I be competent in accounting after graduation, let alone be a boss?" Unexpectedly, a lesbian said, "I can be the boss's wife." The whole class roared, and suddenly a female classmate's voice came: "Being the boss's mother is ok."

4. A student who just graduated from university came to apply for a job in a Sino-foreign joint venture in Tianyi. During the interview, the examiner asked, "Do you have any certificates? For example: CET-4 and CET-6, computer national level 2 and some other honorary certificates? " The student immediately replied, "No, but I have many admission tickets!" "

5. When a painter was in class, he could not tolerate students smoking in the studio. On one occasion, a student secretly pulled out a cigarette and lit it, which happened to be seen by him. He walked over with a serious look and asked the students sarcastically, "What are you going to draw with this magical pen?" The students used their quick wits to say, "Cloud, cloud! Professor. "

6. The teacher was talking about African wild boar on the platform with great interest, but when he looked up, he found many students sleeping, so he said angrily, "You have to look at me! How can I know what African wild boar looks like without looking at me? "

7. "Xiaojun was fired for holding back." "What's the matter?" "In the physical health examination, he counted his ribs and was found."

8. I went out to play by bike with my classmate XXX. His valve core was broken, so I pulled mine out and put it on him. We rode home happily together.

9. In math class, the teacher told me a multiple-choice question. After the lecture, he asked me which ABC to choose. I skipped the lecture and subconsciously said, "Huh?"

teacher: "don't use pinyin next time, yes, choose a"

I ...

1. At the beginning of this semester, a girl named "Heping" transferred from another school in my class. With one more member, all the students in the class welcomed him with both hands and feet, but this name has the same name as a boy named "Peace" in the original class. Although there are still some differences in writing between the two, it is inevitable that there will be misunderstandings when calling the roll. A class meeting was held to discuss how to solve this problem. Classmates, you spoke word for word. "This little problem is easy to solve, just change one of the names." "The name can not be changed if it is changed." "In fact, there is no need to rewrite the law, just change the name." Everyone agreed to change the name only, so the discussion started again. 7

1. At the joining ceremony, the teacher gave me a badge and asked me in front of many students in the audience, "How do you feel?" With tears in my eyes, I said, "The badge pin pierced my flesh ..."

2. "On this day, a message was posted on the gate of the school canteen:" "Lost and Found: I found a wallet in the teacher's apartment, with some cash in it ..." "The next day, I found that the title of this message changed to" "Don't ask for it" "!"

3. The anatomy teacher's class is not wonderful. There are almost 7 people in the class who listen to it. Basically, they are buttoning up, using WeChat and playing games. Just now, just now! ! He said, students, pay attention, I will say a word, hand in your mobile phone after class, and the remaining power of your mobile phone is your final exam score! This is going to kill our rhythm!

4. "Hello, scum!" "Learn to bully!" "The scum have worked hard!" "At the bottom of the school!"

5. I'll see a wonderful test paper one day, as follows: "I can't teach, so you don't have to read the rest." As a result, the teacher opened the second page, which read: "Teacher, you don't believe me, do you?" < P > 6. John is a clever boy, and his grades are not very good, but he has unique opinions on everything. Once, the teacher asked a psychologist to test him. The expert asked bluntly, "Whose work is Romeo and Juliet?" "How should I know!" John replied indifferently, "At my age, I won't read Shakespeare."

7. In geography class, the geography teacher asked the students, "What will happen during the solar eclipse?" "Everyone ran out to see!" The student replied.

8. The teacher asked Georgie, "Do you know what is the king of beasts?" Georgie replied, "Yes. It's Tom's father. " "Why?" The teacher is not satisfied with the answer. "Because his father is the director of the zoo!"

9. Xiao Guangfu is restless in class in kindergarten. The teacher warned him many times to concentrate, but he always sat on the stool and swayed from side to side. The teacher asked him angrily, "Guangfu, why are you always restless? What are you happy about?" "yes." Guangfu said, "My father promised to buy me a motorcycle when I was 18."

1. Once when the bell rang after class, everyone had to go home. When I went down the stairs, my left foot stepped on my right foot, and I slammed into the middle of the road in a big font. I thought at that time: no, it's embarrassing, I pretend to be dizzy. As a result, the classmates next to me looked at me motionless and rushed.