Who has a joke? Whose joke is funny?

1, buy popsicles. 1.5 yuan. To the boss 10 yuan. Boss, change, 8.5 yuan. Then throw 8.5 yuan into the trash can. Wrong idea, throw the popsicle into the trash can. I left a sorbet paper in my hand. . . Cold. . . . Finally, I rummaged through the trash can there myself. .

2. Some time ago, I went shopping in Lotus in Yichu, and two foreign friends checked out in front of the cashier. At this time, the clerk asked, "Can you speak Chinese?" Two foreign friends replied in Chinese: "Speak slowly, we can understand!" " The clerk went on to say, "OK ... You ... talk ... China people?"

Because I have the habit of washing my hands after every meal, do you pay attention to hygiene? Unfortunately, one day, while I was eating, a classmate asked me loudly in class, "Why do you wash your hands after every meal?" I answered him inexplicably: "Wash your hands before and after meals. . . "Suddenly, the whole class was silent. . .

It was in the first grade of primary school. Now it's really ... that afternoon in the self-study class, the teacher assigned us to do our homework and said, whoever finishes the homework of the day first can go home first! The teacher corrects his homework on the podium himself! ! ! ! My buddy was a good student. It's only 15 minutes after the end of the 40-minute self-study class, and I'm almost finished. Because I was so absorbed in writing, I forgot that I was at home in class, thinking that I was almost finished, I looked up and shouted: Mom, I want to eat steamed sausage and fried eggs at night (this is my favorite)! I didn't pay attention at that time, and the teacher didn't pay attention and agreed: OK! The teacher's family is also a son. At the same time, my teacher and I thought the sound was wrong, only to find out that it was at school. We were both sweating, ......................, and then the whole class burst into laughter. As a result, the self-study class ended early, and I was laughed at by my classmates for a semester.

5. I once invited a friend to dinner. I ordered more than n dishes and suddenly found that I didn't bring my wallet at all! ! I'm dizzy, but I'm not saying that the food after that is like chewing wax to me. I just want to get through this. Then I suddenly remembered, picked up my cell phone and pretended to dial a phone. I yelled at the phone for a long time and said some nonsense, saying nothing about why I took my wallet. At this time, my friend said shyly, I paid, I paid, you didn't know your husband took the wallet. It doesn't matter. ) Just when I was happy that this white lie was about to succeed, suddenly the phone rang loudly in my ear. ...

6. Freshmen begin military training and stand in a military posture in summer. A boy in the class fainted. His classmates surrounded him, and some knowledgeable students shouted in the outer circle: pinch people, pinch people.

A female classmate who is closest to the boy thought for a long time, made great determination and accurately pinched the man's penis.

Last Sunday, I went back to my hometown in the country to visit my grandparents. It happened that my little uncle was there. We just chat and watch TV. Seeing that half of my little uncle suddenly had a stomachache, I went to the toilet to defecate ... A few minutes later ... I suddenly heard a sentence from the toilet: Ah ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Shit! ! ! My grandmother went to the toilet and cursed my uncle, saying, what a big man! And curse! Uncle: Sorry. Oh, my God. I just wiped P shares ... halfway through ... suddenly my nose runs. So I naturally picked up the toilet paper in my hand and wiped my nose ...

..........

That's the worst laugh grandma has ever seen ..!

8. My girlfriend asked me to go to the hospital the other day. I asked what was going on. She said her legs are a little bent, which is also commonly known as O-legs. She felt that it affected her beauty, so she decided to go to the hospital to see if there was any solution. Because my girlfriend has always been gentle, I feel a little embarrassed. It was her first time to come to the hospital for beauty treatment, so when the doctor asked her what was going on, she said, doctor, I have everything between my legs. The doctor was surprised and immediately said: nonsense, it was the gentlemen who didn't meet. .........

9. On the Mid-Autumn Festival in the second year of high school, my pager suddenly screamed during class, and the teacher confiscated it. In the afternoon, the teacher told me to go to the office and severely criticized me, asking me to write two words for inspection. Finally, after the training, the teacher touched the desk with his finger: "Take it back." I was stunned by the training. I looked up at a box of beautifully packaged moon cakes on the table (in fact, it was a welfare given to the teacher by the school). I was so grateful that I completely forgot my own BP machine, grabbed the moon cakes and ran away ... The teacher came out slowly, just "Hey-" ...

10. In class that day, I drew a pig and stuck it on the back of the classmate in front. He found it soon, tore it off and stared at me. I was puzzled and asked him, "How do you know there is a pig behind you?"

1 1. I pinched a cock's neck, but I didn't dare to cut it. I hesitated for a long time, but I strangled the chicken.

12, I was chatting while eating in the canteen, and suddenly I found myself dropping a grain of rice outside, secretly regretting the waste of food, so I picked it up and ate it. But then I found out that this meal didn't seem to be mine. ...

13, once I took a bus, there was a beautiful mm next to me, and a pervert harassed mm. When I saw MM, I turned around and shouted, "You squeeze a JB!" The whole car was silent, only to hear that pervert timidly say "a JB." The whole car burst into laughter, and then the pervert got off at the next stop

14, another toilet. My classmate's university is a key university. I haven't been there, but I heard that the facilities are in place, such as electronic reading room and campus card. What's even more ridiculous is that the toilet is still voice-activated flushing.

On one occasion, she was texting while defecating, and when she was about to get up, she accidentally dropped her cell phone and the urinal was very shallow. Actually, it's okay if she picks it up right away. But-when the mobile phone dropped, she was shocked and unconsciously cried, "Ah!" The phone was washed away. ...

15, A: Is my avatar Niu B?

B: Yes.

16, one day, the unit canteen opened water. Accidentally, the water splashed on my hand, and a MM behind me took my hand and asked with concern, "Did you burn your hand?" Although it hurts, in order to show my manhood, I just bite my teeth and say, "Nothing, nothing." Pretend nothing happened. MM suddenly turned to the people waiting in line behind her and said, "Go home, the water didn't boil today."

17, I passed an intersection that day and wanted to fart. There happened to be a man riding a motorcycle, so I wanted to take this opportunity to cover my fart. I don't know. It's too noisy. The motorcyclist thought the motorcycle had started and was about to leave. I was embarrassed that time. ......

Comrades in the dormitory come from all corners of the country, and it is inevitable that chickens will talk to ducks when they talk.

One day, a boy from Northeast China and a boy from Gansu went to buy instant noodles. Northeast China said to itself: "What's the smell of the whole? Beef with scallion! " A boy from Gansu asked curiously, "What do you mean by' whole'?" Northeast China replied: "Eating is eating." In the evening, the three of us went to the bathroom, and the sewer was blocked, resulting in gold in it. When the boys in Northeast China saw it, they were furious: "What a mess! ? "

The voice did not fall, and Gansu, looking forward, vomited. .......

19, someone bathed his 3-year-old daughter. Just after putting her daughter in the basin, her daughter shouted, "Mom, look, dad is picking up girls."

One day, the bus was so crowded that it was difficult to get on and off. A gentleman wanted to get off the bus, but a couple from other places got stuck in the car door. The gentleman who wanted to get off the bus squeezed hard and finally squeezed behind the couple, and the driver caught up as soon as he braked. Unfortunately, he stepped on her husband. The husband said nothing, but the wife shouted at the top of her lungs, "What are you doing?" Who knows that the woman is adamant and still shouts "You are crazy, you are crazy, you are crazy" over and over again. A gentleman endured it, endured it, got off the bus, turned to the woman who was still shouting, and suddenly came-"Repeater, you! ! "The whole car burst into laughter. !