Joke Collection Website - Cold jokes - There is really a way to get rid of the body, isn't there?
There is really a way to get rid of the body, isn't there?
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Author: unknown
Xiangxi corpse drivers must interview when they enter the business. He must be at least 16 years old, more than 1.7 meters tall, ugly and courageous to be admitted.
Xiangxi has both the world-famous Zhangjiajie and the mysterious corpse driver. In the early days, if you stayed in the mysterious mountain village inn in western Hunan, you would probably see dead bodies walking. Before dawn, a row of bodies staggered in front of the inn, all covered with a wide black shroud. In front of these bodies covered with black shroud, there is a living person holding a gong. This living person is called "corpse driver" by local people. In fact, he is not so much a "corpse-driver" as a "corpse-driver", because he is beating the small yin gong in his hand and leading the group of corpses forward. He didn't play lanterns, but shook a bell that could evoke memories, told Nightcrawler to avoid it, and informed the dog owners to lock them up. If there are more than two bodies, the corpse driver will string them one by one with a straw rope, one every seven or eight feet. When walking in the dark, the body will wear a tall blanket hat on its head and some yellow paper with calligraphy will hang down from its forehead. There is a "dead body inn" on the road. This mysterious "dead inn" only lives in dead bodies and corpse drivers, which ordinary people can't live in. Its gate is open all year round. Because behind the two door panels, it is where the body stops. The corpse driver rushed to the "corpse shop" before dawn and quietly left at night. The body leans neatly against the wall behind the door panel. When it is difficult to walk on rainy days, I will stop in the store for a few days and nights.
You have to go through three levels to become an apprentice.
There has been a corpse-driving industry in Xiangxi since ancient times. Learning this industry requires two conditions: courage and good health. Moreover, we must learn from our teachers. Medics never take apprentices in disorder. The apprentice is written by the parents first, and then the corpse driver must interview. Generally speaking, you must be 16 years old and 1.7 meters tall. At the same time, there is a very special condition that you should be ugly.
The corpse driver first shows the examinee the sun in the sky, then rotates, and then suddenly stops, so that you can distinguish between east, west, north and south at once. If you can't tell the difference, you can't be hired. Because you can't tell the east, west, north and south at this time, it means that you can't tell the direction at night and can't drive the car. Then, the corpse driver wants you to find something and carry the burden. Because the body is not alive after all, you can't climb steep slopes. The corpsman had to carry on the high slope one by one. Finally, there is an interview, that is, the corpse driver put a tung leaf on the grave in the deep mountain for you to retrieve alone in the dark. Only in this way can you show that you have the courage to be a competent corpse driver. After Sandao Pass, you will have the possibility to be an apprentice to the corpse driver.
Like ordinary farmers, people who drive corpses still "work at sunrise and rest at sunset." Only when they received the corpse removal business did they dress themselves up and go to the corpse removal. Although they drive corpse people, they are afraid of the name "corpse people". So the insider asked them to drive the body away and said, "Master, please take a walk" or "take a walk". If the corpse owner agrees, he will take out a special piece of yellow paper and ask you to write down the name, date of birth, date of death, gender, etc. of the deceased on this yellow paper, then draw a symbol, stick it on this yellow paper, and finally hide this yellow paper on yourself.
The corpse driver's dress is also very special: no matter what the weather is like, he has to wear a pair of straw sandals, a green cloth, a black belt around his waist, a blue cloth cap on his head and a bag of symbols hidden in his pocket.
The first thing Master taught his disciples was to draw symbols. This strange symbol is to draw something that looks like words and pictures on yellow paper with red ink. In case of an emergency on the way, he would hang this strange symbol on a tree or a door, and sometimes he would burn ashes and boil water to swallow it.
At the same time, the apprentice must learn 36 skills to drive the corpse. The first achievement is that the dead body "makes contributions", that is, to let the dead body stand up first. The second work is "walking work", even if the corpse stops walking freely, the third work is "turning work", that is, the corpse can turn when walking. In addition, there are "downhill workers", "bridge workers" and "dumb dog workers". The "dumb dog skill" can make the dogs along the way stop barking when they see the body. Because dead bodies are afraid of dogs barking, when dogs bark, dead bodies will be frightened, especially when dogs bite, and dead bodies have no resistance. The body will be bitten to pieces. The last kind of work is "rejuvenation work". The better the rejuvenation work, the more souls there will be, and it is especially easy to catch up with the dead body. This kind of "rejuvenation" is actually sprinkled on the body with a herb unique to Xiangxi.
It is particularly worth mentioning that this peculiar industry can only work in the western part of southern Hunan. Because, first, only Xiangxi has a "dead body inn". Second, only people in western Hunan know to avoid it when they smell the little yin work of the corpse driver. Third, there are highways outside Xiangxi village, and other provincial roads generally pass through the village. Of course, they won't allow the bodies to enter the village. 4. Xiangxi people will take the initiative to lock their dogs at home when they smell the sound of Yin Gong. Otherwise, when dogs come out, they will bite the body. Therefore, this strange corpse-driving industry is only available in Xiangxi.
How can the dead be driven away by the living? Many scientists are studying it. Opinions vary. Maybe one day, this strange industry and phenomenon that ordinary people can't understand will get the scientific explanation it deserves. However, another way of saying it is that "corpse removal" is actually a smuggling activity of gangs, and this creepy queue is used to cover up illegal drug trafficking.
Incredible "death scream"
The author once saw a piece of paper spread out by the roadside, which read "Bao Yao died out of the province" in six big characters. I didn't believe it at that time, but I didn't know that I witnessed this spectacle with my own eyes.
China people love their motherland very much. In any case, leaves must return to their roots. A wanderer who dies in a different place must be buried in his ancestral home; The dutiful son and grandson will be sent back to their hometown, and relatives and friends have the obligation to support this matter. It is impossible for a while, so we must be in power. Apart from being a rich official, this is hard to say! The times require that there are occupations beyond the 72nd line, such as "calling the dead" (calling the dead is shouting, and the actual action is driving, but the action of driving is usually accompanied by the voice spoken. For example, driving away chickens and pigs is called summoning chickens and pigs, and driving away the dead is also called summoning the dead. It is said that this profession comes from "Henan religion", so it is even called "Henan religion killing". However, the form and content of "Henan religion", whether its official name is like this, or even whether it is the word "Henan", although the author has visited experienced old people, it is still unclear. But many old people said that they had witnessed the dead walking on Xiangguan Avenue. It's true!
In my early years, I also saw a piece of paper spread out by the roadside, which read six big characters: "I want to save lives." In fact, I always have a little doubt in my heart: how can a dead man walk? Is it true that "evil laws have that magic" as the old people say?
/kloc-at the end of 0/949, Meishan, Pengshan, Dan Ling and Qingshen in Sichuan were just liberated. At that time, I was working in the Minjiang River Water Transport Management Office in this area. Shortly after noon one day, I was walking on the road of Pengshanjie. Then someone passed behind me, and I immediately noticed that he walked in a strange way, a hard stick, which was unnatural. I couldn't help but stop and look back, and a soft voice sounded in my ear: "What a shock!" "At this moment, another pedestrian caught up with me. He saw my suspicious expression and woke me up on purpose. It suddenly dawned on me, so I looked at it more carefully: the "dead man" was wearing a long and big black robe, with no sleeves, a little bloated, and his head seemed a little black and bulging. I don't know whether it's the collar or the outsourcing, so I wore a straw hat and leaned back slightly. The upper body is stiff, but it moves forward step by step with rhythm. There is also a man in a short coat in front of the black robe, with a bamboo basket slung over his left wrist and an old lamp in his hand, as if there were a fire in front. Short-sleeved men walk strangely: they always lean sideways, facing the black robe, quite half of them; Eyes staring at the black robe and behind, looking forward from time to time. Every time I don't go far, a small note floats down from his hand. It soon occurred to me that this was "paper money", the so-called "travelling expenses" that I had to leave when I carried the coffin to attend the funeral. Driven by curiosity, I followed it for a long distance. When going uphill and downhill, getting on the bridge and getting off the bridge, the short-sleeved man also shouted at the black robe; After turning and turning, the black robe also recognized the voice of a short-sleeved man. At that time, I thought: In fact, it is more realistic to call it "inviting death".
This is a great adventure in my life. Unfortunately, something happened at that time, and I couldn't "track" it to the end to find the answer. Fortunately, however, the next day I heard from an acquaintance about the whereabouts of the man in the black robe and short coat, and my wish came true.
It turned out that they left the hotel early last night. When the hotel industry meets this guest, they know their occupation-staying early and arriving before ordinary tourists visit. When the man in a short coat came to the counter, he shouted, "XiShen smashed the shop!" " ! When the boss saw that the black robe behind the man was half covered by the straw hat, he was surprised and happy: a dead man surprised him, but he was glad that his income was richer than usual; And "XiShen" patronage, luck will be great. So I immediately took them to a remote room. The man with short sleeves rolled out the black robe, put it in the corner of the door, put the lantern on the table, and then took out the money to pay the boss standing outside the door, invited him to have a hearty meal and bought some candles for the lantern; The rest is the store number, and the amount is considerable. Ordinary passengers, the boss just quietly prepares firewood and water there, regardless of cooking; But when you meet this passenger, you have to do it for him. Serve tea before meals and bring a urinal, because people with short clothes should be careful not to go to the toilet. Two sets of tableware are needed to deliver meals, one of which is a tribute to the "Western God". The boss delivered it to the door as required, and the short-sleeved man took it in. The next morning, I will leave early and stop contacting my boss. At that time, the local area had just been liberated and two PLA soldiers were sent to the police station there. On this day, a soldier went to the hotel to check the night, and the boss reported it truthfully. The PLA soldiers asked the boss to check this number. At first, I shouldn't have knocked. I shouted "open the door for directory search", but only promised "scream" and still didn't open the door. So he knocked and shouted and heard "coming" inside, but nothing happened. It took about a few minutes to open the door. When the soldier went in, he found the black robe in the corner of the door and uncovered the straw hat. It was indeed a corpse. The short-sleeved man reported his name and the name of the deceased, saying that he was from the north (probably somewhere at the junction of Shaanxi and Henan). Under the flashlight, all the dishes on the table were gone, the cups and plates were messy, and two pairs of chopsticks were still wet. I looked around again and found nothing. The soldier checked the number and asked the boss in detail. The boss said that this was his first time to receive this guest, but fortunately, he had heard about it from his predecessors and colleagues before, so he knew clearly that they would leave early and would not disturb others. The soldier went back and pondered for a long time, thinking that there was a lot in it; First of all, the dead can't walk, let alone walk that far! Secondly, what about the two pairs of chopsticks just used? Can the dead still eat? Joke! He immediately made an appointment with another soldier and hurried back to the hotel for a secret inspection. As the night deepened, there was a lot of snoring. In that room, there was no sound, not even a little drowsiness. I was probably surprised that I couldn't sleep after checking the number. Before dawn, the guest group opened the door silently. At this time, the boss has opened the store door and saw the short-sleeved man in front, guiding the black robe on the road with a very low voice. Two soldiers followed at a distance. ...
It's dawn, so you two should keep up. The soldier who looked up at the number only saw the face of a man with short sleeves, and immediately became alert: this is a young man's face without much beard, but last night, under the irradiation of a flashlight, it was clearly full of cheeks and beards, and it looked at least fifty years old. The soldiers drew their pistols and ordered them to stop and obey. Accompanied by two soldiers, they walked to the branch office. Walking in black robes is basically the same. People in short clothes are not half-faced, but are moving forward as a whole, with a guiding sound in their mouths.
At the sub-station, the secret of "killing people" was finally completely revealed: the body was real, but there were two people, one was clearly called "killing people" with lanterns in front; One hung the body on himself and put it in a long and big black robe. He straightened his back and carried the weight, but his hands were upright and he wanted to carry it hard. You can't see with your eyes, and you can exercise your feet by listening to your ears. To tell the truth, this kind of labor is amazing! Rest early and leave early a day, it takes eight to ten hours to walk, and only one meal a day! People who carry lanterns should relax. This relaxation is combined with the hardship of black robes, which changes every day, so the soldiers see two different faces. The innkeeper couldn't see it because they left too early; Pedestrians on the road walk faster than them, only one person can be seen, but the second person can't be seen. Over the years (it's really impossible to research what dynasty began to exist), under the cover of feudal superstition, I don't know how many people who are as credulous as me have been deceived. These two are apprentices and apprentices, with special training and excellent martial arts; A trip can make a lot of money (customers save money than hiring people to transport coffins), and an apprentice can also become a master and take another apprentice. There are different seasons to accept this business, usually autumn and winter, which may be because corpses are prone to stink and rot in other seasons. It is said that the beginning was accompanied by some superstitious activities and mercury therapy. At the last hotel in the destination, inform the host family to meet him.
When the two PLA soldiers learned about this situation, they were very surprised by their great physical strength. The huge load, unique conditions and long journey are unimaginable! As they are also very hard-working workers, they are warned not to engage in superstition and deception. They have martial arts and physical strength. Why don't they change careers? Master and apprentice nodded and said yes. The body was not far from its destination, so it took other people's money and confiscated only lanterns and paper money. The whole process took only two or three hours to solve. The acquaintance who told me about it just caught up with them, excitedly lifted the body and set foot on Xiangguan Avenue. ...
Reveal the corpse door
The "warlock" led the way, and then the dead man lifted his legs and walked with difficulty, too scared to avoid. Want to know why? Please read this article.
In the early days of liberation, the people's government reformed those who were dishonest and sought money by deception in order to turn over a new leaf and serve the people. Once, we organized the study of Duan Gong, sorcery, divination and exorcism, explained the policy and pointed out the way out. Start over with his honest and frank deception.
The scam of "driving a corpse" is that a person disguises himself as a dead person; The other man dressed up as a corpse driver. The "dead man" wore a big straw hat, which covered the whole head and even the outline of his face was difficult to see; Wearing blue robes and robes; With paper money and a yellow watch on his arm. When walking, paper money flutters, just like ghosts in old plays; The limbs are tied with bamboo strips, like splints used in orthopedics. Their function is to prevent the joints of hands and feet from bending, so that the legs can be lifted and trampled hard, just like a stiff dead body! Its shape is so terrible that people who see it dare not avoid it. The "warlock" leads the way in front, with a face of death and smoke. He always turns to take care of the "dead" who follows, throwing paper money while walking, called "buying money for the road"; The "dead" walked along the "buy money", in fact, paper money became a road sign. The guide also carried a lantern, which was half lit and half extinguished, flickering, which was also a signal to the "dead" to indicate where to go. A hunched back; Full of paper money and incense wax. In this way, one after another, slowly, like ghosts, walking in a deserted path or a secluded alley. It's not too late to stay in a chicken hair shop, light incense wax and burn paper money. For a time, the evil wind is pervasive and the atmosphere is miserable, making people afraid to approach.
Two or three days before arriving at the destination, inform the family members of the deceased in advance, prepare clothes and coffins, and immediately put on clothes, hats and shoes for the deceased after the "deceased" arrives, and put them in Shoumu. This burial process is entirely undertaken by the "corpse driver", and no one is allowed to insert and watch, just as the corpse is not allowed to peep when it is "carried out of the coffin" at the time of departure. It is said that at these critical moments, strangers will be in danger of "shocking the corpse" when they approach a corpse, and the burial process must be in the middle of the night. Everything is arranged, that is to say, the deceased will be buried before being claimed. As soon as the coffin lid is opened, it is obviously a bereaved family. It looks like yesterday, but now it is buried in the coffin. It's sad and heartbreaking. Some people cry and others cry. At this time, the "corpse driver" deliberately advised everyone not to be too sad and upset the deceased. Fortunately, he accumulated virtue before his death and returned to his hometown safely. Just after a long journey, I need a quiet rest. When people are sad, after seeing the dead, they will have a sense of sureness, satisfaction and relief. Who still suspects that it is a scam?
Frankly speaking, it's staggering! It turns out that all the secrets are at the back of that folder. On the surface, it looks like paper money and water wax. This is all a cover-up, a trick to divert people's attention. Surprisingly, the bottom of the paper was covered with bodies. Specifically, the back of the clip contains the head and limbs of the deceased. As for the main part, I don't know which wasteland is buried with the remains of homeless people.
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