How do men hide their mistress’s number?

1. Three men

A said that once he was drunk and spent the night at his mistress’s place. His wife kept calling him on his mobile phone. The mistress took the call and said: Hello, please dial The owner of the phone is drunk, please call again later! When I got home the next day, my wife yelled: Even China Mobile knew about your drunkenness, shame on you!

C said, I’m even better. I set the mistress’s phone number to be the mayor. Every time the mistress calls, my wife says, “Hurry, the mayor is calling!” After I answer the phone, I say, the mayor is calling. I went there for a trip. Before I left, my wife told me from behind: Bring more money and work hard!

2. A prisoner was executed. Because the bullets were of inferior quality, the first shot was not fired, and then the second shot... and the third shot... At this time the prisoner cried: Big Brother Just strangle me to death, it’s so fucking scary!

3. After watching the black 100-meter race, an old lady wiped away tears and said: It’s scary! Several coal diggers knelt in a row and were shot. They fired without aiming. The children were so frightened that they ran away, and even the ropes couldn't stop them!

4. A male teacher said angrily to a girl who was sleeping in class: I am so tired up there, but you are motionless down there! It’s fine if you don’t cooperate, you don’t even have any reaction. If you don’t have anything in your stomach in the future, don’t blame the teacher! As a result, the whole class fainted.

5. There was a pair of lovers having a sweet moment in the park. The girl coquettishly said to her husband: I have a toothache~~! The boy then kissed the girl and asked: Does it still hurt? The girl said it didn’t hurt anymore!

After a while, the girl said coquettishly: Husband, my neck hurts! The boy kissed the girl's neck again and asked if it still hurt this time.

The girl said happily: It doesn’t hurt anymore! An old lady stood and watched for a long time. She couldn't help but stepped forward and asked the young man: "Young man, you are so amazing. Can you cure hemorrhoids?"

6. The doctor asked the patient how he broke the bone. The patient said, "I felt there was sand in my shoes, so I shook my shoes by holding on to the telephone pole." Damn, there was a bastard passing by there. He thought I was electrocuted, so he picked up a wooden stick and gave me two sticks.

7. A drunk man accidentally fell from the third floor, attracting passers-by to watch. A policeman came over and asked: What happened? Drunk Man: I don’t know. I just arrived.

8. Someone raises a pig, gets bored, and abandons it. However, the pig knows its way back, and abandoning it several times has no effect. One day, he drove around many corners and abandoned the pig. He called his family late at night and asked, "Has the pig returned?" The answer was, "Yes!" He roared, "Let him answer the phone. I'm lost."

9. The black African girl went to Shanghai and stayed in a hotel. There was a fire in the middle of the night. The African woman ran out quickly and said in surprise: My mother was burned and she ran so fast. !!

10. Someone went to the toilet and couldn't open the toilet lid, so he pooped on the toilet lid in a hurry. Later, he suddenly found a button on the wall and pressed it. He was embarrassed when he thought that the lid suddenly popped open and the shit hit the ceiling. He called the waiter and pointed at the ceiling and said, "I'll give you 200 yuan to help me clean this up." "The waiter looked at the ceiling and said to him: "I'll give you 800 yuan and you tell me how you pooped on the ceiling?" Tell me about the mistress's mood

1. The nature of parent-teacher meetings is the same as that of mistresses.

2. Liar, why is there no beef in beef instant noodles?

3. They say they have lovers. Finally get married, the rich will eventually become miserable, and have the mistress's pain.

4. Fear of father, mother, and mistress. Be wary of wolves and dogs.

5. Originally. What a happy family, but it was torn apart by the interference of the mistress.

Mistress, you really don’t understand the importance of a family to a woman. Don’t you know that you will get married and have children in the future, and all these will have karma... You are young now, but you will also be old one day. And today you will bear a hundred times what you have given her...

6. I heard that it is not easy for you to be a young lady on location. I will give you more money, and you must take good care of my man. Yes, I don't want him to run to your chicken coop every day.

7. Mistress! No matter how hard you work, the government will still recognize me.

8. Recently I heard that several friends got divorced due to the interference of mistresses. Are men's eyes blurred with shit these days? I never think about how pitiful the child is! Such a heartless man should go directly to hell! Silly.

9. How should I put it, as long as your meanness does not affect us.

10. Mistress, don’t try too hard in front of me. No matter how you try, it’s all something my sister has used.

11. Today I vented my anger for my sister and made myself angry. Her marriage was interfered with by a mistress. I have seen mistresses on TV and in the news who were beaten. This mistress is really arrogant. We are really of high quality. If we meet someone powerful, I guess she won’t dare to be so arrogant.

12. The mistress’s acting skills will be better than anyone else’s.

13. The classic sentence of scolding the mistress as a servant of the Third Palace

14. You are just a bus, you can get on and off at will for one dollar.

15. If you show off in front of me again, it’s just my sister’s fault... (Said to the mistress)

16. The end of the world is nothing, we still have "Easter" "Yes.

17. Break up. Excellent results for a junior!

18. Without the existence of a mistress, who will judge your nonsense love.

19. Even if you win. There will be other mistresses who will sabotage you in the future

20. The best thing about Xinwen Lianbo is that you can keep a complete view of the news even if you change the channel.

21. Parent-teacher conferences and mistresses have the same nature: destroying family harmony.

22. Worship God when you are rich and prodigal when you have no money.

23. I’m sorry to make you laugh.

24. There is no such thing as an inseparable couple, only mistresses who don’t work hard.

25. Love is like pooping. You try hard for a long time, but it’s just a fart.

26. Distance does not produce beauty, but mistress.

27. Since being a mistress must be shameless, she is used to harsh words

28. You borrow some clothes from Baiyun, borrow a pair of wings from the bird, and then fly. He ran up to me and said, "This is what we bird people look like."

29. Mistress, it’s just a remainder in mathematics

30. Losing weight is not just to lose weight, but also to heal a wounded heart and fight for the breath that can’t be swallowed! Because you are obese and walk on the street, you will be looked at strangely and pointed at by others; the clothes in the photo are not in your size, and even if you put them on reluctantly, you will lose the beauty of the clothes; you will often be turned away when looking for a job; She was disliked by her husband in all kinds of ways, and even had her mistress interfere in her marriage; obesity brought various diseases to her body.

31. I didn’t expect a person to be so innocent, and very silly and naive!

32. There are two kinds of mistresses, one is someone who clearly knows that someone has a wife, You also have to interact with other people. Another type is being mistressed. This kind of mistress does not know that he has become someone else's mistress, so we must first understand the situation clearly. If the person did not do it intentionally, it is fine. If he knew everything about the situation, he ended up interfering with others. If she is married to someone else, then she is a morally bad person, so there is no need to show mercy to her.

33. Curse you to be unhappy all your life and to be interfered with by mistresses all your life... You destroyed my original happiness.

34. Take the path of the mistress and leave the mistresses with nowhere to go.

35. Mistress: Mistress, don’t let me get you wrong, one day the big house will kill you.

36. There is no inseparable couple, only mistresses who don’t work hard.

37. It’s your characteristic! Pay attention, sooner or later there will be a third party, and you are not as good as a lady.

38. White and red, unique. If you are passionate, the peacock will be happy.

39. Play with feelings? Be a mistress? Destroy other people's feelings? I will make you cry very rhythmically.

40. For love, you choose to be a mistress, for money, you become a chicken. Super Personal Mistress

We are younger and more beautiful than the eldest wife.

We have temperament, quality and culture.

We do it for true love, not for money.

We just meet the right person at the wrong time.

He loves me and has no relationship with his wife.

His wife is old, ugly and tasteless

He has his own reasons for marrying me without divorce.

I am willing to be the woman behind the scenes for the rest of my life.

We have moral values, but no one can stop love when it comes.

You married people are all afraid of men looking for mistresses.

A marriage without love is an immoral marriage.

Those who scold mistresses are abandoned wives and those who have been dumped.

We do not destroy other people’s families.

We have never thought about becoming a regular couple. It is enough for two people to fall in love with each other.

We can do three things because we are better than ordinary women.

The person who is not loved is the third party, so I am not the third party!

I am the most hurt person in the extramarital affair, because my contribution is the most selfless and the least rewarded! !

Once the love between a man and a woman comes, it is beyond human control!

We are the most pitiful. We sincerely give our emotions and bodies, and are willing to consume our precious youth for a man who will not belong to us.

I don’t want to hurt the man I love, so I don’t plan to destroy your family. I just want to stay by his side and love him. I don’t want anything!

I am the person who gives the most, the person who gets hurt the most, the most pitiful person, and the person who has the deepest affection. Mistress’s sad sentences

1. In addition to falling in love with his wife, a married man A woman does not necessarily have an unhappy marriage or loves the affair woman too much.

2. Most of the attractiveness of married men who have affairs and have little achievements are created by their wives.

3. In fact, even if he doesn’t meet you, he will fall in love with other women at first sight.

4. Our biggest love rival is not a third party, but time.

5. If you cannot forgive yourself, you have no wisdom; if you cannot forgive others, you have no compassion.

6. I am still used to being alone, sitting on the bus and admiring the scenery outside the window alone.

7. I have always stood at the place where I was hurt by you, and you have always stayed in the distance that made me cry.

8. If you are not brave, no one will be strong for you.

9. Your gentle smile is the most beautiful.

10. When I was young, if someone said I love you, I would blush and act like I didn’t hear it. Later, when you grow up and someone says they love you, you take it as a joke. Later, I met more and more people, and the lovers around me changed again and again. Love became a mantra. It cannot be said that it is not important, but it seems that it is just like that. Suddenly, I remembered my blushing face back then, and realized that that is how I should look when I meet love.

11. No matter how long the future is and how far the road is, we must keep going.

12. Without exercise, life is equal to lethargy; without thinking, life is equal to blind obedience; without moderation, life is equal to destruction; without happiness, life is equal to solidification.

13. Deep love always fails in suspicion and separation.

14. There are many people in the world who laugh at you instead of comforting you, so there are some things that you should just ignore and bury deep in your heart and know for yourself.

15. I said I don’t love you anymore, I said I don’t want to do it anymore, I said I forgot it, I said I gave up. However, many times, our memories are always so fragile. Often a glass of wine, a song, or an intersection will bring back memories of you, like a mirage appearing in front of your eyes. I saw your beauty, your smile, your badness; I saw my mistakes, my sleepiness, and my drunkenness; I saw the hands we once held, the words we once said, and the tears we once shed.

16. The most beautiful love words are when the person you love the most plans you in his future.

17. Sugar cane is not sweet at both ends. If you choose an outgoing woman, you have to accept her debauchery. If you choose a pure woman, you have to accept her naivety. If you choose a rational woman, you have to accept her calculations. If you choose a shy woman, you have to accept her inferiority complex. You chose a brave woman, and you have to accept her stubbornness. You chose a beautiful woman, and you have to accept her past. There are perfect women in TV series.

18. Don’t let yourself regret it in the future if you don’t work hard now.

19. You were what I wanted most, but you never needed me, so maybe I let it go.

20. I like you not because you are good-looking, but because you give me a feeling that no one else can give me.

21. I always envy others for their brilliance, but I forget that I can also shine.

22. Memories are just the past. You can remember the past, but you can’t go back to the beginning.

23. He said: You will find a better person than me. I smiled and said: But I will never be so nice to others again.

24. Feelings are like a glass of strong wine. After being knocked over by the first person, you can only add some water to the second person.

25. It doesn’t matter what others think of you. The only important thing is that you like your true self.

26. The person who promised to accompany you to the farthest end turned out to be the person who hurt you the most.

27. You hurt me with just one word, but it took me a lifetime to force myself not to love you.

28. The face is the river bed of day, only you and sorrow are stranded on the bank.

29. Love is a sign and a one-way street. You always want a lot but get too little.

30. Isn’t it silly that she still misses me despite forgetting me?

31. If a married man falls in love with a woman other than his wife, it does not necessarily mean that the marriage is unhappy or that he loves the affair woman too much.

32. Most of the attractiveness of married men who have affairs and have little achievements are created by their wives.

33. In fact, even if he doesn’t meet you, he will fall in love with other women at first sight.

34. Our biggest love rival is not a third party, but time.

35. If you cannot forgive yourself, you have no wisdom; if you cannot forgive others, you have no compassion.

36. I am still used to being alone, sitting on the bus and admiring the scenery outside the window alone.

37. I have always stood at the place where I was hurt by you, and you have always stayed in the distance that made me cry.

38. If you are not brave, no one will be strong for you.

39. Your gentle smile is the most beautiful.

40. When I was young, if someone said I love you, I would blush and act like I didn’t hear it. Later, when you grow up and someone says they love you, you take it as a joke.

Later, I met more and more people, and the lovers around me changed again and again. Love became a mantra. It cannot be said that it is not important, but it seems that it is just like that. Suddenly, I remembered my blushing face back then, and realized that that is how I should look when I meet love.

41. No matter how long the future is and how far the road is, we must keep going.

42. Without exercise, life is equal to lethargy; without thinking, life is equal to blind obedience; without moderation, life is equal to destruction; without happiness, life is equal to solidification.

43. Deep love always fails in suspicion and separation.

44. There are many people in the world who laugh at you instead of comforting you, so there are some things that you should just ignore and bury deep in your heart and know for yourself.

45. I said I don’t love you anymore, I said I don’t want to do it anymore, I said I forgot it, I said I gave up. However, many times, our memories are always so fragile. Often a glass of wine, a song, or an intersection will bring back memories of you, like a mirage appearing in front of your eyes. I saw your beauty, your smile, your badness; I saw my mistakes, my sleepiness, and my drunkenness; I saw the hands we once held, the words we once said, and the tears we once shed.

46. The most beautiful love words are when the person you love the most plans you in his future.

47. Sugar cane is not sweet at both ends. If you choose an outgoing woman, you have to accept her debauchery. If you choose a pure woman, you have to accept her naivety. If you choose a rational woman, you have to accept her calculations. If you choose a shy woman, you have to accept her inferiority complex. You chose a brave woman, and you have to accept her stubbornness. You chose a beautiful woman, and you have to accept her past. There are perfect women in TV series.

48. You were what I wanted most, but you never needed me, so maybe I let it go.

49. I always envy others for their brilliance, but I forget that I can also shine.

50. Memories are just the past. You can remember the past, but you can’t go back to the beginning.

51. He said: You will find a better person than me. I smiled and said: But I will never be so nice to others again.

52. Feelings are like a glass of strong wine. After being knocked over by the first person, you can only add some water to the second person.

53. It doesn’t matter what others think of you. The only important thing is that you like your true self.

54. God is too busy. He only teaches us how to love someone, but has no time to teach us how to forget someone.

55. The person who promised to accompany you to the farthest end turned out to be the person who hurt you the most.

56. You hurt me with just one word, but it took me a lifetime to force myself not to love you.

57. The face is the river bed of day, only you and sorrow are stranded on the bank.

58. Love is a sign and a one-way street. You always want a lot but get too little.

59. No matter what, a person's depravity is always unforgivable. The more no one loves you, the more you must love yourself.

60. I thought that one day, I would completely forget love and you, but suddenly one day, I heard an old song, and my tears fell, because of this song Song, we listened together.

61. Our youth started on a high note but ended sadly.

62. I have not given up and will not leave you.

63. I’m so afraid of getting used to someone’s favor, and then being ruthlessly thrown away.

64. What I love is not the person I used to be, but the years I used to have.

65. What I fear most is that I will become the kind of person I once hated.