It's best not to have funny jokes online. Thank you.

I met a boy on a blind date recently. Fall in love at first sight. I call late every night. There is less and less communication with parents when I come home from work. My mother sighed tonight, alas, the little cotton-padded jacket has become genuine, and it is getting colder and colder ~ ~

"Pleasant goat, good! The village head was taken away by the wolf again! " "Xiong Da, bad! Logger Vick has come to cut down trees again! " "Pleasant Goat, do something." "Bear, do something." "I prefer pleasant goat to be smart!" "I am still smart!" "How can this question beat me, Wolf?" "How can this question beat me, Brother Qiang?" "You only know how to eat lazy sheep!" "Bear, you know how to eat!" "Damn little sheep!" "Damn bear!" "Big Wolf! What about the fat sheep! " "Logger Vick! ! What about this month's wood! " "honey, let me explain ... it's all those damn little sheep!" "Boss Li, listen to me ... it's all those two smelly bears!" "Little sheep, try my new invention" "Little bear, try my new weapon" "I will definitely come back!" "I will come back again!" I watch cartoons less, so don't lie to me.

Chatting with a beautiful woman today (just assigned to our store by the school). I said, sister, you are so beautiful. If I marry you, I will be a cow and a horse for you! Sister smiled and said yes! I'll do it right away, so give me the grass first! Hungry. . . .

The teacher asked the students: What is your biggest dream? Student: Be the principal for one minute! Teacher: OK! You are the principal now! Student: Miss Li! You're fucking fired. Teacher: Call your parents tomorrow! The next day! Teacher: Students! Don't litter! Be quiet! Make your school your home! Student: Get out of here! You are not welcome in my house!

The university military training place is in front of the girls' dormitory. One day, a group of school sisters wearing suspenders and short skirts went out to buy rice. When the boys in the last row saw it, their blood boiled and they screamed. The instructor ran to the most cheerful classmates and shouted, what's your name? ! The classmate calmly said: My name is Liu Wei! The instructor was speechless at that time!

There was no place to live the other night! Look at the address book, see the phone number of the goddess, and call decisively! Tell her I have no place to live! Can we go to her dormitory? The goddess decisively agreed! I'm so happy (a simple-looking girl). I'm going to sleep after I go! Turn off the lights (just one room), I said: I prefer to hug people to sleep, and my sister nodded shyly. Make me happy. Touch me up and down decisively! When she was preparing for xxoo, the goddess suddenly said wait, and then took out a box of condoms from her bag! ! I was shocked. In an instant, the goddess is not the simple, lovely and beautiful little girl in my mind! ! ! Do you think this is gc, too What surprises me even more is that! Sister is also very good at playing! ! Hi, I feel old! ! Then send a photo of the goddess! ! !

I went to the supermarket to buy things today, and I queued up when I paid. At this time, the payment for the goods in front of me happened to be 19 yuan. He gave it to 20 yuan, the cashier, who gave him a dime candy. The goods actually said no. After that, the goods took out nine such candies from their pockets and said, "Find me one?" My partner and I were shocked!

Yesterday, a buddy and I went shopping in the supermarket. No sooner had I entered than I saw two monks in robes come in. I pushed the shopping cart and started to get something. I bought a cart at one go. I looked at my buddy and said: Being a monk means having money! Look how rich they are, and then I just see them walking to the cashier. The waiter asked them whether they would pay by credit card or cash. A monk came up to him and said, "benefactor, Amitabha, the poor monk is here for alms." ...

Most models have been driven, and only 12 vehicles have been turned over in half a year (backhand only). There is no problem with disabled cars, so there is no need to buy insurance. Can quickly escape from accidents such as rollover and have certain escape skills. It only takes three months for a new excavator to be scrapped. Numerous cables and water pipes have been cut and dragged into the mud for five times, and they have to be overhauled. Now I want to find an excavator with a long-term stability of more than 30 tons.

A man driving a Mercedes-Benz with a price of 654.38+0 million owes a bank loan of 654.38+0 million, and he lives on the brink of life and death. A man who drives 65,438+10,000 people, he has a mortgage of 500,000, and his life is in dire straits. A cyclist of 2000 electric car, deposit 60 thousand! Life is comfortable but confused.

Two sisters quarreled.

"You slut"

"You are more coquettish than me, and you call me."

"I mean man show, that's an attitude towards life. You mean coquettish, that's a state of life."

“o_O……”

The first time I knelt down, I heard someone explain "Sao" so fresh and refined.

My cousin asked me: What does ml mean? Oh, my cousin is so simple. But I can't lie to him, so I said, it means sex. Cousin still doesn't understand. I said, it means to be ai. He still scratched his head, and I explained: men and women do shameful things! By the way, where did you see it? He took out a bottle of milk from the back, 250ml. ...

There is a student with high myopia. The teacher used up the chalk in class and asked the students to borrow it from the next class. The student answered and went out from the front door. As a result, the goods appeared at the back door and asked loudly, teacher, is there any chalk in your class? The teacher looked at him blankly. The goods thought the teacher ignored him, but came in through the front door crying, and the teacher in the next class ignored me. ...

The score of the first place 100 quarreled with the score of the second place 97. The second place said, "What's the big deal about the score of 100? I'll get a hundred points next time. " The first place said, "Your score of 97 is the limit. I got 100 because the test paper was 100! " "

Landlord: What should I do if the toilet is blocked?

Reply: half a catty of soybeans, stir-fried, ice half a liter of water, eat beans first, then drink cold water. Block the toilet with your ass. Don't leak. Sit still. After a while, he began to fart like a machine gun and use aerodynamic force to flush the blocked toilet.

A friend who studied computer sent a message: "I asked for leave today to go home and deal with my grandmother's affairs." Just now, I asked the monk to go home and recite the scriptures. He told me a big story. I heard that it probably means that after grandma's death, it will take 7749 days for the mirror transmission to log on to the Amitabha server, and then the queue will be built to the pure land of bliss. After the completion, I can connect my grandmother from tombstones, shrines and relics at any time. It feels quite formal. "