A cold joke about sleeping

One, one person gives 5 yuan to the beggar on the street corner every day without interruption. 2 yuan after marriage and 1 yuan after childbirth. Finally, one day the beggar asked him, "Sir, why are you giving me less and less money?" He replied, "I didn't feel pressure when I was single, so I gave you 5 yuan." After I have a wife and children, the burden of life is heavy, and I can only give you 1 yuan. " The beggar listened to the fire: "You are so unkind. You can't take my money to support your family with pressure ... "

Grandpa has a cheerful personality all his life. Today, he called and said he would give me money to buy a car. I am ecstatic and grateful beyond words. Grandpa asked me to promise him three conditions first. I said yes. Then grandpa said earnestly: First, after you have a car, you should work hard. Second, while I'm still alive, you can talk to your girlfriend about getting married as soon as possible, so that I can see my great-grandson. Third, and most importantly, I only buy a car, and you pay for the battery yourself.

Third, go out to play with second-rate friends and watch them fight halfway. It turns out that they used to be friends, but they turned against each other because they didn't pay back the money and denied it! So I said to him, "It's really boring. Fortunately, my friend turned against me for money. Unlike me, I lent someone 500 yuan last week, and the appointed time passed. I didn't ask anyone! " The second goods came unhurriedly: "well, someone asked me to borrow 500 yuan last year, but I didn't pay it back after urging." I finally borrowed it last week. "

Fourth, because I usually sleep until I die, I turn my cell phone alarm into a good day. Recalling the final exam that afternoon, I threw my mobile phone in my schoolbag and put it on the platform. When I was doing the problem, I suddenly remembered Aunt Song's voice. I'll go! The teachers all laughed. . Turn off the alarm clock with a red face. . .

Once I rode an electric car through a path, a courier tricycle and a BMW stopped at the left and right sides of the path respectively, with only a small gap between them. When I rode past them on an electric car, the left rearview mirror of my electric car kept rubbing against the express tricycle, but I didn't touch the BMW on the right. The courier brother glared at me and said, "Beauty, you have gone too far!"

6. Teacher: "Students, the PE teacher is ill and can't come to class today, so PE is changed to math." Xiao Ming: "Teacher, what does a PE teacher look like? Why haven't we seen him? " Teacher: "Get out!"

Seven, my girlfriend asked the male ticket: "Your mother and I fell into the water at the same time. Who will you save first? " The male ticket said, "You try." "Just try", my girlfriend fell into the water. But the mother of the male ticket didn't jump, so they discussed on the shore: "Do you want such a stupid daughter-in-law?"

Eight, "How can I go too far!" Yu Gong eyes, to have turned my back to roar, "you wait! I will definitely open a much better pub than you! Also, last month's salary you give me ... "

One day, my son came home and said to his mother, "I saw an old man shouting. Poor thing! " "My son is really sensible. He had 10 quick money when he came. Give it to him. "

It's too hot recently. As soon as my sister got home, she saw a bowl of smoothies on the dining table, and she was so moved. After a few bites, I hugged my mother: "Mom, that's very kind of you. By the way, when did you learn to make milkshakes? Teach me! " Mother said flatly, "Oh, you mean that bowl of ice slag?" I just cleaned the refrigerator. "