Any jokes about computers?

When a hacker meets a computer idiot

Hacker: I have taken control of your computer!

Xiaobai: Oh

Hacker: Are you scared? ! hey-hey!

Xiaobai: You’re here just in time. Please help me kill the virus. My computer has been having a lot of problems recently!

Hacker:...

Xiaobai: Why do you always come in and out of my computer at will?

Hacker: You can install a firewall

Xiaobai: If you install a firewall, will you not be able to enter?

Hacker: No, I just want to add some fun. Controlling your computer like this makes me feel stupid

Hacker: Here I go again

Xiaobai: Don’t you find it annoying that you come here every day?

Hacker: It’s very annoying. Your computer is the worst I’ve ever seen

Xiaobai: No, this is a famous brand

Hacker: I mean, apart from mentally retarded games, there are only viruses in your machine

Xiaobai: Oh~~Have you seen my "Lianliankan"? I don't remember where it is installed. Look for it. It's been a long time~

Hacker: ...Goodbye

Hacker: Where did you die?

Xiaobai: ...I've been out for a few days, what do you want with me?

Hacker: I’m looking for something

Xiaobai: What are you looking for here?

Hacker: Viruses, look for old viruses from a few years ago. Only your machine has the most complete virus collection

Hacker: Hello~~~

< p>Xiaobai: You come here every day, are you curious about me?

Hacker: It’s not curiosity, it’s just a habit. I came in easily

Xiaobai: Hum, I have a good way to change your habit

Hacker :....Oh, what can I do?

Xiaobai: I went to the telecommunications bureau to change the bandwidth to 1K, so that you can’t squeeze in because it’s too narrow, haha~~~

Hacker: Genius!.. ...Can you still access the Internet?

Xiaobai: Yes, take your time!

Xiaobai: Do you find it interesting to enter my computer every day?

Hacker: Interesting

Xiaobai: What’s the point?

Hacker: I'm studying why your computer, which is full of viruses, doesn't crash

Xiaobai: I know

Hacker:... #%*!Why?

Xiaobai: This is called fighting fire with fire.

The mouse said: I am so miserable, being touched every day.

The mouse pad said: I was the worst, being pressed and touched.

Chassis said: Are you as miserable as me? My belly button is pressed every day.

The optical drive said: I am so miserable, being fucked every day.

The floppy drive said: I am even worse, no one is willing to interfere with me now.

U disk said: Who is worse than me? If you insert it here and then insert it there, you may get infected accidentally.

Motherboard: Don’t think that I feel good when being penetrated by many things. In fact, I am the worst. They usually stop moving after being penetrated. It is very uncomfortable.

Sound card: When I plug in the motherboard, it won’t move and I have to scream all day long

Computer and Wife

Computer fans sit in front of the computer all day long, so that Wives who are computer fans often say: "Let the computer be your wife.

What do you want me to do?" Although this is a joke, if you think about it carefully, there are really many differences between the computer and your wife. Same point,

Let’s take a look:

1. When you buy one back, another one with better performance comes on the market.

2. No one understands their operating rules except their manufacturers.

3. Any small mistakes you make will be recorded for future reference.

4. The DOS error message "Bad Command or FileName" means: If you don't know

why I'm angry with you, I won't tell you the reason.

5. When you are addicted to computers, you will find that half of your time and money are spent on buying peripherals.

6. The communication language between computers is completely incomprehensible to us.

What is the most essential difference between computers and people?

It has been demonstrated:

First, for computers, software is inserted into hardware.

Second, for people, it is hardware plugged into software

Add jokes

Make fun of computer languages

Various computer languages ??often It makes us programmers confused about which one we are using. The following mini-meeting will help clarify your doubts.

Universal Computer

A universal computer was put on public display, and a woman went to visit it.

The salesman told him: "You can ask any questions and this computer will give you the correct answer."

The woman then wrote down her question: "My dad Where?"

The salesman entered this sentence, and the answer came out after a while: "Your father is fishing at the beach."

"Nonsense!" the woman said: "My father has been dead for ten years."

"Computers can't make mistakes." The salesman insisted. "Why don't you try asking in another way."

So the woman asked again: "Where is my mother's husband?"

The computer replied: "He died ten years ago But your dad is fishing on the beach."

Task: Shoot yourself in the foot

c: Shoot yourself in the foot.

C++: You accidentally created a bunch of instances of yourself, so you had to shoot them in the foot one by one. Emergency rescue is

impossible because you don't know which is a real copy of you and which is just a pointer to you.

Fortran: You shoot your toes one by one in a cycle until all the toes are gone, then you read in the next

foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you have to keep shooting because you have no accident handling mechanism.

Pascal: The compiler won't let you do this.

Ada: After you've carefully packed your foot, you attempt to load, pull the trigger, scream,

and shoot yourself in the foot in a parallel fashion. However, when you try it on, you realize you have the wrong type of foot.

Lisp: You shoot your gun-holding limbs with a gun held by your gun-holding limbs.

Forth:. Cum your own feet

prolog: You tell the program that you want to shoot your own feet. The program will automatically find specific plans, but the syntax is not allowed to tell you these plans.

Basic: You shoot yourself in the foot with a water gun. If on a large system, repeat until your lower body is submerged

in water.

Visualbasic: You were actually just pretending to shoot yourself in the foot. But you think this is more interesting, so you don't care whether you cum or not.

Unix:

%lsfoot. Cfoot. Hfoot. Otoe. Ctoe. O

%rm*. O

rm:. Onosuchfileordirectory

%ls

%

paradox: Not only can you shoot yourself in the foot, but so can your users.

Access: You aimed the gun at your own foot, but the bullet punched holes in all the floppy disks labeled borland

nearby.

Assembler: You try to shoot yourself in the foot, only to find out you have to make the gun yourself first,

bullets, sights, and your foot.

Modula2: When you finally realize that nothing can be done with this language, you shoot yourself through the head.

God and Programs

If you think of God as a programmer, he would deal with important technical issues like this:

Q: God can control everything in my life Everything that happened?

A: Of course, the condition is that he has a Debug debugger. But testing everything step by step is just too tedious.

Q: Where will I stay after I die?

A: On the backup tape.

Q: Will I have an afterlife?

A: If there is special need, God will regenerate you. He would try to find the backup files, but eventually he would find that the tapes were not found.

Q: How can I protect myself now?

A: Change your password every month. Be careful not to use your name, words or your birthday as your password.

Q: Many people say they hear the voice of God. Is this true?

A: It’s more like they received an email from God.

Q: Many people say that God is love.

A: This is not a question. Please repeat your question and make the following choices: Abort, Retry, Fail