Ask 8 funny jokes! Good health, thank you!

1 You eat, or you don't eat snacks, and your face is there, not sad or happy;

Whether you drink coke or not, your waistline is there, whether you come or not;

You run, or you don't run, the weight is there, neither increasing nor decreasing;

You lose weight, or you don't lose weight, the meat is on you, don't give up;

Come to the fat man's arms, or let the fat man live in other people's hearts, silently want to eat, hold back, struggle, tears collapse.

On new year's day, my family went to the history museum to visit the "ice toilet" …

Teacher's comment: Is there such a thing? I'm going too! (Terracotta Warriors)

After getting up in the morning, we gathered at school and took a ride to Beijing for a graduation trip.

Teacher's comment: I don't know which funeral home is your home? Teachers never know ... (appearance)

The left eyelid kept jumping last night. At that time, I thought it was a bear cover. Sure enough, my wallet was taken away today.

Teacher's comment: Are you so old, son? (ominous)

The newspaper said that oysters contaminated with heavy metals can "cure" cancer …

Teacher's comment: a word difference, raising people to turn over! Should I raise oysters quickly? This will make a lot of money ...

Last night, my classmates and I went to a fast food restaurant for dinner. We ordered two hamburgers and "chicken nuggets and shit" …

Teacher's comment: Is it delicious? Chicken manure? (A piece of chicken)

When I was going out shopping on Sunday, I was caught by the "gang door" in a hurry. What bad luck.

Teacher's comment: The teacher is curious-whose gang door is so big ...? (steel door)

I consider myself a good student, studying and "worrying" …

Teacher's comment: You have to worry-failure. (excellent)

In the "bumpy" life, on the "broad road", we should keep a firm direction …

Teacher's comment: This road can be the ninth wonder after eight wonders of the world relayed the Terracotta Warriors.

Uncle Chen, who has lived next door to our house since childhood, lives in the last kitchen on the third floor. I don't know why cooking braised beef has a strong and charming taste of traditional Chinese medicine from time to time …

Teacher's comment: Please read this sentence to me in one breath tomorrow. No breathing allowed.

Arrived on Monday 10 ... Xiaoying handed in her homework and was immediately called to the penalty station by the teacher at noon. She read "I won't cheat the teacher again" 500 times.

Why? Why is this teacher so cruel to this fragile pupil? Let's see how her composition is written.

Sunday

Today is Sunday. Although we went to Ocean Park to play until 1 1 pm yesterday, we got up early today and went to Taiping Mountain next to Ocean Park to pick fruit, because my grandparents live in Taiping Mountain.

At the foot of Taiping Mountain, we took off our shoes and began to climb the mountain. It took about 1 minute to reach the top of the mountain. The air at the top of the mountain is very good. Grandpa took us to his orchard. Wow ... Grandpa's orchard is so big, many fruit trees are planted, including watermelon tree, strawberry tree and pineapple tree ... Because I am too young to climb trees, Grandpa climbed the watermelon tree, picked the biggest watermelon and threw it to Dad, and Dad picked it up with one hand!

There are many fruits growing on the ground of the orchard, such as apples, pears, coconuts, etc ... Grandpa picked some coconuts, peeled them with his hands, removed the seeds and gave them to everyone. Coconut is delicious! I ate more than 20. Cousin also threw a coconut in my face, killing me!

After the fruit dinner, we went to the Himalayas next to Taiping Mountain to play. We heard the teacher say that the Himalayas is the highest mountain in the world. Sure enough, the teacher didn't lie to us. My cousin and I climbed and climbed. It took about 2 minutes to reach the top of the mountain. I'm so sexy.

Later, we still felt very hot, so we went to the top of the mountain to soak in hot springs. What a cold hot spring ~ Himalayas is really a good place.

Later my cousin asked me if I had any money. He saw McDonald's near the top of the mountain. Cousin, you always borrow money from me!

When we were still shopping, we heard my mother calling us home in Taiping Mountain, so we had to leave reluctantly. Taiping Mountain and Himalayas are really interesting places, and we will ask our parents to take us to play in the future.

Dad said that if I won the first place in this exam, he would take me to Tokyo, Beijing and Nanjing this Sunday. I want to go to Xijing most because my cousin lives in Xijing.

She said that in fact, textbooks are deceptive. There is a mountain in Xijing that is higher than the Himalayas. It takes about 3 minutes to climb it. There is also a big night market and children's playground, as well as a clear stream.

I must study hard and let my father take me to these places to play.

Lecturer's comments:

The content is full of contradictions, exaggerated and unintelligible, which I have never seen in my teaching for more than 20 years. Please pay attention next time!

This time, the teacher asked for 600 words of travel notes. With the last experience, Xiaoying didn't dare to scribble any more, but actually wrote down the situation that her father took him to the animal and plant park on Sunday.

Sunday

This morning, my father took my family to the animal and plant park. It's very comfortable to bark, bark, bark, bark, bark and bark all the way.

Lecturer's comments:

The content is true and can be changed, but the whole article uses more than 500 words of "zhi", which I have never seen in more than 20 years of teaching. Please pay attention next time!

10 The teacher did well this time. She was afraid that the students would scribble and asked for a 600-word travel book, but she wanted to mention the learning experience of the day. Xiaoying and her mother carefully consulted the textbook when climbing the mountain, and finally found that one thing verified the knowledge in the textbook and happily wrote it down and handed it to the teacher.

Sunday

Today, my mother and I went climbing. When I get to the top of the mountain, my mother says there will be an echo on the quiet mountain.

My brother and I tried to shout together-"How are you?"

Sure enough, after about three seconds, I heard: How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you?

I haven't changed a word. I finally realized the sonic reflection in the textbook. What a meaningful day.

Lecturer's comments:

I am happy to learn from it, but the whole article uses about 200 sentences of "How are you?" This is something I have never seen since I taught for more than 20 years. Please pay attention next time!

165438+

The most unforgettable thing

Xiaoying bit her pencil and thought hard. Finally, she wrote a crash book. After handing it over, she thought to herself, Teacher, don't punish me any more. She couldn't help giggling.

When I came home from school last Friday, I saw a lot of shit in front of my house. At that time, I ate a catty: "Who is so wicked to shit in front of my house?" 」

I'll call my sister out at once. She ate a kilo. She said, "What a heartless woman! There is no water! " My sister asked me to sweep with a broom.

Mom came out to see it when she knew. She also ate a catty and cried, "Evil! 」

Dad heard his mother crying and came out to have a look. He also ate a kilo. "Who did it? 」

Mother Wang, the neighbor, just came back from shopping and ate a catty. Uncle Wang and Wang Xiaoming came out and ate a catty. In a short time, a dozen people gathered and everyone ate a catty. Finally, they dialed 1 19. After eating a catty, the firemen finally got rid of that shit. This is the most unforgettable thing.

Lecturer's comments:

If you make progress, you should pay attention to the typo, which means "taken aback", not "ate a catty" This thing always weighs 20 kilograms. No one can do it!

Tell a magical experience of being stolen!

When I was squatting at home just after graduation, I once went to find a book, and I brought my wallet and mobile phone. As a result, when I paid, I touched my pocket wallet and disappeared.

Suddenly, I was furious and punched the bookcase next to me. The cupboard was probably eaten by insects, but it just collapsed, so there was silence.

Then a little brother behind shook it and handed me the wallet. What's even more amazing is that there is another one beside me who handed me the mobile phone!

4 1. Get the first place in your QQ number.

Multiply the first digit of your QQ number by five.

Add 8 to this number.

4. Multiply the result by 20.

5. If it is already a birthday, add1848; If not, add 1847.

6. Subtract your year of birth from the result.

7. Now you will get a 3-digit number.

8. The number in the hundred digits is the first digit of your QQ number.

9. Ten digits and one digit form a two-digit number. Add 3 to this number to get your age.

10. Are you sure?

Sorry, that's all. I can't remember.