Is Italian military service during World War II really just a joke?

In the history of modern war, if there is no Italy, it will only be full of blood and killing-and the existence of Italy has put some comedy on modern war.

Many historical researchers believe that it was Italy's delay in World War II that accelerated the demise of the fascist regime headed by Hitler.

So we can say: Thank God, Italy joined the Axis during World War II, otherwise the Nazi Iron Cross might really spread all over the world.

First of all, about eating:

1* Is there any way to eat delicious food on the battlefield? Under this belief, while other countries were busy developing new weapons, Italy invented the freeze-dried food preservation method because it wanted to eat delicious military food ... which shocked the United Nations.

2* On the battlefield 0/0 km away from the supply depot/KLOC-0, the whole army made spaghetti because it was hungry, and then the whole army was easily captured by the enemy. ...

3* The fighting will stop at lunch time, and after eating pasta, I will hide behind the front line in frustration ... 4 * Italian military uniforms are gentlemen's clothes, and the world has bought 30 million tons of black tea. On the packaging of a famous Italian red wine, there is a slogan "You are not afraid to fight if you are drunk". Among the materials seized by the enemy, red wine is more than ammunition.

4* Captives captured in Italy can eat luxury packages every day ... A British pilot was captured by Italy and put into a prisoner of war concentration camp. That night, he got his own dinner in prison. From appetizers to macaroni and meat, and even the last fruit and red wine, they are well-equipped, luxurious and unnatural. The next morning, a senior general appeared in front of him: "Yesterday, we made a small mistake and provided you with dinner as a general soldier." This is definitely not intentional abuse of prisoners. Can you forgive the wrong guard for me? "

5* A prison camp in Italy escaped from prison. Because there was no pasta to eat, they took pasta to another prison camp. Later, the former prison camp assured them that pasta would be provided, so they went back. ...

6* The German army received a rescue request from Italy in the desert and sent a squadron of troops to the rescue. When they met Italy, they found each other boiling macaroni with precious water. ...

Second, about armaments:

1* declared war on the allies before thinking about the battle plan. ...

2* Italy once thought that the church would not be attacked by the enemy because it could not find a warehouse suitable for placing explosives, and accumulated more than 100 tons of explosives in the church of Sannazzaro in the city center. As a result, the steeple of the church was hit by lightning ... and the city was instantly destroyed by a fifth of the big bang. ...

3* Investigation on the causes of fuel shortage at the airport found that there was no fuel management department. ...

4* A fighter plane adopted an advanced sealed cabin design. However, because some pilots complained that they could not feel the wind, they resumed the open design. Therefore, until the end of World War II, Italy did not develop high-speed fighters. ...

In order to keep the battlefield clean, the gun designer invented a machine gun that can bounce off the cartridge plug ... (Italy waved a white flag: I love environmental protection! ! )

6* Grenade is of poor quality. I don't know if it will explode when I throw it out, but it may explode just when I let my guard down. ...

There is no radio on the plane.

8* In order to build a diving force, the Italian Navy commissioned a precision machinery development factory to manufacture waterproof watches. As a result, the finished product didn't even leave room for the pointer to rotate, and it was ridiculously heavy. The only function of this invention is to provide other manufacturers with inspiration for waterproof watches.

Third, about combat effectiveness:

1* Because the national consciousness is too weak, destroyers and submarines with few people are more active than warships.

2* Cannons and machine guns can't beat the natives with bows and arrows. Only Italy can beat wooden boats with steel boats.

3* against the Italian army, the enemy's morale will rise; Italy's responsible front will be broken; A general who defeated Italy twice in a row will be laughed at.

Almost lost to Ethiopia, he was going to poison gas ... The story of France being countered before surrender is also well known. ...

5* When American troops landed in Italy and confronted Italy, they felt that Italians had no will to fight, so they deliberately weakened their attack. When a German reconnaissance plane flew over the battlefield to investigate, the Italian army commander thought his face was too embarrassed and ordered him to pretend to fight, and the American army did not respond enthusiastically. This battle was discovered by the German reconnaissance plane, and he sighed with emotion: "Awesome! The Italians stopped the American attack! " Then German reinforcements arrived and started a real fierce battle.

6* At night in Italy, there is a saying that "if we fall asleep, the other party must also fall asleep, so that we won't be attacked", and finally it was attacked by the British army.

7* losing two games in a row is "how boring the war is!" Let's go back to pick up girls. "

8* The submarine named after the great scientist Galileo failed in the confrontation with the British armed fishing boat and was captured by the other side. When Galileo launched an attack on the other side, it was attacked by a fishing boat that was not equipped with a light sight (note: it was a fishing boat! ) played continuously and finally surrendered because the captain was injured.

9 *1On June 30th, 940, the Italian Governor in Libya, Marshal Barbo, was shot down by Italy's own anti-aircraft gun over the bloody sand. In order to cover up the tragedy, the Italians announced that the marshal had been killed in an air battle with the British.

Shot his marshal by mistake with an anti-aircraft gun, making him the highest-ranking soldier who was accidentally injured in World War II. ...

10* 1943 the allied forces landed in Italy, and there was a battlefield where the allied forces fought fiercely all morning without any casualties. The only loss was that his plane threw the airborne troops into the sea (using the sandbar as a beach).

1 1* Italy attacked Greece in World War II, but Italian soldiers unanimously said that we could not attack because Greece had Finnish troops (Finnish soldiers beat the Soviets badly in the winter war in Sufen). Mussolini then asked Finland to withdraw its troops from Greece. After investigation in Finland, it was found that only three Finnish soldiers and three officers were volunteers in Greece, so he replied to Mussolini that the so-called army had only six volunteers. Mussolini was very angry and sent a telegram to Finland: I mean these people!

In the 12* landing war in Salara, the allies did not encounter any resistance at the beachhead position. According to the report of the army correspondent, the strongest resistance the Allies encountered at the beachhead position came from a jaguar that escaped from the local zoo because of bombing, and it bit two American soldiers.

13* During the siege of Topology Luke, Rommel patrolled the position early in the morning and found that the defense area of an elite Italian musket click camp was empty, only a chicken feather.

14* When Italy was defeated by Greece, the French erected a road sign on the Italian-French border: Greeks, stop, this is already France.

15* Rommel was shelled by the allied forces when he inspected the Italian trenches on the front line in North Africa. The Italian immediately fell to the ground, praying "oh, oh, Maria!" " "

Rommel said this to the Italian commander: "Tell them to stop praying and start fighting back. That's all I want to say. "

Fourth, about surrender:

In a battle in 1* North Africa, several British tanks charged at Italian anti-tank gun positions. At first, Italy shot back, but after two or three minutes, it suddenly stopped and waved a white flag and surrendered ... Afterwards, the British asked why, and the Italian replied confidently: the ammunition box was not opened with a crowbar. ...

2* American troops bombed two small islands in front of Sardinia, where more than 10,000 Italians were stationed, but in the end, more than 40 Italians were killed by allied bombing, and Italy accepted the surrender of American pilots.

The 3 * 5,000-strong Italian army met a roadblock set up by a British company and disarmed on the spot.

4* In Yugoslavia, a German officer captured by guerrillas was very surprised and asked, "Where did you get the anti-tank gun?" When the guerrillas told him that they had taken it from their ally, the Italians, he was very excited: "Alas! These lovely Italians. "

5* When Churchill called to ask the British commander auchinleck how many Italians were captured, auchinleck proudly said, "I can't count them, about five acres of officers and two hundred acres of soldiers."

6* On the battlefield in North Africa, the British army led 25 people to fight with the 10000 Italian army in World War I, and captured more than 8,000 people.

In the 7* Sicily campaign, the US military dropped "cannonball leaflets", which said that these leaflets can be used as "surrender certificates", and you can take them to the allied rear to get food and get safety.

The next morning, a group of Italians came running, each holding a leaflet. Someone asked nervously, "Is this a certificate of surrender?" After receiving a positive reply, they all happily handed over their weapons. On the third and fourth days ... dozens of people at first, and then hundreds of people came running with leaflets. Once, after two Italian soldiers surrendered with leaflets, they told the US military that more than 60 people in their company wanted to surrender but were afraid to come because there was no "surrender book", so the US military immediately sent people with "surrender books" to bring all these people. On another occasion, an Italian soldier made a special trip to ask for another leaflet so that his brother could come and surrender.

8* In North Africa, the British army accepted the surrender of a group of Italian soldiers with guns. Because the British army was too busy collecting trophies to manage Italian prisoners, they shouted at them, "Don't make any noise! Go there! " Then continue to collect trophies everywhere. In the case of no choice, in order to find the British army, the prisoners of war had to walk around with guns. There are also too many prisoners of war, and it is too late for the British to build a prison camp. Just let the quartermaster give the raw materials to the Italian prisoners of war, let them build a prison camp and lock themselves up.

At the end of World War II, prisoners from Germany, Italy and Japan were held in concentration camps in Austria. The Germans organized themselves to dig a hole to escape from the bomb shelter, the Japanese organized themselves to commit suicide by caesarean section, and the Italians cooperated even when the gate of the concentration camp was not closed, and occasionally went out to harass the lovely girl.

Fifth, about the Allies:

1* 1943 When the Allies attacked Italy, they fought against the Germans. ...

2* Only joined Axis, and Axis cried and apologized to them.

The worst thing should be Germany ... or in North Africa, Rommel found a British prison camp for Italian prisoners of war, and he came to the rescue in the spirit of gay love. As a result, as soon as the gunfire rang, the Italians followed the British. ...

4* An Italian reorganization division was surrounded by 287 Americans, and Germany dispatched three tanks to rescue and defeated the aggressive Americans. However, with the perfect cooperation of Italian children's shoes, 274 Americans escaped. ...

5* Germans define an ideal war as: using German weapons, the Soviet Union providing winter equipment, Britain providing summer equipment, the United States providing food, France providing entertainment, the Finns covering the flanks, and the face-to-face enemies being Italians.

6* I didn't realize that Italy was involved in the war, and there were many allies.

7* Italy's greatest contribution to Germany was probably after taking refuge in the Allies-Italy's equipment was looted by Germany, which led to the peak of German military production that year.

8* Western proverb: "Italians are on our side"-World War II famous saying. During World War II, Italy was one of the Axis countries, but it always lost the battle and dragged its feet. On the battlefield in North Africa, the Italian army failed to achieve enough results. Later, the US military just participated in the North African War, and it was also defeated repeatedly. At that time, the British jokingly called the US military "the Italians on our side". Later, this proverb spread in the west.

When 9* was liberated, Mussolini said to Hitler, "You don't know Italians. They don't like fighting." Hitler once said, "Only the leaders of Italy are ancient Romans." Others say that "Italy is a country supported by 10% serious citizens".

10* In order to finance foreign trade, Italy will sell advanced equipment not equipped by its air force to foreign countries or even enemy countries. ...

Sixth: About the election.

1* Let's talk about the G8 alliance related to China. Italy is also involved, but to what extent are Italian children's shoes miserable? He had planned to follow the German example and send troops to China to seize the sphere of influence. As a result, two modern steel warships were "shocked" by the weak navy (wooden boat) rebuilt after the Sino-Japanese War of 1894-1895 ... The army only sent 80 people-most of them were not combat troops. I'd rather believe that I'm here to join in the fun, not to invade.

2* 1922- 1935, Ethiopia (North Africa battlefield)

In fact, Africa really doesn't seem to be the main battlefield of the whole World War II, but Italian students took the initiative to attack North Africa (by the way, Italian children's shoes 19 century attacked North Africa, which was a fiasco. At that time, German Chancellor Bismarck once ridiculed the Italians for "coming to the African continent with a mouthful of cavities and an excellent appetite"). Italy invested in tanks and aircraft troops, but it has been defeated since the war. In the face of the chasing Egyptian army, poison gas played the role of savior. Since then, the poison gas has spread all over Ethiopia with the footsteps of the Italian army. This is one of the few successful things that Italy has done. Incidentally, at that time, Ethiopia's army was only equipped with small guns, old muskets and even troops using only long guns.

3 *1937 In March, four Italian divisions that Spain marched from Guldalajara to Madrid were attacked by the enemy. Due to the massive surrender of Italy, it finally lost from Guldalajara.

4 *1June 940 The reason why Britain and France declared war on Britain and France was only out of envy of Germany's achievements (Germany in those days didn't know what to say). Because of the unplanned declaration of war and the lack of necessary material preparation, Italian ships are still scattered in all corners of the world, and were immediately captured by hostile countries after the war. Because the battle plan was not considered, no military action was taken within 10 days after the declaration of war. Although they attacked French territory afterwards, only two divisions fought back and fled back to China.

5 *1June, 940, Hitler attacked France. When France was ravaged by the Germans and almost surrendered, Italy also joined in. As a result, France occupied many territories.

When 6* 1940 10 invaded Greece, Italy's 2 1 division "million troops" were attacked by Greece 13 division to cross the Adriatic Sea to attack Italy ... The most embarrassing thing is-before that, the Greek government remained neutral because of its good relations with Germany. I have deep sympathy for Germany. )

In July *19401010, the British Navy's old Shuang Ye fighter attacked the Italian fleet in Taranto Bay. As a result, one warship of the Italian fleet sank and two warships were moderately damaged. The British have not suffered any losses at all.

8 *1940 65438+February Egypt-Seven divisions of Britain and Italy attacked Egypt and were defeated by two divisions of the British army. 130,000 people were captured and Kileneka fell. In order to rescue the Italians, Germany had to postpone the "Barbarossa Plan" for one month, sent troops to rescue them, and used about 7,000 trucks that were not planned (only the trucks on the eastern route reached14,000). This has had a considerable impact on the war situation on the Eastern Front. It is particularly worth mentioning that the British army destroyed more than 400 tanks of the Italian army with less than 30 tanks. When 30,000 British soldiers faced 400,000 Italian soldiers, the British captured "about 5 acres of officers and 200 acres of soldiers" ...

In September *1941March, the British, Italian and British fleets fought in the Pedal Strait. Italy lost three heavy cruisers, but Britain lost nothing.

10 *1942,250,000 British troops fought with 35,000 British troops and soon surrendered.

11*194212 Soviet Italy was attacked by Soviet troops on the Don River and immediately abandoned all equipment and retreated. 5438+065438+ 10 The Romanian army, which suffered the same attack and was poorly equipped, persisted in fighting for several days. Moreover, in June 5438+10, the Romanian army put forward the proposal of taking the initiative to attack when the Soviet offensive stopped, but it was not implemented because of the supply problem. The Italian army has never put forward such constructive suggestions.

12* Italian Battlefield1943 In July, Mussolini's fascist government collapsed, and the new government composed of bardo Leo began secret surrender negotiations with the United States and Britain. At the same time, Hitler quickly assembled eight divisions on the second day after Mussolini's fall, with Marshal Rommel as the commander. At the beginning of August, he crossed the border and entered northern Italy (Italy) to fight against Germany for the Mao Allies. )。 /kloc-In September of 0/3, Mussolini was rescued from prison. The war on the Italian battlefield hit1April 27, 945, and the guerrillas (originally guerrillas? ! Mussolini and his mistress were captured. On April 29th, Germany surrendered unconditionally, which took effect on May 2nd. At this point, the Italian campaign is all over.

Seventh, Italians are strong when there is no war.

After Mussolini stepped down, Rome was occupied by the Germans. Because there have been several incidents in which men attacked Germans with knives on bicycles, Germans issued a notice prohibiting the use of bicycles. Soon, the bicycle shops in Rome transformed all bicycles into tricycles at an alarming rate. After a long time, a large number of tricycles rolled around in front of the Germans.

2* The German army commandeered Italian citizens' cars in order to make up for the defects in transportation capacity. Anna, an actress whose car was expropriated, took to the streets to express her dissatisfaction and shouted at the Germans: "Go away! Go away! " And then leave the German position in full view.

3* On the battlefield in North Africa, the Germans and Italy searched for the British army together. British soldiers are hard to find because they are hiding in indigenous villages. The Germans searched the village back and forth and found nothing. Seeing this situation, Italy said to the local aborigines, "If you tell us where the British are, I will give you five bags of sugar and wheat flour!" " "As a result, all the British soldiers were captured the next day.