Summer joke

Summer joke encyclopedia, hot and boring summer, people who always want to like are pulled into each other's distance. At this time, communication skills are very important. Let's play some jokes to bring people closer together. Can make your life and mine full of fun. The following is a complete collection of summer jokes, I hope it will help you!

Summer jokes 1 1. There was a conflict with a muscular man in the bar, and the other party tried to hit me. I said, "You don't ask who I am?"

"Who are you?"

"I am a piece of shit, eldest brother. Aren't you afraid to get your hands dirty when you hit me? "

2. Doctor: "Your illness is rare! We can't cure it! "

Patient: "How rare?"

Doctor: "Let's just say it's hard enough to be named after you!" " "

3. Two old people go to a nursing home. ...

The 70-year-old man went in, but the 90-year-old man didn't.

Staff: "Sorry, Grandpa, we don't accept elderly people whose children are alive. Your information shows that you have a son. "

90-year-old man: "That's my son who just went in!" " "

4. Go to a small restaurant with my buddies, because I often go there, so I am very familiar! I paid 104 yuan when I checked out after dinner. I said to the boss, big brother, why don't you erase the zero?

Boss: Zero can't be erased. I will give you four!

I ...

I have dinner with some friends. A friend of mine is in a hurry to pee. We looked for the restaurant and the toilet at the same time. Suddenly, the goods strode into a restaurant, pointed to the toilet and said: There is a toilet, eat here!

We ... .

6. Trump got up in the morning and said, Good morning, Mr. Sun.

The Sun said, Good morning, Mr. President.

Trump said at noon: Good afternoon, Mr. Sun.

The Sun said: Good afternoon, Mr. President.

Trump said at night: Good evening, Mr. Sun.

The sun said: get out, I'm going to get off work.

Trump angrily called the Ministry of Finance: sanction the sun immediately!

Mnuchin was stupid for a long time: Mr. President, we have no reason to sanction.

Trump roared: Did it shine on Iranians?

I see. Right away.

7. Going shopping at noon doesn't feel very fresh.

Boss: They just arrived this morning. It's all fresh.

Me: Does this dish look faded? !

Boss: from this morning to now, it thought no one wanted it. Is it depressing?

Me. . .

8. I was idle today, chatting with a girl. She said indignantly, "My boyfriend is ugly." I said, "Don't say that about your boyfriend."

She said, "Well, I'm not modest. Everyone thinks I'm ugly. "

I asked, "How ugly?"

She said, "It's hard to say."

I induced: "Let's put it this way, you give me 60 points, how many points do you give him?"

She said without hesitation, "58 points!"

9. I went to the canteen to cook and saw a dish that I couldn't name. Finger: "Aunt, what is this dish?"

Through the transparent window, the chubby aunt picking vegetables responded with a voice through the glass: la chicken! Do you want it?

I ......

10. The pig woke up from the nightmare and cried to his mother, "I dreamed that I would be a sailor when I grow up, but I don't like being a sailor."

Mother pig comforted him and said, "Don't be afraid of children. Dreams are always the opposite."

Sure enough, the pig later turned into ham.

Summer joke encyclopedia 2 funny short joke encyclopedia

Husband 1 ate a peach and drove with nuts in his mouth. Me: spit it out, don't get stuck. The goods wrapped in paper towels and said to me, then I will give you the dragon balls, and there are still six missing.

"Dad, do you think there are really ghosts in this world?" "Silly boy, of course not." "But I'm a little scared." "Don't be suspicious. It is getting late. Give me my head back and go back to my coffin to sleep. "

3 A school's military training, one morning morning exercise, the instructor found several girls standing and not running, and asked: "Why didn't you take part in the training!" The girl replied, "My period is coming. (refers to the female physiological cycle) "The young instructor was vague and scolded:" We have regulations that we are not allowed to visit relatives during military training! "

The ant went to the pond and saw the elephant bathing in it. He shouted to the elephant, Come up. When the elephant came up, the ant said, nothing. Get down! The elephant is angry: Do you want to die? What do you want me to do up here? The ant refused: I lost my swimming trunks. Let me see if you stole it!

Iphone users can upgrade the new iOS 10 system. There are many innovations in this new system, the most important one is to fix the problem that the old iPhone runs too smoothly.

6 Apple, Samsung and Huawei fight the landlord! Apple out of 7, Huawei out of 9, Samsung confidently said, demo, I blow up! Apple: can't afford Huawei: can't afford it.

7 "Ross, you have gained weight." Jack said. "Well, then you can call me expansion screw in the future."

There is a kind of fish in the north called Kun, which is too big to stew in one pot! Become a bird, its name is Peng, and Peng's size requires two barbecue grills. A secret recipe, a slightly spicy, a bottle of snowflakes, let us face the world bravely!

A high school student's grades are very poor, and he gets one in every exam. The head teacher couldn't bear it any longer and scolded him in front of the whole class: I'll give you my eyes, you son of a bitch. You passed the college entrance examination. Hearing this, the poor students bowed their heads and said nothing. When he arrived at the college entrance examination, he was unexpectedly admitted to a book. This story tells us how much he hates teachers!

10' s disciple asked Tang Priest, "Master, why did you accept us as disciples?" The Tang Priest said, "Because of your weapons!" Wukong said, "Why, you don't use force. Our weapons are useless to you! " But the Tang Priest said, "Useful, useful, very useful! Wukong, your golden hoop is getting smaller, scrape your ears; Bajie's weapon has become smaller, that is, scratching Dont Ask For Help; Friar Sand's weapon has become smaller, which is a razor! These three tools are really useful when you are away from home! " Apprentice. . .

1 1 To travel, the tour guide said that the more fruit bees around here, the sweeter the fruit. I saw a fruit surrounded by bees and asked, what kind of fruit is this? Guide: This is a hornet's nest. Me:-_-|

12 "White rabbit, white, so cute to jump." "Isn't it cute not to jump?" "There is no skipping rope. . . The things in the pot are delicious and not cute! "

13 1979, Sweden also believes that homosexuality is "a disease". Smart Swedish citizens are angry with this regulation and fight back. They called in sick one after another because "I think I'm a little gay today."

14 unfortunately sank to the bottom of the sea, with few survivors. Relatives took the captain to court, and the judge asked him, "What caused the accident?" The captain replied disdainfully, "I have the right to remain submerged."

Summer joke encyclopedia 3 1, everything will be fine in the end, even if the car is finally dismantled and the wheels are sold.

2. Many times, I dug a hole myself and jumped in without hesitation. I dug my own hole, jumped myself, and finally I couldn't climb out.

3, talking about a wrong love is like wetting the bed, warming for a while and cooling a quilt.

4. Early risers are trapped by money; People who sleep late are trapped by love. You want both of them.

Swallow wears gorgeous clothes and goes to see Yongqi beautifully. Yongqi asked her why she came. Swallow said, let's keep company with the world of mortals and enjoy the prosperity of the world.

6. Running a red light generally has two consequences, either one minute faster than others or a lifetime faster than others.

7. It's naive to fall in love with someone just by chatting. Mature and wise people know that you have to look through the photo album.

8. In high school, the school was strict, and the hair over the shoulder should be tied up. After seeing my hairstyle, the teacher sternly ordered me to go back for a haircut at night. After studying at night, it is about 10. Out of school, I rushed to a barber shop that said hair salon as quickly as possible. When I opened the door, pink lights and a few scantily clad women looked up and asked me in school uniforms: Are you here to apply?

9. In high school, because it was too hot in summer, I would put a book under my ass. I felt that the book under my ass was hot, so I changed it. The idiot in the back table said to me: Do you have eyes on your ass? After reading a book, change it.

10. On the first day of school, the kindergarten director called the parents and told them whether your children had watched too many court plays. On the first day of roll call, the children directly replied, "I am a slave!" "

1 1. When you are thin and beautiful, you have something in your head and your wallet is full of money you earned. Don't say this month, the whole world will be nicer to you.

12, girls' interpersonal relationships can be divided into three types: those you can see without washing your hair, those you can see after washing your hair, and those you don't want to see after washing your hair.

Wife: Honey, I'm sick. I'm afraid I have to buy a bag. Husband: Can you tell me the connection between the two? Wife: haven't you heard of "all diseases are cured"? Then my husband came in with a brick. Wife: What's this? Husband: Bricks cure all kinds of intractable diseases!

14, the feeling of taking a courier is like reuniting with your long-lost flesh and blood, but often after unpacking, you find that your child looks like Lao Wang next door.

15, there are only two kinds of mathematical proof questions: one is "this needs to be proved" and the other is "this can also be proved".

16. Why do you buy clothes every year and have no clothes every year? Because you have more temperament every year, last year's clothes don't deserve you this year.