Joke Collection Website - Cold jokes - Life is so long, who doesn't go to the wrong bed?

Life is so long, who doesn't go to the wrong bed?

1

Xiaoqing met a warm man on a blind date.

This boy, nicknamed Erpang, is called Cheng. He is a little shy. He is surprised at Xiaoqing. Looking at Xiaoqing's sleeveless dress while eating, I was afraid that she would catch cold. I quietly pulled up the air conditioning page and raised the temperature. The waiter said nothing about iced drinks. He touched it and asked the waiter to change it to normal temperature. Pour Xiaoqing a drink, first take boiling water to help her iron the cup clean; Looking at the food, he took advantage of Xiaoqing's time to go to the bathroom to check out.

Erpang took a taxi to send Xiaoqing home. Xiaoqing said, stop here, just across the road. Erpang is very frustrated, and people don't want to know where they live. They must not have taken a fancy to themselves, but on second thought, not necessarily. This proves that she is a reserved girl. These days, reserved girls are more precious than gold, and his affection for Xiaoqing has increased a few minutes. He asked the taxi driver to wait for a few minutes, and he quickly got off and opened the door for Xiaoqing. He also told him to send him a WeChat message to report his safety when he got home.

Xiaoqing felt a warm heart and felt the satisfaction of being valued. All kinds of details tell her that Erpang is a reliable boy, a very proper limit, although he looks average.

Xiaoqing decided to associate with Erpang.

Erpang and Xiaoqing must walk on her left when shopping, and protect her with their arms when crossing the road; Xiaoqing's shoelaces were loose, and before she could speak, Erpang bent down to tie them for her. Xiaoqing washes her hair and wipes it casually with a towel. Erpang will bring a hair dryer to help her blow her hair next time. Xiaoqing's hair is long and long, and Erpang is in no hurry. Xiaoqing is very happy with the soft fingers of the big boy.

Once they went shopping, Xiaoqing tried on a pair of red high heels, then looked at the price tag and put it down. The next day, Erpang asked Xiaoqing to try on those high heels that Xiaoqing didn't want to buy. When she saw her own size, she asked him how she knew her size. Two fat hey hey smiled and said nothing, just like a fool.

Xiaoqing knew that he had put his heart into himself. She said that in order to lose weight, Erpang, who loves meat, always orders fish, shrimp, tofu and vegetables. She likes to wear high heels. She pouted when she was tired from walking, and Erpang bent down and said to her, Come on up! She asked him on Erpang's back, knowing that there is a brother above you, but you are so thin, how can you be called Erpang? Erpang still smiles. When I was a child, I was a chubby child, round like a chubby ball.

Xiaoqing patted his shoulder blade and blew into his ear. There's no meat at all. It hurts me. Please eat fatter.

Two fat loudly answer, yes! I am flattered.

Xiaoqing's dependence on Erpang is increasing. He is like the warm sun in autumn, which has healed Xiaoqing's injury in the last relationship a little. She is like a snake that is about to freeze to death, slowly waking up in his gentle and careful love.

2

Xiaoqing and Erpang watched the movie, and Erpang sent her home. They are playing with rocks, scissors and cloth at the gate of the community. The loser's head was smashed, and Erpang lost several rounds and got several quick hits on his forehead. Xiaoqing laughed my head off, and Erpang asked to change gambling. Xiaoqing asked how to change it, and Erpang said she would give each other a kiss if she lost. Xiaoqing reacted and shouted at the bad guys. I didn't expect you, an honest man, to go bad and run away with a smile. Erpang chased after him, caught up with him and kissed him once.

Her expression is gentle and agile like a deer, her eyes are clear and moist like a pony, and Erpang kisses her eyes after kissing her mouth. He told her that you are the loveliest and purest girl I have ever seen, just like the moon in the sky, and I love you.

Xiaoqing buried her face in his arms. I know.

Erpang asked again, do you love me?

Xiaoqing thought for a while and said, I fell in love with you bit by bit.

Erpang went back contentedly. Xiaoqing asked him to take a taxi. He married his wife to save money and insisted on taking the subway. Then added with a smile, my wife is you, don't try to run away.

Xiaoqing hummed into the community. The ponytail was thrown out like a comma, and a voice called her behind her, Ma Xiaoqing!

Her body froze, her ponytail didn't swing, and she became an exclamation point. That voice is too familiar.

A black shadow slowly came up to her and said with a smile, so affectionate.

Xiaoqing looked at him, and she knew that the man had turned to ashes. She gave him all her most beautiful youth, and all her tears were for him. She loved him so humbly, but he gave her so much shame.

Xiaoqing bit her lip and said nothing.

The man said, I don't want to find a handsome one either. Look at that.

Xiaoqing loathe to give up. You are handsome, but do you have virtue?

Men are not angry, I am not virtuous, but you are willing to follow me.

Xiaoqing hates her teeth itch, bah! Shame on you.

The man lifted Xiaoqing's chin and narrowed his eyes. Anyway, it's still so cute, and I still feel pity!

Xiaoqing gritted his teeth. What do you want?

The man took out his cell phone from his pocket and showed you something.

Xiaoqing looked down his hand and blood rushed to her head. All the photos are hers. Although the background is dark, she can still see clearly. She bowed her head shyly, with a small chest like a green apple and a thin waist like a river flowing to the grassland. There are also some pictures of them in bed.

Xiaoqing rushed up to grab the mobile phone, but he cleverly flashed and hid. This is a sweet testimony of our love, so we should keep it.

Xiaoqing's eyes blazed and she gnashed her teeth. Sun Yaoyang, you are shameless!

Sun Yaoyang smiled and said, What do you think of your innocent little boyfriend when he sees these photos of you?

Xiaoqing looked down at him, but her heart exploded. What do you want?

He put his face close to her and wiped it on her face. Her rough chin made her shudder, and her delicate skin immediately developed a dense layer of acne. She turned away in disgust, and he twisted his face with his hand. Isn't it too much to miss a random harvest?

She couldn't wait to spit out one mouthful blood and spray it on his face. You are dreaming!

Sun Yaoyang let go. Your boyfriend's name is Chen Wentao, right? He seems to be at Hayes Network Technology? I'm leaving. Call me when you figure it out. Still the same number. Why are you blackmailing me? When a woman turns her face, she really doesn't miss her previous feelings at all!

Xiaoqing shivered, hugged her shoulder and squatted on the ground. A large dark cloud floated by, covering the moon.

three

The past is like a broken tide, coming in waves after waves.

Xiaoqing and Sun Yaoyang have been together for three years, and quarreled and broke up for two years. Sun Yaoyang is a handsome boy and a love rat. He kept cheating, having sex with company interns, having sex with hotel girls, dating on Momo, and shaking on WeChat. Xiaoqing cried and knelt down for mercy every time she found it. Xiaoqing relented and forgave him. After that, she continued as usual. Xiaoqing recalled the sweet past of the two with tears in her eyes, and she was heartbroken and could not bear to give up.

She was afraid of working overtime and going alone at night, so she called Sun Yaoyang and he chatted with her all the way. He drew a puppy on her white mask with a pen, told her that the puppy was him, kissed him through the mask, and she smiled and said that he was abnormal; They kissed under her big silk scarf, and she stepped barefoot on his instep.

He was her first love. She fell in love with someone for the first time. With the devotion of the virgin sacrifice, she devoted herself wholeheartedly and looked up humbly. He is her religion. At that time, she was a little flattered by her inferiority.

However, like the poor little mermaid, every step she took with him was like dancing on the tip of a knife, and he drew a series of wounds in her heart that were difficult to heal. Scars overlap one after another, and the soft rib finally becomes armor. When she found a picture of her bed with a slut in his mobile phone again, she finally made up her mind to leave and hacked him and never looked back.

Six months later, he appeared again. What is his intention? Really can't forget the old love? If you don't promise him, he will really go to Erpang, right? He even found Erpang's work unit, which seems to be no joke. If, if he really goes to find Erpang, then she is finished. What would Erpang think of her? Only when she met Erpang did she know that being loved was like this, so warm and comfortable, without any abuse. People who really love you will only make you laugh, but who will make you cry? The sweetness she finally found must not be lost.

Xiaoqing opens WeChat, enters a familiar number and adds friends.

He quickly passed the verification and sent a message: Baby, have you thought about it?

Then, I sent a photo of her, saying that it would look better if she was naked. Follow a drool expression.

Xiaoqing said: You have to keep your word, just once.

Sun Yaoyang replied: If you feel that once is not enough, I will accompany you at any time.

Xiaoqing scolded love rat in her mind and replied: Well, I believe you this time.

Sun Yaoyang said: 7 pm, Qingpu Road Home Inn, be there or be square.

Xiaoqing sends a message to Erpang: I have to work overtime at night, so don't come to me. See you tomorrow.

Erpang said: The baby is very hard, and I have to meet the customers. There is a program that allows customers to feedback some questions. Baby go home early, pay attention to safety, love you, so much.

Xiaoqing came home from the hotel, took off her shirts, jeans and underwear one by one, threw them directly into the trash can, and turned the tap on as high as possible. The water was very hot. She washed it with soap and shower gel over and over again, and red marks were rubbed all over her body. He tossed and turned like a wild animal, and she gritted her teeth and watched him delete all the photos in his mobile phone, tears streaming down her face.

She hates herself for being so stupid and falling in love with a devil. She can't accept and forgive herself.

four

Xiaoqing is in a trance. I wish I could erase the past with an eraser. I wish I had a memory erasing machine. Just like doing brain CT, I lay there and came out again, getting a new life. With a headache, she told herself again and again that regret is the most useless thing in the world, forget the past, forget that night and seize the happiness in her hand.

Eat hot pot with Erpang, and Erpang goes to the toilet. She was staring blankly at the steam when the telephone rang. She was shocked, took one look and threw it away like a Grenade. The phone rang stubbornly, and after a pause she got through. Sun Yaoyang said slowly, why did you take so long to answer the phone? Is she in bed with that Chen Wentao?

Xiaoqing couldn't wait to kill him through the screen with her eyes. What else do you want?

Sun Yaoyang said, Oh, I forgot to tell you that the photos I deleted that day were just backups, and the originals were all in my notebook. Can I give you another set?

Then, Xiaoqing's WeChat began to beep, prompting new news.

Her eyes went black and her head almost fell into the hot pot. She was about to speak when Erpang came back. She hung up the phone and put away her cell phone. Erpang saw that her face was horribly white, touched her head and asked her what was wrong, was it uncomfortable?

She shook her head quickly. It doesn't matter. Maybe she's been working too hard recently.

Erpang touched her head lovingly. Silly girl, don't do it when you are tired. I'll support you.

Xiaoqing reluctantly smiled at him. After dinner, Erpang suggested going to the movies. She said she wanted to go home and sleep, and Erpang patted her on the head. Look at my memory. You just said you were tired. Taking a taxi to send her home, she was in a daze all the way. Erpang talked to her several times, but she didn't hear.

When I got home, Xiaoqing asked Sun Yaoyang on WeChat: You let me accompany you once, and I will accompany you. How can you go back on your word? Are you still a man?

Sun Yaoyang replied: If I am a man, you should know best. If I wasn't a man, you wouldn't be able to live without me in those years.

Xiaoqing said: Tell me, how can you let me go?

Sun Yaoyang said: 290,000. A ***29 photos, each 1 10,000 yuan, I will sell them all to you and return them to their original owners. Otherwise, I will give it to Chen Wentao to show him what kind of slut his goddess is with other men. Otherwise, it's a good idea to put it online. It will be popular, don't you think?

Xiaoqing's lungs are about to explode. She threw her mobile phone against the wall and ran to the balcony and cried. What happened to the world? Why does he bully himself like this? What did she do wrong just because she loved him? Her kind and weak heart can't guess how bad the devil can be, just as a clear stream can't imagine how deep the Mariana Trench can be.

Xiaoqing didn't sleep all night. The sky outside the window is like a huge and ferocious mask. There is a little moon under the hazy dark clouds, like two eyes of the mask. The moon slowly sinks, and the horizon shows a little dawn. The sky changed from purple-blue to purple-red, then to orange, golden red, sunshine and tears. The sun is rising.

She decided to take the initiative to tell Erpang, and he was lucky enough to accept her. If he can't accept her, she doesn't blame him. This is doomed, doomed, and everything is arranged by fate.

five

When we met the next day, Xiaoqing looked at Erpang seriously. Honey, I love you.

Erpang's two small eyes smiled into two cracks. How can you say these three words first? Then I scratched my head, ah, I told you so, but it hasn't changed, and it won't change in the future.

Xiaoqing said quietly, I want to tell you something. Listen carefully and think about it. If you want to leave me, don't say anything and go straight ahead. I don't blame you.

Erpang got up with a dignified expression, held her breath and listened to every word Xiaoqing said. Then she put her arms around her. I love you. Now, I want to tell you my decision to go to a place with me.

Xiaoqing snuggled up in Erpang's arms with tears in her eyes. She doesn't know where he's taking her, but she's hard-working even in a sea of knives and mountains.

In the public security reception hall of the police station, two policemen, a man and a woman, are busy in front of the computer. When they came in to ask about something, Erpang said that he would report the case, and the male policeman looked at him with inquiring eyes. Xiaoqing said timidly, can we talk alone? The male policeman asked Erpang to wait in the public security reception hall, and the female policeman took Xiaoqing to the inquiry room and gently said to her, Don't worry, we will keep secrets for everyone who reported the case. Xiaoqing asked, including my boyfriend? The policewoman nodded.

Xiaoqing told her back and forth with Sun Yaoyang word for word, including the part where she slept with Sun Yaoyang, which she had concealed from Erpang before.

The policewoman asked for details while taking notes, took photos of the WeChat chat record on her mobile phone as evidence, discussed it with the policewoman, and then told her that you should call Sun Yaoyang and pretend to agree to his conditions and ask him out.

When the phone was connected, Sun Yaoyang said, Baby, have you figured it out? In fact, if you think about what happened to Gillian and Cecilia Cheung now, you should understand that it is really cost-effective to buy 290,000 yuan to buy out the private memories and bright future of your predecessor.

Xiaoqing choked back her nausea and said, I want to see all the photos with my own eyes.

Sun Xiaoyang gloats, no problem, baby, I will satisfy you.

Xiaoqing said, do you want cash or transfer?

Sun Yaoyang ha a smile, darling, I'm not an idiot, I set myself up. I want cash.

The policeman nodded to Xiaoqing, and Xiaoqing said, you have to keep your word this time. I'll get the money.

The policeman drove with the security guard to accompany Xiaoqing and Erpang to the bank to withdraw money. Erpang grabbed the queue in front of Xiaoqing and took 200,000 from the counter. He handed her two bulging brown paper bags. I'm embarrassed to say that I only have so much money. Xiaoqing took out another 90,000 yuan from the account.

The police asked her to take the money and send it to Sun Yaoyang by WeChat. He immediately replied, honey, I booked a hotel to tell you. Xiaoqing said, don't forget to bring your computer.

When he was caught by the police, Sun Yaoyang jumped up and scolded, little bitch, how dare you frame me? I fucking underestimated you!

He didn't think that this cowardly lamb would rise up against him. He, a desperate man, cornered others and himself.

Xiaoqing nestled in Erpang's arms and smiled. The wind dispersed the fog, and the new sunshine swept away the clouds and sprinkled on her. These days, she has grown up and matured, and a brand-new self has been thoroughly remoulded from her body, just like curly tea leaves, which have been baptized by boiling water, slowly stretched out and bloomed with fragrance and sweetness.

She clenched Erpang's hand. It takes a lot of strength to overcome her fear and weakness. Fortunately, she has his love, firmly and fearlessly supporting her and pulling her forward.

It takes a little cleverness and scheming to get happiness. She will never tell Erpang about that night, precisely because she loves him. So, she chose a person to bear the darkness of that night and never let him see it.

(End)

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