Can loneliness really destroy a person? Why do some people like to be alone so much?

When my mother went out, she would chase after her and cry, imitating people in TV dramas and slowly fall to the ground. Thinking about it now, I think it’s funny, but at that time, I felt that I really performed the most profound words. Desperate.

When I was in the third grade, I stayed at school. My mother came to pick me up every Friday. Because of her work, she always sat silently by the flower bed alone, waiting until nightfall from three o'clock in the afternoon. came, and then in the dark night, I was worried that something would happen to her, so scared that I shed tears. Often I would see my mother walking over at this time

At that time, I didn’t like it. Speaking, the only fun I had was reading children's literature and thinking of all kinds of weird ways to get my mother to visit me at school. I deliberately didn't cover myself with a quilt, used a hot water bottle to cover my forehead until it was hot, rushed to the school doctor's office, pretended to have a headache and then called the school doctor. He touched my forehead, but unfortunately his little trick was discovered as soon as he took my temperature.

I am such a hypocritical person that when I hear this, I still feel sad for my clumsy childhood.

I started renting a house off campus in junior high school, and went home on weekends. I usually lived alone, and shared a room with my classmates for two semesters.

What I feel deeply is that sometimes, maybe I am doing homework, maybe reading a novel, or maybe washing up, but there will always be a sudden moment when I feel that the whole world has become quiet, and my heart is quiet. He also seemed to sink and became restless, getting up and walking around the room, trying to make some noise.

In my senior year of high school, the situation became more serious.

Maybe I am really sensitive by nature. I had a few friends in my senior year of high school. I yelled loudly with them, told jokes, and didn’t like to study. I was clearly worried about the college entrance examination, but I still pretended not to care.

Then when school is over, walking alone on the road, I will think, what am I doing?

When I return to the room and open the book, I always feel that it is so empty, as if the surrounding walls are pressing in.

What I remember most is that there was a rainy night. It seems that I can't do without rain, laugh.

That night, I held an umbrella, held my mobile phone, and deliberately spoke loudly at the door of someone else's house.

There is no one on the other end of the phone.

I didn’t know how to explain this. Later, I changed the personal pronoun to "a classmate" and pretended to be relaxed and told it to my mother as a joke. She laughed after hearing it. Say, you are crazy

I said, yes.

Throughout my senior year of high school, I felt like my heart was dropping in fear, and I knew why.

As the college entrance examination approached, I started going home every night. Even if you can't review after you go back, you must insist on walking back for more than 40 minutes after evening self-study.

In fact, what is persistence? I just feel that there is someone at home.

After nine-thirty, in our county, the road was almost completely dark. The strange thing is that when a person walks on the road alone, he feels no fear and thinks about nothing.

Later, when I went to college, I still didn’t have many friends.

It seems that girls always have best friends around them, but I don’t. The closest relationship is with roommates.

I have been invited to several parties and can tell jokes and Strike up conversations with others, sit quietly most of the time, and behave differently depending on who is sitting next to me.

Whenever such a gathering ends, there is a feeling of relief and a deep sense of exhaustion.

I rarely keep in touch with others and am so passive that when I return home during the winter and summer vacations, except for internships, I spend most of my time at home.

My mother often tells me why I stay at home all day long and go out to play with friends more.

I would probably answer, eh, that xxx asked me out, and I don’t want to go out.

In "Mary and Max", Marx’s psychiatrist said, if you are alone Living on an island, you have to adapt to living alone.

This is very vivid. The experience of "loneliness" is indeed like being thrown on an isolated island. No one comes to approach you, and although you want to escape, you have no way. So what happens next? The only thing you can do is adapt.

Thousands of children like Mary and me on the earth are not lucky enough to meet a Marx.

Of course the feeling of loneliness is uncomfortable. I think people with companionship have diverse lives, but lonely people are generally the same - when it gets dark, they wait for dawn, and when dawn comes, they face it alone. This whole world

Later, I started some efforts. I am lucky to have some worldly "spiritual roots" and can distinguish and capture other people's joys, sorrows and joys. At least it's not completely passive anymore.

This has turned me into a very isolated person. In life, I can no longer be considered lonely. I can even be the person who makes the atmosphere lively, cheerful, talkative, and humorous. Many people treat me My first impression is probably that of sunshine boy.

But I just can’t learn to manage a relationship, a relationship that goes deep into my daily life. My cheerfulness and talkativeness are more of a task that I must complete in life.

Most of the time, I am alone.

My current loneliness is more like a kind of "inertia", a continuation of my previous life state where no one was with me and no one was close to me. Sometimes I think that this may be a kind of revenge on my part.

Fortunately, my interests are endless. As mentioned before, I love reading, painting, traveling, photography, music, woodworking, handwriting, cooking, etc. There are so many ways for me to entertain myself.

Maybe 90% of my emotions can be covered by these interests of mine, but there is still 10% of emotions, such as entropy, which keeps accumulating.

There will eventually come a point where you will be like a hand grenade full of negative emotions. Hypocrisy, gloom, vulnerability, and irritability will all come to you. Seconds will feel like years, and surviving a night will feel like surviving a whole day. Throughout the long centuries.

So if you ask me, is loneliness terrible? I would say not terrible.

As for whether it will destroy a person, I think everyone who has truly suffered from it will unconsciously give a positive answer in his heart.

But I can’t say that. I still have some thoughts of self-help, as Liu Yu said, and I am willing to share them with you:

We must ask ourselves in the abyss, Reach out.