Take stock of jokes in school.

1 A female classmate was walking on campus when suddenly a strange man ran over and asked, "Hello, beautiful woman, have you got all your credits?" Female classmate: "Not yet."

He said happily, "Great, then let's get married. The Ministry of Education stipulates that college students can get three credits for getting a marriage certificate ... "

In class, the English teacher asked, "What's behind the verb?"

My deskmate quickly replied, "hit it, hit it with verbs, move it … move it … the endless horizon is my love …"

3. The teacher led the students to the fish pond to experience fishing. On a whim, he asked, "Boys, who knows what it means to fish in troubled waters?"

Yan Qi: "Fish in troubled waters."

Yan Ming: "Sorry, don't be so vulgar. It must have an extended meaning. "

The teacher said with satisfaction, "Yan Ming is right, then you can teach Yan Qi."

Yan Ming: "well, it is very clear water, because there is no fish when the water is clear." Muddle the water and you can touch the fish, right, teacher? "

On a gentle morning, the gentle sun rose gently, and a gentle girl gently opened her eyes. She got up gently, walked out of bed gently, walked to the window gently, and gently opened the window with her gentle hands. She looked at the gentle sun gently and said to the sun softly, "Oh, my God, the thief is fucking basking in this day ~ ~ ~"

5. Doctor: "Why can't I find my pen? I want to give you a prescription. " The patient whispered, "Doctor, didn't you put it under my arm?"

6. A tragedy of the poor second generation: due to a poor family, when I was a child, I escaped from poisoned milk powder and waste oil. When I was older, I escaped from gangsters when I had no money to go to kindergarten, then I escaped from the cruel shady enrollment of the college entrance examination, and then I escaped from self-immolation caused by violent demolition. Later, he did not dare to start a business, escaped the pursuit of city managers, and finally entered Foxconn gloriously.

7. After 30 academicians, 150 global behavioral scientists, 500 psychologists, 800 eminent monks, 1500 Taoist priests, 4,000 Taoist priests, and 1820 days of urgent research, we finally come to the conclusion that building bungalows is the key to breaking Foxconn's serial jumping curse.

8. Apple reshaped the mobile phone, Google reshaped the operating system, Facebook reshaped the community, Twitter reshaped the media, Amazon reshaped the books, Skype reshaped the telephone, Yi Bei reshaped the business and China reshaped the local area network.

9. Football joke: Rhoda said to his teammates: "Hit China, I will go by myself, you don't have to go." Then the other members of the Brazilian team went to the bar to drink. In the opening 5 minutes, he scored a goal through N players, and Brazil 1: 2 lost. Ronaldinho comforted: "Nothing, it's not easy to call 1 1, and people are at home." He was depressed: "What? In the 6th minute, he collided with the opposing striker in the restricted area and was sent off with a red card.

10, kinship analysis: Korean father is American and mother is Japanese. He is very close to his father and never holds his mother's hand in front of outsiders. North China's father is Russian and his mother is Korean. His father likes smoking, but always smiles, and then goes to his mother's house to eat and drink with a straight face, often losing face in front of people.

1 1. When I was in high school, I walked around the school at noon one day and went downstairs to see a boy smoking and a girl standing next to him.

At this time, the headmaster came down, saw the boy smoking, and educated him: "Little classmate, smoking is harmful to health."

Then the girl echoed: "well, principal, please help me educate him quickly, I can't control him."

12. once in college, a classmate cheated, and the invigilator found that the teacher passed by him, leaving a sentence: I won't catch this, and the correct rate is too low.

That classmate will stop talking. ...

13. Examination version

Mortal: What? There will be an algebra exam tomorrow.

Tao: What? We must take the algebra exam next class.

Fairy: What? I just took an algebra exam.

Buddha: What? There was an exam yesterday.

Senior Buddha: Algebra? I didn't have an English class just now.

Some classmate: What tree is algebra?

14. Truant version

Mortal: Shit! I'm gonna be late. Get up! (Class starts at 8 o'clock and gets up at 7: 55)

Tao: Shit! Strange thing, I got up early today! (Class starts at 8 o'clock and gets up at 7: 55)

Fairy: Shit! It's late, go back to sleep! Ask for leave for me.

Buddha: (hazy) Don't call me, let me sleep. (voiceover: get up, you have been running for a week! )

As usual, shout for me!

Senior Buddha: Elective courses must be skipped, and compulsory courses must be skipped. Today is Tuesday, as usual, don't go, go back to sleep. Voice-over: Aren't you afraid that the professor will find out? )

Professor? It's been three months since school started, and I still don't know who the professor is!

A classmate gets up at 6: 30 every day and goes to class happily. Today, he was not late at last. When he got to the classroom, he saw the counselor looking at him angrily. He said timidly, "I'm not late today."

The counselor said, "I know, but where did you go yesterday?" (It turns out that this guy slept for a day and a night)

15. Sleep in class version

Mortal: I slept for another whole English class today. How cool!

Tao: I slept until noon today. That's cool!

Fairy: I slept so hard today that I forgot to have lunch. It's really unpleasant

Buddha: I came in the morning. Why did it get dark so soon? It's summer. Why does it get dark so early?

Senior Buddha: I woke up and found that I was too hungry to walk, so I fell asleep.

A classmate, once the professor said to him, "xxx, don't be late in the future, it will affect the quality of sleep."

16 the legendary swordsman edition

At the time of graduation thesis, "the legendary swordsman" was playing, so several buddies came back to watch it all night. It is said that a buddy was awarded five gold medals by his tutor, but he still refused to go to the laboratory to do experiments. The tutor finally got angry and called his buddy's dormitory face to face: "I'm looking for XXX." It happened that my buddy answered the phone himself. Hearing this, he didn't even think about it. He just said, "What's the matter?" The tutor said, "You ask him to come to the laboratory to do experiments." He: "He's too busy watching the legendary swordsman to go ~ ~ ~ ~" Tutor FT, and then when he was a tutor, he thought of this buddy and directly said, "Is that the legendary swordsman here today?" ! ? "

17. An excuse for skipping classes

One night in my junior year, I had an extra class. I can't go to class because I'm going to meet the father of a sick classmate at the railway station. I picked up someone and thought of going back to the dormitory, which is estimated to be empty. I'm worried about how to arrange this father. Who would have thought that the boys' dormitory was brightly lit? When I went in, I saw that most people in the class were there. Strangely, I asked, "What excuses did you all find not to attend class?" ? "Answer:" Go to the railway station to meet my classmate's father! "~ ~ I ~ ~ dizzy! ! !

18. Three French versions

The law of sleeping: freshmen go to bed on time after turning off the lights at night; It's a sophomore who turns off the lights at night and hasn't slept yet; In class, it is Xiao San who sleeps under the teacher's eyes; In class, it was the senior who was still sleeping in the dormitory.

Dining hall law: when you eat in the dining hall, you find insects in the bowl, and the freshman is yelling; When eating in the canteen, I found a bug in the bowl. It was a sophomore who picked up his rice bowl and went to the person in charge of the canteen. When I was eating in the canteen, I found a bug in the bowl. It was my junior who took it out and continued to eat. When I was eating in the canteen, I found a bug in the bowl. The person who eats bugs together is a senior.

Ben Fa: "Why are you late?" This is a freshman. "Why didn't you go to class today?" This is a sophomore. "Are you going to class?" This is junior year. "Why did you go to class?" This is the senior. 3. School sports meeting and javelin competition. A senior is tall and strong, wearing knee pads and wrist pads and rubbing gypsum powder on his hands. At first glance, she looks like a professional athlete, rising and running. ...

Suddenly stopped by the referee teacher: note that the javelin is held backwards.

19, in the canteen, student a said to student b:

"The new semester is a new atmosphere. The amount of food today is obviously more than before, and our suggestion has finally been taken seriously. "

Student B patted him on the shoulder and said, "Don't think too much. The master has been on leave for two months and his hands are a little rusty. "

20. A buddy in the dormitory met a hard one while eating walnuts! His friend told him to throw it away.

But he said: I can't drive today if I don't believe it. Stamp your foot like this, the stool is smashed, and it is still intact!

Finally, he got out of the door! Pull hard! Boom, the walnut rolled on the ground intact, but the dormitory door fell down.

In the end, I didn't eat walnuts and spent more than 100 to repair the door.