Who told me a joke to make me laugh?

1. A hungry wolf who has just lost love is looking for food. He hears a woman lecturing her child: If you cry again, I will throw you out to feed the wolf! The child cried all night, and the wolf waited outside until dawn and sighed, liar, women are liars! 2. A prisoner was shot. Because the bullet was inferior, the first shot was not fired, and then the second shot was fired ... the third shot ... At this time, the prisoner cried: Brother, strangle me, it's really fucking scary! 3. After watching the black 100 meter run, an old lady said with tears that she was scared to death! Several coal diggers knelt in a row and were killed, but they shot without aiming. The children were so scared that they ran away, and the rope couldn't stop them! Looking at the stars last night, I found that you were a lone star recently. The only solution is: 1) Go to the dormitory door. 2) Holding a handkerchief. 3) Hold the door frame with your left hand. 4) The mantra of throwing a handkerchief with your right hand is: Come and play, Grandpa! 6. On your way to xishuangbanna tourism, Yunnan, you were besieged by a group of wild boars. The tourists took out food and money, but the wild boars were unmoved. You took out your only ID card, and the pigs knelt down and cried: Boss, we found you! 7. Mr Huang loves revolution. He named his son Jun in memory of the Red Army. One day, he sent his son to class, and when he saw the No.8 bus stop, he shouted to his son, "Huang Jun, run! The No.8 bus is coming!"! ~~~ 8, cannibal father and son hunting, the son caught a thin man, the father said: release, no meat! My son came back and caught a fat man. Father said, let go, too tired! After a while, the son captured a beautiful woman, and the father said, take her back to eat your mother tonight! 9. A bear went to the mountains to start a business. The farmer gave him a sickle and the carpenter gave him a hammer. When the bear came to the mountains, he met a tiger. He was so scared that he held a sickle and a hammer over his head. The tiger said, I didn't see it. You are still party member! 10, the wife asked her husband: Do you like my tenderness and loveliness? Or am I smart and beautiful? Husband: I like your sense of humor! 1 1. A group of ants climbed up the elephant's back, but they were knocked down. Only one ant sticks to the elephant's neck. The ant below shouted: strangle him, strangle him, demo, it's fucking backwards! 12, farmers are carrying shit. The foreigner looked at it and asked, Grandpa, how much is this sauce? The farmer didn't say a word, but the foreigner put a little in his mouth with his hand and thought, I won't tell you how much it is a catty, and your sauce stinks! 13, a woman bought breakfast with counterfeit money. The stall owner was annoyed: "Elder sister, you can forget about the counterfeit money, at least it is printed. Your money is actually painted! To say the least, forget to draw. You can draw a set of ten or five, or you can draw a set of seven! Let's make it seven dollars for seven dollars. At the very least, we have to paint it in color. Actually, we use pencils. Forget it. Black and white is good, but you can't draw it on toilet paper! The feel is too bad. Even toilet paper, cut the edge with scissors. This one was torn by hand, and the raw edges are too exaggerated. Ok, I'll put up with burrs, but you can also tear a rectangle. This triangle is unreasonable! ! ! ...... 14, a person in our dormitory drank too much urine and then brought out a cold sentence: if you drink too much wine, you will have more. 15. A motorcyclist likes to wear his clothes backwards, that is, buckle his back to keep out the wind. One day, he drove under the influence of alcohol, overturned and fell headlong on the side of the road. When the police arrived ... Policeman A: What a terrible car accident. Policeman B: Yes, I hit my head in the back. Officer A: Well, he's still breathing. Let's help him turn his head back. Policeman b: ok ... one, two, push, it's back. Policeman A: Well, I'm not breathing ... 16. The woman is ugly and can't get married, hoping to be trafficked. Finally, my dream came true, but I couldn't sell it for half a month. When the kidnapper brought it back, she insisted on not getting off the bus. The kidnapper gritted his teeth and stamped his feet: go, don't take the car! ! ! 17. The male and female toilets in the school are connected. A girl forgot to bring toilet paper to the toilet. When she was embarrassed, toilet paper came from the men's room next door. The girl turned pale and asked loudly, "Who? The boy next door replied in a deep and powerful voice, "Lei Feng. 18. The orchard found a child stealing apples, so he cursed: problem child, wait, I'll tell your father! The boy looked up at the tree and shouted, Dad, someone is looking for you. 19. A man pursues Jane Doe and plays Er Quan Yue Ying with erhu. Afterwards, the woman said: The erhu is not very good, but people look like blind A Bing. 20. A gentleman caught a cold and went to the hospital for intravenous drip. The nurse quickly inserted the needle into Mr. Wang's body and hung physiological saline. 1 more hours passed, and the water in the salt bottle was finished. The nurse came over and immediately changed a bottle. The gentleman was puzzled and asked the nurse, "Miss, isn't there only one bottle on the prescription list?" The nurse pointed to the empty bottle cap behind the salt water and said, Sir, you are so lucky. This bottle won the lottery-another bottle ~! 2 1. The prisoner was shot. The first shot didn't go off because of the poor quality of the bullet, and then the second shot was fired. . . The third shot. . . At this time, the prisoner cried and hugged the bailiff's thigh and said, eldest brother, you strangled me! It's so fucking horrible ... 22. One day, a person met God, and God suddenly showed mercy and planned to give that person a wish ...? 0? God asked, do you have any wishes? The man thought about it and heard that cats have nine lives. Please give me nine lives. ? 0? God said: well, your wish has come true. ? 0? One day, the man was bored and said he was going to die. Anyway, he has nine lives, lying on the tracks ... 0? As a result, a train passed by ... and the man was still dead. Why? Because that train has 10 cars. ? 0? A child once said to me, "Brother, you are so handsome." I slapped him hard and said, "You are talking nonsense. "24. A farmer's daughter was too ugly to marry, so the farmer had to let her work as a scarecrow in the corn field to scare crows. As a result, when she got there, she not only scared away the crows, but even scared three crows to send back the corn they had stolen before. A dog climbed onto the table and onto the roast chicken. The farmer was furious and said, I will do whatever you dare to do to the chicken. So the dog licked the chicken's ass. 25. A neurotic patient grabbed a gun from somewhere. One day, he pushed a young man to the ground, pointed a gun at his head and asked: 1+ 1 What is it? The man thought for a long time and said that it was equal to 2. He was killed, and then the psycho stood up and smiled coldly: you know too much. 26. The priest wrote a letter of condolence to the thief: He was a diligent man, and he was still working when everyone else was sleeping. When others wake up, he uses what others don't use. 27. A kindergarten child smokes in the toilet. The teacher asked him why. He bowed his head and replied deeply: the motherland is not unified and he is very depressed. 28. One day, a kangaroo was driving on a country road. Suddenly, he saw a white rabbit in the middle of the road, with its ears and body almost lying on the ground, as if listening to something ... So ... kangaroo stopped and asked curiously, "White rabbit, what are you listening to?" "A big truck passed here half an hour ago ..." "Wow ... amazing! .. how do you know? .. ""Fuck him! My neck and legs are broken like this ... "It's all developed by awesome people ... 1: Landlord: I like a girl who is 6 years younger than me. She is still in junior high school. It's sinful. Violent reply: it is really sinful to remove the word like. 2. Landlord: I hit my dog! He did not tell me about the earthquake. During the earthquake just now, he usually slept in his nest screaming happily as if nothing had happened! Alas, after all, it's not mine ... 3. Landlord: My wife gave birth to a baby girl, which is very cute. Please give my daughter a nice name. My last name is Cheng. A mature chicken thinks of Han. Landlord: Give me a woman and I will create a country! Well, I'll give you a sow, and the price of meat will fall next year! 5. Landlord: Skipping class, failing, throwing people, being dumped, fighting, recording mistakes, throwing things ... Hey, I have tried my best ~ Reply: Have you ever died? 6. Landlord: Please describe China National Seismological Station in one sentence. Answer: wise after the event, like a pig beforehand! 7. Landlord: Tell a story that starts with KB, is funny in the middle and has a tragic ending. For example, once upon a time there was a ghost who farted and died. I met Sister Furong, fell in love with Sister Furong, and married Sister Furong ... 8. Landlord: Talking to those idiots at work every day makes me feel that the future is very slim ... Reply: Be happy ~ Because it is not terrible to play the piano for cows, what is terrible is that a group of cows play the piano for you every day! 9. Landlord: A female vendor selling pineapples in Nantou, Shenzhen, bit Uncle Guan's little penis in desperation .............................................................................................................................................. You won't let me live, and I won't let you enjoy life! ! ! 10: Landlord: Actually, Newton was just lucky enough to discover the law of gravity. If I had been born 300 years earlier, I could have done it! Answer: He is really a lucky man, because it was an apple that hit his head, and it was either durian or coconut that hit the poor landlord's head ... 1 1: Landlord: Did you call your uncle miserable or your brother miserable? Violent reply: Uncle, your brother is out. 12: Landlord: Urban management adds new weapons to catch stray dogs! Violent reply: the same root is born, so I want to fry too fast. 13: Landlord: Why do more and more people don't want children? Violent reply: Senior officials sent by Beijing said they should start with dolls. 14: Landlord: I met a male netizen today, and the other party kept hinting that he wanted to have sex. I want to ask: is it because netizens go to bed when they meet now? Violent reply: don't netizens go to bed when they meet? Are you kidding? Everyone is busy. 15: Landlord: A student, with the lowest grade every year, often fights with others. According to the leader's request, the teacher wants to give students better final comments. Violent reply: The student has stable grades and strong hands-on ability. 16: Landlord: Through the incident of drinking mineral water in Hainan, we can see that China's food safety is worrying, and mineral water can also kill people? Is there no sign of QS? Violent reply: weak, is QS going to die? 17: Landlord: Do you want Chris Lee or Zhang Ziyi? Violent reply: A rooster and a pheasant are not selected 18: Landlord: Which is more cost-effective to keep a dog or a man? Violent reply: Auntie, even if you can treat men as dogs, do you dare to treat dogs as men? 19: Landlord: Chris Lee and Sister Furong fell into the water at the same time. You have a brick in your hand. Who did you hit? Violent reply: who saves who. 20. Forum Landlord: I have1100,000 and want to buy a car. Please give me some advice. Forum reply: You can sell 30 QQ cars and drive in teams, with S-type cars and B-type cars for a while. 2 1: forum owner: Wang married Chen, please comment in four words. Forum reply: You are getting better! 22. Forum Landlord: Do you think I look like Wu Bai? Forum reply: Only half like it! (250! ! ) 23: Landlord of the Forum: Last night, when walking the dog, our big Tibetan mastiff and a bald wild dog on the edge of the grove bit each other. Fuck! Unexpectedly, the Tibetan mastiff was defeated by a grass dog! ! ! Forum sofa: * * *, before I went bald, they all called me a lion! 24. Forum landlord: Guess which country I am a mixed-race _ Forum reply: China people+deformed diamonds! 25: Forum Landlord: My girlfriend always says that her breasts are small, which I think is ok. Please ask BBS GGs to help identify it ~ forum sofa: she has two pimples on her back! Landlord: If I have 100 million RMB, I can get a loan to buy a house in Tomson Yipin! Forum reply: Yes, but you have to borrow money to pay the property fee first ~ 27: Forum landlord: He vowed today that I am a part of his life and I am a part of his body. Without me, he can't live ~ Forum Sofa: My ex-boyfriend said the same thing, but later I learned that I am his appendix, ears and six fingers. Landlord: I am so rich, what kind of car should I buy for the nanny? Forum reply: That depends on the relationship between her and your husband ~ 29: Forum landlord: The damn barber shop cut my head! Let's do some bad actions, and ask that the bigger the injury, the better, and the smaller the action, the better, because I am going alone. The basement of the forum: midnight, the dark wind is high, quietly and gently, hanging alone at the door of the barber shop ... 30: The owner of the forum: What should I do if I have amnesia? Forum reply: Isn't this cool? I wake up every morning and find different women sleeping beside me ~