Divine logic, 100 thousand cold jokes

Pig Bajie: My name is Sai Pan An, and many beautiful women are waiting for me! The Monkey King: Unless you surf the Internet, you idiot.

One hundred thousand jokes of divine logic (1) 1. Wooden doors and windows have been replaced by plastic steel. When my sister comes, she will praise the pillars and tidy up the house. Pedestal whispers: What can I do?

Sister smiled and said: there is still no way to change everything, just talk big!

The pillar said: if there is no fire at home, I am too lazy to change it!

2. Pan Jinlian had an affair with Ximen Qing and got pregnant carelessly. Wu Dalang in the dark said happily. I finally have martial arts in Wu Dalang. ?

Pan Jinlian said: Our son is as short as you, how ugly! ?

Wu Dalang said? I hope my son is handsome. ?

Pan Jinlian said: Is he as handsome as Ximen Qing?

Wu Dalang said? As handsome as him, but not as romantic as him. ?

Pan Jinlian said: In my opinion, my son is as handsome as Ximen Qing, as charitable as Mr. Dong Guo, as smart as Mr. Nan Guo, and as kind to me as Wu Dalang. I am very satisfied. ?

Wu Dalang said? You, Pan Jinlian, are the smartest person in the world. It takes so much man's essence to have a son. ?

3. A boss said to his daughter: Now that you are an adult, I will tell you a way to become a talent. Our family is so rich that we rely on petty advantages again and again. ? Daughter:? Like this every time? Boss:? Yes, you must remember that no matter what you do, you must take advantage! ? Boss? I see. ?

When the boss came in at night, he came running with a handful of fruit candy in his hand. Dad, dad, I took a big advantage today ...?

The boss was overjoyed and asked, Tell me quickly. ?

Daughter:? Today, a working baby hugged me and insisted on eating my milk. I said, you can eat, but buy me candy?

The boss is going to cry and howl: son, we lost, we lost ...?

The daughter glared and retorted:? He didn't suffer because he didn't eat a drop of milk! ?

After graduating from college, I came to Shanghai to look for a job. I thought, the quality of people in a big city like Shanghai must be very high!

Once, when I was walking in the street, I suddenly saw an old woman going to pick up a mineral water bottle.

Suddenly, I remembered the advertisement on TV to protect the environment.

So, I rushed up in three steps, picked up the mineral water bottle and threw it into the trash can.

I thought grandma would give me a thumbs-up anyway! Unexpectedly, this grandmother scolded: grandma! I picked up a bottle and sold it to you, didn't I

5. One day, I was playing alone in Africa. I had a sudden urgency, so I found a place to solve it.

This scene happened to be seen by some animals.

The lion said, what a terrible man! Our manes grow on our necks, and human manes grow between our legs! ?

The rhino said, what a terrible man! My tail is behind my ass, and a man's tail is in front of his ass! ?

Said the snake, what a horrible person! We can only spit our tongues in our mouths, but people can spit water in their mouths! ?

The baboon said, what a terrible man! We all have hair, not only hair, but also parasites that big! ?

God logic 100 thousand cold jokes (2) 1, daughter-in-law plays music very loudly, and her husband says to her: Too much noise will affect the neighbors! ?

The daughter-in-law ignored her, and the deaf-mute father-in-law also blamed his daughter: Your voice is too loud! ?

The daughter asked in surprise, Dad, did you hear that?

Daughter-in-law felt a little loud, and her father said, I didn't hear anything. I feel as if the roof is moving. ?

2. On the construction site, the director said to the section chief: Go and get the wrench! ?

The section chief said to the monitor. Go, get a wrench! ?

The monitor said to the workers. Go, get a wrench! ?

The worker picked up the wrench and threw it aside and said, let's go, the director wants you! ?

3, the mule said: there are three unfilial, no one is big!

The ant said: Reading thousands of books is not as good as traveling thousands of miles!

Flea said: it's a piece of cake!

Kangaroo said: how much can one bear!

Licorice said: good medicine tastes bitter and is good for the disease!

Mayfly said: Rome was not built in a day!

The tree said: sharpening the knife does not miss the woodcutter!

The snake said: A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step!

Cat: Catching rats is the way to make a living, and cheating is to enjoy life.

4. Moonlight is like water. At midnight, a man accompanied the woman to the top of the mountain. A woman snuggles in a man's arms and looks up at the stars.

? Honey, do you want to enjoy the moon? I will accompany you every day in the future! ? The man showed no impatience, and his face was full of emotion.

? Oh, no, I'm waiting for the sunrise! ?

I have no class, so I plan to surf the Internet in the computer room. My roommate happened to be with me. Go, go online. ? I shouted to him.

But my roommate turned to me and said, I want to study! ?

? Study? I don't trust people who know everything!

? Can a scholar's business be called surfing the Internet? ? My roommate looks down on me.

I knelt down decisively?

100,000 jokes of divine logic (III) 1, Football Association's New Year press conference was held in Beijing.

Reporter: What experience did the Football Association summarize last year?

The official replied: if you eat too many duck eggs, you will eventually have to digest them. Sooner or later, you will shit.

Reporter: In the new year, will each team introduce new foreign aid or make blood on their own?

Official answer: I wear my own underwear. Only I know if I have congestion ability.

Reporter: There were match-fixing and black whistle incidents last year. What measures will the Football Association take to regulate the competition this year?

Official answer: first; The ball used by the national football team will adopt the latest technology and have 13 anti-counterfeiting functions. Before the game, the referee will be asked to use a new ball tester to prevent match-fixing.

Second: the national football referee whistle will be changed to red. No black whistle is allowed over the stadium.

Reporter: What measures will the Football Association take to deal with the fan riots?

An official replied: In view of the riots, the Football Association stipulates that a big stage must be built on both sides of all competition venues in the new year. At the same time, there will be a large-scale swimsuit fashion show and pole dancing performance to distract fans and solve the problem of emotional intensification of fans.

Reporter: What kind of goals will the Football Association set in the new year?

Official answer: stick to the bottom line and strive for a rebound. At present, football players are struggling in the saliva of fans. If they don't want to drown, the authorities will be very excited. He punched hard and said loudly, please learn to swim!

Reporter: Please predict what we will achieve in the next World Cup.

The official was a little excited and said, I have good news for you. The Football Association has formally submitted a proposal to the World Football Association to change the football field into a dining table. If successful, I believe that the World Cup champion is close at hand.

2. The girlfriend said to her boyfriend:? I want to eat chicken! ?

Boyfriend:? Chicken?

Girlfriend: Hmm! ?

Boyfriend:? This is the same root, why bother! ?

Girlfriend: Go to hell! ?

3. What is a woman?

Literati: Women are books. Look if you want, and lie on it when you are tired.

Mathematician: Women are Pythagoras and often form a perfect triangle.

Foreigner: Women are language, which makes all kinds of terrible sounds between people's lips.

Physicist: Women are alternating current, which not only changes suddenly all the time, but also produces one big wave after another.

Chemist: Women are violent chemical reactions, some are hot, some are talking, and some are red liquids.

Biologist: A woman? It's just a tool for nature to make people.

Historian: Girls are like a long river of history. No matter how severe it is, it will be drowned by big waves one day.

Geographer: Women are the earth. People always want to go to those mountains and valleys to satisfy their desires.

Official: Women are documents, tossed around in the hands of various officials.

Businessman: Women are money, trampled and rubbed by all different people.

Teacher: Women are teaching materials. No matter how many times you read it, you still have to read it.

Student: Women are mobile phones. Touch it if you want, pinch it if you want, press it if you want, and change it if you want.

Farmer: Women are hoes. They have been waving in their hands for decades, and they are all the same.

Beggar: A woman is a rice, and what she eats is always someone else's leftovers, even after eating and throwing up, even after eating and throwing up countless times.

Four, three say:? I'm tired and want to sleep for a while. ?

At this moment, W and M leaned over and asked: Do you sleep on your back or on your stomach?

Blink, think: What do you mean? We don't talk much at ordinary times. How can you care about how I slept today? Isn't it escort? I must be careful. ?

3 say:? I always sleep alone, thank you for your concern! ?

WM also said:? Whether you sleep alone or not has nothing to do with us. But how you sleep is related to the value of our existence. ?

Knowing what they meant, he said to W in his ear. I won't sleep on my back. ?

W left with satisfaction.

M shouted at 3:? You have a problem with me, don't you? How comfortable it is to sleep on your back, but why sleep on your stomach?

3 patiently say to m:? Don't worry, I will never sleep on my stomach. ?

W rushed in at once and said: 3. You are such a liar! M, don't trust him Just now, he told me never to sleep on my stomach, and now he says never to sleep on my stomach. Can you believe it?

M gnashed her teeth and asked:? Say! How on earth did you sleep?

3 Laugh:? Two big brothers, I always sleep standing up! Today I swear: If I don't sleep standing up, I won't be 3 years old! ?

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