Joke video of people riding bicycles in Northeast China.

Candidate: I didn't graduate from primary school.

Examiner: Have you ever been in a fight?

Candidate: This is the usual practice.

Examiner: Do you have a criminal record?

Candidate: Just came out.

Examiner: What about physical fitness?

Candidate: Not bad. You can kick over the peddler's tricycle with one foot.

Examiner: Dare to take other people's things?

Examinee: This is my strong point, just like taking my own things.

Examiner: Does the old man dare to fight?

Candidate: Cai Xiao, my father crippled me.

Examiner: You passed the exam. What we city managers need is talents like you!

Examiner: One more question. What if something happens?

Candidate: Just say it's a temporary worker.

Examiner: Work tonight.

2. One day on the bus, a man and a woman collided because of the crowd.

The fashionable girl turned around and said, "Are you sick?"

Confused, the man replied, "Do you have any medicine?"

The people in the car snickered!

The woman felt very angry and replied, "Are you mentally ill?"

The man said coldly, "Can it be cured?"

The whole car is hilarious!

The bus driver stopped to lie on the steering wheel and laugh!

Second:

The bus was too crowded, and a woman stood at the door.

A GG pushed from the back of the car to get off and said to the woman, "Sorry, get off."

The woman didn't move.

GG stepped on her when she pushed over.

As a result, the woman was too powerful and kept scolding: "You are crazy! You're crazy! ~ ~ ",loud enough for the whole car to watch.

GG hasn't spoken. When he got off the bus, he couldn't bear it. He turned to the woman and said, "Repeater!"

There are some funny children in the back who have been playing the scene just now.

A said, "You are crazy! ............................... "B" said, "You repeat the machine, and you .............................................."

The whole car burst into laughter ~!

Later, a little MM also got off the bus, squeezed past and said timidly, "I ~ I ~ I want to go down, I'm not crazy ~!" "

The whole car laughed again ~!

The woman didn't speak, and a word came from the side: "Are you out of power?"

The whole car is laughing ~!

3. Confucius said; Hit with bricks, don't play around! Press the head! Whether you die or not!

Buddha said; Bullshit! I am kind! Stop playing! A brick is dead! ! !

On Monday, I got on the bus with nothing but 1 yuan. Sitting from the starting point to the finish line, I feel very calm all the way. But when I got off at the terminal, I found a note in my pants: "An adult goes out without anything, and it's no shame to lose it." - "

On Tuesday, I took a broken wallet with 1 cent in it. When I arrived at the terminal, I found that the money was still there, and a note was stuffed in my wallet: "We are not beggars, please don't insult our profession. - "

On Wednesday, I still broke my wallet, which contained counterfeit money of 100. When I arrived at the terminal, I found that the money was still there, and a note was stuffed in my wallet: "It is illegal to hide large face value * *, please consciously turn it over to the relevant departments. - "

On Thursday, I took an envelope containing a stack of overdue Straits Got Talent. When I arrived at the terminal, I found the envelope was still there. I took out the newspaper and read it. The newspaper was replaced by the latest straits talent newspaper. 1 Remarks: "Now is the consulting era. Only by updating information in time can we seize the opportunity and win success! - "

On Friday, I put a toy mobile phone in my pocket. After arriving at the terminal, the mobile phone was still there, and there was an extra note: "Please don't make such jokes, which will affect the normal work of our company. - "

On Saturday, I took a toy pistol and stuck it in my waist. When I arrived at the terminal, I found that the gun was gone and a note was stuffed in my pants: "I hate you robbers most, you have no technical content at all!" " Confiscate the tools of crime! - "

On Sunday, I was about to get on the bus, and there were too many people to squeeze in. When waiting for the next bus, I felt in my pocket and found that there was an extra 20 yuan, and there was a note: "Brother, our business is not easy this day. This is 20 yuan. You can take a taxi to where you want to go, please don't mess with us. "

5. A brother went to the toilet and ended up in the ladies' room by mistake. When I went in, I found that there was no urinal, and it felt wrong. Fortunately, there is no one in the ladies' room. He walked out casually. When I opened the door, I met a mm who came in. Face to face with him, blushed, lowered his head and turned to drill in the men's room.

6. One day, there were too many people on the bus, which was extremely hot and stuffy. I don't know who farted, which made the environment worse. My friend can't stand it, and I don't know who it is. I can't help it It happened that the conductor was asking, "Who didn't buy a ticket?" My friend suddenly had a plan and said loudly, "Fart didn't buy a ticket!" " Suddenly, a particularly fat woman, holding the ticket high in her hand, said loudly, "I have bought the ticket!" "

7. A sculpture was completed in the new building of a university: a girl held a book in her left hand and a dove symbolizing peace in her right hand. Publicly soliciting names from off-campus students, many people's slogans coincide-reading is a bird's best!

8. A brother is constipated and can't be comfortable in the toilet for a long time. Just as he was going all out, he watched a buddy rush into the toilet like the wind and enter the next position. As soon as I entered, I came to a real * * * * * *, and my brother said to my buddy with envy: My buddy envies you so much.

That buddy said: I envy you to death, I haven't taken off my pants yet ~ ~

9. The school bike is badly lost. The new car disappears in the blink of an eye, but sometimes with luck, the lost bike will appear again every few days. One day, my roommate Xiao Jing bought a new transmission car. She showed off to everyone and said, "I locked this car with the latest lock!" " The next day, Xiao Jing came back from self-study at night and looked depressed. He still holds a piece of paper in his hand, which reads: Don't be the owner here, I borrowed the car, and I'll pay you back in a few days!

A few days later, the thief really returned the car. Xiao Jing is very happy, but she is worried that the car will be "borrowed" again. He bought ten big locks, locked the car tightly, and put a note on the thief: See how you "borrow"! When Xiao Jing went downstairs the next morning, she found five more locks on the car, and there was a note on the lock: See how you ride!

10, there are three tadpoles. They went to a restaurant for dinner ... and waited for a while. The first course was fried frogs. ..

Three tadpoles sang in unison: I don't want to grow up. ...

1 1 One day, Cao Cao arrested Liu Bei, Guan Yu and Zhang Fei. Cao Cao said to the three of them: each of you is going to the orchard to choose a fruit. After a while, Zhang Fei took out an apple. Cao Cao said, if they can put the fruit in their ass, let them go. Zhang Fei tried for a while without success and was killed. After a while, Guan Yu came out with three grapes and Cao Cao said the same thing to him. Guan Yu started stuffing things ... when he stuffed the third one, Guan Yu suddenly smiled, and as a result, he smashed the grapes and was killed. After going to the underworld, the prince asked Guan Yu, "You are so stupid, why are you laughing?" "If you don't laugh, you won't die," Guan Yu said with a sigh. I don't want to! Jealous beauty! When I stuffed the third one, I suddenly saw Brother Liu coming out with a durian ... "

12, I went to eat KFC yesterday. The man behind me looks like a couple. Seeing that they ordered a lot of food, they sat next to me. After sitting down, the girls began to eat hard, as if they were hungry for several days, while the boys chewed French fries one by one, as if they had something on their mind.

Suddenly, the boy put down the French fries, leaned down and asked seriously, "Qingqing, can I chase you?" "

Without looking up, the girl said directly, "No!"

The boy asked again, "Is it completely impossible?"

The girl simply said, "Not at all!"

The boy froze, looked straight at her and stayed there …

At that time, the girl was holding a chicken leg in one hand and a hamburger in the other. She thought that the boy was watching her, so she stopped eating, then looked at the boy with poor eyes and whispered, "So ... can I still eat?" "

Everyone around me, including me, laughed out loud. The boy was helpless and said, "Eat, eat ..."

This MM is so cute ... if I don't let it go, I must chase it ... desperately! ! ! !

13, I have been very restless at school. I taught myself for the first time when I was a freshman. I was depressed sitting in the classroom, and then I ran to the aisle to smoke.

Not long after I lit a cigarette, a girl from PL came over and asked me, "I'm studying by myself now! How did you get out? "

I said, I'm bored by smoking, MM Which class are you in? How also ran out.

PLMM pointed to our classroom and said, that class!

At that time, I was so excited to say, are we in the same class? What, are you depressed?

She said: well, a freshman in our class ran out from self-study and I came out to find him.

I smiled, it seems that someone still can't sit still. What do you want from him? You're not his mother!

MM: I can't help it I'm his head teacher!

I was cheated then ...

A minute later, I choked up and said, Teacher, you look so young …

Dad is a worker in a glass factory and has the habit of working with gloves.

One night shift, he took a taxi home. When the car passed a small forest in the suburbs, a cool breeze blew. Dad felt a little cold, so he took the glove strap out of his pocket. The driver saw it in the rearview mirror and asked cautiously, "Brother, what are you doing?"

"Oh, nothing, I'm used to it. I always wear gloves when I work, so I won't cut myself and leave any marks ... "

A middle-aged man went to a local private hotel on business.

When eating the night before, the middle-aged man saw several stains on the edge of the dish, which made him uneasy.

He asked the hotel owner, "This dish looks dirty." The boss replied, "Don't worry, mineral water will make it clean."

Hearing this answer, middle-aged people began to eat with peace of mind.

A week passed, middle-aged people ate in the hotel every day, and met a big dog in the hotel.

When leaving, the middle-aged man stepped out of the gate, and the dog reluctantly caught up with him, clinging to him and not letting him leave.

Seeing this, the hotel owner went up to the dog and patted it on the head. He said softly, "Let the guests go, mineral water."

1

A man stole a watermelon and sang as he ran: Running with the wind is the direction.

The old lady who planted watermelon cried while chasing: You don't look back when you see my tears.

When pol.ice saw it, he ran after the thief and said, I must be not good enough, so you have to run away.

The thief said as he ran: the acceleration of silence is my step.

The thief was caught, the judge said, what else to say and how many tears to leave?

The thief cried and said, please give me a chance.

Pol.ice said: This is the best punishment for impulsiveness.

The thief was taken to the police station and released two days later. He said, you are always too soft-hearted.

The thief came to the old lady's window, and the old lady was drinking alone and said, I am drunk and want to find someone to accompany me.

The thief said outside the window, I came to your window again tonight. How lovely your shadow is on the curtain.

The old lady opened the curtain and said, there are too many misunderstandings between us!

The thief said: come with me and start at dawn!

2

When I was in primary school, I took a taxi home because my family was too poor to afford a bicycle.

When I was in junior high school, my study was so outstanding that the school made me study for two more years.

The high school principal thought I had a future and overcharged me 30 thousand yuan.

Now the head teacher thinks that I am very independent and decided to let me drop out of school, so I became a gangster, standing out for my brother, who is like a beautiful woman like clothes. Whoever grabs my clothes, I will cut off his hands and feet, and whoever touches my hands and feet, I will wear his clothes.

I thought I was a talent before, but I was wrong. I didn't! I don't think I'm a genius!

Deception ... Helpless, I want to commit suicide! But your appearance dispelled my thoughts and gave me the courage to live. Thank you! You know, when I first saw you, I thought, why can't I live if you are so stupid? Benefactor!

three

Marry to my village! My village is richer!

Communication basically depends on yelling! Traffic basically depends on walking!

Farmland basically depends on cattle! Lighting basically depends on oil!

Heating basically depends on shaking! Public security basically depends on dogs!

Getting rich basically depends on stealing! There are basically no beautiful women