A joke that can make girls happy.

One day on the bus, a man and a woman collided because of the crowd.

The fashionable girl turned around and said, "Are you sick?"

The man felt puzzled and replied, "Do you have any medicine?"

The people in the car snickered!

The woman felt very angry and replied, "Are you mentally ill?"

The man said coldly, "Can it be cured?"

The whole car is hilarious!

The bus driver stopped to lie on the steering wheel and laugh!

The bus is so crowded that there is a woman standing at the door.

A GG pushed out of the car from the rear,

Say "sorry, get off" to the woman, and the woman will move.

GG stepped on her when she pushed over.

As a result, the woman was so fierce that she scolded "You are crazy!" You're crazy! ~ ~ ",loud enough for the whole car to see.

GG was silent for a long time. When he got off the bus, he couldn't bear it. He turned to the woman and said, "Repeater!"

The whole car burst into laughter ~!

There are some funny children in the back who have been playing the scene just now.

A said, "You are crazy! . . . . . B said, "You repeat the machine. " .。 . . .

The whole car burst into laughter ~!

Later, a little MM wanted to get off the bus, too, and squeezed over and said timidly, "I ~ I ~ I want to go down, I'm not crazy ~!"

The whole car laughed again ~!

The woman didn't speak, and a word came from the side, "Are you out of power?"

The whole car is laughing ~!

3. Chief: Hello, comrades! Soldier: Hello, sir! Chief: comrades are all tanned! Soldier: The leader is blacker! The chief patted a soldier's chest and said, how well this muscle is trained! Soldier: Sir, I'm a female soldier.

4. The miser was on a business trip, and he was afraid that others would steal the wine he just ordered, so he wrote on the paper: I spit in the cup. After a while, he came back and found a few more words on the note: I vomited too!

One night, I tossed and turned and couldn't sleep at night, so I sent a short message to my friend and sister: "If you are depressed, please chat with me." Soon, my sister wrote back: "Well, what do you want to talk about? The topic is up to you. " I thought about it and replied happily, "Then let's talk about something heavier, such as-your weight!" After a moment of silence, my sister sent me a short message, which said, "This is too heavy. Then let's talk about superficial topics, such as your IQ! "

6. The miser was on a business trip, afraid that others would steal the wine he just ordered, so he wrote on the paper: I spit in the cup. After a while, he came back and found a few more words on the note: I vomited too!

7. A pupil confessed to his long-cherished teacher. The teacher said it was wrong, but he wouldn't listen. Finally, the teacher couldn't stand it anymore and said, I don't want children. The pupil said: I will be careful! "。

8. Once gin and vodka went hunting deer in the mountains, two greedy men caught two deer. When flying back, the captain said worriedly, "So many deer are overweight!" " "Both of them said dismissively," what are you afraid of? We hunted so many deer last year and flew back! " "The captain beat them and had to put them on the plane.

The plane flew smoothly for a while, suddenly shook and finally fell down. The two men stood up pale. Vodka looked around and whispered to Juniper, "Boss, it seems that we fell here last year!" " "

9。 A mental hospital heard that the leader would come to the hospital to inspect the situation, so the dean called a meeting of the patients in the hospital at the meeting.

The dean said: "This afternoon, there are very important leaders coming to visit, and all the people will meet them at the door. Zaihuan

When greeting, all the patients stood on both sides of the hospital gate, standing neatly. As soon as I cough, everyone plays drums together.

Palm, the warmer the better; When I stamp my foot, I have to stop completely. I can't make mistakes. If everyone is ready,

We can give you meat buns tonight. As long as one person screws up, everyone has no buns to eat. Remember.

have you finished? "The patients in the audience shouted together:" Remember! "

This afternoon, the leader arrived on time. When he stepped into the gate, the popular patient was already standing at the door.

At that time, with the cough of the hospital dean, all the patients applauded together, and the atmosphere was very warm. Visiting leaders

Infected by the warm atmosphere and with a smile on his face, he applauded and walked into the hospital with everyone. See the leader has entered the doctor.

When the hospital director stamped his foot, all the applause stopped and it was neat. Only this leader is still playing drums with a smile.

The dean felt very satisfied when he walked forward. Suddenly, a disease as strong as Schwarzenegger emerged from the welcome crowd.

People, strode to the front of the leadership, picking up Yuan gave him a big slap in the face and shouted angrily-"Your ya don't want to eat steamed stuffed bun? ! ! ! "

10, a fly mother and son had lunch together one day.

The son asked the mother fly, why do we eat shit every day?

Mother fly said angrily, don't say such disgusting things when eating, eat while it's hot! !

1 1. One night, a naked man called a taxi and the female driver stared at him. The naked man was furious and shouted: You have never seen a naked man! The female driver was also furious: I see where the fuck you lost!

12, the night is dark and windy. Pig Bajie kissed me with Sister Chang 'e on the moon. Suddenly, a black shadow passed by, and Pig Bajie hurriedly carried a rake.

After chasing him out, he came back after a while and said, damn it, Yang Liwei. ......

13, the earthworm family was bored that day, so the little earthworm cut himself in two to play badminton. Mother earthworm thinks this method is good, so she cuts herself into four pieces to play mahjong. Father earthworm thought about it and cut himself into minced meat. Mother earthworm cried and said, "why are you so stupid?" You will die if you cut so hard! " Father earthworm said weakly ... I suddenly want to play football.

14, a gambler took 1000 yuan from home to gamble, and a few hours later, he came back.

His wife quickly asked, "Did that big bill have a baby?"

"Yes, yes," the gambler said sadly, taking out two 10 yuan bills from his pocket. "It's a pity that their mother died."

15, what animal likes to ask why?

Passerby: I don't know.

It's a pig!

Passerby: Why?

16, seat belt

The stewardess announced to the passengers, "Ladies and gentlemen, please fasten your seat belts. The plane will arrive soon.

Take off. "After the plane took off, a stewardess's voice came from the loudspeaker." Please fasten your seat belt.

Some. Sorry, we forgot to board the plane for breakfast today. "

17, Nun urine test

One day, an old nun was unwell and asked a little nun to take a urine sample to the hospital for examination.

It's a pity that I was hit by a woman halfway and peed all over the floor. Little nun doesn't know what to do.

The woman said, "It's just urine. I'll pay you some money. " The little nun thought for a moment and said, "Good."

!

The test report came out, and the old nun was pregnant!

So the old nun sighed, "Animals are unreliable these days, not even cucumbers?"

18, the teacher asked the students to make sentences with the word "wrinkle".

Xiao Qiang wrote: My father's eggs have many wrinkles.

The teacher wrote a comment to parents: don't show it to children everywhere, it will have a bad influence.

Xiao Qiang's father replied:

The child was careless and missed a word "face".

19, my mother often said to the sheep: "You can't swing in a skirt; Otherwise the little boy will see the underwear inside! " One day, Yangyang said happily to his mother, "Today I played on the swing with Xiaoming, and I won!" "Mother said angrily," didn't I tell you? Don't put on a skirt! " Yangyang said proudly, "But I'm so smart! I took off my underwear so that he couldn't see my underwear! "

20. I was fired today for the following reasons:

1, working too hard, one person did the work of two people, making China another laid-off worker.

2. Being too handsome makes some lesbians have no mood to go to work.

They are all 20 years old and still single, which proves that their emotions are not rich enough.

4, never flatter, not filial to the leader.

5, too smart, too strong working ability. Sooner or later, they will take our jobs.

6. Love making friends too much and have strong social skills. In fact, the reason is the same as the last one, afraid that I will gather people to seek power and usurp the throne.

7, never made a mistake at work, abnormal human.

2 1. The centipede was bitten by a snake.

Sent to the hospital for emergency treatment,

The doctor diagnosed and said:

Amputation is necessary for the spread of anti-virus liquid!

The centipede thought: fortunately, I have many legs!

The doctor comfort way:

Dude, relax,

You will be an earthworm in the future.

22. A little tiger came slowly.

Red face asked the little squirrel:

"Excuse me, can I eat you?"

The little squirrel thinks this question is quite funny: "Is this your first time eating animals?"

The little tiger is even more embarrassed: "Yes, mom is not at home."

"What did you eat before?"

The little squirrel asked curiously.

…………

"What? Speak louder, I can't hear you! "

"eat milk!"

Say that finish, the little tiger's face is redder.

The little tiger said that the little squirrel took off his clothes and put two big breasts on it ~ ~ ~

23. At the art festival, we are going to do a terrible group dance-

It is necessary to have violent and difficult movements such as rapid falling and high leg lifting.

As a result, everyone couldn't stand it after practicing for a few days.

Some are covered with green,

Some muscles are strained ... my right leg is badly injured.

It doesn't work at all!

Go to class on the third floor today,

Jesus Christ,

I just

Lift your right leg, one step at a time.

The most irritating thing is-walking,

Listen to the two girls behind him mutter:

"Schools in big cities are more formal,

If this were in our hometown,

Polio can't go to school at all!

24. A person went to Shaolin to learn from a teacher.

The master pointed out that martial arts should focus on internal forces.

You should practice your internal skills first,

Then practice external skills.

Say that finish,

The master took out a pipe and asked him to blow into half a jar of water.

For example, when you can blow water out of the water tank,

Prove that internal strength has reached the highest level.

So he practiced hard day after day,

Three years later,

Without success,

But he thought: since Master said so, there must be a reason!

So I continued to practice.

After ten years like this, it still doesn't work.

Finally, he was disappointed,

Decided to stop practicing and get ready to go home.

I met his father when I got home,

His father asked him:

Say you studied with the teacher for ten years. How's it going?

He felt humiliated,

Then he lowered his head in dismay and sighed.

When he looked up, his father had already left. ...

25. Yi Ding, why are you talking in class?

Write your name 100 times!

Children don't change after repeated education,

Look at Xiong Linkui, the deskmate.

Remember once ~!

26. The telephone of the Federal Bureau of Investigation rang.

"Hello, is this the FBI?"

"Yes, what can I do for you?" The other party asked.

"I called to report my neighbor Tom. He hid marijuana in his firewood. " The informant said.

"We will investigate." The FBI agent said.

The next day, the FBI went to Tom's house.

They searched the hut where the firewood was stored, split each firewood,

I didn't find any marijuana, so I scolded Tom and left.

Tom's phone rang.

"Hey, Tom! Did the FBI help you cut wood? "

"Split." Tom replied.

"It's your turn to call. My garden needs ploughing. "

27. The king of a country chose his husband, pulled a cow to the river and said, whoever can make the cow nod before jumping into the river, I will marry the princess to him.

A butcher went up to the cow and said, isn't it great? The cow nodded.

The butcher said again, do you know me? The cow shook her head.

The butcher stabbed the cow's ass, and the cow jumped into the river in pain.

The king thought the butcher was rude, so the butcher asked to try again and the king agreed. The cow was pulled to the river again.

The butcher stepped forward and said to the cow; Do you know me? The cow nodded.

The butcher said again, can't you return Niu B? The cow shook her head.

The butcher said with a smile; Do you know what to do? The cow turned and jumped into the river.

Joke 1:

One day, the little penguin asked his grandmother, "Grandma, am I a penguin?" "Yes, of course you are a penguin." The little penguin asks his father again, "Dad, Dad, am I a penguin?" "Yes, you are a penguin. What's wrong? " "But, but why do I feel so cold?"

Joke 2:

1. A bear is coming/ready (the bear is coming).

2. The eleventh book/Unbelievable (BOOK 1 1)

Xiaoyu told Xiaoming that her father was impotent/unable to stop (Jade's father couldn't).

5. The sheep stopped breathing/expanding (the sheep didn't exhale)

6. Never drop your mobile phone into the toilet. It's now or never, and it won't come again (wet).

7. The dog stopped barking when he crossed the wooden bridge/never forgets anything (never barked when he walked through the Woods)

8. Bees stop on the calendar/the sun is shining (bees and calendars)

10. painters prefer to draw thick ropes rather than thin ropes /superb (thick ropes in painting)

13. There are ten sheep, nine in the sheepfold and one in the pigsty /cadence.

14. The sheep calls the eagle, and the eagle answers the phone and says "hello"/"yes, yes, no" (the sheep calls the eagle "hello").

15. When the hat is dirty, you should turn it over and put on a dirty hat.

16. Ten men watch five women take a bath/colorful.

17. Who doesn't have a phone? /Tianyi (seamless mobile phone)

Who knows birds best? /bow to scare the birds and know the birds.

22. How to make the sparrow quiet? /Press it (to silence the bird)

23. What kind of snake has many mouths? /conflicting views (snake)

25. What medicine is not poisonous? /yam

26. Why "seven ups and eight downs"/seven ups and eight downs? Because eight is lower than seven.

27. What kind of snake has the strongest vitality? /Three-inch golden tongue (snake)

28. Why is the iceberg just the tip of the iceberg? /The other corner was broken by the Titanic.

Joke 3:

The rabbit said, "My mother calls me a bunny, which is nice!" "

The pig said, "My mother calls me a pig, which is nice!" "

The dog said, "My mother calls me a puppy, which is nice!" " "

The chicken said, "You talk, I'll go first!" "

The rabbit said, "I am a rabbit!" " "

The pig said, "I am a son of a bitch!" " "

The chicken said, "I'm a son of a bitch!" " "

The dog said, "You talk, I'll go first!" "

Lang Ke said: "People call me a ronin, which is very nice!"

The samurai said, "It's nice to be called a samurai!"

The expert said, "It's nice to be called an expert!"

The swordsman said, "You talk, I'll go first!"

General Li Zongren said: I am a benevolent man!

General fu said to him: I am just!

General Zuo Quan said: I have this right!

General Huo Qubing said: You talk, I'll go first!

The door of Lao Zhang's house is made of wicker. Lao Zhang said: My door is a wooden door.

Lao Li's door is made of plastic. Lao Li said that my door is made of plastic.

The door of Lao Wang's house is made of brick. Lao Wang said: My door is a brick door.

Liu's door is made of steel. Lao Liu said: you talk, I'll go first!

The students of normal college said: I am from normal college.

The students of the Railway Institute said: I am from the "Iron Institute"

The students in vocational colleges said: I am from vocational colleges.

The students of the technical college said: You talk, I'll go first.

Joke 4:

During a military parade, the leader walked by with his head held high, saying "Good comrades", "Good leaders", "Hard comrades", "Suntanned comrades" and "Black leaders"

Joke 5:

Once upon a time, a farmer went to town on business and drove a tractor. He suddenly ran out of gas on the road, so he thought of finding a car to tow him for a while, and just behind him came a BMW. As soon as he waved, fortunately, the buddy stopped. The buddy estimated that he was a little drunk and agreed to give him a ride. So they discussed: the farmer's left hand is ok, but his right hand is too fast to stand. So they hit the road. At first, the farmer hit straight with his left hand, indicating that the speed was ok. Suddenly, with a whoosh, a Ferrari overtook BMW. This guy doesn't want to overtake my car-I'll go after him! A throttle arrow caught up, which was terrible. Farmers can't stand it in the back, so they just hit their right hands. Just passing a traffic intersection, I brushed it and saw a traffic policeman standing there dumbfounded. Then he reported to the headquarters: report to the headquarters that there are illegal racing cars between Ferrari and BMW, and even more, there are tractors to overtake!

Joke 6:

Two psychopaths tried to escape from Liao sanatorium,

But you must climb over a hundred walls first. ....

When they climbed over 66 walls,

One of them asked, "Are you all right? 」

The other replied, "Yes! 」

After climbing ninety-nine walls, the first one asked again:

"You can also? 」

The other party replied: "I can't do it! I'm exhausted ~ "

"Alas ~ surprisingly so difficult. .......

We may never escape, let's go back! 」

What he said is very considerate ~

Two people quickly turned back to the nursing home.

Joke 7:

Someone was driving across the desert and saw a traveler.

Holding a loaf of bread, a bottle of milk and a car door. ..

Out of curiosity, he asked the traveler, "What are you doing with bread? 」

The traveler replied, "Eat when you are hungry! 」

He asked again, "What are you doing with milk?"

The traveler replied, "You can drink if you are thirsty ..."

He finally asked, "then what do you want the car door for?" 」

The traveler replied, "you can roll down the window in hot weather!" 」

Joke 8:

There are three mental patients living in the same hospital. One day,

To test them, the doctor put a rabbit in each of the three wards.

He walked into the first ward.

The psychopath in the ward is riding a motorcycle, wearing a helmet and a rabbit beside his ear.

Doctor, alas! ]

When he walked into the second ward,

The same situation appeared before his eyes.

Doctor, alas! ]

When he walked into the third ward,

The psycho sat there stroking the white rabbit.

Doctor, great! You didn't ride a rabbit like the first two. ]

What did a psycho hear? ! They left without me? ! ]

With that, he put on his helmet and rode away on the white rabbit.

Doctor: ..........

Joke 9:

Mental patient A stole the phone book from the nurse's office and went back to the ward. Q B: "What do you think of the novel I recently finished?" ?

B looked at it and replied, "Not bad. However, there are just a few more roles. "

Then the nurse in the mental hospital came in and said, "You put the phone book back for me!" " "

Joke 10:

There are two mental patients. They escaped from the hospital.

They run and run. They climbed a tree.

One of them jumped from the tree.

Go away, go away.

Then he looked up and said to the man above, hey-why don't you come down?

The man above answered him: no-good-ah-

I'm not familiar with it.

-In memory of a chemistry teacher. Does anyone remember?