Show your own sense of humor (cold jokes)

0 Translation Who is this man? Answer: Who is this man? The whole class laughed and the teacher was speechless. we two who and who! Translation: Which of us is following whom! How are you? How old are you? Translation: How are you? Why is it always you? YOU have seed i will give you some color see see, brothers! together up! Translation: You have seed, I will give you some color see see, brothers! together up! Translation: You have seed, I will give you some color see see, brothers! together up! Brothers, come together! I call Li old big.toyear25. Translation: My name is Li old big, I am 25 this year. As far as you go to die! Translation: As far as you go to die! 800yuan, eat you, sleep you Translation: 800yuan, eat you, sleep you 1) A patient came to a psychiatrist. Patient: I always felt like I was a bird. Doctor: Oh, that’s serious. When did it start? Patient: Ever since I was a little bird... (2) A doctor at a mental hospital asked the patient: What would happen to you if I cut off one of your ears? The patient replied: Then I won't be able to hear it. The doctor listened: Yes, that's normal. The doctor asked again: What would happen to you if I cut off your other ear? The patient replied: Then I won't be able to see it. The doctor started to get nervous. Why couldn't he see it? The patient replied: Because the glasses will fall off. (3) Two mental patients escaped from the hospital. The two ran and ran and climbed up a tree. One of them jumped down from the tree and rolled. Then he raised his head and said to the person above: Hey, why don't you come down? The person above answered him: No - OK - ah - I'm not familiar with it yet... (4) There is an old lady in the mental hospital who wears black clothes and holds a black umbrella and squats at the door of the mental hospital every day. The doctor thought: To cure her, we must start by understanding her. So the doctor also wore black clothes, held a black umbrella, and squatted there with her. The two squatted in silence for a month, and the old lady finally spoke to the doctor: Excuse me, are you also a mushroom? (5) A certain mental hospital heard that the leader was coming to the hospital to inspect the situation, so the director called a meeting with the patients. At the meeting, the dean said: "This afternoon, very important leaders are coming to visit. Everyone must go to the door to welcome them. During the welcome, all patients should stand on both sides of the hospital door and stand neatly. When When I cough, everyone claps together, the louder the better; when I stamp my feet, everyone must stop, and no one can make a mistake. As long as everyone is done, we can eat meat buns for everyone tonight, as long as one person messes up, No one has any buns to eat, remember?" The patients in the audience shouted together: "Remember!" That afternoon, the leader arrived on time. When he walked into the door, the welcoming patients were already standing at the door. At this time, as the director coughed, all the patients clapped and welcomed him, and the atmosphere was very warm. The visiting leaders were infected by the warm atmosphere and walked into the hospital with smiles on their faces and applause with everyone. Seeing that the leader had entered the hospital, the director stamped his foot and all the applause stopped, very neatly. Only this leader was still walking forward with a smile and applause. The dean was very satisfied. Suddenly, a patient as strong as Schwarzenegger emerged from the welcoming crowd, strode up to the leader, gave him a big slap in the face with a round fist, and shouted angrily: "You don't want to eat steamed buns anymore?" " 6 A Beijinger, a Frenchman, and an American were walking in the desert together and were about to die of thirst. Suddenly the three of them found a magic lamp and took out a magic lamp. He said, "I can satisfy every one of you. Three personal wishes.

The Americans rushed to say, "I want a box of U.S. dollars." "There are two more." "Well, another box of U.S. dollars." "The last one." "Well, the last one is to send me back to the United States." Phew, the Americans disappeared. , the French were also anxious, "I want a beautiful woman" came "Well, I want another beautiful woman" "There is another one" "Well, send me back to France" Phew, the French were gone too, and only the Beijingers were left. , said calmly, "Give me a bottle of Erguotou", "I have two more wishes", "Another bottle of Erguotou", "There's one more". The Beijinger saw that it was boring to drink two bottles of wine alone. Get them both back and drink with me. "Hey, the Americans and the French are back again. So the three of them continued walking, but with good luck, they found another magic lamp and took out a magic lamp." Haha, I am the younger brother of the god and demon just now. My magic is not that high. I can only grant two wishes for each of you." This time the French and Americans thought about it. It was useless to say anything if they let him back again. But he was dead and asked him to speak first, so he pushed Beijing to the front. The Beijingers said, "Give me a bottle of Erguotou first." Dong, a bottle of Red Star Erguotou, "Where is the other one? "Beijing took the wine and touched his head and thought for a while, but didn't say anything for a long time. The French and Americans were both anxious and urged him to come, "Speak quickly." Then the Beijinger suddenly said, "Well, I don't say goodbye either. "It's over, you go back." With a swoosh, the gods and demons went back. 7 A man went to see God after committing suicide. God asked: "My child, why did you commit suicide?" The man said: "I pursued a woman, but she said that I did not have a tall and handsome figure and appearance, so I was rejected." God nodded thoughtfully and said, "That's right. Visual effects are very important in love." Let's do this, I will give you a beautiful shell that is unparalleled in the world, and you can go back and pursue your happiness now. "As God recited the incantation, there was only a "swish" sound, and the man left. A week later, the man committed suicide for the second time and came back, and saw God again. God asked: "My child, why did you commit suicide again? ? The man said painfully: "After I went back, the woman said that although I was very handsome, I didn't understand her at all." I was rejected again. "God nodded understandingly: "Of course. If you don't understand a person, how can you know how to give her happiness? Well, I'll give you superhuman insight and intuition, and you can go back and pursue your happiness. "As God recited the incantation, there was only a "swish" sound, and the man left again. A week later, the man came back again. It was the third time he committed suicide. God was surprised and asked: "My child, why did you Committed suicide again? "The man said in extreme pain: After I went back, although she was very handsome and knew her very well, she said that she had already given her body to another man." God looked at this unfortunate woman with sympathy. The man finally said: "Let's do this. Since you like that woman so much, I will let that man die. Then the woman will be yours. You can go back!" God recited the incantation as he said it. Halfway through, there was only a "bang!" sound, and God fell to the ground, hard and dead. The man said happily: "Now I can finally go back and pursue that beautiful nun!" 8 A swimming coach was shopping in the mall. A pretty lady greeted him. He took a closer look and saw that it was one of his students. He then said loudly: "You put on clothes, I really can't recognize you!" 9 It is said that on a dark and windy night, on the longest and scariest road, the taxi driver drove past there, There was a woman waving to the car on the side of the road. It was quite quiet along the way until the woman spoke. She said to the driver: "I'll give you an apple to eat. It's delicious..." The driver thought it was great, so he took it and took a bite. The woman asked: "Is it delicious?" The driver said: "It's delicious!" The woman replied again: "I remember I also liked apples when I was alive..." Wow...&*$#@... When the driver heard this, he was so frightened that he rushed out of the car and turned pale... The woman slowly tilted her head forward and said to the driver: "But I don't like eating after giving birth!..." 11 Teacher: Honestly, do you smoke? Boy A: Don’t smoke. Teacher: Don’t smoke? Well, let's eat some root fries. Boy A naturally stretched out his two fingers and took it... Teacher: Don't suck? ! Call parents... [Scene 2] Teacher: Do you smoke? Boy B: No. Teacher: Don’t smoke? Well, let's eat some root fries. b After hearing what a said, he took the fries very carefully with his palm.

Teacher: Why don’t you dip it in ketchup? b I accidentally dipped it in too much, so I flicked it with my fingers immediately... Teacher: You are very skilled in flicking the ash. Call parents... [Scene 3] Teacher: Do you smoke? Boy c: Don’t smoke. Teacher: No, okay, let’s eat some French fries. c Because of the previous two examples, I finished eating the fries very carefully and sweating. Teacher: Why don’t you take the roots back to your classmates? c After taking the fries, he put it on his ear... Teacher: Don't suck it? Call parents... [Scene 4] Teacher: Do you smoke? Boy d: Don’t smoke. Teacher: Very good, let’s eat some French fries. d finished the fries with fear. Teacher: Why don’t you take the roots back to your classmates? d carefully put the chips into his coat pocket. The teacher suddenly shouted: The principal is here! d Quickly took out the chips from his pocket and threw them on the ground, stomping them hard with his feet... Teacher: Don’t suck? ! Call parents... [Scene 5] Teacher: Do you smoke? Boy e: No, Teacher: Very good, let’s eat French fries. e Just took the fries, and the teacher said: Won’t you treat me to some? e quickly handed over the fries with both hands, and then took out the lighter... Teacher: Don't smoke? ! Call parents... [Scene 6] Teacher: Do you smoke? Boy f: Don’t smoke. Teacher: Very good, let’s eat some French fries. f finished eating with fear. Teacher: Suddenly he shouted: The principal is here! f His palms were sweating, but he still lowered his head calmly and said: Hello, principal! Teacher: The principal will smell your mouth. f took out the French fries: No, it’s still here, the fire hasn’t even started yet... [Scene 7] Teacher: Do you smoke or not? Boy g: Promise to God, I will never smoke. Teacher: You really don’t want to smoke? OK, let's eat some root fries. g took the fries very naturally and ate them all. Teacher: What a good boy. What brand of French fries do you usually like? g (getting carried away): Greater China... [Scene 8] Teacher: Let’s eat French fries. Boy n: Thank you, no. Teacher:…