Humorous jokes, fifth full edition

1 robber: "Tell me the password of the safe quickly, or I will kill you!" Female employee: "Don't tell me if you kill me! You ruined me, I won't say anything! " The robber looked her up and down and said, "You should be beautiful!" "

The hunter saw a bird in the sky, fired three shots and missed, but the bird still fell. It turned out that the bird patted its chest when it saw that the bullet missed and said, "Scared to death, scared to death!" "

A man passed by a cemetery at night and saw a fire, thinking it was a ghost fire. Then he threw a brick and the fire moved to another grave. The man still threw a brick, I heard you. "damn it! You can't even shit. You will get two bricks when you smoke. "

A woman was walking at night when she suddenly saw a man coming towards her with open arms and gave her a hug. The man fell to the ground and cried, "it's the third piece." Who did I piss off? Is it so difficult to take a piece of glass home? "

If you are a meteor, I will chase you. If you are a satellite, I will wait for you. If you were a star, I would fall in love with you. Too bad you are an orangutan!

6. If it is a mistake to be beautiful, then I am all wet; If being smart is a crime, I have committed a heinous crime, and it is really difficult to be a human being. But you'll be fine, right and innocent. I really envy you!

7. If I were a fox and you were a hunter, would you chase me? If I were tea and you were boiling water, would you soak me? If I were a car and you were a driver, would you drive me? If you are money and I am a passbook, I will definitely take yours.

8. It is a pleasure to miss you! Loving you is what I will always do! Keeping you in mind is what I have been doing! However, lying to you is how to return a responsibility!

9. Do you know why we are predestined friends? We knew each other as early as 1000 years ago. It was autumn, and you ran with me in the wind, leaving your teeth marks on me. This has become a story that no one has ever told. At that time, my name was Lv Dongbin.

10, I have been friends with you for so long, and you have always cared about me, but I often give you trouble. I really don't know how to repay you. Therefore, in the next life, if you are an ox or a horse, I will definitely pull up the grass for you.

13, Part I: Recalling the past, Redmi pumpkin soup's wife, a group of children. Part two: children watching white rice and turtle soup, a group of wives. Horizontal batch: keep pace with the times

1 1 Your phone bill balance is less than 0. 1 yuan. Please sell your children, women, rice, blood, house, land and lovers in the near future, and pay the mobile phone fee to kowtow to you.

12, according to statistics, more than 99.9% of people who look like pig heads use the mouse to click buttons to read posts! Hey, hey, don't change hands, it's too late, pig!

14 I'd like to invite you to dinner, but there is no water during the day and no electricity at night, so I can't afford to pay my salary and buy white flour. I turned to Allen to find the answer: it was the primary stage of socialism, but I turned it back: it will remain unchanged for a hundred years! Can I invite you to dinner?

15. If you are a meteor, I will chase you. If you are a satellite, I will wait for you. If you were a star, I would fall in love with you. Too bad you are an orangutan!