China traditional joke TXT

The grocer of the same age next year has a new daughter. One day, a friend came to match his little daughter, telling her that she was only one year older than the girl.

The businessman and his wife discussed this marriage privately. He said, "The daughter has just turned one year old, and the boy is two years old, twice as old as her daughter. By the time his daughter gets married at the age of twenty, he will be forty. How can we have the heart to let our daughter marry such an old man? "

His wife smiled and said, "You are so stupid! Now our daughter is one year old, won't she be the same age as that boy next year? "

* Who supports

A 5-year-old man has a 3-year-old son. This son is very lazy, never does anything, and his father provides him with food and clothing.

The old man was worried about his son, so he took his son to tell his fortune. Both father and son believed the fortune teller's words: the father can live to be 8 years old, and the son can live to be 62 years old.

My son was very worried when he learned about his father and his birthday. The father comforted his son and said,

"Don't be sad! You are only thirty years old, and you still have 32 years of good life! "

The son replied, "I'm not worried about my life, but your life makes me sad."

when my father heard this, he was very moved and said with tears in his eyes, "You don't have to be too sad! I still have thirty years to live! "

The son said, "I don't care about your life span. I have carefully calculated that you will die two years before me, and who will support me for two years? "

Never mind the water leakage

Once, when a ferry was crossing the river, its hull suddenly hit a rock. The river kept pouring into the cabin, and the passengers panicked. Only one gentleman sat still and laughed at all the fuss. "Don't worry! It's none of our business, "said the man." Never mind that it leaks! The boat is not ours. "

superstitious about Feng Shui

A person who is very superstitious about Feng Shui has to consult Mr. Feng Shui in everything, and foretell bad luck and good fortune.

one day, he was sitting under a wall, and the wall suddenly collapsed and pinned him down. He shouted for help, and the servants came to see him and said, "Boss, please be patient! We have to ask Mr. Feng Shui first to see if it is appropriate to break ground today. "

borrow cattle

someone wanted to borrow cattle from a rich man, so he sent a servant to the rich man to send him a letter of borrowing cattle. The rich man is accompanying his guests, so he pretends to read the letter for fear that they will know that they can't read. He kept nodding while watching, then looked up and said to the bearer, "I see, I'll go by myself later."

Have another bowl

An old woman is very particular about taboos. On holidays, she always sticks to her auspicious words and never says a word "no".

On the first day of the Lunar New Year, as soon as the grandmother got up, her little granddaughter sent a bowl of sweet sticky porridge, and she drank it happily.

Granddaughter asked, "Grandma, would you like another bowl?"

grandma replied, "ok, ok."

The little granddaughter immediately sent a second bowl of sticky porridge, and she drank it again.

The little granddaughter asked, "Another bowl?"

grandma thought that she couldn't say "no" on New Year's Day, so she said, "Well, I can drink three wrists." In this way, the grandmother drank six bowls at a time, and her belly was propped up like a big drum.

The little granddaughter who is not sensible still keeps asking, "Grandma, would you like another bowl?"

grandma can't help but shake her hand and say, "No, I won't. If I drink a little more, grandma will swell to death!" "

There was a scholar who was going to take the exam. He was worried day and night, and his strange appearance puzzled his wife.

She said, "Look at your cowardice. Is it harder for men to write articles than for women to have children?"

The scholar sighed, "It's always easier for a woman to have a baby than to write an article!"

The woman asks again, "Why?"

The scholar replied, "A woman can always have a baby in her stomach, but my stomach is empty. How can I write an article?"

cursive script

a prime minister Zhang likes cursive script very much, but he doesn't work hard at it. Everyone laughed at his poor handwriting, but the prime minister didn't care.

one day, he accidentally drew up a good sentence and immediately wrote a book, which was full of paper dragons and snakes flying. After writing, he asked my nephew to copy it again.

When my nephew started to copy, he was speechless and couldn't write. He had to take the manuscript and ask the Prime Minister, "Uncle, I don't know your handwriting. Please tell me what these words are? "

the prime minister looked at it repeatedly for a long time, but he didn't even know himself. He scolded his nephew and said, "Why didn't you ask me earlier? I have forgotten what I wrote up to now! "

changing boots

someone has a pair of thick-soled boots and a pair of thin-soled boots. One morning, he put a thick-soled boot and a thin-soled boot on his feet by mistake. When he went out on business, he felt very uncomfortable when he walked on the road with one foot high and one foot low. He said in surprise, "It's strange, how did my legs become longer and shorter today?"

someone reminded him on the road, "You are wearing the wrong boots."

hearing this, he hurried home to change his boots. However, when he got home, he thought about it and said, "Don't change it. The ones at home are also thick and thin."

this word has grown so big overnight!

A scholar taught his son to recognize the word "one", and in a short time, the boy remembered it.

The next day, when the man was cleaning the table, he drew a horizontal line on the table with a rag, trying to test whether his son knew the word "one", but the boy didn't recognize it at all.

Father said, "This is the word' one' that I taught you yesterday!"

The boy opened his eyes wide and said in surprise, "After only one night, the word' one' has grown so big!"

I told your son to get cold too!

During the Song Dynasty (9-1279), there was a Tai Wei who loved his children very much. One day he came home and saw his son kneeling in the snow without a jacket. He asked why, knowing that it was his mother who physically punished his grandson who was seriously negligent. So he also stripped his back and had himself tied up and knelt beside his son.

When his mother heard about this, she came to ask him why he did this to himself. Qiu replied:

"If you freeze my son, I will freeze your son!" "

A man was so hungry that he went to a snack bar to buy some cakes. He was not satisfied after eating one cake, and then he ate the second one. After eating six cakes in a row, he was still not full. He didn't feel satisfied until he finished the seventh cake. However, at this moment, he suddenly regretted it: "Alas, if I had known this, it would have been enough for me to eat the seventh cake at the beginning. Why should I eat those six cakes for nothing?" ？”

scissors

once upon a time, there was a soldier who was hit by an arrow in his leg in a battle, and he was in great pain. The officer invited a surgeon to treat his arrow wound. The doctor looked at it and said, "This is not difficult!" He took out a pair of scissors, cut off the exposed arrow shaft, and then asked for the operation fee to go.

The soldier said anxiously, "Who wouldn't cut off the shaft? I want you to pull out the arrow that shoots into the meat! "

The doctor shook his head and said, "I've finished the surgery. Digging out the arrow in the meat is a matter of internal medicine."

Send a plaque

A man boasted that he could take the imperial examination in senior high school and said, "I dreamed at night, and someone came to

send me a plaque with drum music." His friend said, "I also dreamed that someone sent you a plaque with four words written on it: outrageous."

tremble

someone grew up in a rich family and spent money to buy a five-product official, but he didn't know the sufferings of the people. One winter, he went out to inspect. See a beggar standing shivering in the cold wind. He felt very strange and asked his entourage, "Why is this person always moving?" The attendant said, "I am trembling because of the cold weather and thin clothes." The man was even more surprised and said, "Isn't it cold to shake?"

A rich man bought a barrel of wine and put a seal on the lid of the barrel. His servant

drilled a hole in the bottom of the barrel and stole the wine every day. The rich man was surprised to find that the seal was complete, but the wine was decreasing day by day. Someone suggested that he check the bottom of the barrel to see if there was any flaw. The rich man replied, "You are really a fool, yes." The guest pointed to the glass and said, "Since the top half of this glass can't hold

wine, it should be sawed off. What's the use of keeping it?"

joint venture to make wine

two friends are going to make wine jointly. A said to B, "You make rice, I make water." B said, "

I can pay for the rice, which will lead to drunkenness. How can I share the profits?" A said, "I will never let you suffer.

After drinking, I only want water, and the rest is yours."

Shooting riddles

Zhang Youyu, Wu Men, made Cai curious, and there were eaters every day, pretending to be a riddle and sticking to the door: "Shoot Xu

into it". Mystery cloud: "old and not old, small and not small;" Don't be ashamed, ok. " There is nothing in it; Wang Bai

Gu Sheyun said, "When the squire meets the King of Wen in eighty, he is old; Gan Luo twelve as prime minister, small not small; I'm ashamed to swallow it alone after closing the door. Open the door and let everyone eat, ok? " Zhang laughed.

Isn't it faster

A man was ordered to deliver an urgent document, and his boss specially gave him a fast horse. But he just ran behind the horse with

. Passers-by asked him, "Since it is so urgent, why not ride a horse?" He said:

"Isn't it faster to walk with six feet?"

willing to die

There was an emperor who loved playing the piano, but he played it so badly that the civil servants and empresses in the Manchu Dynasty could not bear his piano sound

. The emperor searched the whole court, but could not find a bosom friend.

He sent a decree to pull a condemned man from prison. The emperor promised: "As long as you say that my piano playing is < P > good, I can save you from dying." Unexpectedly, the emperor had just played the piano in the middle, and the condemned man shouted, "Please stop playing, I am willing to die!" "

Pick up the straw rope

Someone committed the crime of stealing, and was locked up by the government and sold to the public. Someone asked him, "What < P > big crime did you commit?" He sighed: "A person has bad luck and walks against the board. Yesterday, I accidentally

saw a straw rope in the street and thought it would be useful in the future, so I picked it up ...... "

The questioner asked, "Is it so heavy to pick up a straw rope?" The prisoner continued, "I didn't know there was a cow tied to the end of the straw rope!"!

yandou's family is very stingy as a wealthy businessman. He put the salted beans in a bottle, and every time he eats, he takes a few grains with chopsticks. He was eating that day. Suddenly, someone told him, "Your son is eating big fish and meat in the rice shop!" " Hearing this, the rich businessman scolded, "Who have I worked so hard to save?" Then pour a handful of salt beans out of the bottle, put them all in your mouth, and chew and say, "I'm a loser, too!" "

like father, like son

there was a man who was too proud to let others. One day, he was walking in the street, and

no one came across. Of course he wouldn't let him, so the two men stood face to face. After a long time, the man's father came to him and asked him anxiously, "Why are you standing here, and your family is waiting for you to buy rice to cook!" " "I can't go, this man won't make way for me!" " "Then you go to buy rice, and I'll stand here for you and see who makes way for whom in the end!"

Baldness

A scholar met a monk. The scholar thought of the monk's ugliness and asked the monk, "Teacher

Fu, how do you write the bald character of a bald donkey?" The monk said, "It's just a scholar's beautiful words. Just turn your ass slightly < P >."

celebrate the festival

Passover is coming. A newlywed couple didn't understand the complicated holiday etiquette, so

the husband asked his wife to peek at the blacksmith's house next door. The wife approached the window and saw

that the blacksmith was hitting her wife with a coal shovel! When his wife came home, her husband asked her what she saw, but she refused to say. Finally, the husband was angry and picked up a coal shovel to hit her. She cried and said, "Since you know all about it, why did you send me?"

fast mosquitoes

a monk should fast mosquitoes with blood. When there were a lot of mosquitoes, the monk felt unbearable pain, so

he beat around with his hands. The people nearby asked, "If you want to feed mosquitoes, why do you beat them again?" The monk said, "They have eaten and eaten, so they should be beaten."

Everyone knows that Ji Xiaolan is a quick-witted man ...

One day ...

When he was looking for the emperor, he was stopped by an eunuch ...

Eunuch: I heard that Mr. Ji is a talented man ...

Can he write poems ...

Otherwise, you won't be allowed ... < Just say ...

Isn't there four seasons in a year?

What about spring?

Mr. Ji looked at the eunuch coldly ...

Said: Do you still have spring?

Miserable

A landlord couple is notoriously stingy. One day, a man went to town and wanted to go to the toilet while walking, but on second thought, this < P > good fertilizer can't be cheap for others. So I kept holding it. Later, I couldn't hold it any longer, so I went to the toilet.

but nothing was pulled out except a few farts. So I was so proud. Back home, tell the old

woman about her experience. Who knows the wife was furious when she heard this: You are the black sheep, how can you live like this? How nice it would be to save these farts and blow the lights!

crooked poems

Once upon a time, there was a scholar named "Xipo", who often boasted of Su Shi. At the time of the drought, Tai Shou set up an incense table to beg for rain and ordered him to write a poem

to remember this grand occasion.

The scholar wrote a poem saying, "The prefect prays for rain, and all the people are grateful for virtue. Last night, I pushed the window to see the moon. "

The satrap was furious and sent him to Yunyang.

it's from his uncle. Farewell, the scholar saw that my uncle was blind, so he presented a poem: "Send it to Yunyang, and see my uncle like seeing my mother." The corpse of people

shed tears, three lines. "

to the matching office, the official likes his poems, pointing to his wife as the topic and making him recite poems. The scholar said, "The ring is jingling, and your wife is out of the back hall.

three inches of small golden lotus, horizontal. "

officials are annoyed and make them laugh at themselves. The scholar sighed: "The ancients named Dongpo, and I named Xipo today. If you compare the two, it is much worse. "

Tea shed

A scholar went to a tea shed to drink tea. In the shed, a nun asked the scholar because she didn't know a word in the scriptures:

"Excuse me, Guo Jian, how do you pronounce this word?

When the scholar was called Guo-zi-jian diploma, he deliberately showed off his talents. He said, "This monk should know sorrow and decline. Guo-zi-jian diploma

is the same as a scholar, but his belly is different.

When the nun heard that he called himself a monk, she said disapprovingly, "You should know that Qi and Zhai, nuns and monks are the same, and the cassock is different.

.

a little girl serving tea in the tea shed couldn't help laughing. They both turned back and said, "Sister-in-law, what are you laughing at?"

When an unmarried girl heard them call her eldest sister-in-law, she was very angry and said, "You should know good and good, a girl and her eldest sister-in-law,

the whole body is the same, but the circles are different.

note: 1. In ancient times, the Guo Jian Zi was bought with money, and the scholar had to take an exam, but the hat was the same. 2。 I guess maybe

circled the word "good" before to identify the pronunciation. The original text is not marked, please note it.

A prince of an emperor in the Jin Dynasty gave a soup-cake banquet to his ministers, and a high official stood up and said, "Congratulations to the heir of your majesty's temple, it's a shame for us.

"