Seek celebrity humor jokes

Everyone knows that Bao Gong is a very active and good official, but.

Every time Bao Gong retries a case, he always touches the moon on his forehead and keeps thinking about it ... which makes everyone want to know what he is saying. .....

On one occasion, Bao Gong had to try a case again. He kept thinking about the moon as usual. I was heard by the next secretary. It turns out that Bao Gong always said ... [I punish you but not the moon] before handling the case.

Mr. President, humorous jokes.

Taft is the heaviest of all American presidents, and his gestures are very powerful. One day, he visited former President theodore roosevelt, went to the seaside villa where Roosevelt lived, and decided to take a bath in the sea. It happened that one of Roosevelt's children had had enough fun on the beach and ran home to find Roosevelt.

"Dad, let's go swimming." The child said.

"No, son, not now." Roosevelt picked up the child and said, "Mr. President is using the ocean!" " "

Watching movies and humorous jokes with dogs.

Churchill had a beloved poodle named Rufus.

One night, the film Oliver Twist was shown at the Prime Minister's country house, and Rufus sat in the best position on his master's knee as usual.

When will the film be released? Sikes tried to drown his dog to escape the police.

Churchill put his hand over Rufus' eyes and said, "Honey, don't look now. I'll tell you what happened later. "

Gorky's stories and humorous jokes

Gorky got lost while traveling. In the evening, he went to a small village on the border of China. It is snowing all over the sky. He was too cold to stand up, so he knocked on the farmer's door and asked for accommodation.

An old lady asked loudly in the room, "Who are you?"

Gorky said, "Alexei Macsimovici is very strange. Peter Skoff! "

"There are too many people!" The old lady slammed the newly opened door and simply refused.

Go to heaven or hell.

Computer giant Bill Gates died unfortunately! ! When he arrived at the Temple of Hades, he saw Yan Luowang and Yan Luowang.

It shows that Bill recognized himself because he made great contributions to the world before his death and promoted the computerization of the world.

Choose to go to heaven or hell Bill asked, "Can I have a look at the environment on both sides first?" Yan Luowang:

"yes." Bill went to heaven first, and what he saw was as boring as what he saw on earth. So, Yamaraja.

The king took him to hell. In hell, everyone is playing, drinking and gambling happily.

Yes, very luxurious. Bill said without thinking, "I choose hell." So Bill went to hell. get through

Soon after, Yan Luowang visited the hell and saw Bill being tortured. When Bill saw Yan Luowang, he shouted, "Rebecca!

My Lord, why is hell not a pleasure? I am tortured every day! ! "Yan Luowang unhurried said.

"Oh, what you saw at first was our DEMO (trial version).

. "

The Humor of Reagan and Nancy

Once, when President Reagan gave a speech at the White House piano concert, his wife Nancy accidentally dropped her chair on the carpet under the stage. The audience exclaimed, but Nancy got up flexibly and returned to her seat with the warm applause of more than 200 guests. Reagan, who was talking, saw that his wife was not injured and put in a quip: "Honey, I told you that you should only perform like this when I didn't get applause."

Clinton's answer

One day, Clinton participated in a TV program. The host asked him, "What would you do when you walked into the forest with a shotgun and saw a dog staring at a rabbit?" He will reflect your true inner world. "

Clinton replied without hesitation: "I will kill the dog with a shotgun and take the rabbit home."

The host exclaimed: "Too accurate! ! The dog represents your wife and the rabbit represents your lover. "

A humorous joke {not a fly}

At a meeting, Chaplin kept patting the flies flying over his head with his hands. Later, he found a fly swatter and took it several times, but he didn't take it. Finally, a fly stopped in front of him. Chaplin picked up his racket and prepared to give him a good beating. Suddenly, he stopped filming and stared at the fly. Someone asked him, "Why didn't you kill this fly?" He shrugged and said, "It wasn't a fly that invaded me just now!" "

I'm not crazy.

At a ball specially held for Einstein, "celebrities" from all over the United States praised and touted endlessly, which made Einstein fidget more than decadent voices. When disgusting flattery escalated into hot nonsense, Einstein couldn't stand it any longer. He patted the sofa, stood up and said angrily, "Thank you! If I believe these compliments are sincere, I should be crazy. Because I know I'm not crazy, I don't believe it, and I don't want to hear your embarrassing praise again! "

Mom's washing machine

On one occasion, Mr. Shi Jun, director of IBM Telecom Department, gave a speech.

In order to let everyone hear, the staff specially installed a wireless microphone for him.

But he didn't want to wear it, so he began to talk:

Now the equipment is really advanced. I used to buy a fully automatic washing machine for my mother.

But she never uses it. . . . .

After a while, the staff found that the microphone didn't work. After inspection, it was found that,

The original switch was not turned on, and Mr. Shi Jun smiled.

I know why my mother doesn't use the washing machine. She can't switch it.

Happiness in life

One day, a young friend of Russell came to see him. After entering the door, I saw Luo Su staring at the garden outside the house, lost in thought.

A friend asked him, "What are you thinking hard about?"

"Whenever I talk to a great scientist, I am sure that my happiness in this life is hopeless. But every time I talk to my garden, I am convinced that life is full of sunshine. "

Love letters and wills

When Hemingway lived in a certain state in the United States, it happened that the state was running for governor. A congressman who participated in the election knew that Hemingway had great prestige and wanted to ask Hemingway to write a eulogy article for him to help him win more votes. When he made this request to Hemingway, Hemingway promised to send someone to deliver it the next day.

The next morning, the congressman received a letter from Hemingway happily and opened it to have a look.

There is a letter from Hemingway's wife to Hemingway.

Members of Congress thought Hemingway had made a mistake in his haste, so he returned the original and wrote a note asking Hemingway for help.

A little later, Hemingway sent a second letter. The senator opened it, but it was a will.

So he went to Hemingway himself to find out.

Hemingway said helplessly, "Apart from a love letter, there is only one will in my family. What else can you let me bring you? "

Koizumi and his wife whispered.

After reading the newspaper, the puppy said indignantly, "So many extramarital affairs, what society!" "

The dog's wife replied, "Yes, everyone should be arrested and shot!" " "

The little dog stared thoughtfully at his wife. "Tell me honestly, we have been married for so many years?"

"How can you ask such a question?" Mrs. Dog asked in surprise.

"Don't run, answer my question!"

"Well," the dog's wife was obviously afraid, "promise me that you won't hit me first."

"I haven't hit my wife for a long time." He said with emotion.

"Well," said the dog's wife, crossing her heart and gritting her teeth, "only three times."

"Three times? ! "The puppy is very anxious. "Which three times?"

"For the first time, do you remember your doctoral exam at the University of Chicago, and an examiner made things difficult for you in every way, just not letting you pass? If you don't get a doctorate, your family will be humiliated and our future will be ruined. Later, the difficult professor personally came to our house to congratulate you on passing, because I ... "

"No wonder you did it for me ... the second time?"

"The second time, do you remember when you were an ambassador in South America, and the king of that country threatened to break diplomatic relations with China? If you break off diplomatic relations, you will become a diplomatic ambassador and your political future will be over. Later, the king suddenly changed his mind and stopped talking about breaking diplomatic relations because I ... "

"Oh, you still did it for me ... the third time?"

"The third time, do you remember that you were nominated as Prime Minister? When the Legislative Yuan votes, you are still short of 72 1 vote. "

The dog said, "That's because of me. When are you going to do it next time? "

The dog's wife said, "I heard that China had a problem in the East China Sea oil field this time ..."

The puppy interrupted: "Forget it, if you take all the Japanese women away, the people of China will not agree."

Mail a big stone.

One day, Heine, a famous German poet, received a big package filled with a lot of soft paper. There is a small box hidden in the pile of paper, and there is a letter in the box. This is a letter from a friend to Heine. There is only one sentence in the letter: "I am healthy and happy!"

Soon, this friend also received a package. But he found it was a big and heavy wooden box, and he had to ask a porter to carry it home. When I opened it, there was nothing but a big stone and a piece of paper. The note was written by Heine: "Dear friend, after reading your letter, I know that you are healthy, and this big stone in my heart has fallen!" " "