Looking for some funny and classic language.

It is said that a few people from the Northeast went to Beijing to discuss business, and it became a success. I am very happy to go to the hotel to celebrate. After we were seated, a person said that the waiter would bring a bottle of wine. The waiter brought a bottle and the man asked how much it cost. The waiter said 2800, and the person said "open" and the waiter opened it. The person then said, "I'm kidding." It’s so expensive, I can’t drink it. I was thinking about getting some tea, so I called: “Waiter, tea!” The waiter started to check “1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8.” The man was anxious, “ Pour the tea! "Waiter, hurry up" 8, 7, 6, 5". People from the Northeast quit working, "What are you counting on?" The waiter hurriedly said, "I am a dog." The Northeastern person shouted, "Get your manager." After the manager came, the Northeastern person said, "Look at what's going on with your waiter. Ask her to serve tea and she will do it." I checked the numbers and asked her to pour tea. She checked the numbers backwards and asked her what she was counting. She also said she counted dogs. The manager smiled and said, "I'm sorry, she is new here and doesn't understand, but she didn't lie." She is indeed a dog." After dinner, a bowl of tortoise soup was served. People from the Northeast asked, "Waiter, can this tortoise soup be drunk?" The waiter said, "Sir, tortoise, it is for soup." While drinking, these people took a look, hey, there are also tortoises. One person said, "Waiter, please share the bastards with us." The waiter smiled and said to them, "Sir, we can't separate them. There are eight of you and seven bastards. It's really impossible to divide them."