As the saying goes: "A good woman will prosper for three generations, but a shrewd woman will destroy a clan." It turns out that this sentence is

Xiao Ling is the mother of a two-year-old child. She has been very distressed recently: when her child is disobedient, she often becomes impatient and even beats her child uncontrollably.

However, after spanking her child, she began to regret it: it is normal for such a young child to make mistakes, and she also knew that spanking her child was wrong, but when her temper got worse, she couldn't help it. And every time she spanked her child, she would think of the time when she was beaten by her mother when she was a child.

She hates that kind of mother and doesn’t want to be such a mother herself. But she seems to have been kidnapped and unable to control herself.

This made Xiaoling fall into deep self-blame and inferiority. She didn’t know what was wrong with her. She obviously hated violence, but she became violent.

It wasn't until she read teacher Hou Yuzhen's book "Because I'm a Woman" that she realized: It turns out that all of this has something to do with her mother.

Teacher Hou Yuzhen is a national second-level psychological counselor. She has been committed to the development and research of "female" issues, focusing on helping women achieve growth from the inside out. She points out in the book: The relationship between a girl and her mother will reappear in her future work life. Especially when it comes to dealing with husbands, children, and colleagues.

If when you grow up, you often feel that you are not confident enough, insecure, and have difficulty controlling your emotions, all of this may have something to do with your mother.

Only by sorting out and reviewing your relationship with your mother, repairing the wounds in your soul, and healing yourself, can you find your true self and become an independent and free individual.

1: The mother’s special status makes her the core of a family.

A person's personality is determined by many factors, but mother undoubtedly plays a decisive role.

Teacher Hou Yuzhen said in the book: "Mother is the gestator of life and the soul of the family." Before we were born, we were connected by blood with our mother.

In the mother's womb, we can feel the mother's emotions and perceive the outside world through the mother.

Many studies have shown that there is indeed telepathy between mothers and children.

My friend Ah Yue always gets emotional every time she tells the story of her giving birth.

When there were still 12 days left before the due date, Ah Yue felt panicked for some reason. She insisted that her mother accompany her to the hospital, and she also prepared the baby's clothes. It seemed that the baby would be born soon. About to be born.

When she arrived at the hospital, the doctor simply listened to the fetal heartbeat and told her: The baby was fine. Maybe Ah Yue was too nervous.

But Ah Yue refused to give up and insisted on the doctor doing a B-ultrasound examination. As a result, after a B-ultrasound, it was discovered that Ah Yue's amniotic fluid was almost gone. If the baby was not taken out, he would suffocate.

So, the hospital performed emergency surgery on Ah Yue.

Mother and child have a close blood relationship. Mother is not only important to her children, but her position in the entire family is irreplaceable.

There is an old saying in China: "A good woman will prosper for three generations, but a fierce woman will destroy a clan." Due to women's own characteristics, mothers generally bear the main responsibility in a family to take care of the elderly, take care of the family, give birth and discipline children. Therefore, a woman's character and temper also determine whether a family can be harmonious and happy.

Moving China's 2020 Person of the Year, Principal Zhang Guimei, winner of the "July 1st Medal", also has a famous saying: "An educated girl can influence three generations."

Also Precisely because of the importance of a woman to a family, the impact of a mother on a family, especially children, deserves special attention.

Two: The mother’s influence on her children will go deep into the bone marrow.

We often say, "You are older when you are three years old, and you are older when you are seven years old." Scientists have found that the golden period of brain development is before a child is seven years old.

If children are well taken care of during this period, their emotional and IQ will develop rapidly. However, once a child is harmed, the impact will often last a lifetime, especially the harm to the child's mind.

Xiao Qi and her husband got married. Before the marriage, she didn’t think there was anything wrong with her mother-in-law. Every time her husband took Xiao Qi back, her mother-in-law was always talking, laughing, and considerate. At that time, Xiaoqi felt that she was completely confident in getting along well with her mother-in-law.

The conflict appeared after Xiaoqi gave birth to a child.

During Xiaoqi's confinement period, she felt that her mother-in-law was very stingy. Not only did she cook less food, but the food was not as delicious as before.

Xiao Qi is not yet one month old, and her mother-in-law seems unwilling to help Xiao Qi take care of the child.

This makes Xiaoqi very depressed, but she is also worried that the unnecessary quarrel will make others laugh. So, she tried her best to endure it.

Xiao Qi will still think of her mother from time to time.

Since Xiaoqi was a child, Xiaoqi’s mother often complained about Xiaoqi’s grandmother, saying how vicious she was and how greedy and lazy she was.

So, deep down in Xiaoqi’s heart, she hates the old man. Perhaps because of this, Xiaoqi began to gradually get tired of her mother-in-law.

Teacher Hou Yuzhen pointed out in the book: The influence of mothers on their children is deep into the bone marrow. Our happiness and misfortune are largely related to the way our mothers raise us.

Teacher Hou Yuzhen’s life was also deeply influenced by her mother. Teacher Hou Yuzhen was born in an area where sons are valued over daughters. Her mother is a contradictory person. On the one hand, she agrees with the idea of ????preferring boys over girls, but in terms of behavior, she "prefers girls over boys".

When Teacher Hou Yuzhen’s mother was young, Teacher Hou Yuzhen’s grandfather often beat her mother violently. This caused her mother to project her father's bad emotions towards her son after giving birth to her son. This made teacher Hou Yuzhen's brother often anxious and irritable when he grew up.

On the one hand, her mother valued her son, but on the other hand, she denied him, which made her miserable. So, she chattered all day long.

This also led to a conflicting and complicated relationship between teacher Hou Yuzhen and her mother. She was grateful for her mother's kindness, but her mother's love filled her with pressure.

Because of the influence of her mother’s personality, Teacher Hou Yuzhen did not dare to face herself for a period of time when she grew up. She speaks softly, shrinks from things, has no self-confidence, and is often worried that she cannot handle the relationship with her mother-in-law.

Fortunately, she understands psychology and self-healing, so she gradually gets out of the predicament and becomes an independent and free woman who can live in peace with her mother.

Three: Heal yourself and become yourself.

Only by realizing self-healing, stepping out of the shadows, and breaking through yourself can you become a better self.

In the book, teacher Hou Yuzhen points out the path to achieve self-healing: separation-mourning-self-love-reconciliation-identity-development-breakthrough

Xiaoqi has been thinking about it since she was born. Why did I originally think my mother-in-law was a good person, but then she changed after I gave birth to a child? A person's behavior is basically stable after adulthood, and my mother-in-law is not a two-faced person. Moreover, why do I often think of all the accusations and complaints my mother made about my grandmother? Is there any connection between this?

So, Xiaoqi began to reflect on herself.

She found that since giving birth to the child, her mother would often visit her. The mother will ask, consciously or unconsciously, whether her mother-in-law is good to her. When she found that Xiaoqi was taking care of the children while her mother-in-law was resting aside, her mother would appear unhappy. This made Xiaoqi feel that her mother-in-law was not treating her well, and she often looked down upon her.

But in fact, the mother-in-law has to buy groceries, cook, do laundry, clean the house, etc. at night. When she hears the baby cry, she will come to help comfort the baby. She is already very tired every day, and it is also good to take a rest. normal.

Realizing this, Xiaoqi began to understand her mother-in-law and no longer took her mother's words to heart. The relationship between Xiaoqi and her mother-in-law began to ease.

No matter what her mother said from now on, Xiaoqi would just listen. She also understood her mother. In her mother's era, food and clothing were all problems, and her mother's various grievances could only be vented through various reasons.

But her mother's venting can no longer affect Xiaoqi. While understanding her mother-in-law and mother, Xiaoqi also began to understand herself.

Being a woman is not easy for everyone. Especially when a woman gets married. She is an outsider in her husband's family and an outsider in her mother's family. If a woman doesn't know how to love herself, then who can love herself?

Xiaoqi began to accept her imperfections. No one is perfect, and it is normal to have shortcomings. For example, my previous harsh criticism of my mother-in-law and my boredom with my mother are all normal. Just adjust it and it will be fine.

Some things at work have no results after hard work, so Xiaoqi chooses to accept them calmly.

However, don’t give up or give up. Xiaoqi lived her true self.

Xiao Qi’s process of change is actually her process of self-healing and self-growth.

As women, we don’t have to belittle ourselves or give up on ourselves.

Even though we have been traumatized, as long as we can bravely come out, there is still a sky that belongs to us above our heads.

I am a woman, also "because I am a woman".