How to reply humorously if you are not interested?

1, oh, you know what? My enthusiasm for you, like a mediocre appetizer, doesn't interest me at all. Maybe I need a little pepper to interest me!

2. Well, your topic is like a 100 page manual to me. I would rather read an interesting novel! However, if you can tell it with cartoons or humorous stories, maybe I will be interested in your topic!

You know, I'm not interested in your topic, but if you can tell me what happened recently or share some funny jokes, I promise I'll be interested in your sense of humor!